Author's Note: Written for SharkCowSheep, in the het-challenge community on livejournal. Her prompt was:

" Menial Job AU! Everyone works at IHOP, hardware store, pizza joint, telemarketing call center, whatever (just not McDonald's. Robot Chicken did that already.) Drudgery and unflattering uniforms slowly wear down the proud spirits of our heroes, leading inexorably to poor customer service and sex on the copy machine. Tifa x Loz for preference, throw in other hasty and furtive couplings as you see fit. :D"

Pairings: Loz x Tifa, Tifa x Cloud, Sephiroth x Cloud, Tseng x Elena, Aeris x Zack, Palmer x Heidigger, Rufus x Kadaj, Cait Sith x Moogle Girl's Stuffed Moogle

Warnings: nothing in particular, unless you count some background yaoi

Disclaimer: posted at end of story

Hotel Midgar

"Are you insane?" Tifa glared down at one of her younger co-workers.

Said co-worker, a girl from Wutai with too much money and prestige whose father had insisted that she work for the summer while attending school in Midgar, casually checked her nails. Her hand gripped a pleasantly glowing little blue orb. "What?" She shrugged. "Not my fault they left their Materia right out in the open like that. Can't have it fall into the wrong hands."

"Yuffie," Tifa growled, leveling a rather frightening glare at the girl. "This is a hotel. People trust that the housekeeping staff isn't going to wander off with their stuff! They leave it in their rooms for safekeeping, for godssakes!" She scowled. "Now either take it back, or I tell Zack and you get fired!"

Seated on the floor behind the counter, Yuffie stuck out her tongue. "Tattletale. Tell him these outfits suck while you're at it."

Tifa was about to let Yuffie have a piece of her mind when the wide doors to the outside swished open and the bellboy, Cloud, came through carrying a pair of suitcases. "Quick get up guest," she hissed.

Not like she could argue that last point anyway. The blouses were okay, but the vests and pleated skirts were cheap and scratchy, and in Tifa's case, there wasn't quite enough room for her bust in the vest that fit her shoulders and waist. And it wasn't like they were a high-profile enough hotel to have custom tailored uniforms.

She smiled at Cloud as he approached, but he didn't seem to notice, staring pointedly at the floor. She saw why a moment later - it was one of their regular guests and old war-buddy of Zack the hotel owner/manager.

She pasted a big fake smile on her face anyway as Yuffie popped up from behind the counter beside her like something in a puppet show. "Good afternoon, sir! Would you like your regular room?"

"Of course," the tall man rumbled in response, tossing his long silver hair over his shoulder with a strangely practiced carelessness. Whenever General Sephiroth visited, he got the V.I.P. suite on the top floor. Tifa swiftly located the reservation, printed the proper form, and had him sign in.

"Let Zack know I'm here," Sephiroth instructed, laying the pen down and turning away without ever even making eye contact. "Bring the luggage, boy," he added to Cloud as he moved away.

"You know," Yuffie commented as Cloud trotted away after the General, "This is his third visit just since I've been here. You'd think he'd know Cloud's name by now."

"He does," Tifa muttered, watching with narrowed eyes as the pair entered the elevator. Just as the doors closed, Cloud gave a startled jump - she was fairly certain that Sephiroth had just pinched his ass.

It was mid-afternoon on a Friday, just the time of day when the influx of guests for the wedding that weekend would start picking up. Yuffie had just come off of her (disastrous) housekeeping shift, and it was still several hours until Tifa's eight-to-two shift in the bar.

Lo and behold, the front doors opened again almost as soon as the elevator doors closed. A reserved and terminally smug man in white entered, his patent leather shoes tapping on the floor in rhythm with the clacking of the claws of the sleek beast he brought with him.

"Oh, hell," Tifa muttered.

"Good afternoon," Rufus Shinra said pleasantly as he stepped up to the counter. "I'd like your best room, please."

Like it would've killed him to have made a reservation. "I'm sorry, but our V.I.P. suite is currently occupied, sir," Tifa responded with as apologetic an expression as she could muster. "Will our first class business suite do?"

Shinra's eyes narrowed. "Of course," he said, in a tone of voice that said "Of course not". Tifa couldn't help but feel that she'd somehow won some small victory.

"I expect all the same amenities at no additional cost as recompense for your error."

Tifa tried not to frown visibly. He was the one that hadn't made a reservation. Still, they should've known he'd come; the wedding was between two of his employees, after all. "I... of course sir," she said pleasantly. "I'm afraid," she added through clenched teeth as she handed him the form to sign, "that if you need assistance with your luggage, you'll have to wait. Our bellboy is..." It took her a moment to get the word out. "Occupied. With another guest."

Shinra missed her difficulty entirely, or seemed to. "No need." He lifted a hand and snapped his fingers without actually looking over his shoulder.

One of his bodyguards - a redhead that Tifa had seen before - entered, scowling as he pushed along a spare luggage cart loaded with bags. Rufus Shinra did not pack light. He followed his boss toward the elevators.

"Well, that's a first," Yuffie said. "Never had him in here before."

"Usually we're beneath his budget," Tifa grumbled. "He wouldn't be here if it wasn't for the wedding." She was herself a little surprised that the couple in question had chosen Hotel Midgar for their wedding, but according to them (already ensconced in separate rooms, with the honeymoon suite waiting), they'd done so for sentimental reasons.

"I think you handled that rather well."

Tifa's head whipped around to face the person standing across the counter from her now - the eldest (and biggest) of General Sephiroth's three younger brothers, whom he'd talked Zack into employing in the kitchens. This time of day, they were supposed to be manning the coffee shop adjacent to the restaurant across the lobby.

Her momentary surprise quickly gave way to annoyance again. "That's one of the lamest lines you've tried yet, Loz," she said, tilting her head and folding her arms. Of course, it was also a bit more honest, and that bothered her...

His brow furrowed as he set a pair of lattés on the counter. "Which were worse?" He asked with a slight pout, not meeting her eyes.

"The one about 'did it hurt when you fell from heaven'," Yuffie said cheerfully, grabbing one of the drinks.

"I was thinking of the mirrored pants one. Or maybe the space pants one."

"Oh?" Yuffie visibly perked up. "I don't think I've heard that one."

"That was his first week here. 'You must be wearing space pants because your ass is out of this world.'"

"Ooh, he's gotten better!"

"Yeah, pretend I'm not standing here," Loz grumbled, rather visibly crushed. His lower lip was working on a pout and he looked like he might even tear up. He turned to head back to the café.

Her lips tugging down into a frown, Tifa mentally kicked herself. Just because he couldn't get it through his thick skull that she wasn't available didn't mean that she had to be mean. "Hey," she called out. "Thanks."

He looked over his shoulder, features relaxing - he might even have half-smiled, it was hard to tell from the angle. Then he turned and went on his way.

By the time her bartending shift was officially over that night, Tifa had Just About Had It. There was a guy in the corner of the bar with a hood and a number five tattooed on his arm that had been drinking all night, fell off of his barstool, passed out, and thrown up on the floor (in that order). There were misbehaving Shinra employees (a Mr. Palmer and Mr. Heidigger who kept ordering each other drinks - she thought they might be flirting, which was just frightening - and a Ms. Scarlet who seemed to be about a drink and a half away from mimicking the guy with the tattoo). And the soon-to-be bride and groom, who were being disgustingly cute - Tseng, the groom-to-be, was leading Elena, the bride-to-be, around on a leash because she was blindfolded so as to not see him before the ceremony. Feeding her strawberries, too. For Tifa, it was painful to watch.

And then there was Zack and his gardener girlfriend Aeris in the corner booth snuggling like rabbits. Worse than that was Zack looking particularly smug when it seemed like Aeris wasn't there - except that the tablecloth kept moving and the giggling was audible. There was no way to keep anyone in the bar in line when the owner was pulling this kind of thing.

But the absolute worst part was getting a call from Cloud saying that he was "busy" and wouldn't be seeing her that night. She knew damn well what he was doing. Cloud had never come down from the General's room. She'd had to get Yuffie to help arriving guests with their bags.

She was giving the counter a last wipe-down, alone and feeling particularly bitter and sorry for herself, when she heard a chair down the bar scrape. "Bar's closed," was her terse response; she wiped at the counter a bit faster.

"I know."

She glanced up; Loz had seated himself a little ways away and was smiling a bit at her.

Tifa sighed, looking back to her work. Sadly, Loz had been the best part of the evening. She never would've gotten some of those people out of the bar without him. No doubt his brothers were annoyed with him for skipping out of the kitchen and hanging out in the bar all night.

"So," he said, leaning his hands on the bar. His fingers were laced together, his knuckles white - betraying how tense he was.

"So?" She didn't look up, only kept rubbing at the bar with her cleaning rag. This spot was going to be shiny, dammit.

In the resounding silence that followed, she swore she could hear him swallow. "Nice shoes. Wanna -"

"Yes."

Tifa looked up. Loz couldn't have looked more surprised if she'd belted him across the face. He just blinked at her, wide-eyed, for a moment. "...Seriously?"

Tifa tossed the rag into a drawer and walked out from behind the bar. She stopped a few paces from him, tilted her head, and smiled...

...And her hand shot out to grab the front of his plain kitchen uniform. "Move," she commanded, pushing him ahead of her out of the bar.

The business center was a small room with a fax machine, two computers so old that they just barely provided an internet connection, and a copy machine. It was enclosed, hidden, and comfortably warm. It was also closed at this time of night, but Tifa had a key.

And the copy machine was at just the right height to be really useful, too.

The next morning, Rufus Shinra headed down to the business center quite early, only to see General Sephiroth gliding down the hall ahead of him. Shinra's eyes narrowed - he knew full well who occupied the V.I.P. suite that was rightfully his. The rooms were adjacent and he'd had to listen to him and his companion through the wall for most of the night.

He crept along, staying hidden - sure enough, Sephiroth entered the business center. Shinra's scowl deepened.

"So what is it that's so amusing, Zack?" Sephiroth's voice came from the open door. Shinra stopped, moving to lean casually against the wall, out of sight.

"Came down to open things up this morning and look what i found," came Zack's voice with a rustling of paper.

There was a pause. "Huh," Sephiroth finally said. "Who -"

"No idea. Might be Aeris, she was out last night."

Sephiroth huffed. "That's not Aeris."

"How can you tell?" Zack sounded more disappointed than anything.

"Face it, Zack. Your woman has no ass."

"Huh. Point. Well then..." Zack made a choked noise at a sudden realization. "Not Tifa!"

Sephiroth gave a derisive snort. "Doubt it. She's still hung up on Cloud, and that's not Cloud."

"How do you -"

"If that was Cloud, I'd have him topping. Which he wasn't last night."

Zack outright cackled, but the sound died, accompanied by the sound of rustling paper again. "Wait, what are you doing?"

"For safekeeping," Sephiroth answered.

Shinra stood upright and turned just as Sephiroth exited the business center, a rolled piece of paper in hand. Rufus pretended to have heard nothing, as though he were just now walking down the hall - but his eyes strayed to the piece of paper in Sephiroth's hand.

When Tifa arrived for her shift that afternoon, the lobby was dead and empty. Nearly all the guests were off at the wedding.

Despite the fact that the hotel was nearly entirely booked for the weekend (thanks again to the wedding) and there was nobody checking in, Yuffie looked nervous (or at least, full of more nervous energy than usual). "Where have you been?" She demanded of her elder co-worker.

Tifa blinked. "I'm only ten minutes late."

"Fifteen," Yuffie retorted. "But you're never ever late."

"Uh." Tifa wouldn't quite make eye contact. "I got held up. Spilled some coffee on my skirt and had to go get it cleaned."

"Is that what happened," Cloud mumbled, leaning against the counter. He looked exhausted, despite having no baggage to lug around today.

"Yes, why?" Tifa blinked placidly at him.

""Cos you weren't home when I called."

"Must've been while I was at the cleaners."

"At 6am?"

She scowled. "Why were you calling me at 6am?"

Cloud was interrupted by a voice from across the lobby before he could respond. "Boy!"

"Later," Cloud mumbled, trotting off to join the General without hesitation.

Tifa watched him go in a considerably more neutral fashion than she'd managed the day before.

Luckily, Yuffie seemed far from observant for once - she kept looking down at her folded hands. "Um... Tifa?"

Tifa had found her eyes straying toward the coffee shop, and quickly snapped her gaze back to her co-worker. "Yeah."

"You know how yesterday you were mad about me taking the Materia from a room?"

Her shoulders slumping, Tifa sighed. "You put it back, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but..." She scratched behind her head. "Um, another guest asked when I was housekeeping today if I'd get a paper for him from another guest's room, and, uh..."

What guest would ever ask something like that... Oh. Probably Shinra. Tifa covered her face with her hand. "You didn't, did you?"

"I did." Yuffie coughed. "But it wasn't anything, you know, business-related, so I figured it'd be okay... Only..."

"Only what?"

"Er... nothing." Yuffie was blushing and very carefully not looking at her. "So, um... what happened to your neck? That looks like a -"

Tifa blushed and nervously adjusted her shirt collar. "Nothing," she muttered, drawing her tie up tighter.

At least Yuffie had the grace to say nothing of the top snap on her vest being not undone so much as ripped out of one side of the garment. She'd slept in and hadn't had time to do anything about it.

She made a mental note to be a little more careful about removal of clothing next time, despite how much fun not being careful had been. The sense of urgency had been exciting, but she only had one uniform to wear here; cleaning it and sewing buttons back onto Loz's were what had made her late. And Loz hadn't given her an easy time with the repairs, either. Very distracting.

And then she blushed, realizing that she fully intended there to be a next time. She looked up at the coffee shop almost hopefully, caught herself, and looked away again.

It had taken her a bit to realize that she she'd enjoyed the experience a lot more than she'd thought she would. Loz was eager in a way that Cloud never was. He'd managed to get her vest off and her skirt up around her waist, but barely got her blouse open, and he was going to forget and trip over his own pants, she'd been sure. And then he had, and they'd ended up on the floor... for a while... and then she'd pointed out that one of the upper rooms was under renovations and unoccupied... and she never had gotten back to her apartment for the night.

He liked kissing far more than Cloud did. He'd had his mouth on or near hers nearly the entire time, rarely breaking away to go for her neck or points south. It was a little... enthralling, being treated like she was the only thing in the world worth paying attention to.

And he made these little sounds that she couldn't help responding to.

And when he smiled -

"I'm on break," she announced suddenly, stepping out from behind the counter.

Yuffie blinked. "What!" she squawked. "You just got here!"

"I need a coffee and I'd better do it before the people from the wedding get back," Tifa shrugged.

"Huh," Yuffie muttered. "Fine... bring me one too."

Unfortunately, Loz wasn't actually in the coffee shop, nor was his next younger brother Yazoo; just the youngest in the family, Kadaj. Apparently his brothers had abandoned him in favor of preparing for the wedding reception in the hotel restaurant/ballroom, which explained the muffled buzzing of chainsaws, as ice sculptures were involved. Kadaj was left in quite a foul humor (nothing unusual there), and managed to glare at Tifa the entire time. Even when his back was to her as he made the lattés, she was sure that he was glaring at her from the reflection in the decorative brass over the espresso machine.

A few hours later, the wedding guests began to return; somewhat annoyingly, most of them simply milled about the lobby instead of clearing out. They were waiting for the bridal party to arrive from the ceremony site; this would take a while, since there would be pictures to take first.

Tifa hid behind the registration counter until the last possible moment before heading off to open the bar adjacent to the restaurant. She had to shoo several of the guests' kids away from the bar when she got there - an auburn-haired boy and a girl with a stuffed moogle. She wasn't sure she wanted to know why they were sneaking off on their own; they were twelve or thirteen and definitely old enough to get into more trouble than she wanted to dwell on.

"Absolutely not!"

Tifa narrowly missed colliding with Kadaj, who was even more irate than usual as he stormed out of the kitchen. She quickly stepped behind the bar.

"Kadaj!" Yazoo was right behind him, holding a... ohdear. That was one of the waitress uniforms. Knee-length skirt and all.

"I said I'd help serve for the reception, but I am NOT wearing that!"

"But it's the only uniform that fits!" Yazoo pleaded. "None of the guests know you, and you're just in the background, right? Nobody ever remembers the waitresses." At a furious glare from his younger brother, he quickly modified. "Waitstaff."

"Sephiroth knows me," Kadaj muttered miserably, stomping back through the double doors to the kitchen.

Yazoo was right behind him. "He won't be at the reception..."

Neither of them had paid any attention to her at all.

Tifa bit her lip, her mind wandering just far enough to wonder if she could deal with being closer to them enough to be with Loz for any length of time. And then she blushed and scowled at herself and set about putting away the clean glasses behind the bar.

She was starting to wonder where Loz was, actually. She hadn't seen him since...

Oh, hell, now she was blushing again. And dangerously close to giggling. She wondered if sticking her head in the ice bin would help.

The restaurant filled with guests, more than a few of whom (Scarlet and that guy with the tattoo on his hand in particular) wasted no time in ordering drinks. It didn't slow down from there. Tifa barely had a moment to think right up until the bridal party arrived.

And then, for a little while, there was blissful rest as all eyes turned to the bride and groom. Tifa's eyes were drawn to the best man - Rufus Shinra - grinning in the background. She wondered what he was up to.

...And then her eyes were drawn to the stuffed moogle that had somehow made its way behind the bar. She rolled her eyes and sat it on the counter...

...Just in time to hear a lot of shrieking. She turned around and saw something flying right at her, and raised her hands to catch it.

It turned out to be the bridal bouquet. Apparently Elena had tossed it up high enough that it hit a blade of the ceiling fan and gained considerably more distance than expected.

She held it out helplessly, feeling remarkably like the laughingstock of the room, and was suddenly rather glad that Cloud wasn't actually present. Elena would have none of her passing it to anyone else, however. Tifa could only hang her head and set the bouquet on the bar, next to the plush moogle.

The festivities wore on. Apparently some fight involving use of Materia broke out over the garter, but Tifa missed it - she was trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone at that point. She was reasonably successful in being too busy to think after that, right up until she looked up and the guy asking for a drink was the groom.

"Tseng!" Rufus, drink already in hand, forced his way through the throng. Elena was close behind him. He was reaching into his tuxedo jacket, and pulled out a rolled piece of paper. "Thought you two might like a memento of last night."

Tseng and Elena blinked at each other in confusion as Rufus' bodyguards - Reno and Rude, Tifa recalled - came over as well. Rude seemed to have a bruise forming on his cheek, possibly from the battle for the garter.

Rufus unrolled the piece of paper.

Tifa nearly dropped the drink that she was sliding onto the bar for Tseng. Her face went bright red.

None of them noticed. "Uh," Tseng said helplessly.

"Apparently you left this in the business center and the hotel manager found it this morning," Rufus chuckled. "I wasn't sure at first, but once I had it retrieved, there was no doubt."

"You... think that's us?" Elena asked, not sure if she should be laughing or not.

Rufus pointed. "Well, there's the mole on your ass."

"I do not have a mole on my ass," Elena growled.

Tseng coughed. "Yes you do," he mumbled, before quickly stepping up to defend his bride's honor. "But, uh, that's not in the right place. I think that's a spot on the copy machine."

The five of them squinted at the picture, holding it up to the light. Tifa turned around and busied herself rearranging bottles, trying to ignore Scarlet calling for another drink from the far end of the bar.

"Yeah, that's not Elena," Reno informed his boss with a shrug. "She's a natural blond."

"Reno!" Elena made a motion like she was trying to draw a weapon that she didn't have in her wedding dress.

The redhead blinked, clearly puzzled as to why his companions were all glaring at him. "...What?"

"Ahem."

Tifa jumped; Yazoo had come up behind the bar without her even noticing. As soon as she turned, he simply jerked his head toward the door to the kitchen. "I'll take over for a bit. You're wanted in the kitchen."

She didn't question. Any way out, at the moment, was quite welcome.

Particularly since that Reeve guy's robotic cat was dragging the plush moogle off the end of the bar. She just... didn't want to know.

It wasn't until she got into the kitchen that she realized why she'd been called in. Loz was leaning casually against a counter, arms folded; when she entered, he looked up and grinned. "Hey."

"Hey," she responded with a tentative smile. "Where... where've you been all day?"

He snorted. "In here, mostly." He looked down again. "Rough day?"

"Pretty much, yeah." She walked over to lean against the table across from him. "So... what's up?"

"Heh." Without looking up, he held out his fist. "Hold out your hand."

When she did, he opened his fist, and the garter dropped into her hand.

Tifa's mouth dropped open. "Oh, shit, you didn't."

Loz grinned. "Couldn't not."

"Um."

His expression fell. "What?"

"Well, I..." Tifa knew she was beet red again, and she hated it. "About... last night..."

There was a disturbingly long silence. Loz withdrew his hand. "Yeah?" He asked quietly, his voice a little strained.

Tifa bit her lip. "I don't want you to... you know... I mean..." She sighed, thinking of Cloud. "Don't... waste time on me. You're... a lot of fun... a lot... and... I'd fool around with you again at the drop of a hat. But I'm... I don't want to get in the way of you finding the girl of your dreams, okay?"

Loz looked up as she spoke, making eye contact, and he blinked as though he completely didn't understand what she was saying. "But... I found her already."

Tifa froze up. Months of cheesy pick up lines, and what floored her was one idiotically honest little line like that.

Cloud never said anything like that. He'd said he'd always be there for her, but he'd never said anything like that.

"Loz, I -"

The door to the kitchen slammed open, Yazoo holding it wide. It suddenly became obvious that there was a great amount of noise in the restaurant area. "Loz, get out here! Shinra slapped Kadaj on the ass and there's a full-fledged brawl going on! He's taken the bodyguards down already!" A chair crashed into the wall next to him; Yazoo barely jumped aside in time, looking over his shoulder. "And the groom!" He dashed back out, the door swinging in his wake.

Both Loz and Tifa had jumped and looked toward the door; now they turned to look at each other.

Loz quickly stood. "Remind me to get a hat tomorrow," he said, grinning again, and held the door open for her.

Disclaimer: The Final Fantasy VII compilation (in particular, Advent Children), its story, and characters are the property, copyright and trademark of Square Electronic Arts L.L.C., and no ownership or claim on said property, copyright or trademark is made or implied by their use in the work(s) of fan fiction presented here. This fan fiction constitutes a personal comment on the aforesaid properties pursuant to doctrines of fair use and fair comment. This fan fiction is non-commercial, not for sale or profit, and may not be sold or reproduced for commercial purposes.