With a barely suppressed sigh, she started to turn, to find out what he wanted, only to be stopped by his hand on her shoulder as he turned her back to face the window. Startled, she swung her head round to look at him, catching a glimpse of his shuttered expression, more serious than she had seen him in a long time.
"Please, just stay the way you were", he said somewhat hoarsely. Bowing to his request and the subtle pressure of his hand she turned back toward the window, but watched his hazy reflection in the glass instead of the view outside.
He swallowed, apparently having difficulty with what he had to say which was intriguing because after all, he was seldom at a loss for words.
"Please, just listen, and don't interrupt until I can say this." He started rather haltingly. "I have met someone, I am not sure, but I think I may be in love." Her heart twisted painfully at his words, and she tensed, wanting to turn and run, but somehow his presence behind her and his hand on her shoulder, gentle though it was, held her in place. That and a sick fascination with what he was going to say. He sounded lost, and that was so unlike him that she couldn't have refused him anything.
"She is beautiful, but more than that, she is kind. Her support has been invaluable to me. Where most people are afraid of me or angered by me, she stands her ground and meets me face on. Somehow she manages to forgive me even when I am being a complete ass. You know me, I don't do needing anything, other than my Vicodin. Somehow she crept under the radar and became a necessity before I even realised it. I've discovered, I can't do without her."
"It seems quite clear that you love her, so what is the real problem."
"I'm scared, imagine that."
"Of what?"
"Of losing her, I would rather have only what we have now than not have her in my life at all."
"Do you know how she feels?"
"I think that maybe she loves me, I hope she does, but she has never said anything to let me know. Which means ... maybe like most people, she thinks that I am incapable of a relationship."
"If that's true, then she doesn't know you at all, does she? You may keep it well hidden, but you have a good heart, and a great capacity for love."
"Do you really think so?"
"Of course I do. You forget, I've known you for a long time. And while I might not be a board certified diagnostician like someone I know, I am quite good at reading people."
"What would you suggest I do?"
"Ask her!"
"So do you?"
"What?"
"Do you love me?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"You told me I had to ask, so I'm asking, do you love me?"
"You mean …"
"Yeah."
She swung round, her eyes sparking with fury, forcing him to take a step back and brace himself against her desk.
"I'm going to kill him. I should have known I couldn't trust him with this, should have known he'd go running to you."
He grabbed her wrists to prevent her stalking off and pulled her towards him anchoring them against the desk with their joined hands.
"Wilson never said a word, he has been annoyingly tight lipped about whatever he heard from you, and goes mooney eyed every time you are mentioned, which let me tell you is so not a good look for him."
"So ... how ... what ...?"
"Score one for the good looking doctor, I've managed to reduce you to gibberish. Actually, if you care to remember, I am the head of Diagnostics and I am pretty good at figuring things out all by my little self."
He smirked down at her, before turning serious again.
"I figured it out but then I realized that apparently you had no intention of ever telling me. And that made me wonder why? Don't get me wrong, I can understand anyone's reluctance to get involved with me, but it hasn't stopped you getting involved in my life and doing more for me than anyone else I know. So it had to be that you thought I didn't love you, or that I couldn't love you. Which led me to ask myself if I didn't love you, or if I couldn't love you, or rather if I couldn't love, because if I couldn't love you I wasn't sure I was capable of loving anyone. So I spent a long time thinking about it, and the one definite answer I came up with was that I couldn't lose you, I couldn't, and didn't even want to try to, imagine my life without you. And I figured this was something I should share with you, and as you so succinctly put it earlier, there isn't really much doubt that I do love you, so the question is what do you want to do about it?"
She stared at him in disbelief. This may be everything she had ever dreamed of but she couldn't believe it was really happening. Did he really mean what he was saying, or was he making fun of her?
"Earth to Cuddy! Generally when one receives a proposal of any sort, a response is called for – whether it is a slap in the face, a maybe, or a yes. I'm leaning towards the yes personally, although the slap could be fun too."
His gentle sarcasm pulled her back, and she looked into his eyes, hoping to find some clue as to how to respond. What she found there was an earnest seriousness she hadn't seen since college.
Her heart beat suddenly sped up. This was real!
...Shameless, when it comes to loving you, I'll do anything you want me to, I'll do anything at all... ...And I'm standing, here for all the world to see, there ain't that much left of me, that has very far to fall... ...Swore I'd never compromise, but you convinced me otherwise, I'll do anything you need... ...I have never found what I couldn't resist, that I couldn't turn down, I could walk away from anyone I ever knew, but I can't walk away from you... ...I have never let anything have this much control over me, I worked too hard to call my life my own... ...I made myself a world and it worked so perfectly, but it's your world now, I can't refuse, I never had so much to lose...
Billy Joel: Shameless
A/N: Thanks to all of you who stuck with this story. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.