Chapter LVII- "That Means We Won."
"Are you five going to continue sulking in the corner like that or are you going to come over and learn if you're going to the tennis camp?" said Banji to the Geniuses who were being all emo and in a pack.
Almost as if Banji's question had awakened them, Sengoku suddenly stepped forward and said, "I just want to throw this out there. We intentionally didn't wear black because we didn't want to win just because we were trying to mess you all up on purpose!"
"I knew it," said Inui as he started frantically writing in his data book.
"Just lose gracefully, all right?" said Jirou as he got all in their faces. "Whoever thought Jirou would go and win it all?"
"This is a pretty random team," Ryuuzaki observed, looking at Team 3rd Years who were still all smiley from their recent victory over everything.
"But no doubt, the most deserving of attending the tennis camp!" said Oishi.
"That's true," said Saeki. "We never placed below third place in any of the competitions and we won the tennis tournament. It only makes sense!"
They did a group Power Ranger high five.
"Nope," said Ryuuzaki.
"WHAT?" everyone shouted. The 3rd Years were shouting because they were certain they deserved to win, and everyone else was shouting because they were hopeful perhaps their own team would end up going to the tennis camp.
"It's nothing against you guys, Team 3rd Years, but we just thought another team exhibited the more precise little 'somethings' we were looking for in order to send to this outrageously prestigious tennis camp," said Ojii with a shrug as if it were NO BIG DEAL.
"The Geniuses then," said Marui.
"Not like we want to go," Fuji quickly added.
"No, it's not the Geniuses either," said Ojii.
The Geniuses only looked at the coaches and it was obvious they all wanted to burst into tears because even though they'd never say it, they all really wanted to go to the tennis camp.
"We didn't want to go anyway," Sengoku said, barely holding back his tears.
"We never said the tournament would effect our decisions," said Sakaki. "We actually just wanted to have a tournament for fun."
"Wait, so you knew who you were sending to the tennis camp before the tournament took place?" questioned Gakuto.
"Uh…yeah," said Sakaki. "That's basically it."
"Well, we know it's not the Geniuses, the 3rd Years or the Team WTF," led Bane.
"Is any member of that team even still here?" said Banij.
"We're here!" said the Freshman Trio.
"You guys aren't on that team anymore," said Ryuuzaki.
"Aw man…" said the Freshman Trio, hoping she had forgotten.
"So only five teams left then," said Shishido. "Will you just get it over with and tell us?"
"No, we think it's more fun this way," admitted Ojii. "Keep guessing!"
"Will you at least tell our team it's okay to go because we know we didn't win?" said Yuuta, gesturing towards the Hard Workers.
"And what makes you think you guys didn't win?" said Ryuuzaki.
"Did we?" asked Kaidou.
"No," said Ryuuzaki.
"Why not?" Kaidou immediately demanded.
Inui ripped out a page from his data book and handed it to Kaidou.
"Oh," said Kaidou, briefly looking over the List of Reasons Why We're Probably Not Going to the Tennis Camp.
"Then it must be the 2nd Years!" Momo uselessly concluded.
"Yes, it must be!" agreed the rest of the 2nd Year Team.
"Why?" said Sakaki, raising an eyebrow.
"Because of how team spirited we are!" Kamio said, referring to their outrageous purple paraphernalia.
"Um…no," said Sakaki.
"Wait, no to the fact that we didn't win or no to the fact that our purple paraphernalia was awesome?" Hiyoshi asked.
"No to both of them," Sakaki said, looking somewhat disgusted.
"There are only three teams remaining now…" Jackal noticed as he realized that fact just then: only Team Captains, Team Tall and Doubles had not been dismissed by the coaches. "I'm afraid to say anything because I don't want my team to be eliminated from the running."
"Which team were you on again, Jackal?" asked Banji.
"Team Captains?" Jackal tried nervously.
"Well, you guys aren't going either," said Banji.
"WAY TO GO, JACKAL!" yelled the other captains angrily.
"It's because he's not really a captain, isn't it?" demanded Atobe.
"No, it's because of your horrible attitudes," said Ryuuzaki.
"Oh," said Atobe.
"We let our guard down," said Tezuka, clenching his fist dramatically.
Eiji nearly fainted as he looked at his fellow Doubles playing teammates. "There are only two teams left!" he said. "We have a fifty-fifty chance of going to the tennis camp!"
"And we had the best attitudes out of anyone!" cheered Choutarou.
"I'm so glad you guys picked me to be on your team!" said Tetsu.
The only other team was Team Tall, and they were fairly certain they had done horribly in basically all the challenges so they didn't expect to win. Of course, they WANTED to win, but they didn't expect it.
"So what do you guys think?" Ryuuzaki asked of the tennis players. "Who won?"
Neither Team Tall nor Team Doubles wanted to announce that they believed they were the winners out of fear of looking stupid if it turned out to be the other team.
"I can't take it anymore!" Gakuto announced. "It was us! Team Doubles!"
"And you are…" Ryuuzaki said slowly as she pulled a lever which illuminated a giant neon 'WRONG' above their heads. "INCORRECT!"
"AW MAN!" said Team Doubles sadly.
"That means we won," said Sanada, sounding slightly terrified as he looked at his fellow tall teammates of Kabaji, Bane, Renji and Taka.
"Wow," said Taka. "Who would have thought?"
"To think I was disappointed at the beginning of this whole thing when we got assigned our groups!" Bane said, wiping a tear from his eye.
"I knew all along," Renji announced.
"Usu," said Kabaji.
Team Tall gave each other a massive group hug as all the other teams looked at them with jealous eyes. Not because they were having a group hug, but because they got to go to the tennis camp.
"Wait, wait, wait," said Sakaki. "When did we say that Team Tall won?"
Team Tall immediately ceased their group hug. "WHAT?" they said, sounding quite short tempered.
"We're the only team left," Sanada said. "There's no other team."
"Unless…" Renji said slowly.
"That's right!" said Banji. "You all forgot about Team 9!"
"THE WAITLIST TEAM?" everyone shouted.
"What? No!" said Ojii. "We already told you that the Waitlist Team was definitely not going to the tennis camp!"
"Then who is Team 9?" demanded an angry tennis player.
"Don't tell me…" Atobe said, slapping his forehead.
"US!" all the coaches yelled together as they pulled a cord which opened a massive confetti ball and showered it down on top of them. They frolicked around in slow motion as all the confetti fluttered to the ground.
"HOLD ON," said Tezuka, his voice significantly elevated. "This is unacceptable. You never signed up on the original list."
"Is that the only thing that's bothering you?" demanded Tachibana.
"No one shows better teamwork skills than us!" said Sakaki as he put his arm around his fellow coaches. "It's really a no brainer when you get right down to it."
"I think we knew we were going to send ourselves to the camp from the very beginning," Ojii admitted.
"THEN WHY DID YOU TORTURE US LIKE THIS?!" yelled the forty-or-so tennis players who were standing idly by.
"It was fun," said Banji. Then the four coaches erupted into hysterical chuckling.
"You guys were so not a team," said Inui.
"You guys don't need to go to a tennis camp!" said Bane less gracefully.
"Don't you think you should send US considering it's a camp for middle schoolers?" tried Kamio.
"Oh, did we forget to mention…?" Ryuuzaki said slowly. "We're also taking the Jimmies."
With that, the Jimmies jumped out from behind the curtain as well.
"We won!" cheered the first Jimmie.
"Oh hurray!" said the other.
"We're so proud of ourselves!" they said as if they rehearsed.
All the other tennis players still present dropped to their knees and shook their fists angrily at the heavens while shouting, in a style reminiscent of Darth Vader, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
Total chapters: 57
Total pages: 224
Total times "tennis" was mentioned: 346
Total high fives: 12
Total low fives: 1
Total extended high fives: 2
Total hugs: 19
Total bitch slaps: 7
Total slapped foreheads: 20
Total temper tantrums: 1
Total Power Ranger moments: 6
Total raised eyebrows: 31
Total confetti balls: 11
Total massive continuity errors: 3
Total female characters in this story: 1
(Total parenthetical statements:) 65
Total completely out of character characters: 51
Total trips to the Halloween Store: 6
Total jazz hands: 2
Total Thomas the Tank Engine band-aids: 1
Total ambiguously gay Golden Pair moments: 15
Total ambiguously gay Silver Pair moments: 13
Total ambiguously gay Dirty Pair moments: 7
Total ambiguously gay Data Pair moments: 11
Total times people turned into drawings with or without flower petals: 2
Total times someone frolicked: 3
Total times Team Genius reminded everyone they were geniuses: 17
Total times Team Captain reminded Jackal he wasn't a captain: 10
Total times Team Freshman thought up a new name: 8
Total times Team Tall's tallness was obsessed about: 10
Total times Team 3rd Years justified douchebagery based solely on their age: 10
Total times internet slang was used (not including Team Freshman's acronyms): 14
Total times Tezuka said some form of "Don't let your guard down": 9
Total times Tezuka said "Your Mom": 1
Total times Tezuka corrected someone to say "Pillars": 3
Total times two people were in SYNCHRO: 2
Total times Tachibana caused Fudomine to faint/strongly react: 6
Total times Oishi tried to be gangster and failed: 5
Total times David made a pun: 8
Total times Eiji was a furry: 1
Total times someone said "NOOOOO!" like Darth Vader: 1
Total times Fuji was creepy about Yuuta: 7
Total times Fuji was creepy about Mizuki: 2
Total times Renji did stuff with his eyes closed: All the time
Total times Sanada insisted he was a good leader: 7
Total times Kabaji did something without his team noticing: 3
Total times Kentarou switched teams: 4
Total times an argument between Jirou and Oishi escalated to murder: 1
Total times Hiyoshi was useless and pointless: 14
Total times someone said something IN THEIR MIND: 3
Total times everyone said "OKAY!" including the person who said "Okay?": 2
Total times people hated on Kentarou: 13
Total times Eiji and Gakuto hated on each other: 4
Total times Choutarou's freakish height was referenced: 6
Total times Horio (or his family) referenced two years experience: 5
Total times Kirihara learned a life lesson about being a Genius: 6
Total times Shishido said "Lame": 2
Total times a team used the internet as inspiration: 2
Total times Hiyoshi rubbed his hands together diabolically: 1
Total times Kabaji said "Usu": 17 (plus hiccups)
Total times Ryoma was referred to as the Prince of Tennis: 12
Total times Ryoma was referred to as the Prince of Magic: 1
Total times Sengoku said some form of "Lucky!": 0
How old I was when I started writing this story: 18
How old I am now that it's finally finished: 21
Total times sex occurred behind the scenes: 8 (TURN IT SIDEWAYS! YEAH! INFINITY!)
/no author's note necessary. 3