Disclaimer: I own none of the it, merely manipulate the work of the great j.k

"He cannot stay at the school Severus, you know very well that the Board of Governors wouldn't allow that" Dumbledore repeated sternly.

"I sincerely doubt that the Board of Governors would approve of him staying at my residence, and I simply will not allow it" How could Albus think that he, Severus Snape, would be an appropriate guardian for Harry Potter. He fucking hated Harry Potter, loathed him with the entirety of his being. The fool actually expected him to watch the boy? He was more likely to chop him up for potions ingredients. Severus snorted, I doubt even then I could find a use for him.

"...even if you are willing to ignore the logic behind his placement" Fuck, the old man had been talking "the matter is not up for discussion, he will be staying with you."

This ridiculous excuse for a discussion is going to ruin my whole summer. It isn't my fault that Potter couldn't even get his own relatives to like him. It isn't my fault that his inept Godfather had to get himself incapacitated, and it was hardly my fault that Lupin was a werewolf. Fuck.

"What about the Weasleys, surely they would be eager to take him in" Severus said desperately

"You know very well that they are traveling Europe this summer, Arthur worked very hard last year to deserve that raise it would not due for us to take that away from the Weasley family. And it would hardly be safe for Harry to be traveling throughout Europe with the majority of Death Eaters still at large"

Severus could hardly argue against Mr. Weasleys rise within the ministry, he had proven invaluable during the time leading up to the Final Battle. Voldermort had been targeting muggles families doggedly, increasing the need for cooperation with the muggle government. Arthur had proven to be one of the few who could deal with them competently. More then competently really, his outright love of all things muggle and easy nature had made him perfect for the job. So yes, his bonus upon appointment as Head of Muggle Relations was deserved, but that hardly meant Severus had to be happy about it.

"The Grangers"

Dumbledore sighed at the Potion Master's persistence "They have no wards around their residence, hardly sufficient. Plus it wouldn't be appropriate for Harry to be rooming with a female at this stage in his adolescence"

"I'm gay"

"I am aware. You are also an adult, I trust you to be above the influence of petty hormones. This will hardly be for a long period of time, Harry will be released from the infirmary and entrusted into your kind until the Death Eater problem has been dealt with, or the beginning of his Seventh year, whichever comes first"

"How much longer is the brat expected to be in the infirmary?" he queried "and am I expected to lounge about here until he recovers or am I allowed to sojourn to my residence?"

"You know very well that the bite from Nagini takes a regiment of potions for at least a week more, I would appreciate it if you would stay and supervise the administering of the last doses"

"Fuck" Fuck, he hadn't meant to say that out loud. "He is seventeen Albus I hardly have any authority over him outside school grounds, he may use his magic as he wishes. How am I to keep the boy under control?"

"Elementary my dear Watson"

Why can the crazy bastard never say anything outright and logical? Always he has to way down a conversation with insane riddles and vague statements.

"Simply do not acknowledge any lessening of power, as an authority figure throughout his life he may continue to obey out of habit, or you can take the easy route and simply lighten you authoritarian attitude towards the boy." Albus twinkled at Snapes consternation "then again, other methods might present themselves".

"Is that all we needed to discuss Albus? If so I have a potion to administer"

"Yes, Yes of course. Unless you should like to stay for tea?"

"Are you out of you blasted mind? You just saddled a teenage boy on me for the entirety of my summer, the first summer I might add that I have been without a sadistic maniacal bastard acting like a clingy teenage girl who just gave up her virginity and needs to call me every five minutes to reaffirm our relationship. The first summer I've had since I was 17 without a brand in my arm. You took that away from me Albus and you want to know if I want to sit and have tea with you? No I do not want any fucking tea."

"A lemon drop perhaps?"

Minerva later mentioned that maybe he should have been slightly more tactful with Severus seeing as he left quite the train destruction between the Headmasters office and his rooms. Not the least of which was the Headmasters decimated door.

"…So Harry that's why I feel Professor Snape's would be the best place for you to spend your summer holidays"

"Whatever. As long as it isn't the Dursleys, I have trained with Snape and even if he was a bastard.. He hasn't ever sold me to the forces evil" Despite all preparations by the order for a controlled Final Battle, it ended up taking place on the street outside the Dursleys, they had mistakenly trusted that they would be paid handsomely for the surrender of Harry. Vernon was of course tortured and killed for sport; Petunia and Dudley were safe within the wards. Needless to say, Harry wasn't invited back for the rest of the summer.

"That's the attitude to have Harry! I'm so proud of you for looking at this positively. I'm sure Professor Snape will come around and you both will have a delightful time."

Harry looked at Dumbledore trying to figure out if perhaps he wasn't entirely sane and the Slytherins had been on to something. This was in his mind confirmed when Dumbledore ruffled his hair and left humming the tune to Mission Impossible.