Notes: Brief spoilers for around volume 9, no other real warnings though.
It's one of those impressive things about the world that, given enough repetition, even life and death experiences can develop a sort of familiar routine. Not to Doumeki himself, perhaps, since he's always been hard to impress, but in the more general sense there's something reassuring about it. The fine detail might vary – all the whats and hows of whatever supernatural horror they're up against today, but Watanuki has seen enough rescues now to have become the ultimate critic, and he's not the least reserved about reminding Doumeki of that. And here the routine comes in – once the danger's over and the day has been saved, Watanuki's going to find a reason to yell at him.
"What the hell was that supposed to be?"
They're on their way home (or anywhere more civilized, with no monsters to try to eat anyone). Watanuki is ahead, maintaining just the right distance between them that he can yell without fear of being misheard, while at the same time making it clear that he wants nothing to do with anyone who might happen to be following him. This part is less essential, but it's practically routine as well – Doumeki finds himself reflecting idly on just how many of these conversations get conducted with Watanuki's retreating back.
"That was me saving your life?" he suggests blandly.
He might as well not have bothered – Watanuki is in full rant mode, contributions offered to the conversation courtesy of other people would be lucky not to get the answering machine.
"What the hell were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all?"
Doumeki would have to admit he really hadn't been doing much thinking at that time, but as far as he'd been concerned, it hadn't been a situation that required it. When Watanuki had turned to look at him in horror, treating Doumeki to the half-vision image of himself with a giant mass of living smoke rising up behind himself like an incoming wave, he definitely hadn't stopped to think. He hadn't stopped to wonder whether this was a hint they'd done a less than thorough job of taking care of that last monster or whether it had had an identical twin; he'd just known that this time, he wasn't going to risk anything less than a direct hit. The sequence went: push Watanuki well out of harm's way, locate bow, turn around, ready himself through each step from ashimbumi to kai, then wait for the right moment, in that order. It was true that the first step did mean that Watanuki was no longer in any position where Doumeki could collect anything of value from the loan of that eye, but he hadn't had the time to go through the messy mental geometry that would have been necessary to aim based on that anyway (or, to rephrase, he hadn't thought about that either).
Maybe it hadn't been entirely necessary for him to wait until he could feel unseen tendrils wrapping around his arms and Watanuki's view of him showed nothing more than a writhing mass of smoke, until – so much for seeing – he could practically taste where the thing had to be. But high school-variety kyudo has never dealt him a lot of practical experience with invisible moving targets. He'd just wanted to be sure.
Out loud, Doumeki sticks to summarising. "It went the way I planned it."
"It nearly didn't," says Watanuki, taking time out to check his messages for a change. "And what kind of stupid plan was that anyway?! Did you have a plan for what were you going to do if it didn't work?'"
"Yes, I was going to stand there and let it chew on me while you ran for it," says Doumeki, since the odds look to be about fifty-fifty that Watanuki will even hear him.
Watanuki stops and whirls around so fast that his follower nearly walks into him, leaving them so close together that Doumeki is going cross-eyed trying to see the end of the shorter boy's nose. This doesn't appear to bother Watanuki, however, who just glares right up into his face as if the few centimeters of height that separates them had been arranged as a personal insult. "You," he growls," are not getting it." Then, as if this was just what you do to people who have the nerve to be maybe a little taller than you, Watanuki grabs him by the collar and kisses him.
Three things are more or less immediate at this point – firstly that Watanuki has never kissed anyone before, secondly that he has only the most rudimentary of idea of how this whole kissing thing is meant to work, and thirdly, that he isn't letting any of that slow him down for a second. Since a second isn't much less than the total time the kiss lasts for anyway, this means Doumeki is only barely given time to figure out what's going on before it's over.
"Oh," he says vaguely, once it is. That part definitely wasn't part of the routine Doumeki was used to.
"You are never doing that again," Watanuki informs him, in the kind of voice that turns every punctuation mark into a projectile weapon. "The answer where I get away while you deal with all the dangerous stuff with the giant floating thing with the teeth is not going to scrape you through with a passing grade. It is not even part of the syllabus. It is out of the question, understand?"
"Oh," says Doumeki again, because there are a few less synapses firing in his brain than usual. Watanuki is still in his face, and just breathing is taking him some serious concentration.
Grudgingly satisfied, Watanuki takes a step away. He resumes marching home as though he intends to deal with anything that might bother them for the rest of the day by trampling it into the ground.
"I can break it down into smaller words if you're still not getting the picture here!" An arm is waved for emphasis on this bit, as though to suggest that whatever it is Watanuki is breaking down is very large and requires a lot of pounding.
To Doumeki, parts of this are starting to sound less than reasonable. He may not especially enjoy dealing with some of the more interesting things Watanuki is known to attract, but he'd like to think he's the expert on the matter here, and it's not a safe activity. There's always plenty of danger to go around where this sort of stuff is involved, and there's no call for Watanuki to start hogging all of it. "I'm supposed to learn to rescue you from a distance, am I?"
Watanuki does his stop-and-whirl thing for the second time in that conversation. "You," he says, "still do not seem to be getting the point."
Doumeki has a little more warning before the second kiss to get ready for it, but it's still over before he has anything more than the chance to start to think that, perhaps, given the opportunity to find out, he might be able to enjoy more of this. He can't help but feel that Watanuki is being quite spectacularly unfair about this; even if he is making it very clear that this wouldn't be happening at all without the excuse of getting across an inventively communicated point.
"If you get yourself killed," says Watanuki firmly, "I am going to have to be very unhappy about it. Not just because I'll be paying back Yuuko for the rest of my life if she starts stepping in to rescue me instead. Not just because I am not putting up with your restless ghost for the rest of my life. Not just because I do not want to deal with having to clean up the mess. Are you finally starting to figure out what I'm getting at yet?"
"Alright," says Doumeki, feeling dazed and a little irritated to realize that Watanuki is actually developing a worryingly effective debating technique here.
"Well it's about time!"
Walking resumes without further incident. Doumeki thinks quietly for a bit.
"Next time," he suggests, safe in the knowledge that the inevitability of a next time would put even hitsuzen to shame, "if I manage to rescue you without putting myself in danger, will I get to kiss you back?"
"That sound you are making is the sound of you getting so far ahead of yourself that I don't know how you can still tell where you're going!"
"Or do I have to let you rescue me for that?"
"There is a problem with this conversation now, and it is the part where you keep talking!"
"It could be good incentive for me to remember all this, for example."
That must have been about it for the count down. A minor explosion takes place on the footpath ahead of Doumeki. He blocks his ears, but mostly just by habit.
It figures that Watanuki would approach courtship the same way he approaches just about every other aspect of life in which Doumeki is involved – which is to say, with about twice the energy and half the finesse usually warranted, and a lot of shouting. At this very moment, Doumeki can't imagine wanting it any other way. He's not someone naturally designed for expressions like big, goofy grins, but there's a feeling in his head and spreading through his chest right now which might be something like how one would feel on the inside.
When you find yourself in the situations that life with Watanuki attracts, there's something reassuring about having something familiar to look forward to afterwards, even if it does involve Watanuki shouting at him. But surprises – sometimes those aren't so bad either.