Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not even the plot. Thank you TV and books!

A/N: This is told in Bella's point of view. Hope you all like it; it was spur of the moment.

Don't Gamble With the Cullens

By: phix27

I was sitting in Edward's room reading, when Alice bangs in.

"Bella, I'm bored," she whines.

"And you want me to do what?"

"Hmmm…" she plops down on the floor, thinking.

I shrug and go back to my book. Just as I find my place again, she slams my book shut.

"OUCH! DAMNIT ALICE THAT WAS MY FINGER!" I yell at her, shaking my hand.

She blinks at me. Oh, that's right; she's never heard me swear before.

"Well, anyway Bella, we're going gambling!" She screams in my face.

"Gambling? But Alice, you can barely pass for 16," I say to her.

"I know, but I have identification. Plus, Edward will take us."

"I didn't know Edward likes to gamble."

"I don't," said Edward coming in.

"Then why are you coming?" I ask confused.

"Because I said I would tell him his future. I also made him pinky swear," said Alice.

"Why didn't you just read her mind Edward?" I ask.

Edward slaps himself in the forehead.

"Idiot, idiot, Edward you complete idiot."

"You pinky sweared Ed. Now you have to take me," said Alice with a smug look on her face.

"Fine. Both of you, you in the car," he said pointing to the door.

"Yay! Come on Bella!" Yelled Alice before I could protest.

A few minutes later…

"I can't believe you talked me into this Alice, much less Edward," I said to her from the back seat of Edward's Volvo.

"Oh look! There's the casino!" exclaimed Alice, completely ignoring me.

Edward parks the car and we go up to the door.

"Registration?" he asks.

We all flash our ID's at him. He holds the door open for us. We step inside. I'm completely star-struck at the lights.

"I'm going to play Roulette," said Edward.

" Come on Bella! Let's go play slots!" yells Alice, dragging me to the slot machines.

We get to the machines.

"I don't know Alice…"

"Give me a quarter Bella."

"No Alice."

She turns and gives me are really maniac look. How did she get a vein to throb?

"Give. Me. Quarter. NOW!"

Life Lesson 1: Never argue with a vampire. Especially a very crazed vampire who really wants to gamble. So, naturally, I gave her the quarter.

She put the quarter into the machine and pulled the leaver. I stood there watch the symbols going 'ding, ding'. Alice pulled the leaver again and three 7's popped up.

"You know Alice, that's not really fare."

"Oh shut up and give me another quarter."

I, of course, gave her another quarter.

"Oh, and while your at it, say 'Big money, big money' over and over. It helps."

I rolled my eyes.

Life Lesson 2: Saying 'Big money' over and over? It really does help. Alice won 5 million dollars. What she's going to do with it, I don't know.

"Alice? I'm putting quarters in this bucket. I'm going to find Edward," I say, setting quarters in the bucket. All she does is nod.

I walk along, looking down isles for Edward. I finally find him at the Roulette table.

"Number 7," he says, placing 5 dollars down.

I come up beside him and he raps his arm around my waist and squeezes. The wheel finally stops spinning and it lands on number 12.

"Damn," says Edward. "Come on Bella, let's go play poker."

"You play poker?" I ask him as we walk.

"Yeah, cause I can see other player's hands."

"Good point."

We reach the poker table and Edward sits down with four other guys. He starts playing and barely notices I'm there. I sigh and go to find Alice. As I walk along, I here a voice I know.

"COME ON! BIG MONEY, BIG MONEY!"

I walk up to the voice to see Carlisle there, playing slots.

"Carlisle?" I ask.

"Bella!" He looks very ashamed and red in the face. I don't know how they can do that.

"Bella, please don't tell Esme. She thinks it's one of the things she's cured me of. Along with smoking, biking and hanging from ceilings."

"I won't tell Esme, but shouldn't you be, oh I don't know, performing brain surgery?"

"Nah, that's Tuesday. Hey, would you do me a favor? Would you stand behind me and say 'Big money' over and over?"

I sigh and walk away. I'm not paying attention and the next thing I know, I'm in the strip club. I rub my eyes. Is that Jasper pole dancing? I pinch myself. No, I'm not dreaming. I walk up to him.

"Jasper?"

"Oh, hi Bella," said Jasper from upside down.

"What are you doing?"

"Pole dancing," said Jasper, like it was the normalist think in the world.

"And you think this is normal?"

"Next to what Emmett's doing, yeah, it's pretty normal."
"What's Emmett doing?" I ask, even if I really don't want to know.

"Emmett's giving lap dances."
I look around. Then, I spot Emmett, sitting on some poor girl who's face was turning blue. I run over to them.

"Emmett, get off her!" I yell, dragging Emmett off by the ear.

"Ow! Bella, that hurts," said Emmett.

"Go get Jasper off the pole, we're going home!"

"But but but…"

"No buts' Emmett, get Jasper!" I push him toward the pole. He stalks off, pouting like a little boy.

Life Lesson 3: Never pout when you look like a professional wrestler. It's very creepy.

Anyway, I gathered my bearings, think where everyone was. Alice and Carlisle were playing slots and Edward was playing poker.

"Wa hoo!"

I hear a shout and look over. Emmett's now riding a mechanical bull. Great, just great. I walk over and pull him off. I go to the gift shop and buy five of those kiddie leashes.

Life Lesson 4: Never try to fit a kiddie leash on a vampire. They don't like it. Especially don't try it on one as big as Emmett.

I finally got it on him, and then walked over to Jasper. I pulled him off the pole, to much protest from the crowd around him. I fitted one on him too. I then pulled two leashed vampires out of a strip club.

Life Lesson 5: Never pull two vampires out of a strip club. You'll never hear the end of it. The only reason they let me was I reminded them of what Edward would do.

Next, we found Carlisle. I fitted a leash on him too. Now I was leading 3 vampires on kiddie leashes through a casino. Not fun. You should have seen the looks I got.

Then I found Alice.

"Bella, give me a quarter."
"No Alice. Bring your money and let's go."

"But-"
"No buts Alice! Don't make me put a leash on you too!"

She pouted but nodded. Looking like a kid that lost her candy, Alice picked up her 5 buckets of money (Which we later found out totaled 3.5 billion.) and followed me. We got about five feet when Alice sat at another machine and said "Quarter Bella." I had to put a leash on her too.

So let's recap. I was now leading 4 vampires, on kiddie leashes, through a casino. Could this day get any worse?

Life Lesson 6: Never ask 'Could this day get any worse?' Because, yeah, it can.

I was walking to the poker table when we saw Rosalie.

"Rose! Help me! Bella's kidnapping me and then's going to murder me in my sleep!" yelled Emmett.

"You don't sleep Emmett," I reminded him.

"Hey Bella, could I ask you a favor? Would you stand behind me and say 'Big money' over and over?" she asks me.

What is with these people?

"No Rosalie. Come on, don't make me put a leash on you too," I say to her.

She completely ignored me. I sighed and put a leash on her too.

So, I was now leading 5 vampires on leashes, to the poker table, in a casino. Oh joy.

Life Lesson 7: Never put 5 vampires on leashes. I had my arms feeling sore for days.

So, we got to the poker table, when I remembered I was out of leashes. Plus, Alice was working on hers with her teeth. Just great.

I spotted Edward sitting at the poker table in just his underwear. (A/N: Great image there. drools)

"Edward, what are you doing?" I almost scream at him.

"I'm playing strip poker," he says, not looking up.

"And losing," added another guy fully dresses, except for socks.

"Edward, we're going," I say to him.

"But I'm winning!" He protests.

"Don't make me put a leash on you too."

"You're out of leashes," he points out.

That's right. I look at my 5 vampires on leashes. Which one could I trust to let off? Right on cue, Jasper looks at me with puppy dog eyes. I sigh.

"Jasper? If I let you off, you have to stay right next to me the whole time," I tell him, sounding like Esme.

He nods, still with the puppy eyes. I sigh.

Life Lesson 8: Never trust a vampire that knows how to use puppy dog eyes. He'll get away.

So, Jasper ran off again. Alice had sucessed in chewing through one of her straps. Rosalie and Emmett are now making out and Carlisle had some guy's pants on his head and Edward was now sitting naked. Great, just great.

"Edward, put your clothes on."

I had hoped I'd never have to say that. Edward did as I said and then I put a kiddie leash on him. I knew where Jasper would go, so I stopped at the gift store again.

Life Lesson 9: Never take Alice to a gift store. Don't do it. Just don't.

So, after I got those 5 vampires out of the gift store, with my new leash, I walked over to the strip club again. Sure enough, Jasper was pole dancing again.

"Jasper get off of there."
"NO! And you can't make me!" He sticks his tongue out at me. I sigh and pull the leash over his head again.

So, I was now leading 6 vampires on kiddie leashes, to the entrance. Oh, the looks I got. At the door, the security guard smiled at me.

"Someone had to get them out," I explain, red faced.

"No problem lady. We see this all the time. That's why we keep kiddie leashes in the gift store."

We walk to Edward's car.

"OK Ed, give me the keys," I say, holding out my hand.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."
"Edward, NOW!"

I didn't think it was possible, but Edward started to sob.

"Don't yell at me!"

"OK, I won't yell at you, but give me the keys."

He sniffled, wiped his nose on his sleeve, and handed me the keys. Note to self: Wash hand well at home. I put Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett and Alice in the back. Edward sat in the front with me.

"OK everyone, home is our destination."

A few minutes later…

"Esme! Do you know what your family has been doing?" I say as I walk in the Cullen's front door. The 6 vampires were still on the leashes.

"Well, judging by the leashes, they were gambling," said Esme, coming from the kitchen.

I was speechless.

"Well, you all, I just have one question for all of you," said Esme. "Why didn't you invite me?"

I was stunned. They all whooped, got out of their leashes, and ran to the car.

And then I learned Life Lesson #10. Never go gambling with the Cullens.

A/N: So, how was it? Were all the characters right? Was it funny? Reviews would be nice. Also, do you want a sequel? If you do, tell me what you would like in it.