Hey, I've redone this prolouge and am reposting it. It has a lot less errors and a few changed details. Will be posting chapter 1 by tomorrow night with an attached surprise, grin. later - Saint

AU. Yaoi. Kakairu. Flame me and I flame back and trust me Mine is bigger. Constructive criticism and comment however are more than welcome, I reply to everything. But please don't nit pick for one spelling error or verb out of place. If it's something major I welcome and appreciate it but one syntax error that doesn't disturb the flow of the story isn't going to kill anyone.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto but the premise is originally Shi-chan's. I just hope she doesn't mind me borrowing it.

Dedicated to Shi-chan who gave me the idea in her amazing fic Roommates. Also that April Fools joke was cruel and brilliant, I love you writing. This is based on one of Kakashi's "Iruka Fantasies" in the back of the IchaIcha Paradise Iruka finds in Kakashi's pants.

Oh and before I forget. Iruka's 22, Kakashi's 23 and everyone in Naruto's age group I'm subtracting 4 years, i.e. Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto will all be around 10.

Desperate times

Prologue: Prep Work

It was enough for anyone who knew him, to know that Iruka was freaking out. Not the little freak out he had when Naruto was late for school; or that slightly bigger freak out when Naruto had ordered another bowl of Ramen and he wasn't sure he had enough on him to cover it, or when Principle Sarutobi called to say Naruto had gotten into another fight; or even yesterday's freak-out when he'd gotten his first "second due notice" on Naruto's term payments. No, this was what his friends knew as a freak out of epic proportions or as Anko liked to call it a 'Duck and Cover'.

He was pacing and screaming and ranting and waving his arms. He was carving a groove into the old, dismissible wooden floors of the apartment and they were pretty sure Mrs. Takati downstairs was gonna start complaining the second she turned on her hearing aid. He was storming randomly through the small crowded apartment aiming for any space not occupied by clothing, wigs and furniture and then just making a general nuisance of himself.

Kotetsu had given up trying to get him back into the old barber's chair Izumo had found him at a flea market. Now he had taken the seat and was currently trying to read the day's newspaper, still holding the styling scissors in his hand. Izumo was taking a proactive approach, removing all breakable objects that Iruka got near in their little apartment before the waving and flinging arms could attack it. He would walk just behind him and an arm would snake out and snatch the object before destruction would occur, he'd then lightly toss is to Anko before resuming the trail. Anko was chewing on the end of a pokki stick. In between sticks she'd grab the tossed objects out of the air before lining them up on the Kitchen counter. She'd also blocked Iruka from getting into the small buttercup yellow kitchen by dragging a stool between the dividing counter and the wall and threatening to kick him when he came near.

After a few minutes Iruka seemed to have freaked himself out and collapsed on the sofa. He leaned over placing his head between his knees and began to breath as deeply as possible. The others shared a wry look between themselves. Izumo, being the most compassionate of the three strolled over to perch on the back of the couch.

"You know Iruka, we all know you're going to do this eventually. So just give up and give in. Remember who's babysitting that menace of yours. The longer it takes to get this done, the longer Naruto's with Jiraiya-san, and I hear he's already started on his new book.

He placed a hand on Iruka's shoulder for comfort in time to feel the twitch at Jiraiya's name.

Iruka sighed and sat up leaning his head against the old worn sofa. "Alright, but he's not making me blonde and not painting my nails, Naruto still going to see me in the evenings and mornings and I need to look normal.

Kotetsu grinned before standing up with an exasperated sigh tossed back over his shoulder, "Fine, now come over here and let me work my magic." He paused for a second, "Does that mean you're considering the fake tits?"

He waved a hand at the general physical cacophony that was laying on the floor and took up most of the space to the left of barber seat towards Izumo's small collection of fake breast. He had a full range according to what event the club was hosting. It was little touches like that that made Izumo one of the most sought after Okama's in the city. That and the fact that as his lover and the clubs make up and hair stylist, Kotetsu always made sure to do a little more for him than the other hosts.

As Iruka settled again into the chair and let Kotetsu spray some light water on his hair before he began to trim it while Izumo walked back to the kitchen to both replace all the moved breakable objects as well as check in the small shopping bag that they had gotten.

"I still don't see why if you willing to drag you don't just come work with us in the Temple? With your looks and those legs you'd have men drooling all over you."

Iruka sighed," We've been through this already. The money will be more stable if not better working in a house and it sounds better to tell the social worker 'I'm employed in the maintenance of the Hatake family mansion than I'm the not-so slutty door-whore Okama at a The Temple Doors night club. Besides the hours are better for raising a child and you have to agree Naruto needs as much adult supervision as possible."

They could all defiantly agree to that and Anko grimaced as she remembered Naruto 'borrowing' her snakes for show and tell without taking the cages with or letting her know. Iruka had reached freak out level 3 with just the phone call and without mercy had handed the boy over to Anko for punishment. The monster was stuck earning odd job money for Pokki for two months.

She viably shuddered at what he'd done to the Pokki first, "Please, if you call it, it will come and I am not going to try and control that demon of yours in this kind of a mess."

Iruka raised a hand to scratch at his scar in embarrassment but Kotetsu's hand slapped it always before his finger could reach the scar. They were waiting to see how well the make up covering his scar would last over a couple of hours.

"He's not that bad, he just gets bored and then he gets…"

"Dangerous?"

"Possessed?"

"Punishable by law?"

Iruka glared in the mirror for the last add-in from the stylist behind him. "I was going to say playful. Anko, Izumo you know we were worse when we were younger."

Anko got up form he chair to walk over to the growing huddle, "Yes but we were seventeen and up. Little demon's nine."

She grinned at Iruka in the mirror before swallowing the last of the Pokki stick. "Actually, remind me to tell the brat some stories, might give him some ammo for next time you're in preaching mode. That or give him some new ideas."

Three voices calming and in unison chimed in a firm and direct, "No." Before going back to preparations for the following day.

A few hours later Iruka held the suit bag containing his uniform in one arm and everything he'd need to reproduce the make up effect in another. He was standing by the door getting last minute advice from his two more feminine friends.

"…and remember don't shave if you can avoid it, when the hair starts coming back buy a kit and let us know and we'll help you with the waxing again."

Iruka grimaced and felt the skin on his legs still tingle. Mrs. Trelawney form downstairs had come up to complain about the screaming, without her hearing aid even on. Iruka waited till she left than tried to kill Kotetsu with the remaining hot wax. His friend had insisted on waxing everywhere. He shouldn't be walking this funny without at least dinner and movie. When he'd worked the clubs he shaved, but not everywhere! Mizuki hadn't liked it.

Kotetsu spotted the grimace and could guess what was going through Iruka's mind.

"And no cheating! No razors and don't do it yourself. This is what friends who studies somotology are there for. Just make us dinner that night and we'll call it even."

It was a well known fact that the couple suffered from an inability to cook anything edible and were, on occasion, in danger of either starvation or death from high junk food intake. Iruka's dinners was their only savor.

Anko had gone down stairs to pick up Naruto a few minutes ago and now the boy was standing in the hallway swaying slightly from sleepiness. Iruka hid the bags behind his back before nudging the small boy towards the staircase to their upstairs apartment. Unlike the others who each took up half the floor in the small apartment building the loft apartment took up the entire top floor. It was also missing anything resembling walls, had pigeons nesting in the gutters and noisy pipes rattled when ever someone in the building flushed a toilet. It was however in his price range, big enough for the two – a few dividing screens saw to privacy-, near his three best friends and had a lovely view of the park across the street through a wall which had at some point been replaced with cold glass who's windows could no longer open.

Naruto hugged his two 'uncles' and 'aunt' goodnight with a wide yawn before trotting up the single staircase to their floor. Iruka waited for him to disappear from view before turning back to quietly thank his friends for their help in his getting ready for the new job. He turned to thank his friend who'd gotten him the new job to find her missing and her apartment door across the hall wide open.

Turning back to wish the others goodnight he found a grinning Izumo holding out his arms with an object in each. Really a pair of objects in each.

"So what's it gonna be Iruka, C-cup or D?"

Iruka went blood red before beginning to stutter and back away from the offending articles until he felt a sharp weight land on his shoulder. He looked down to see two simple white padded bra's lying over said shoulder. With no wonder for the braziers to bra it would make him seem like and A-cup…a small A-cup...but still a cup.

He sagged in very visible relief before wishing Anko good night and promising to meet her downstairs tomorrow to go into work together. Jiraiya had said he would see to getting Naruto to school on time. If Iruka though about it he would have liked to think it was out of pure generosity, such as his leniency on the late rent this month; or affection for Naruto shown by his usual willingness to baby-sit the boy. But in all honesty is was probably the need to get close enough to school grounds to ogle hot mothers, sexy teachers and almost legal teenage girls for so-called 'data-gathering'. Hence Iruka tried not to think about it.

The four said goodnight again and Iruka trudged upstairs to tuck Naruto and then himself into bed.

As the three remaining friends watched Iruka disappear into the doorway at the top of the creaky stairs Kotetsu sighed, "I still say he should have gone for the C-cups."

Anko walked back across the hall to her apartment throwing over her shoulder, "Believe me, all the maids know better, Kakashi's a complete pervert and you don't want him noticing that sort of thing."

End Prologue

Okama – Japanese drag Queen. Not necessarily gay. Usually work in restaurants and clubs as hosts and entertainers. Unlike Western Drag Queens the aim is to look as much like a woman as possible and not go to the extremes of representing women.