It was a day at Hogwarts like any other, except it wasn't. On this terribly terrifying day in December, someone, somewhere, had committed a dastardly deed. Yes, a fiendish fiend, a villainous villain had stolen a muffin. Not just any muffin, though-this desperate desperado had stolen Theodore Nott's blueberry-razzleberry-smazzleberry muffin. Sounds perfectly pointless, does it not? To poor, pitiful Theo, though, this was an evil endeavor, not simply some mischievous mischief. It hurt him. Never before had he felt such sadness.

"What? No! It's gone! Blaisey! It's gone!" That's right, my boyfriend, Theo, was crying over a missing muffin. As I informed him of this, he replied, "But it was the last blueberry-razzleberry-smazzleberry muffin! I heart those things!" Now, Theo is difficult to understand at first. His talking is rather exotic and irregular. To us normal humans, a blueberry-razzleberry-smazzleberry muffin was a blueberry, raspberry, and strawberry muffin, but to him-well, you get the idea.

"What fiendish fiend hath stolen my muffin?" Theo cried, tears of anger welling up in his eyes. "The last one! All I did was leave it for a moment to get some butter! Speaking of which, Blaisey? Would you like me to butter your muffin?"

"What?!" My head snapped up from the muffin I was staring intensely at. When your boyfriend is tearing up because his muffin is missing, it's rather embarrassing. "Butter my what?"

"Butter her what?" Draco Malfoy's blonde, perfectly gelled head looked in our vicinity. "I thought you were going to wait for that, Theo."

"But," Theo said, looking confused, "her muffin will get cold and it won't butter properly."

"Theo," Draco said calmly, pulling a book from his bag, "her muffin never gets cold. If you don't understand this, I suggest you read this." Oh God, Draco Malfoy was explaining the joys of life at our breakfast table and he was loaning Theo "You and Your Body". Why do I put up with such madness?

That's easy, because I love Theo. Yep, I love him. Behind my aggressive exterior, there is a soft, marshmallow, sugar-coated interior. Well, at least according to Theo.

"What does this have to do with-Oh..." Finally, it dawned on Theo. "Butter her muffin... I get it now. I mean... Urn... Spread this delicious dairy spread on her baked flour, sugar, milk, eggs, and fruit confection. For her. So she doesn't have to do it herself. I'd rather not let her handle a knife."

"Well, that's true..." Draco said thoughtfully, eying me. No offense, but Draco gives me the creeps. He's gone through three girlfriends already this year; he's, like, the ultimate player at Hogwarts. It's not his fault everyone thinks he's hot. Give me Theo with his weird home-done haircut any day.

Theo decided one morning that it would be awesome if he cut his hair. So he did. Now it's diagonal. Half of the bangs are longer than the other. The back is cut short as well as the sides. Occasionally, Theo gets bored and gels the bangs so they puff up a bit. On anyone else, they'd look retarded, but on him, I think it looks adorable.

"I don't think I'd trust her with a knife either," Draco continued while I was thinking about Theo's chestnut locks.

Yup, that's me, the girl who can't be trusted with a knife. 'Scuse me if my violent tough girl reputation scares people. That may be why I'm in Slytherin. Ever thought of that? No, I guess you didn't. Not many people do.

It's not like I'm violent! I just threaten to hit people with a various assortment of items, but I rarely ever do. Theo can absorb nearly a cartoonish amount of injuries before they slow him down. It's freaky.

"All this discussion still doesn't solve my problem!" Theo twisted a napkin between his fingers. "Someone stole my muffin!"

"Did it ever occur to you," Draco drawled, shooting a glance in my direction, "that you may have eaten it?" Draco, stop hitting on me. I'm taken. That's me, little Miss Unattainable, at your service.

"I would remember eating it!" Theo wailed on the verge on tears. This is just getting peachier and peachier by the minute. First, Theo's muffin is "stolen". Then Draco Malfoy decides he wants to hit on me. Now, the Potter Posse is staring at us! Come on, stare at Potter, he's bizarre enough! (Secretly, Ron and I are Herbology buddies. Sprout put us together alphabetically. We're pretty good pals.) I mean, sure Potter did get rid of the Dark Lord, but who asked him? Not my parents. Not Theo's dad. Not Devious Draco's parents. I mean, I have no problem with Mudbloods at all. Really, I don't. It's just Potter I can't stand! He's always staring at me and Theo as if we're aliens. Either that or he won't talk to us because Theo just happens to be Draco's roommate! Shallow, much?

Now Hermione, I really can't say anything. Personally, though, I don't think she likes me very much. She always looks at me funny. I know bright pink hair is unusual, but I've had it since school started. You think she would've gotten used to it by now!

"Blaisey! Blaisey-Daisy!" That's Theo's nickname for me, Blaisey-Daisy and the occasional Biaisey-chan.

"What, Theo?" Do I have a nickname for him? Nope.

"Tell Draco I didn't eat my muffin!"

"Draco," I said with this gigantic smirk, "Theo prefers to butter his muffin before he eats. It had to've been stolen or eaten by someone else. He never eats a muffin without butter." 'Prefers to butter his muffin before he eats'. People should definitely worry.

"I do," Theo nodded his head vigorously. "Someone stole Snazzle!" Oh, did I mention Theo loves naming things? The first time we walked into the Slytherin common room (we've been friends for ages...), he flopped into a chair and announced, "I shall call him Chauncey!" Of course, it took me a while before I figured out he had just dubbed the chair Chauncey. So in this case, I'm guessing Snazzle was his muffin.

"Snazzle?" Draco lifted one eyebrow. "Who the hell is Snazzle?"

"Snazzle is my muffin. I never eat them unless they have been named and buttered." Boy, I love it when I'm right.

"So you like to butter Snazzle?" Draco! Quit being such a pervert!

"Nope, I name them different names everyday. Yesterday's Nananutter Muffin-" That's a Banana Nut muffin (one of the easier ones)-" I dubbed Banaynay. And the day before my BorkBork Muffin was named Spork." Even I don't know what flavor BorkBork is. I'll have to get back to you on that.

"I'm just not even going to ask about Spork Bork or whatever." Smart choice, Draco, very smart choice.

Theo's naming things isn't insanity related. What most people don't realize is it comforts him. When Theo was seven, his mum was murdered. Theo and I have been friends from birth. I can still remember Theo's mum going around naming things. She'd say stuff like, "Oh, look, Theo! It's Larry the Lima Bean!" Theo would laugh and laugh-she loved entertaining him. She really loved Theo. She was the one who first started calling me Blaisey-Daisy. Theo's dad still does.

So Theo rambled on about his various muffins and their flavors when Pansy Parkinson ambled up to our table and plonked down. Pansy was Draco's most recent girl friend and she's trying to get him back.

God, I hate Pansy. She's so annoying. All she ever does is pledge her undying love to Draco or whine about how Draco doesn't love her back. I think it would be rather difficult for anyone to love her back. Mean, but true.

"Hiiiii, Drakey-wakey!" I hate it when she draws out her words. I'm guessing Draco hates it, too, because his face is turning red like it does when he's angry or embarrassed. Maybe he's both.

"Hi, Pansy," he grumbled, picking at his oatmeal. I almost laughed when Pansy flung an arm around Draco's neck because Draco's face-it was priceless! His nose got all wrinkly like he was going to sneeze and his eyes looked like saucers. His mouth made this hilarious little 'o' of shock. Like I said, simply priceless. Heh... I think Draco's gagging on her perfume- Eau de Jolie Fleur. Pretty Flower? What a name... Typical.

Great... Now Theo's on his hands and knees looking for his muffin under the table. He's actually calling it and trying to bribe it with a piece of bacon. Yep, he's trying to bribe a muffin with bacon.

"Heeeere, Snazzley-Snazzle! Heeere muffy muffy muffin!" I'm just going to disappear now.

"Mr. Nott... I would like to know why exactly you are under the table." Someone hasn't had their morning coffee. Snape's grumpier than usual this morning. He must've been up all night- his bags under his eyes are atrocious. Half of his hair is sticking up and he looks like he just tossed on the first outfit he saw, because, well... He's wearing a green shirt and black pants. Green! Not black! Amazing! Plus, he's still wearing his bunny slippers. Wonder how long it will be until he notices.

BANG! Theo's head just shot up and hit the table. Theo crawls out rubbing his head and tearing up AGAIN! "Well, Professor," he whimpered massaging his head, "you see, I had gotten up to get two pats of butter for some muffins-" I want to know why it had to be muffins... Why?! "-and I sat down preparing to savor a simply scrumptious muffin, only to discover, IT HAD DISAPPEARED!" That's Theo, the Drama King. "I was under the table hoping it had fallen underneath, but much to my sadness, my effort was futile."

Then he noticed Snape's slippers. "OO! BUNNIES!" At this point, everyone has figured out just how insane Theo really is. "I shall name the left one... Muku Muku and the right one... Fluffpuff!"

At this point, Snape stares at Theo like he is the biggest idiot in existence and then he looks at his feet. "How-? What-? Something very strange is going on here..."

"I think," Luna waltzed past our table, "it's You-Know-Who's next attempt to take over the world. The CrazyTown Plan. Father just recently wrote about it. You-Know-Who intends to drive us mad and then rule an island of monkeys with us as his slaves." Luna is like, one of Theo's best buddies... And now you know why.

"Somehow," Draco said, smirking, "I highly doubt that." He coughed as he was forced to breathe and inhale Pansy's... erm... odor. It was amusing though, Pansy clinging tightly to Draco's neck and Draco was gagging on her perfume and Snape was standing next to us in a pair of bunny slippers. Theo looking for that muffin.

Luckily, today was a Saturday. Theo ran into his dorm and stayed there for two hours. I was content sketching by the common room fire. Finally he ran out.

"Blaisey! I have it! I know who did it!"

"Yes, Theo?" I looked up from my sketchbook skeptically.

"Potter stole the cookies from the cookie jar!"

"What, in the name of all things sacred, holy, purple, and combustible, does that have to do with your missing muffin?"

"Oh," Theo looked bashfully at his feet, "nothing I guess. I just got on a roll and well... I better go think some more." He ran back into his room.

Fast forward two MORE hours.

"I've got it!"

"Yes, Theo?" I groaned.

"The chicken came first!"

"No. This does not pertain to your muffin mystery and the egg came first. Dinosaurs were laying eggs long before the first chicken clucked it's way into existence."

"Oh." Theo ran BACK into his room. Five minutes later, he popped his head out, "Y'know, I'm really hungry. Let's go eat lunch."

My stomach rumbled at that point and answered Theo's plea.

"Sweet! Turkey dog day!" Theo grabbed a plate and swooped down on our usual table only to discover someone else sitting there. No, not Potter & Posse. No, not Malfoy & Co. Not even Cedric Inc. It was Colin Creevy.

More like Colin Creepy.

"Hey! HEY! HEY!" He bounced up and down like a hyperactive rodent. "Can I take a picture of you eating? Can I? Can I?"

"No..." I snarled, circling my arms protectively around my lunch just as Theo perkily said, "Sure!"

So I "accidentally" knocked over my drink and had to go get napkins the second Colin whipped out that camera.

However, Colin did captured a rather cute picture of Theo trying to shove his hot dog in his mouth. I'll have to ask Colin for a copy.