Author's Note: You have demanded it and now a new chapter is available! Forgive me for the long wait. School is way more important and sometimes I'm uninspired when I have downtime. It's all about that perfect moment when everything just comes together, right? LOL! Anyway, enjoy this one. All the mystery will end and I think you'll be surprised to finally know who the two mystery people are. I warn you, this one is pretty lengthy, but it's worth the time. :-)
Chapter 5: Taking Over Coach's Corner
The cameraman from the outside stood face to face with a clean, white door. On it was a square, black plaque with the words "Coach's Corner" embroidered in gold. As the cameraman slowly approached the door, it creaked open, allowing viewers to see a nicely groomed navy blue carpet. An enlarged studio picture of the Coach was the most prominent item, accompanied with two artificial plants. The camera panned to the left and the viewers were met by the show's host himself. Still sitting behind his burgundy desk, Johnathan Coachman rose out of his seat and greeted his viewers.
"Good evening. This is the premiere episode of 'Coach's Corner' and I am The Coach. Now I know you're wondering, 'of all the people to get their own show, why The Coach?' Well, I have an answer for that. You see, Mr. McMahon knows what he's doing. He knows potential. And he knows that when it comes to yours truly, there is no better person to have a show to call their own. I mean, after all, who else can you find on network television who's as handsome, charming, and articulate as me?" Coach chuckled at his last statement while believing every word. "As it turns out, I have full creative control over this program which means that I can do whatever I want. First off, I'd like to thank Vince McMahon for allowing all of this to happen. I promise you, sir, I won't let you down. Next, I'd like to thank--"
"He'd like to thank D-Generation X for being his very first guests for the premiere episode." concluded the shorter man of the aforementioned faction. His taller friend was not that far behind.
As the two degenerates walked past the cameraman and took their places on either side of Coach, the Personal Assistant of Mr. McMahon changed his facial expression completely. His once enlightened facials were replaced by an upset and frustrated one.
"Why are you two here? Don't you guys have anything better to do than bug me?"
Shawn took out a small planner from his back pocket and turned to that day's date. "As a matter of fact, no. It says we're supposed to be here."
"Let me see that!" Coach snatched Shawn's planner out of his hands and looked at the calendar for himself. Sure enough, Shawn had marked 'Nothing better to do except rain on Coach's parade!' There was also a small doodle of cats and dogs falling from the sky in red ink.
"You can't be serious," Coach said in disgust. "Shawn, how old are you?"
"Forty-one."
"More like five." Coach retorted.
"Awesome, because four plus one is five. Isn't that great, Hunter? I told you I could be a kid again! I'm finally old enough to get on those kiddie rides!"
"Are you're finally tall enough, too!" replied Hunter in a kid-friendly voice as he put his hand on Shawn's head to measure him.
"Enough, you two! It hasn't even been ten minutes and already I'm facing problems! Why won't you both just tell me why you're here in the first place anyway!" Coach said in exasperation.
"Geez! Well if you must know, we're here to take over the show." Shawn revealed. Hunter nodded to confirm his friend's statement.
"Take over the show? You can't do that!"
"Actually, we can. We're in the middle of stopping this snoozefest as we speak." Hunter said.
"This is crazy! Where's Oliver? He should've prevented you guys from coming in here!"
"Oh, forgot to mention that." Shawn winced as he looked at Hunter. Apparently, it was The Game's turn to reveal the next secret.
"You see, Coach, your little director friend decided to take a nap in the middle of the hallway. Told ya this show is a snoozefest."
Something told Coach that there was more to the story than that.
"And what kind of a name is Oliver, anyway?" Shawn sneered while rolling his eyes.
"Who cares? His last name must be Twist." mocked Hunter.
"'Please, sir, can I have some more?'" Shawn said, quoting the ever popular character.
The founding fathers of D-Generation X snickered at their lack of respect. Coach, feeling completely helpless, turned around and muttered to himself before readdressing the duo.
"I know you guys are going to attack me, so just go ahead and do it!" Coach said as he closed his eyes and expected the worst. When he didn't feel any ounce of pain, he slowly opened his eyes and was surprised to see Shawn in front of him holding an old DX shirt from 1997.
"Join us." Shawn simply said.
"What?" said Coach, completely dumbfounded.
"Become one of us. Become...a degenerate." said Hunter.
"Yes. The few...the proud...the Marines." added Shawn.
Hunter looked at Shawn with a 'WTF' look on his face. Shawn met Hunter's gaze.
"Always wanted to say that."
"Oh. Fair enough."
Coach looked at the shirt and the two degenerates in horror. "You guys want me to defy authority with you two? No way! There's no way I'll turn my back on Mr. McMahon!"
Hunter did his best to make a buzzer sound. "Wrong answer."
Shawn folded the shirt and placed it on Coach's desk. "Teacher's pet. Always sucking up to get the grade!"
"Horrible." said Hunter.
"Horrible." repeated Shawn.
"Shawn, would you kindly do the honors?" asked Hunter.
"Gladly." Shawn responded.
Before The Coach knew it, he was struck instantly with Shawn's lethal superkick. He kicked him so hard the he briefly lost his balance. Hunter grabbed him before he seriously lost his footing. Hunter and Shawn stood over Coach's motionless body for a few moments.
"And I thought that Stan guy had it bad!" Hunter said in amazement.
"Stan? Who's he?" asked Shawn.
"That guy you kicked when I told you that we weren't controversial enough."
"Oh, that Stan. Good times."
"Good times."
They continued staring at The Coach until Hunter broke the silence. "So, what next? Hey," Hunter gently nudged Shawn in the ribs, "Want to spraypaint Coach again?"
"No! Heck no! Never again! Not ever! I'm still not over the fact that he wears a thong! Men like that should be electrocuted or worse - castrated!"
With the mere mention of such acts of punishment, Hunter began to look guilty. He made sure to agree with Shawn so his buddy wouldn't suspect anything unusual.
"Yeah, you're right. Thongs are stupid. Who needs 'em?"
"I'm glad you feel the same way because if you didn't, I would've had no choice but to turn heel and call off this reunion."
Hunter gulped, but continued to support Shawn's thoughts. "You're right, though. You'd never catch me in any of those," Hunter's gaze shifted from side to side. "Ever."
"Same here, buddy, same here." Shawn responded, not once looking at Hunter.
"So...what do we do to Coach then?"
Shawn smiled mischeviously as if he had planned something for Coach ahead of time. He eyed his buddy. "Don't worry about that, Hunter. I've got a plan for Vince's little assistant that's worthy of being done by us degenerates. Are you game?"
Hunter chuckled at the pun and winked. "You know I am!"
"Great! I'll tell you about it while we air a word from our sponsor!"
Shawn and Hunter looked through the camera and gave off a thumbs up as well as cheesy grins as the show went to its first commmercial break.
Sensing his cue, 'Gordo Perez' took off his headset and put the jet on auto pilot.
"Looks like it's time." He told his buddy as he rounded up his crew who were also to reveal themselves shortly.
"Do what you do best!" his friend told him.
Gordo stood in front of the door and listened in to hear the reactions of Vince and Shane McMahon.
"That damn DX! I should've known they'd be up to something!"
Vince couldn't believe what he witnessed on the television screen. He cursed himself for not alarming the calvary and having a backup plan for his sworn enemies. He now realized that he was too blinded by Playboy's business proposal to think with a clear head.
As his father stood up and fumed over what he couldn't control, Shane sat down attending to his new friend: a migrane. He still managed to get on the phone to call his sister Stephanie, who was with their mother in Connecticut. Being that DX and Stephanie were not in the same state, there was no way she would've been able to prevent what had just happened. As it turned out, Steph and Linda were at home getting better acquainted with Aurora Rose. But for some reason, it seemed right to call her despite that fact that the business was not her current concern. He wasn't surprised when he couldn't get through to her so he left a text message briefly explaining what happened.
Without warning, Gordo Perez's voice bounced off the walls as he entered the room the McMahons were in.
"How are you guys enj-j-joying the pr-pr-program?"
"It's freakin' sucks!" Vince yelled as his face changed to an intense red.
"W-w-what's wrong? I thought th-th-this was supposed to ha-ha-happen?"
"Supposed to happen? Supposed to...?" Shane yelled back, just as furious as his father. "You obviously know nothing about wrestling, you retard!"
"I'd rethink that last statement if I were you!" Gordo snapped back.
"You have NO right to talk to my son like that! Who the hell do you think you are?!" Vince demanded, not even realizing that Gordo didn't stutter over any words in his retort. This was always a fault of the McMahons: they never paid close attention to detail when angered.
"You mean you don't know?" Gordo removed his hat (which had always covered a great majority of his face) and finally revealed himself. "I'm Eddie Guerrero, holmes! Orale!" he said, dropping the stutters for his more recognizable Latino accent.
At that exact moment, both McMahon men looked on in horror. It was one thing for DX to hijack a live television show, but for Eddie Guerrero to take over their jet while pretending to be a certified pilot? That was just...Wait a minute!
"When did you become a certified pilot?" Shane managed to ask while still in shock.
"You have to be certified to fly this thing?" Eddie asked. "Oops! I guess I never read the manual."
"We're going to DIE!" Vince screeched as he grabbed his head at the thought of dying at the hands of his comical employee.
"Relax, holmes, relax. I am certified. You need to learn how to take a joke, chico."
"Look, we don't want any trouble. All we want to do is reach a deal with Playboy. So can you please fly us to our destination?" Vince pleaded.
"Oh, I'll fly you around. But there's something you guys need to know first." Eddie said as he waved his index finger around.
"What's that?" both McMahons asked simultaneously.
"Remember that phone call you had with those Playboy execs?"
Vince and Shane looked at each other and feared the worst.
"They weren't real!" Eddie revealed in his trademark fashion.
Could this get any worse?
"So...what are you saying?" Shane asked.
"What I'm saying is that you fell for another DX prank!"
"But it couldn't've been them! We checked the caller IDs before we left that day and it wasn't Shawn or Hunter's numbers!" Shane confessed.
"That's because they know how to lie, cheat, and steal just like us. Right, bro?" This time, Eddie's seatmate, Chavo Guerrero, Jr., took the floor.
"Right." confirmed Eddie.
"You're here, too?!" Vince asked, already seeing the answer before his eyes.
"Why not? Where Eddie goes, I go," Chavo cemented his statement by resting an arm on Eddie's shoulder. "We always keep it in the family."
"La familia!" Eddie exclaimed.
"La familia!" Chavo repeated.
"There's no need to worry, holmes. It's just the four of us." Eddie said in reassurance.
"I need a vacation!" replied a weary Vince, who looked like he had just seen and heard enough.
"That's just great, esse, because that's exactly what you're going to get! Let's party, holmes!"
Maybe Vince should've kept that last statement to himself. Just as soon as Eddie said the word "party", streamers, balloons, and confetti popped out of nowhere onto all four men. Eddie grabbed two party hats and put them on the McMahons while Chavo retrieved two for himself and his uncle. Afterwards, Chavo briefly left the room and returned with his boombox. The Guerreros danced to the salsa music that played in the background.
Pissed, and a bit horrified still, Vince gathered enough courage to open his mouth. "Party? What party? There's nothing to celebrate here! DX is taking over Coach's show and I'm not there to do anything about it!"
"That's the whole point, chico!" Chavo said as he took a seat beside the older McMahon. "So sit back and relax."
"Relax? With you two?! That's impossible!" Vince said in defiance.
Eddie stopped dancing and looked at Vince. The one-time WWE Champion's demeanor changed as he now sported a sad face. "Yeah, he's kinda right. Four people don't make a party," his cheerful expression returned. "But this many people will!"
On cue, a handful of Raw, Smackdown, and ECW Superstars came out. Among them was Vince McMahon's sworn enemy, Stone Cold Steve Austin, who led the gang from the cockpit.
"Oh hell yeah!" Steve exclaimed, while drinking a beer and purposefully soaking himself with whatever contents missed his mouth.
"Oh hell no! This isn't the kind of vacation I had in mind!" Vince gulped as he mindlessly tugged his ear, a gesture he inadvertently made famous during the Attitude era.
Shane, who'd sat in silence for a short while, eyed Eddie. "I thought you said that it was just the four of us."
"Oh, when I said that, I forgot to mention one thing..." Eddie gave off his trademark smile while the McMahons feared that he'd say two words that were just as bad as DX's 'Suck It'.
"I LIED!"
Boy, were the McMahons in for it!
Coming Up Next: Chapter 6: Special Report! (We check up with DX again!)
So, how did you guys feel about this chapter? I know it was pretty lengthy, but it was for a good reason. Would you have ever guessed the two guys to be Eddie and Chavo? LOL! I had more fun writing this chapter than the ones before it. I hope you enjoyed it. I also hope that it was a nice distraction from all the chaos associated with Chris Benoit recently. Take care and God Bless!