Push Me

Disclaimer: Not mine. Belongs to CBS and all of those people who have a lot more money than I do.

Spoilers: Post-Episode 3.19 A Daze of Wine and Roaches

Summary: Is Lindsay ready to move forward? And what causes a healthy 17 year old to die of a sudden heart attack? DL

Chapter 1

Lindsay woke up gasping and reaching out and completely unsure of where she was. She remained sitting and blinked back tears and sleep. As her eyes grew accustomed to the darkness she listened to sounds that filtered through her confused mind. Cars. A siren in the distance. And the unmistakable thrum of a big city. New York. She is in her apartment in New York. Lindsay took a deep breath and wiped her eyes, and then she reached for the glass of water on her bedside table. She flips on her lamp and takes a sip. Then another sip.

New York. Not Montana. "Yeah," she thinks. "That's okay."

She looked at the clock and groans. 4:30 a.m.

"God," she mused as she untangled her legs from her sheets. "What I wouldn't give for 8 hours of sleep?"

Lindsay padded down the hall to her kitchen. "Hell, at this point I'll settle for 6," she thought. "6 hours of uninterrupted dreamless sleep."

"Sounds glorious doesn't it?" she said out loud to her black and white polka-dotted kettle. She shook her head and turned on the stove. "Nice Monroe, talking to appliances. What's next? 13 cats?"

She turned on the tap and began to fill the kettle up. As she watched the water fill the kettle she began to remember her dream. Lindsay violently jerked her hand and water splasheed onto the side of the kettle. She snapped the water off and placed the kettle on the burner. The displaced water sizzled as the burner heated up. She closed her eyes.

There was blood. There was always so much blood and high-pitched screams that pierced her heart. And the sound of running water. She is back in that bathroom crouched on the floor listening to the screams of her friends. She looks up at the faucet still running and the water turns pink and then crimson with blood. It spills over the sides of the sink and onto the floor. She reaches out to pull herself up and can't move. No one is there to help her. She is alone and the water-blood just. won't. stop.

She had been so sure that after the trial, the nightmares would stop. So, so sure that after facing that bastard and looking him in the eyes as he was condemned to life in prison, she would be free. Free to move on with her life.

"But they haven't stopped," she thought as she wrenched open her cabinet and grabbed the first box of tea she found. "Damn it."

She grabbed her mug from the drying rack and turned around to pick up the kettle before it starts to whistle. Lindsay fixed her tea and holds it up to her chin and just breathes in the aroma. Then she wandered into her living room and headed towards the window.

It's a small apartment. Practically a studio. The elevator in the building has never actually worked, the ac unit drips something fierce, the heater occasionally smells like something is burning, and her bathroom seems to tilt to one side. But she loves it. The hardwood floors under her feet and the window that looks over the community garden in the back just have a way of soothing her mind. Lindsay squinted trying to make out the shapes in the garden.

"Looks like Antoine planted some tomatoes," she noticed. "Wonder what I could trade him for some? And… ooh, are those pepper plants?"

The little voice in the back of her head concurs with her thoughts, 'That's right Monroe. Distract yourself. Think about anything else, don't dwell on the dreams.'

Lindsay sipped her tea and sank into her armchair. Spring is just around the corner and she can't wait. She is so tired of thick socks and hats that flatten her hair. She is so ready for short sleeves and bare feet.

"Maybe I should have a cook-out soon? Invite people in the building like last time," she thought. "Maybe even invite the folks at the lab. Danny would get a kick out of Tony's vegan lasagne. Wonder if he'd think it was sacrilegious?"

She stops her mug halfway to her lips. Should she think about Danny? Sparkling blue eyes behind glasses and a green shirt pulled taunt across shoulders flash in her mind.

Lindsay smirked and sank even lower in her chair, curling her fingers around her mug.

"Yeah," she thought. "I can think about Danny."

Nothing more happened in Montana after he pulled her from the courtroom and away from the reporters. Nothing really could. She had to stay to be present for the sentencing and he was due to fly back to New York the following afternoon. But they did talk. They found an all night diner and talked all the way through dinner, an unholy amount of coffee, and finally breakfast. Lindsay told him everything. How she left Bozeman to get away from the memories and to start over. How distraught mothers will always make her nauseous. How she never slept more than 5 hours a night due to bad dreams. How unbelievably sorry she was for standing him up. And how even though she couldn't wait to get back to New York and to her job, she didn't know what she was going to do with herself.

Danny just smiled at her and let her talk. He asked questions and reassured her that she was going to be alright. Then he talked about the cases she'd missed. And when he scolded her for not giving him a heads up about Mac and the ME, Lindsay just laughed.

Halfway through breakfast she asked him for how long had he been awake he mumbled something like 36 hours. Her jaw dropped and she physically pulled him out of the diner and took him to her hotel room. Still running on adrenalin and relief she just pushed him onto her bed and told him she'd be back to take him to the airport after her meeting with the attorney. Danny was too exhausted to argue and slept while she went back to the courthouse.

A few hours later, after she had collected him from her room, Lindsay walked Danny into the airport and fidgeted as he collected his boarding pass.

She walked him as far as she could and then they just stood looking at each other.

"Look, Linds, I know this has been rough and you don't know where your head is exactly," Danny said. "But I want you to know that nothin's changed on my end. I'm interested in seein' where this could go, okay?"

"Okay," Lindsay said nodding her head. "I'm good with that. I think I just need some time to… I don't know… adjust."

Danny nodded. "Okay. I won't push you, I promise."

Lindsay smiled. "I know you won't."

He pulled her into his arms and they hugged for what felt like forever and yet not really long enough. Lord knew that the warmth and energy from that hug alone carried Lindsay through the following days and nights.

When it was over, Lindsay quickly pecked Danny's cheek. He grinned and headed towards his gate. Lindsay headed towards the exit. Then she heard a shout.

"Hey Montana!"

She and nearly everyone else in the airport whirled around.

"So I know pushin's out," Danny called to her. "But what about a nudge every now and then?"

The huge grin on her face answered that question.

That was a month ago. And things were good. Cases were piling up and she was reminded everyday how much she really liked the city and how much she loved her job. The team at the lab welcomed her back with open arms and complete support. And things were, well…um

"Comfortable," Lindsay said out loud to her apartment.

She sighed and took a sip and grimaced at the lukewarm tea. Danny and she were fine really. They talked when they could and grabbed a cup of coffee every now and then. They still worked really well together and the flirtatious teasing that had always been present was back in full force.

"But how on earth," Lindsay wondered as she got out of the chair, "do you tell the guy you've stood up and given the 'it's not you it's me' speech to, who flew across the country to see you and who has promised to not push you until you're ready to, well…"

"Push!" Lindsay yelled. Then she groaned and thunked her mug into her sink. "You are such a twit."

Just as she contemplated another cup of tea she heard her cell ringing. Lindsay scurried to her bedroom to answer.

"Monroe," she answered.

"Lindsay," Mac's voice said. "We've got a DB on the outskirts of Central Park West. Flack's already there and Danny's on his way to pick you up."

Lindsay's eyes glanced towards her clock. 5:30 a.m.

"No problem," she said grabbing some clothes out of her closet. "Do you know how far away Danny is?"

"I think he said he'd be at your place in about 30 to 40 minutes depending on traffic," her boss informed her. "See you at the lab when you finish at the park."

"Sure thing Mac," Lindsay said.

Mac hung up and Lindsay raced to her bathroom.

She was pulling her boots on when the buzzer sounded. She hopped to the door and pressed the button to call down,

"Hey Danny, I'll be down in a sec okay?"

Silence. And then,

"Montana! Never announce yourself like that without checkin' who's there. This ain't the country. And hurry up will ya! I'm double parked."

Lindsay rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, yeah. Hold your horses cowboy!"

She grabbed her kit and keys and headed out the door.

Author's Note: Hello! This is not my first fic, but it is my first foray into CSI: NY. I know there was a lot of exposition in this chapter, but I do promise a case and plot soon. Please let me know what you think. Good, bad, okay, so-so, grammar problems, continuity, you name it; I want to hear about it. I have most of the chapters planned and written, so hopefully updates will be fairly regular. Thanks for reading!