Disclaimer: I don not own Spidey (sadly), or the song "Before He Cheats", the masterpiece which belongs to Carrie Underwood.

Authoress Note: What can I say? Not only do I love one shots, but as a musician, I love songfics! And this song just puts an evil grin on my face!

MJMJMJMJMJ

Like a Woman Scorned

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleach blonde tramp,

Oh, that night at the Jazz Room did it in for me.

And she's probably getting frisky...

Gwen Stacy, god, that girl…she looked so comfortable in Peter's arms. And him, he just kept staring. At me. Why did he keep staring at me?

Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey,

Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo...

What does she have that I don't? Well, other than Peter, but seriously, come on. She's blonde, she's his lab partner, her dad is the police commissioner. She sounds like a bad comic book stereotype, for god's sake! And, she looks so, so, frail. Not dainty. I can be dainty. I am dainty (when I'm not being kidnapped by some new and strange, super villain, but that's neither here nor there…), but this Gwen Stacy. Come on! That girl couldn't take a drink if her life depended on it.

And he don't know...

You know, they say that revenge is a dish best served cold,

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all four tires...

But, something just makes me want to stick in the microwave.

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

Okay, so, not much damage can be incurred on a Vespa scooter, but a girl has to do what she can, right?

Right now, she's probably up singing some
white-trash version of Shania karaoke..
Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk"
and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky,
Right now, he's probably dabbing on three dollars worth of that bathroom cologne...
And he don't know...

What makes me even angrier is that this…this change in Peter is all so recent. It's like, all 'I love you, MJ' and kissing on a giant spider web one minute, and the next, he's coming into the club with another woman and stealing my spotlight with some white-trash attempt at jazz that sounded more like a bad try at Shania Twain.

Well, maybe I'm a little negatively biased.

That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all four tires...

They say that jealousy is a green monster.

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats.

Part of me feels sorry for Gwen Stacy, though. That poor girl's going to be standing in my high heels when Peter catches the eye of some new girl in tight pants and stilettos.

I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl,
Cause the next time that he cheats...
Oh, you know it won't be on me!

Oh... not on me...

Maybe she'll aim for 'revenge', too.

Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive,
carved my name into his leather seats...

She may get it too. But, a Vespa can be replaced, damage repaired.

I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,
slashed a hole in all four tires...

I could have stopped there,

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats…

But, remember when I put that dish full of revenge in the microwave?

Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats…

I pushed "start" when I kissed his best friend.

Oh.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats...

My favorite act of revenge was not the Vespa.

It was falling in love with Harry Osborn.

Oh... before he cheats...

Fin