ABYSS

Why did I let myself believe miracles could happen? Cause now I have to pretend that I don't really care.

Yuki walked to the kitchen of the NG Suite to get a beer. No one is stopping him from going back to his place but for some unknown force he is torturing himself in keeping himself prisoner in this room.

Yuki never had an easy life but he never thought things could get worse. K and Tohma understood why he asked to stay away from Shuichi for awhile. Tohma asked for how long? He couldn't say. He isn't ready yet. Yuki couldn't say it but Tohma was the most surprised of the two. They had always thought Yuki couldn't last long without the singer.

"Don't take too long, Eiri san. Don't be too late." Tohma said, gently, his eyes pleading.

Yuki got angry. He didn't like that. That's why he stayed away from the boy, he didn't want pity, and he didn't want overly concern. Tohma cries easily now every time he sees Yuki and Yuki wouldn't be gentle in kicking him out. And Tohma wouldn't fight back, but say sorry instead and beg to stay.

"I hate you." Yuki growled. "I thought you'd be different. I thought you'd be stronger than that whiny brat."

Yuki didn't cry, he didn't cry again after that night with Shuichi. Even after what the doctor said, even if they had heard it from ten more different doctors they had been through. Tohma stopped coming with Yuki after the third, the president would cry hysterically but the American would just shake his head sadly and pat Yuki at the back in means of support.

"You know you whine more than the brat, if you don't stop this I would leave you and go back home to him." Yuki told Tohma one night, when he started the flood works again.

"Promise me no one will know about this." He clutched K's shirt. Tohma begged him to let go.

"Why would you care what Shuichi would feel now? You've damaged him too much when you made him believe you were leaving him for Tohma sama." K had said.

Yuki let go of K's shirt. He put his hands on his head and closed his eyes, swooning a bit. K grabbed for him gently.

"Here, take a seat." K said, helping him sit down. "Don't exert yourself too much, it's bad for you." The American said, walked to the fridge and got the novelist a bottled water. Handed it to the man, got the medication from his pocket and gave him the pills. Yuki drank it gratefully.

As if the pill will take care of everything. As if these pills would take away all the pain. It would make him numb, it would make him feel better for awhile but it won't take away the pain he has in his heart. He really doesn't care what's gonna happen. But he promised Shuichi he would be there, he promised the boy that he won't die. He wanted to cry but he is so angry with himself that he started hitting himself.

K and Tohma stopped him, K immediately fished out the tranquilizers and sedated the novelist. They thought that Yuki is in denial about his condition, that's why he was adamant to see the singer again. But all Yuki was sad and angry, for failing the boy, for backing out on his promise. He had never done anything for Shuichi and he thought this time would be different but he was wrong.

"Sleep, Yuki san. Sleep. Rest." K said, pulling the blanket over the younger man. The absentee monk fell into a deep sleep instantly.

K let the boy in, the novelist is still in a deep sleep. Shuichi almost cried when he saw his lover, he is gaunt and frail looking, not like the Yuki Eiri he had known.

He was shocked when Yuki took an indefinite hiatus from his career, moved out completely from his house and moved in the NG suite, and the worse of all, Yuki told him he didn't need his glory hole anymore.

K squeezed his arm and left the lovers to themselves. Tohma had reserved the next room for Shuichi in case the novelist kicks him out. It's all surreal. Tohma helping them out and had been so gentle and understanding with him. And when he found out the reason, he didn't know if he would cry or scream at Yuki. Yuki wasn't planning of telling him. All Yuki wanted was to escape and made him believe that he hates him.

Why didn't you ask me what I feel for once, Yuki? Why don't you give it a try for once? Maybe you will find out I'm not as shallow as you think I am. I am far more stronger than I look. I maybe slow and simple, but my love for you is strong and can withstand any obstacles…even this…Yuki han…even this. Shuichi thought, as he brushed Yuki's hair, wanting to feel him, he's been aching to touch him, he's been longing to touch him. He missed him so much. This person is his air, his reason for living, he wouldn't know how to continue to exist if it wasn't for this person alone. Shuichi thinks his sole purpose in life is to be there for Yuki, just Yuki and no one else, and nothing else. He is made by the Supreme Being, to love this person, with his entire being, with his life, with his heart, with his soul.

I thought that you were my dream, Yuki, you were the one I was waiting for all my life, the shadowy figure in my dreams, my hope, my future…my wish that's coming true. You were my undying song, my melody… my lyrics…my voice…my feelings. You made me feel secure and loved, despite of all your façade I see through you, I see through your disguise, though you might be invisible to everyone else, but I can see your vanishing cloak, Yuki, I can see you quite clearly, as clear as day, as bright as the color of your hair, as true as the color of your eyes.

But then, like a re-written melody, you've changed the words, you updated the music, now am at a lost, like a person missing their bus, missing a phone call, running from the rain because they forgot their umbrella…you left me, Yuki. And you never thought that I would review the words again, you never realized I can just hum the melody until I can sing it, you never thought I would hail a cab just to be there, you never knew that I could call you back…you never thought I could find shelter in my memories of you. Your memory kept me going after all this time, your memory kept me from giving up…kept me believing…that somewhere in that new piece is my undying song, that somewhere along the way, there's an unbeaten path I can take that will lead me back to you, and after the rains and after the storm, I can go out again, and see the sunshine of your smile. I love you, Eiri, whatever name you go by, it never matters, no matter how many forms you changed, I will always know its you, and I would always know that behind that stranger is you.

Shuichi lay beside the novelist, he let out a deep sigh. He was so relieved that he is finally home. The aching in his chest had stopped, the moment his skin touched the one he loves.

When Yuki stirred, he couldn't move, someone was holding on to him. He smelled strawberries. It didn't register to him at first. He thought it was Tohma. He thought that his brother-in-law had finally hit his head and got back to being what he was. Obsessed with Yuki.

"Uhhh…" He groaned, trying to move but was too weak to get up.

"Yuki." That voice….he stopped moving, it couldn't be. K and Tohma wouldn't go against his wish…his last wish.

"Let me go. Let me go." Yuki croaked, pleading over and over again.

"No, no…no, I won't!" Shuichi said, adamantly.

"P-Please." Yuki pleaded, not looking at Shuichi not even once. He knew he would break if he does. He knew he would cry.

"I will stay with you until the very end, Yuki. I won't leave you." Shuichi said. Yuki noticed he said those in a normal voice, not whining like he usually does, and the boy is just holding him, not clinging or tugging.

That's when Yuki whirled and looked at him. "You will stay, and you won't leave?" Tsk…"I don't want your pity and I don't need a smacking nursemaid!" Yuki growled.

Shuichi sat up abruptly and pushed Yuki roughly on the bed, straddled him, "Will you shut up! Shut up, Yuki!" Shuichi cried.

Yuki felt as if cold water splashed on his face. He lay there rigid, his eyes staring at the boy. He couldn't believe that this is possible.

When Shuichi felt him staring at him, "It's you. It's always been you. You! You! You! I'm sick of it!" Shuichi said, angrily.

"You got no right to run my life. I can decide that on my own. I don't need you!" The boy rants on.

Yuki smirked, trying not to smile. He finally grew a brain. My Shuichi. "So what do want to do, Shui han?" he asked, simply.

Shuichi gasped, he felt the color went up to his face. He didn't say anything, but leaned forward, and kissed Yuki. The novelist groaned. He missed this. He misses kissing this lips, holding this small body on top of him. Shuichi lost himself when Yuki held him closer. As the early morning light seeped through the opening in the blinds, Shuichi began discarding his clothing, and Yuki watched the boy. He is so beautiful…a very beautiful man…he never realized it, he kept referring to his lover as a boy, seeing Shuichi now, with his lithe, compact body, the singer had matured in lots of ways. When Shuichi tilted his head back, the morning light caught the glisten in his hair, and Yuki could have sworn he had seen a halo on the singer's head. His angel, yes, his very own, personal angel to serve his absentee monk.

Yuki reached out to touch his face, Shuichi caught his hand and kissed his palm. "I love you, Yuki." Shuichi stated.

"I love you, Shuichi." Yuki said, his voice broke, and tears started flowing from his eyes. Shuichi leaned down and kiss his tears away, his hands unwrapping every piece of clothing that's hindering him from touching the novelist's skin, he'd been longing to feel his heat, his body…the essence of Yuki Eiri.

Yuki couldn't tell if it's his sickness that is making him so weak or it's the singer. Shuichi became the seme all of the sudden and Yuki was too weak and all he could do is submit to the singer's ministration.

Shuichi couldn't breathe, he was panting…his feelings are overlapping each other, he wanted to eat this man and swallow him whole, he wanted him to crawl in his skin and live there…he still couldn't believe that one day, any moment that Yuki would be gone, he had stayed up all night watching his lover's face, memorizing it. He conquered that body beneath him, if it is the only way to keep him, I would keep him in my memory. My forever love. If this is all I can have of him, I will take it, keep it, treasure it and hold it in my heart, embedded it and never forget. The lovers clang on to each other, the need to come as one is overwhelming, skin needing skin, heat conquering heat, both wanting it to go on and on. Both crying, filling the ache, the void that is stealthily creeping like a thief wanting to separate them. An abyss that is pulling them apart.

Shuichi took his lover in his mouth, and Yuki cried out to him, moaning and groaning, Shuichi knew what his lover wants, so he prepared him, it's the first time for both of them to switch roles but neither of them hesitated. With lust in his eyes, Yuki guided his lover into his virgin hole. Crying out on the first thrust. Both sweating and panting as they set their pace. Thrust after thrust, Shuichi would lean down and kiss him, until they clang on to each other, setting a rhythm, Shuichi cried, he never thought that something this wonderful could exist, he is inside Yuki and they are both enjoying it.

"Come inside me, brat." Yuki whispered, in his ear, as Yuki growled, digging his nails on Shuichi's arm, and when his teeth came in contact with Shuichi's neck, he sink in his teeth and marked him. Shuichi thrust even deeper and harder, he is panting so hard he thought he would faint, he felt faint, Yuki is so tight, and the novelist is meeting him in every thrust.

There was a smile on Yuki's face, as they both lay there. And for Shuichi, it's the most beautiful thing he had ever seen in his life, Yuki's smile. "Thank you, brat." He said, in a weak voice. Shuichi smiled and kissed him tenderly, "You're welcome, Yuki han." And Yuki closed his eyes and the smile pasted on his lips and slept.

Shuichi got up and got a towel from the bathroom and began cleaning up his lover, dressed him up and went to the bathroom and washed himself up. He heard a loud thud in the bedroom and rushed out, Yuki was on the floor, heaving, he ran to him, holding him.

"Tell me what to do, tell me what you need." The singer cried, frantic but calm, automatically he pressed the beeper K gave and the instruction on what to do in case this happens. Yuki was coughing violently and suddenly he spurted blood. Shuichi didn't panic, he calmly helped him up, wiping his mouth with a towel.

Just as soon as Yuki's body hit the bed, he passed out. That's when Shuichi began to cry.

"P-Please…not yet. Not yet, Yuki. Am not ready yet, give me a little more time." Shuichi pleaded the prone figure on the bed, hugging his sweat drenched and frigid body next to him. Giving him warmth, kissing his lips, praying and chanting Yuki's name.

Shuichi sat there, staring at the ghost-white figure on the bed, it was a close call, how many more attacks like that? He asked himself, how many more until he would never wake up again? Would he be able to take it? Would he be able to live without him? Why? Why him? He is a cold and arrogant bastard sometimes, but Shuichi would never trade him for anyone else. He would pick Yuki over and over again.

Dying…he is dying. My Yuki is dying. At first he couldn't accept it. He thought that it's one of Tohma's evil scheme to make him leave Yuki, abandon the novelist. Brain cancer, that's what Tohma said, Yuki has cancer and he is dying. But when Yuki took his leave from work, left his own house and have only K and Tohma with him, he knew that there is something serious going on. Yuki wouldn't change just like that, after how many times he had professed his love ever since that fateful day he had his first attack. He was trying to protect him from something, like the time when Tohma asked him to write a song for his band, Yuki made Tohma swore that it won't hurt him, he was hurt just the same when of all people it was his number one idol who will sing the song his lover wrote. But when he heard it, his heart soar to high heavens, it's about him. Yuki wrote a song about him. And he discovered other things as well, all those books, all those novels the writer never thought he would read, he dedicate them to his brat…his partner in life. And yes, those scrapbooks, those videos he taped of all his shows and appearances, all of them even the very first one he invited Yuki to, the very first time he realized that gravity had pulled them together, and like magnet, stick them together and no matter how many times they drifted apart, like magnet, they come back to the closest lodestone they are paired with. That is how they are to each other, a pair made… destined to be together, and will always find one another, in different forms and time.

Shuichi knew that Yuki was only holding on because of him, he didn't want to leave the boy, because he promised, he promised the singer that he would be there forever.

He stood up, and approaches the bed, held on to the frail hand with all those wires, "It's alright, Yuki. I would be okay." He said, kissing his hand. He knew this time the attack was fatal, he isn't ready to let him go, but he didn't want his lover to continue suffering because he wanted to hold on to him.

He touched that beautiful face, "I know no matter where you will go, you will always come back to me." Shuichi said, trying to hold back the tears. "I would be here, Yuki. I would wait for you to come back. Just show me a sign that's its you." Shuichi said, with that thought he laughed. "Say something to me that I will know it's you." He said, and was quiet for a moment.

He leaned over and kissed his lips, "Call me brat, you always call me that. I'm not a boy anymore so no one else will call me that, except you. That way I will know that you've come back and it's you." Shuichi said. He heard the monitor going slowly and slowly. He began to cry again. I can't take this! He said to himself, I don't want you to leave, Yuki. That's what he really wanted to say to him. But he can see that Yuki is trying to hold on, he felt his lover gripped his hand. Shuichi can see that he is in pain, and he didn't want him to be in pain anymore, he had suffered enough.

Shuichi was crying when he leaned down and embrace him, and kissed him, "I love you, Yuki. I love you so much! I will wait for you when you come back, and I will love you all over again." Shuichi said. And slowly like a dying song, the monitor let out a dull monotone, and Yuki's gripped on his hand loosened. Shuichi cried, he didn't know how they pulled him away from Yuki's lifeless body. He couldn't believe that Yuki would really leave.

He visit the grave everyday, before and after work, he would bring pocky sticks and beer, he would eat and drink it himself but sitting there at Yuki's grave, he felt that he was sharing it with Yuki. He would talk to his headstone with Yuki's picture on it. He would caress it as if he was touching Yuki himself. Hiro and the rest would try to stop him, saying it's unhealthy for him to keep doing that, they even said he won't be able to move on if he kept coming back to Yuki's grave. And he told Yuki all of that, as if they were back in their house, and he was lying down and his head on Yuki's lap, he would be telling the novelist how his day went, and he would sit there silently, as if he was listening to Yuki say something to him. But one thing good came out of these visits, he cries seldom now, he knew one day he would definitely really stop crying and one day, he won't be going here everyday.

The singer stood up, brushes the grass off his pants and grabbed his back pack. He was thinking of grabbing some rice balls on his way home, the same ones Yuki used to make. He was walking aimlessly and he didn't see the guy heading right at his path who is also not looking where he was going. He was tall for a Japanese guy, his hair was the color of the sun, his eyes were light, he was reading a piece of paper when they both collided.

"Itai...!" Shuichi cried, and plopped down on the ground hitting his bottom.

The tall guy with short light brown hair, reached out a hand to him, "Hey, brat, are you okay? I'm sorry I didn't see you."

That voice. Shuichi looked up and he almost screamed, the guy looked so much like Yuki, only younger, his hair is also as light as Yuki's but cut very short. The face contorted in confusion when Shuichi didn't move and continued staring at the older man.

"Hey, you alright, brat?" he asked again. That's when Shuichi realized that the guy was talking to him. Shuichi smiled, and accepted the hand helping him up.

"Y-yes, I'm fine. Thank you, I wasn't looking, too. I'm thinking of what am going to get for dinner." Shuichi said.

The man smiled, "Hmmm…am thinking of the same thing, but I didn't have company that's why I decided to grab something to eat out." The stranger said, and looked at Shuichi. Smiled again, "I know this would sound strange, but would you like to join me for dinner?" he asked.

Shuichi was still staring, not because of the invitation but because of his strong resemblance to his departed lover.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." He said, sheepishly, raising his hands palms up.

"N-No, I would love to." Shuichi said, switching his pack to his other shoulder, when he collided with this man, the singer felt an unknown force that is drawing him near to this stranger.

The man clapped his hand and put his arm around Shuichi's shoulder, and the singer felt electricity coursed through his body, the same way Yuki did in one of their first encounters.

"Great! My car is parked just right there. Oh, brat, my name is Alex by the way. What's yours?" he said, extending his hand.

"Sh-Shuichi." The singer replied, he felt his heart skipped a beat every time the man calls him brat. And as his newly found "Yuki" lead him to his car, Shuichi felt hot air brush his cheek, Thank you, Yuki han. He said to the air surrounding them, he knew that his lover had come back to him once again, his forever love.

Owari