Okay, I couldn't resist writing this. I guess you could call it Megatron's return letter to Starscream. Enjoy! Oh yeah, transformers belong to Hasbro, you know the rest.
Dear Starscream,
You imbecile! You will pay for writing such…such…oh I can't think of an evil enough word to describe that letter! Don't punish me for writing this, bleh! I have every right and reason in the universe to punish you. And I will include your punishment in this letter, you traitor. Not only will I include the punishment, but I will also include how I think of you.
So why don't you grab the tissues this time and have your mommy handy? You're the one who is soon going to be taking the offense to my words and my words are copyrighted too! So there, shove that up your tail pipe.
First of all, my second in command, you think my breath is bad? Perhaps you should get a whiff of your own. Your breath smells like a cheeseburger that's been fermenting on moldy asparagus that a llama spit on. And don't ask me how I know about cheeseburgers or llamas or asparaguses, I just happen to.
Well are you crying yet? Let's see here, you think I'm gaining weight? Have you looked in a mirror lately? Maybe my midline is expanding, but so isn't yours. And your head and mouth are going right along with it. And yes, I can still fit in my throne, my bathtub, and through the door. Question is, can you? (Minus the throne of course.)
And no, after reading your preposterous letter I have no intention of changing a single one of my ways. You can just kiss your dreams of being leader of the decepticons goodbye. I will never give up my title to someone as incompetent, treacherous, no good, slimy, and idiotic as you. If you have a problem with it you can just kiss my—
I think you get the picture. So, smelly cheeseburger, are you ready to hear your punishment? Of course you are, you don't have a choice. In this letter I am inclosing a toothbrush, which you are to use to clean every inch of this base with. Including every nook and cranny. Afterwards you can report to the throne room where I will personally dismantle you.
Not to mention, all the paper you have will be taken away from you, along with all your writing utensils and email. I don't plan on receiving another one of your cursed letters again! But of course, once dismantled you won't be able to send any.
However, you were right about one thing in your letter. I do hate you, how on earth did you possibly guess? Note the sarcasm hint, hint. And yes, I do not provide funding for worthless items such as paper. I get things we decepticons actually need. So smelly cheeseburger, I leave you with these final thoughts:
The next time you decide to give someone a letter that does nothing but insult them, perhaps you should think twice! I will have your head for this you worthless, good for nothing, pain in the butt, smelly cheeseburger! Vengeance will be mine, and don't you forget that!
Get on your knees and beg,
Megatron