A/N: This one I came up with during a random role-play between me and my friend Amanda. The role-play did not turn out this way, but I thought it to be a funny alternate reality. Be warned that there is a lot of Raoul-bashing as well.

Christine Daae was rather at a loss as to what to do. She was married to Erik (last name unknown,) otherwise known as the "Opera Ghost," "Phantom of the Opera," "Don Juan," "Angel of Music..." the list goes on. Anyway, the girl had had a child around nine months after her marriage to Erik. Now, this would normally not be a problem as the child looked completely normal, but there was one thing- the child was, unfortunately, not Erik's.

See, when little Andre was born, Erik was suspicious about the brown hair, and the fact that the child screamed whenever he came near the crib, of course. Christine merely said that her mother had brown hair (she had blonde, actually,) and that Andre was just a very wary child, and cried whenever anyone came near the crib. When the boy reached his first birthday, however, Christine began to become worried that Erik may realize the truth. The boy had no musical interest whatsoever- in fact, he tended to crawl under his blankets when Christine or Erik sang to him. He also seemed breathtakingly stupid. The boy refused to learn even the simplest of skills, such as drinking out of a glass with a lip specialized for infants, or not trying to eat the bells strung across his cradle.

I may be rather naive sometimes, but if Erik had been his father, he wouldn't be this idiotic, she thought desperately one night, when Andre had touched a boiling pot on the stove several times, despite the fact that he cried every time he put his hand in it. Erik literally had to drag the child away from the stove, resulting in hysterical crying and second-degree burns.

Christine resolved around a month later that her husband had to know the truth. It really was horrible for Erik to think that his only son was conceived by his mortal enemy.

This was not going to be easy, obviously, but Christine had a plan to ensure that Erik wouldn't kill her. She would just have to seduce him! Erik could never resist her- the man had been a virgin all his pitiful life, and once he did it with Christine for the first time, he was practically begging to do it again the next morning! So, in orfer to break this news to Erik, Christine had chosen the night carefully.

It was a beautiful summer night- Christine had hired someone to watch Andre- and the ebony sky held the most lustrous full moon. Perfect to carry out her plan.

Erik was reading a thick volume called "The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe" (A/N: Best book EVER!) by the light of a candle. Enthralled with his most favourite story, "The Masque of the Red Death," he did not notice his lovely little wife slip into the shadowed room.

"Erik," she called in a seductive voice from the doorway. She was wearing a horribly cliche white silk nighdress that she knew made her look incredibly sexy. When Erik looked up from his book, she could feel him smile behind his dark full-face mask. He threw the book on the nightstand, very nearly toppling the candle. Before she could blink again, the great nightbird Christine once feared was looming over her, desire practically eminating from his person.

"My dear," he began in a slightly breathless voice, his golden cat's eyes glowing in the semi-darkness. "You look absolutely gorgeous." Christine reached up purposely slowly and removed his mask, tossing it nonchalantly aside. It was as though he only wore it those days so that Christine could take it off again.

"I'm glad you approve," she whispered back, putting her surprisingly still small hands at his hips. Apparently surprised by her directness, Erik raised his eyebrows at her, but smiled more widely nevertheless. "I have to say, though, that I am rather too short to kiss you this way..." Before she had finished her last word, Erik had swept the girl into his thin, oddly strong arms, and lay her in the golden swan bed. With obviously shaking hands, he lifted the candle and blew it out in one breath before laying beside Christine and fixing her with a rather curious expression.

"Aren't you worried about the baby?" he asked her dismissively, as though not terribly concerned with the matter.

"I hired someone to take him for the night," replied Christine, with a sly grin. Erik exhaled heavily on a laugh.

"I love you," he breathed back, moving to kiss her, but Christine stopped him.

"I think that I would prefer to lead tonight," she said quietly, reaching up to his skull of a face and kissing him deeply. His long skeleton's hands immediately moved to her ash-blonde hair, running it smoothly between his fingers.

"Christine..." Erik sighed as she began kissing his neck. His hands then found her shoulders and began to push the straps of her nightgown down them. Rather urgently, Christine whispered,

"Wait, Erik- I've to tell you something," in a slightly guilty voice into his ear. "Andre... isn't your child."

There was a horrible silence. Both had ceased to breathe.

"Could you say that again, love?" asked Erik pleasantly, his bright eyes glowing up at the ceiling. "I think I may have misheard you."

A/N: Ha! Poor, unhappy Erik. :P

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