"We're right over the chimney!" shouted Roddy. Rita looked over the side of the cockpit and punched a red button on the control panel marked 'IGNITION' on the principle that the same button which turned the engines on would turn them off. Behind her there was an explosion and a panicky yelp. Rita looked around in time to see the seat behind Roddy ascending into the sky on a pair of small rockets. Roddy was staring around wildly.
"I thought you said you could fly this thing! Stop shooting off the ejector seats!"
"I didn't know it had ejector seats!" said Rita, genuinely surprised. "They've modified it since then, remember?"
"So you actually don't know how to fly it?" Roddy stared in disbelief.
"You want to come up here and have a go? I'll get it right this time!" Rita flashed him a cocky grin and hit a different red button, causing Roddy to make a dive for cover. The engines spluttered into silence.
"There, you see? Nothing to be afraid of." Rita turned back to the controls and began descending, fighting to keep them steady against the winds that toyed with the balloon and the thermal updraught from the chimney itself.
"Who's frightened?" muttered Roddy. The dark circle of the chimney was right below them and he tried to guess how wide it was. Even with the wings folded, the Flying Malone was a sizable machine.
Rita gritted her teeth and hoped that she had judged this right. A crunching sound from behind her told her otherwise.
"It's the tail!" shouted Roddy. The Lancaster's tail had struck the edge of the chimney hard and had almost been torn off by the impact. Held on only by the fabric fuselage lining, it scraped down the wall as they descended into the chimney. Below them, they could hear the terrible sound of the waterfalls crashing into the depths. They were either just in time- or too late.
"Rita! Roddy!"
Rita looked down. Jasper and Sid were standing on the crane platform, waving to them. She descended towards them.
"We've got to get you out of here! Where's Dad and the others?"
Jasper said nothing, but pointed over the edge. Rita looked down and her breath caught in her throat. Far below them, the white-bleached Jammy Dodger was hanging forlornly amid the waterfalls, spray exploding off every surface. It was a miracle it was still in one piece. Rita brought the Flying Malone down and held it level just above the crane platform.
"We've got to do something!" said Roddy. "How can we get the boat out of here?"
"How much lift has this thing got?" said Rita to Jasper.
"We'll find out!" said the mechanic, catching on. He turned to Sid. "Unlock the cable spool! Give me the other end! We'll tie it to the Malone's undercarriage."
Sid gaped. "Unlock the spool? If the brake blocks give way it'll unravel! They'll be dead for sure!"
"We're all dead for sure if this doesn't work!" shouted Rita. "Just bloody well do it, Sid!"
Sid yanked a pin from the crane's neck and passed the other end of its cable to Jasper, who lashed it securely to the Lancaster's floats.
"You've still got to detach the crane from the pipe!" shouted Roddy, pointing to the pins on the platform edge. Sid grabbed up an axe and laid about with a will. Splintered wood dropped into the abyss below them and the crane lurched as it left the pipe. The Flying Malone dropped suddenly before resuming its height. Everything- the crane, Jasper, Sid, the Jammy Dodger, the Bruces and Mr Malone- was now entirely dependent on the Lancaster. It wasn't enough. The boat and its three passengers were still in danger and the pounding water threatened to drag everything down after them.
"We've got to lose weight!" shouted Rita to Roddy. "Throw everything we don't need overboard! That goes for you too!" she added to Jasper and Sid.
"She…she doesn't mean me, right?" hissed Sid.
"I don't think so, but I'm prepared to risk being wrong on that," said Jasper, who took the axe from him and hurled it into the abyss. Sid began hurling anything he could get his hands on- tools, spare parts and assorted detritus plunged into the bowels of the treatment plant. It still was not enough. Rita could feel the insistent drag on the plane. It took all her strength just to keep the controls steady.
"I can't hold it for much longer!" she shouted through clenched teeth.
Roddy dumped a roll of fuselage canvas over the side and looked around desperately. They couldn't be out of options yet! He looked aft, and saw where they could lose the weight. The badly-damaged tail was dangling from the body of the Flying Malone. Well, they wouldn't be needing that now, would they? Roddy closed his eyes for a moment to concentrate and then clambered out of his seat. Trying not to think of the thundering abyss beneath him, he began inching his way back along the fuselage.
"Roddy! Get back, it's too dangerous!" Rita had felt his movements and had turned to see him clambering through the arched wings.
"If you want to stop me, feel free to leave the controls!" shouted Roddy, stronger than he felt. His head still hurt from the poison gas and a single mis-step would see him fall beyond all help. He reached the broken tail and began kicking at it.
"Come on! Fall off, you blasted thing!"
It finally gave way with a ripping of canvas and a rending of metal. The rear third of the bomber fell away, carrying with it most of the Flying Malone's fuel- but also most of its weight. Like a cork held under water and suddenly released, the crippled plane shot up again and Rita was only just able to steer it into the chimney. Roddy cried out in terror as the Lancaster bucked like a wild horse, throwing him from his precarious perch at the stern. He stuck out an arm and gripped the rear-facing port propeller which creaked under his weight, but held. The walls shot past at a dizzying speed and then they were back in the air, over Kensington. The last rays of Christmas Day were falling across the city as the bizarre apparition levelled out. A badly-damaged model Lancaster was attached to a clockwork crane on which two rats were clinging for dear life. Far below the crane, but now safe, was a wrecked boat with three more passengers. But it was the two rats on the Lancaster who were cheering the loudest as the whole collection drifted down towards the lake.
Rita leapt down from the cockpit and embraced Roddy tightly as he dropped down from the port wing, still shaking with adrenaline. Jasper and Sid, pitched into the lake as their crane sank beneath them, hauled themselves out of the water in the drain outfall Rita had touched down in and squelched towards them.
"Not bad, Rodders! Not bad at all!" Sid hugged Roddy, who was so high on relief that he didn't resist the soggy sewer rat.
"Oh, it was really Rita," he said modestly.
Rita jerked a thumb at the bomber. "Sorry about the tail, uncle. I'll help you fix it."
Jasper looked at what was left of his beloved flying machine. "Thanks, but I should be able to manage. Even if I can't, I'm glad she was destroyed doing something worthwhile."
Rita smiled at him. "You never change."
Roddy tapped her on the shoulder and pointed up the outfall. The Jammy Dodger II was there…and so was the Jammy Dodger I. The old boat, bleached white by its time in the Treatment Plant, looked almost ghostly as it floated next to its successor. Three figures emerged from the cabin and looked around dumbly.
"Are we dead, Bruce?"
"No, Bruce. We're in London."
"Oh. Pity."
The two Australians noticed the small group gathered by the Flying Malone.
"Crikey, talk about a last-minute rescue." Bruce One rubbed the back of his head. "I was just about ready to declare my innings there."
"You and me both, Bruce," said Bruce Two, waving.
Mr Malone said nothing. He looked at his daughter and gave her a small nod to let her know that he was all right. Rita smiled and nodded back. That was all she needed to know.
Liam Malone was standing at the window of the family home, looking out at the water. Its surface rippled.
"I think the current's changed, mum," he called. "For real, this time."
Mrs Malone joined him. "It can't have done, though. He's not back yet."
"Dad knows what he's about," said Liam, confidently. "And old man Jasper can do anything."
Mrs Malone didn't reply. She'd gone along with her husband's salvage plans because his ideas usually paid off and seldom went catastrophically wrong thanks to his apparently-inexhaustible depths of sheer luck. It was the same kind of luck which had kept Rita alive, and that was another reason Mrs Malone had let her husband go. Rita was still on holiday with young Roddy, and they had the new Jammy Dodger with them. A second boat would be a great asset.
It would also get Mr Malone out of the house, where he had become as ubiquitous as wallpaper and as often underfoot as the carpet. Retirement hadn't done him much good and Mrs Malone knew that he was one of those men who needed to be busy.
"I'm sure he'll be all right," she said vaguely. "He always is."
"Yeah. Right." Liam turned back to the window.
"I'd better get back to the dinner," said Mrs Malone. "Fergus, stop that! Put him down!"
The largest Malone paused in the act of holding Shocky up to the ceiling fan. "It was his idea, mum!"
"Static electricity, mum!" said Shocky, waving a Q-tip happily. He touched it to the hub of the rotating fan to demonstrate.
"Put him down, you little whippersnapper!" snapped Grandmother Malone, poking Fergus with her stick. There was a crackle of electricity and Grandmother Malone ended up sprawled against the far wall, her hair standing on end despite the rollers.
"I haven't seen that many colours for a while…" she muttered.
Shocky grinned, an expression which faded when he saw his mother's look of disapproval.
"Sorry, mum."
Fergus lowered him gently and Shocky attempted to hide the Q-tip behind his back. Mrs Malone rolled her eyes and went back to the kitchen, pausing only to dislodge various daughters from the Christmas tree in the family room.
"It's already got an angel on top, dears, it doesn't need another one. Or five."
"Mum! Mum!"
She sighed. "The current is not changing direction, Liam!"
"Yes it is, mum, but that's not the point!" Liam was gesticulating wildly at something outside.
"What is the point, then?" Mrs Malone went back to join him.
"They're back mum!"
"What? Mr Malone and Jasper?"
"Them too, mum!"
"Well, who else is there?" Mrs Malone stared out of the window, trying to make sense of what she could see.
Two boats were pulling up at the jetty. One was the familiar Jammy Dodger II, not seen since Roddy and Rita had left for France some months before. Mrs Malone stared at the boat it was towing.
"It couldn't be…" she said to herself.
Mr Malone was at the helm of the ghostly white hulk of the Jammy Dodger I. He waved to his wife as they came alongside.
"Hello, dear! I said we'd be back on time!"
Mrs Malone laughed with relief. "It's your father, everyone! Let's go and say hello!" She led the clan out onto the jetty as the two boats tied up. Mr Malone stepped ashore and hugged his wife fondly.
"Would I ever let you down?" he grinned.
Mrs Malone gave him an unreadable but meaningful look. "And Jasper, you're back too! So glad to see you!"
"Glad to be back! And I'm glad to see me too!" he chuckled. Mrs Malone shook her head and greeted the three who just stepped off the boat behind them.
"Sid! Bruce and Bruce! Oh, you're all right, I'm so pleased. We were so worried. Liam kept thinking that the currents were changing back!"
"He was right," said Mr Malone. "They turned the plant back on before we could get out."
"Told you," whispered Liam to Shocky, who hit him with the Q-tip.
"But how did you get back if that happened?" Mrs Malone looked at the group.
"Well, we had some help." Mr Malone pointed to the second boat. Two figures had just dropped onto the jetty, where they were mobbed instantly by the Malone children.
"Rita! Roddy!"
Mrs Malone shook her head in wonderment. "Well, if this isn't all my Christmases rolled into one! Hello, darling, how was the trip?"
Rita disengaged herself from her siblings and embraced her mother. "I couldn't begin to tell you, mum," she said. "Happy birthday. We didn't have time to get you anything, though."
"Oh, you know I don't like to make a fuss about that! But having you two back safe and sound is more than I could ask for. You look very well, Rita. I see Roddy's been taking good care of you?" Mrs Malone raised an eyebrow.
"Ahah, well I'd like to call it a joint effort," said Roddy, grinning awkwardly.
"I bet you would, son," said Mr Malone, approvingly.
"Happy Christmas, Mister Jones!" hollered Grandmother Malone from the top of the steps. Roddy cringed and attempted to hide behind Fergus.
"Back inside, everyone!" Mrs Malone took charge, ushering her children back into the house. She turned to the returnees and smiled.
"Well, I never expected this to happen! Everyone back all together, I'm so pleased. Come on, then. That Christmas dinner won't eat itself, you know!"
She led the way inside. Mr Malone and Jasper followed her, with the Bruces and Sid close behind. Rita took a step towards her house and then looked back to Roddy, who was standing and watching the water with a faint smile on his face.
"Roddy? You're smiling." She took his arm.
"Yes…yes, I was just watching your family and thinking…how lucky I am to be watching them."
"So going back to Kensington did you some good?" She looked at him hopefully.
"We were nearly killed, if you recall."
"Yes, and I recall that you saved me. You saved us, in fact. Everyone. And you nearly got yourself killed doing it." Rita led him slowly up the jetty.
"It was the least I could do," said Roddy. "Since it was my fault you were there. Rita, I'm-"
She kissed him to shut him up. "Bad timing, Roddy. It's Christmas! We can talk about that later. But remember- I wanted to be there. Don't ever forget that. Now come on." She turned back to the house.
"No, hang on, we've forgotten something." Roddy extricated his arm from hers and started back to the Jammy Dodger II.
"What?" Rita followed him, wondering what he was on about. Roddy went aboard and held up a large cardboard box filled with wrapped objects. Rita laughed. The presents!
"And I thought that I'd be the one who had to remember them!" she said.
"Oh, don't worry. You can thank me later." Roddy grinned. "Besides…I couldn't forget about…my family, could I?"
Rita stared at him, a smile spreading over her face.
"Hurry up, you two! There'll be none left if you don't!"
"Coming, dad!" called Rita over her shoulder. She took one side of the box and led the way back into the house.
The Bruces were teaching a small gaggle of Malone children the words to various Australian Christmas carols, having been made to promise not to sing anything inappropriate by Grandmother Malone. The threat had lapsed somewhat since Grandmother Malone had located the sherry and was asleep behind the couch. Sid had been banished to the kitchen to do the dishes on the grounds that he had used most of them.
"You two must have had the most interesting time, visiting all these exotic places," said Mrs Malone. "Voodoo and everything."
"Actually, voodoo isn't from France," said Roddy, holding up a hand.
"It's still foreign, right?" said Mr Malone, whose conception of 'foreign' began somewhere on the outskirts of Birmingham.
"Yes, dad," said Rita, poking Roddy to prevent him issuing another correction. Mr Malone was never going to be a cosmopolitan.
"I've got to take you back to Monaco," said Jasper to Mr Malone. "I'll show you proper foreign. Of course, I'll have to fix the Flying Malone first."
Mr Malone shook his head at the name. He'd been told the story of Monaco twice now and was no closer to understanding it.
"It sounds like you'd have had a safer time staying here," he said to Rita and Roddy. "Tangling with gangsters and everything else. And running into the Toad again."
"Safer? Probably. But not as interesting." Rita shifted closer to Roddy and pretended not to notice the approving looks her parents traded. She looked around at her siblings, all of whom were playing with their new presents. Miniature Eiffel Towers were being used as rocket ships or shuttlecocks.
"Definitely not as interesting," said Roddy, who was doing the same with an expression that was almost proud.
"I'd love to hear more of it," said Mrs Malone. She turned suddenly to the Bruces. "I heard that! I'll not have language like that in my house!"
The two Australians paused mid-verse and stared at her.
"It's the name of a bird, missus!" objected Number One Bruce.
"Perfectly innocent," agreed Number Two Bruce.
"It's pronounced cock-a-too," clarified Bruce One. "You've a dirty mind there, Mrs Malone. The lyric is take a cockatoo."
Roddy and Rita laughed. Mrs Malone turned back and crossed her arms.
"Don't encourage them," said Jasper.
"How you put up with them, Jasper, I don't know." Mrs Malone shook her head.
"I try not to," said Jasper. "But make sure Sid stays here. It's bad enough with those two in stereo, I don't need Sid there to make it Surround Sound time. Even if they are half-decent mechanics."
"There's nobody else who could help you, Jasp?" said Mr Malone.
Jasper shrugged. "Well, I've got a grandson up in Inverness but that's too far to go."
"No help, then?"
"I haven't seen him for years, actually," said Jasper. "Probably wouldn't recognise each other."
"It must be nice having grandchildren," said Mrs Malone wistfully, accompanied by a none-too-subtle look in Rita's direction.
"We'll help fix the plane," said Rita, pretending to ignore it. "Sorry about breaking it."
"Given a choice between it and me? I'm not complaining," said Jasper. "I'm glad to see my modifications worked all right though."
"They worked brilliantly," said Rita, "I can't imagine how long it took you to do it."
"Well, we took our time getting it right," said Jasper. "Safety first."
"Obviously, because you wouldn't want to do anything risky in it," said Roddy pointedly, remembering the ejector seat.
"That's right," said Jasper, impervious to sarcasm.
"Your boat worked all right, though, didn't it?" said Mr Malone. "No problems with the Dodger? I mean, the new one."
"None we couldn't deal with," said Rita, deciding that now was not the best time to catalogue the mechanical faults which had dogged them. Mr Malone seemed happy.
"That's the way. A place for everything and everything in its place, isn't that right, dear?"
Mrs Malone nodded and gave a small cough to indicate a change of conversational drift. "Which reminds me, Rita, you had to pack in a bit of hurry to leave. You didn't happen to come across-"
Rita grinned and pulled a bundle of white silk from the box under her chair. "I wondered when you were going to ask, mum. You must have left it on board by accident. Right?"
She tossed her mother's wedding dress across to her. Mrs Malone caught it and had the decency to look embarrassed.
"Oh, good point!" said Roddy. "Sorry, Mr Malone. I'd return that ring you accidentally left in my jacket, only we used it as a joining brace on the fuel pump."
"The ring? Oh…that…" Mr Malone wasn't the sort of person to be easily embarrassed, but he at least looked slightly contrite. Roddy and Rita exchanged satisfied glances. The whole holiday had been her parents' idea and there was some enjoyment to be had in preventing them from claiming a complete victory as matchmakers.
"Well, at least you found a use for it," muttered Mr Malone. "Not the use I thought you'd find, obviously, but-"
"What did you think I'd do with it?" said Roddy, innocently.
"Yes, and Jasper thought of turning your wedding dress into a parachute, mum," said Rita, in the same tone of wilful ignorance. "You should be more careful where you put it, you know, something might happen to it."
"Pardon?" said Jasper, who had been watching the Bruces carefully.
"I'm just telling mum where she should put her wedding dress, Jasper," said Rita, grinning nastily. Roddy gave a warning cough.
Mrs Malone looked at the clock on the wall, grateful for the distraction. "Good grief, it's past midnight! Come on, you lot, off to bed!" She shepherded the children upstairs.
Rita stood up and yawned. "We'd all better turn in as well. We had a bit of a late night last night, didn't we Roddy?"
Roddy grinned. "Not so much that as an early morning," he said, getting up as well.
Mrs Malone shrugged. "I'd put you up in here, of course, but with Jasper and his friends here we've got no room."
"We can sleep on the Dodger," said Rita. "I mean, on the Dodger II."
"It's not right, you coming all the way back and having to sleep on the boat," said Mr Malone. "Are you sure about that?"
"Of course," said Rita. "It isn't as if we haven't done it before."
"All right, then," said Mrs Malone. "Happy Christmas, everyone. I'm so glad we were all here to see it. Leave the rest of the dishes, Sid!"
"Sweet!" came an answering yell, accompanied by the crash of plates.
"Well, good night everyone," said Mr Malone. "Sleep well."
Roddy and Rita left and shut the door behind them. Arm in arm, they went back to the boat.
"You know, it just occurred to me that I forgot to get you a Christmas present, Rita. I'm terribly sorry."
"Don't worry about it, Roddy. We've both been a bit busy. I didn't find one for you, either, so we'll call it a draw." She gave him a small smile.
"Well...thanks...but that's not the only thing I'm sorry for." He turned her towards him, his brown eyes filled with concern, and said what she had stopped him from saying before. "I've been so stupid recently. I nearly got us both killed in Kensington."
"You saved me, Roddy," said Rita quietly.
"I'd have sooner stayed than left you." Roddy dropped his gaze. "Neither of us should have been there at all but I was an idiot and-"
"No." Rita stroked his ear gently. "You went back because you felt you had to. You're apologising to me and I wanted to go with you, but you feel like you have to. You feel things, and although you don't always show it, Roddy, I think you feel them deeper than most people can. Going back can't have been easy for you and we shared the danger together, but you still feel sorry for me."
"That's because I put you through it all for nothing!" Roddy took her wrist and held it.
"You didn't put me through anything I didn't volunteer for," said Rita, taking his hand. "And you saved my father and all the others. It wasn't nothing."
Roddy shook his head hopelessly and tried to put his feelings into words. "You may have volunteered but I talked you into it. It was my fault. All of it." The guilt rose up inside him and for one awful moment he felt as if he would start crying again. The lights in the house went out, plunging them into darkness and Rita held Roddy's hand tighter as she spoke.
"You think you can talk me into anything I don't want to do?" She tried to put a wry smile on her face, but failed. This wasn't a time for her usual tough-captain routine. Roddy was clearly in pain and she hated the sight of it. Even in the dark, his eyes glistened with unshed tears. She tried again.
"You're too hard on yourself. You care so much that you assume responsibility for things beyond your control, and that makes you so vulnerable." She touched a tender hand to his cheek. "Don't feel guilty. Don't feel ashamed. Whatever changed for you these past few days, one thing is the same- and that is that I love you. I love you and I will never, ever let you carry a heavier burden than you should." She hugged him. Roddy held her like a drowning man holds a log, buried his face in her scarlet hair and took a deep, shuddering breath.
"Thank you," he said simply. "And I love you too. That's why I tried slipping away before. I love you and I knew it would be hard. I'm so sorry"
"Nothing to thank me for," replied Rita. "Nothing to be sorry for either."
They broke the hug and stood there for a moment, just looking at each other.
"They replaced me, you know," said Roddy after a while. "They replaced me with Sid and then he left and they replaced him. How can they not notice?"
"That's Up Top for you," said Rita. "But you're not Up Top any longer. You're down here and I wouldn't replace you for anything."
"No?"
"Good first mates are hard to find, you know." Rita patted him, sensing the upturn of the conversation. "So if you ever see one, let me know."
Roddy laughed. Rita took his arm and led him down the jetty, yawning deeply.
"Not like you to be getting tired," said Roddy, surprised.
"Well, it can take it out of you, this business." Rita smiled. Roddy looked down and realised that she was wearing a red ribbon around her waist, tied artfully into a bow. He glanced up. Rita inclined her head slightly towards the boat and raised an eyebrow.
"Yes…all of a sudden, I feel a little battle-weary myself," he said, grinning.
They boarded the Jammy Dodger II and moved quietly into the stern.
"Well…happy Christmas, Roddy."
"Happy Christmas, Rita. I hope you're not too tired."
"I am a little tired, to tell you the truth." Rita sat down on the bed and kicked off her boots.
"That's not surprising, after today," said Roddy.
Rita smiled. "You mean after everything in the last few months! You know…I think…I think…"
"Yes?"
She laughed and took his hand, pulling him to sit beside her on the bed.
"I think we could do with a holiday, Roddy. Don't you?"
The End