Bundle of Joy

Declaimer: Oh, of course I own Pirates of the Caribbean! Isn't it obvious? I mean, why else would I be writing fanfiction? Sorry for the sarcasm.

That morning everything was going very well. I had slept late, and everything was very quiet. The whole town was out for a parade a mile away, with the obvious exception of the pregnant Elizabeth, as well as the pirate staying in the house. What would he care for a parade? So, as I sat in front of the mirror, brushing my hair, I heard Elizabeth's scream. I paused, brush halfway down my hair.

"Melody!" she screamed. "Melody! Get over here now!"

Wondering what on earth was wrong to make Elizabeth scream like that for me, as if I were her maid, I ran into her room. She was still in bed, and looked furious.

"What's wrong, Elizabeth?" I asked.

"I'm having a baby, that's what's wrong!" Elizabeth shrieked. The first reaction this statement got from me was blank shock. Even the servants were out. Then I started to think. Somewhat.

"But-But the baby isn't due for another two weeks," I stammered.

"Well, it's coming now!"

There was a pause while I stared at Elizabeth lying on the bed and she stared at me. After Elizabeth's screams, the silence seemed unnatural. Elizabeth wasn't about to let it last, however.

"Don't just stand there!" she yelled. "Get a doctor, get a midwife!"

"But Elizabeth, everyone's out of town! Even Will is out!"

"Well, damn him!" Elizabeth shouted violently. "Is Jack here?"

"Of course Jack is here, he wouldn't go to the parade – "

"Then get Jack!"

"But he's – "

"GET JACK! GET JACK! HE'S THE ONLY ONE IN THIS HOUSE WITH ANY SENSE IN HIS HEAD, SO GET HIM!"

I hesitated for barely a second. There was a choice between running to get Captain Jack Sparrow and staying in the same room with Elizabeth in this state, and I chose Jack. I sped down the hallway and flew into Jack's room. I heard the curses Elizabeth shouted about Will and winced mentally for him. What she had in store for that man I didn't want to imagine.

Captain Jack Sparrow, a guest in the Turner's house for the last week, just like me, was still asleep. I had always felt rather awkward in his presence, after all, he was a pirate, but now I ran to the huge bed, vaulted into it, as there was plenty of space and shook Jack's shoulder.

"Jack, wake up!" I cried. He murmured something sleepily and rolled over. "Jack!" I screamed in his ear. "The baby's coming, Jack!"

"What baby?" Jack muttered.

"Elizabeth's baby, Jack! It's coming now!"

Jack sat up and stared at me.

"Everyone's gone, we're the only two left, and Elizabeth!"

Suddenly, Jack seemed the grasp the situation. He jumped out of bed, and I realized that he didn't have a shirt on. I didn't have a lot of time on my hands at the moment, however, definitely not enough to worry what my only possible helper was dressed like.

But, as we sped to Elizabeth's room, I couldn't help thinking that we probably looked like something from my grandmother's worst nightmares. Me, Melody Williams, only in my nightgown, even though in was heavily ruffled and embroidered, with one sleeve slipping down my shoulder, hair in wild disarray, with a half-naked pirate, helping a pregnant woman.

Jack coaxed Elizabeth to walk around a bit and made her strong herb tea. Jack assured me quietly that there was nothing to be afraid of, and that the baby wouldn't actually come for a while, at least a few hours, and that I didn't need to worry, and that everyone would be back by then.

Elizabeth was lying in bed, cursing Will, using some words that I didn't even know the existence of, and Jack and I were sitting on either side of her, when she suddenly stopped cursing Will and cried,

"It's coming now!"

Jack and I looked over Elizabeth's head at each other. If the baby really was coming, what could we do?

Then, to our intense relief, we heard the longed-for sound of horses coming up the street, and Will's voice in the hall. I dashed out of the room and was halfway down the staircase by the time he saw me.

"Will!" I gasped. "Elizabeth's baby! It's coming!"

Will stared for just a second, then ran up the staircase.

"Where were you?" I went on. "Elizabeth has been cursing you to the other side of the world and back…"

I shook my head, expecting to see a very unpleasant scene when I came into the room, but when Elizabeth saw Will, she didn't appear to have any intention of doing any of the horrible things she mentioned. She just smiled and stretched out her hand and said,

"Will, we're going to have a baby,"

And Will came over and kissed her. Jack and I stared. Then I recalled the situation.

"Jack, run and get a midwife and a doctor!" I told him.

"Why me?" he complained.

"Because you are not Elizabeth's husband, and you are not a woman, so GO!"

Jack went.

I ran out onto the landing and leaned down over the staircase.

"And put a shirt on!" I cried.

Three hours later, Elizabeth's baby was safely born, dutifully handed around, wholeheartedly admired, Elizabeth was asleep, and Will, Jack, and I sat in the dining room eating the splendid supper on the table. I silently thanked any heavenly power who happened to be listening that the Turners were rich enough off pirate treasure to hire a cook.

"Thank God that's over," Jack remarked. He still hadn't managed to find a shirt.

I dropped my head on my hands, to one side of my plate with a weary sigh.

"I am never, ever doing that again," I declared.

"Just wait until the next time Will gets Elizabeth pregnant," Jack told me.

Will, even exhausted from the day's efforts, blushed over this impropriety.

A/N: Please review! I'll give you figurative ice cream!