Summary: She never thought giving in could feel so right as in that moment when the darkness disappeared and the light wrapped around her… Post Empty Eyes. GSR
Author's Notes: This is just a little thing that ran through my head yesterday. I haven't posted in a long time, so I hope it's okay… please tell me what you think!
Disclaimer: I own nothing and no money is being made from this… unfortunately…
Giving In
It was cold and it was dark. Somewhere above, there was a light- burning bright white.
Sara reached a hand out to the light, knowing that she should be swimming toward it. Her mind was yelling at her to fight, to swim away from the darkness that was dragging her down, but her body would not listen.
She continued to drift slowly down, the light growing fainter the farther she sank. Her body felt numb, but she didn't feel fear. The darkness seemed to promise peace, an end to her struggles.
Peace. That was all she wanted. No more fighting, no more pain. She could finally find peace.
Closing her eyes, she let the water pull her down into nothingness.
Sara opened her eyes slowly and took an uncertain breath. She did a quick survey of her surroundings to ensure herself that she was home and the dream had been just that- a dream.
Rubbing a hand across her cheek, she found her skin wet from tears. She wasn't too surprised- she had been crying on and off since that poor woman had died in her arms. She shivered a little- the light blanket doing nothing to warm her bare skin.
Turning over, she watched her companion for several minutes.
Grissom's chest rose and fell peacefully as he snored quietly. The blanket was draped almost artistically across his waist, showing off his bare chest. His body seemed to promise her warmth, safety- if she so desired it.
Loving him seemed to come as a second nature to Sara, but being loved by him… that was still a feeling she was growing used to. She knew he loved her- he'd said it countless times, but it was his actions that proved it to her.
When had he found her crying in the breakroom, staring blankly at the television screen, he hadn't say a word before wrapping an arm around her and taking her home. She had been expecting him to sit her down on the couch, maybe make a cup of tea, and talk her through what had happened- that had certainly been his mode of action in the past.
But this night had been different.
He had unlocked the door to the townhouse and guided her inside, where they both went about their usual routines of slipping off shoes and leaving bags on the nearby chair. Through all of this, his hand never lost contact with either her arm or her back.
When the usual motions were finished, she had looked to him and found him watching her with concern and with a look of unparalleled love.
There had been no denying her surprise when he took her hand and led her into their bedroom. All her expectations faded away as he gently kissed her tear-stained cheek and slipped his hands under the hem of her shirt to rest on her waist.
"Okay?" He had whispered as he placed a kiss near her ear.
With a silent nod of consent, she let go of the control she had struggled so hard to maintain.
Tears had fallen silently and freely as he leisurely undressed her in a series of kisses and declarations of love before he laid her down in their bed. He had loved her with a love that she hadn't known was possible- all the time still kissing away the tears that fell down her pale cheeks.
She had felt complete and alive for the first time in a long time as she held him close while their bodies formed a perfect whole. All the scars and fractures in her heart seemed to heal when he was with her and loving her so absolutely.
At the end, he wrapped her tightly in his arms and whispered quiet affections. She had fallen asleep in his warm embrace with all traces of tears having been kissed away.
But then she had woken up cold, crying and alone on her side of the bed.
Sara watched him longingly, almost wishing he would wake and make the empty feelings go away. She wanted to wake him, to have him hold her in his arms, but she didn't move.
She needed him and they both knew that, but she hated feeling so broken and weak that she needed him this badly. She was so afraid to need him so deeply- so afraid that if he ever left her again… afraid that it would destroy her completely.
Thinking back to her dream, she understood her subconscious wanting that nothingness- to feel only peace. She was tired of fighting the losing battle to her demons and scars. She was tired of fearing a future with the man she loved because her past haunted her.
So many times the thoughts of giving in, of giving up, had crossed through her mind. And yet, she always kept fighting. That was just who she was- she was a fighter. She was a survivor.
She smiled sadly as she watched Grissom sleeping. She knew that he was the reason she had made it this far. He had never given up on her. He had been there for her to help mend the broken pieces and bring back the strength she needed.
Realization swept over her. She wasn't weak for needing him. It was in needing him that she found strength. As long as she had him, she could face whatever fate decided to throw her direction.
It was in his arms that she found peace. He was the one who kept the darkness of her past and of their jobs from consuming her. He was the light that kept her fighting and kept her living when giving up was tempting.
When it came down to it, the past was past and the future was still somewhere in the distance. No matter how afraid she was of being hurt, she couldn't let that determine her life in the present. Right now, she had Grissom and that was what mattered.
Moving closer to him, she leaned in and kissed him softly on the cheek.
He stirred and opened his eyes slowly, gazing up at her. "You okay, Honey?"
She smiled and nodded. "But I'm a little lonely."
"We can fix that." He returned her smile and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him. "That better?"
"Much." She kissed his neck before settling her head down on his chest, listening to the beat of his heart. "Don't let go."
He tightened his hold a little. "I won't. That's a promise, Love."
Sara gave a content sigh and closed her eyes, letting sleep consume her once again.
Light surrounded her- warm and bright. Behind her, a spot of darkness stained the pure landscape, but she paid it no mind.
She was moving forward, through the light. No, not just moving- she was floating.
Sara didn't fight it. This felt right. There was no fear, no uncertainty, no emptiness. She felt complete and she felt at peace.
She never thought giving in could feel so right as in that moment when the darkness disappeared and the light wrapped around her- consuming her.
There was no more pain, no more fighting… just peace.
Just love.
-Fin-