Ok, I have peeked on this site for a few days and read some fics, sometimes enjoying everyone's ideas of how this story should go on. Then Awk! I came up with my own, and hence my very first (internet) published fanfic. Oh and by the way I suck at titles.
Feel free to read, review and comment at will. Please be nice to me (hee)! Kidding! Love it or hate it, if you feel strongly enough about it, go ahead and let me know.
I am thinking this story will be three parts, maybe four parts if I am feeling the love. I also want to get this off my chest before the real episodes come back and renders all of this just one person's crazy idea of how I would like to see the show turn out.
And—does anyone know what names of Lane's twins?
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will, just like to see them play with each other (Dirty!)
Lucky Chance
Lorelai put the jeep in park and turned off the ignition. She slouched in her seat and let out a sigh, then looked out at the imposing house stretched out before her. She sighed again. Ever since her father had his by-pass surgery and went on leave of absence from work, he seemed to take a leave of absence from his life too, leaving everyone around him scrambling.
Now, not only was Lorelai coming to Hartford for Friday night dinners, she was driving up regularly on Thursday afternoons, or Tuesday mornings, or whenever her mother screamed out an SOS. Lorelai wouldn't have minded these extra trips; she was just never sure what reception was waiting for her when she walked through the door. Sometimes her mother was pleasant and grateful for Lorelai's help with the management end of running her father's business. Sometimes Emily Gilmore was in full-on witch mode with a capital B, leaving Lorelai mentally and physically exhausted after spending a few hours with her.
And her father—between the golf and the velour jogging suits, never mind the petulant, not-a-care-in-the-world attitude—she wasn't quite sure if those doctors hadn't done a by-pass on his brain, rather than his heart.
She sighed again. Still, in all, she was secretly glad she was now seeing more of her parents. Soon Rory would be graduating from Yale and who knew where she would land her first job. Lorelai was hoping that she would get The New York Times internship, but Rory also had interviews clear across the country in Seattle and San Francisco. If she took a job out there…Lorelai stopped herself from contemplating that until the reality presented itself. She had always encouraged Rory to follow her heart and live her life to the fullest, but she had a feeling Rory following her heart would finally break hers. She wasn't sure she could handle one more person gone from her daily life, and this would be big.
Her mind wandered over the other losses over the past few months. Christopher, who had been such a presence flitting in and out of her life. Not someone she could really depend upon, but someone who would always be tied to her through Rory. She grimaced briefly, remembering how they parted, how their marriage was over before it even started. After twenty-some odd years, it had finally become apparent that it wouldn't work, it never would have worked, but that still did not lessen the pain.
Gigi, his daughter with Sherry. She had looked forward to raising the little girl. She had hoped raising her would fill the void when Rory left, but she would not have that chance.
Her mind turned to her last loss, Luke. If Christopher flitted in and out of her life, Luke was the constant she could depend upon. He had always been there, for moral support, a rock in her life that she had clung to. He had always been there for her. Now, she had rarely allowed herself to think about him. It was still too raw, even now. Since the split and subsequent divorce from Christopher though, Luke had been creeping into her thoughts more and more. She knew she had to come to grips with what happened, but to think about all the mistakes….
"Lorelai!" her mother called sharply from the door. "I expected you fifteen minutes ago. What on earth are you doing in the car?"
"Nothing, mom," Lorelai said as she got out. "Sorry, I'm late."
"Well for goodness sake, get in here! We have a lot of work to do today and very little time to do it! I have a DAR meeting at 2 p.m. Richard!" Emily turned and shouted. "Lorelai is here!"
Lorelai stepped over the threshold and the latest maid was right there to take her coat. As the walked towards her father's office, he appeared on the stairs holding a pitching wedge, clad in yet another jogging suit, this one navy in color.
"Hi dad," Lorelai said, eyeing the jogging suit. "Out to cruise the juice bar at the club?"
"Very funny, Lorelai. No, I am about to head out to the putting green we had put in the back yard. I had some sand traps put in," Richard replied.
"You put sand traps around the putting green in your back yard?" Lorelai asked in surprise. "The weather hasn't been that warm until lately. How did you manage that?"
"The way, I manage everything, dear—with money," he replied smugly. "I am really getting very good."
"Tiger Woods, watch out. We'll be seeing you at Augusta," Lorelai joked.
"Lorelai, please," her mother interrupted. "We don't have a lot of time!"
"Okay, mom, lead on. I'll caddy for you tomorrow, Dad," she said over her shoulder as she followed her mother into the office.
Emily shut the door. "Lorelai, please don't encourage him," she said in exasperation. "I am having a hard enough time keeping up with things here and I still haven't been able to convince him to take the slightest interest in work."
"What does his doctor say?" Lorelai asked.
"He's informed me Richard is healthy enough to start easing himself back into a routine, but he refuses! I don't know what to do!"
"We'll figure out something, mom. We can get Rory to help us too, if she has the time. Rory can get him to do anything."
"Rory is too busy with Yale and job hunting," her mother replied forlornly. "It's all up to me."
"Mom, I will help. We'll get him back into his old routine again." Lorelai looked through the papers on the desk. "What are we doing today?"
"Not much, really. I need you to show me how to bring up the account information, so I can monitor the incoming and outgoing expenses and we need to check the balance sheet line by line but I need you to play messenger and deliver some documents."
"Messenger? Mom, why don't you hire a service and have them deliver these documents?"
"Lorelai, these are important documents that I need you to hand-deliver. I don't want to entrust this to some fly-by-night operation."
"Okay, okay, I give," she held up her hands in mock surrender. "Let's take care of the accounts, then I'll play messenger girl." A sly look came over her face. "Maybe a singing messenger girl!"
"Lorelai!"
Lorelai drove east through downtown Bridgeport to the other side of town. The sun was shining and the weather was fine, so she opened the window as she drove and enjoyed the day. She parked her car, and went into a glass office building, up to the top floor to deliver the packet her mother had entrusted her with.
Once she was out on the street again, the nice weather made her walk around to enjoy the warm, spring sunshine. She decided to walk for a bit to stretch her legs before making the long drive back to Stars Hollow.
She had no destination in mind, she just wandered. After a few blocks, she could see the glimmer of the harbor and it seemed to pull her in that direction.
She slowly walked down to the gangplank to watch the bustling marina. She smiled, but her smile suddenly turned thoughtful. Luke.
He told her he had bought a boat and was keeping it at the marina right here in Bridgeport. She still had trouble believing how quickly he had given up his dad's boat, only to buy a new one almost immediately. In all the years she had known him, she never knew him to be that impulsive. She remembered the look on his face when he told her "Things change".
Mentally she shook her head. This was not the time, nor the place to be thinking about Luke. She needed to move on and not dwell on the past.
She turned abruptly and walked straight into a man and woman headed to the docks.
"Watch out!" the man said.
Clumsily, Lorelai twisted and shifted direction quickly and missed knocking into either of them, but blindly plowed into someone else.
"Gah!" she cried out as she felt herself losing her balance.
She closed her eyes as she started to fall. She heard a crash, and suddenly she felt someone grip her tightly and keep her from falling.
"Lorelai?" the voice was incredulous.
Lorelai prayed she did not recognize the voice. She opened one eye and saw Luke holding her steady, his hands on both her arms.
"Luke." She opened the other eye.
"What are you doing here?"
"Just taking a stroll before I headed back to Stars Hollow," she replied.
"But…here?" He was peering at her intently.
"I was delivering some papers for my father and I was enjoying the day," she babbled, sure she was sounding like a lunatic and sure that he thought she was there stalking him. She looked down and saw a cooler, some bags, Luke's toolbox and some blankets strewn around them.
"I'm sorry, let me help you." She bent to retrieve what he had dropped.
"No, its okay, I got it." He picked up his belongings and efficiently juggled them so he could carry them. "I'm just taking some supplies over to my new boat."
"Yeah, you did say you bought a boat and had it at the marina." She fell silent and felt awkward. "Well…."
"Would you like to see it?" Luke asked suddenly, shocking her.
"Oh. No. No, that's okay," she said backing away. "You probably have things you wanted to do and I should get back."
"No, it's no problem. I was just going to drop this off and pick up a few more things to get her ready," he shrugged at her. "You're here. Why don't you have a look?"
"Ah, okay," she agreed. She committed herself to going to the boat. "Here," she said, "at least let me help you carry some of this stuff." She eased the blankets away from him without disrupting the load and managed to grab one of the bags.
"Lead on."
She trailed after Luke, down the gangplank as he wound his way along the docks. Every so often he would nod, if someone waved at him or he would say "hey".
Just when she thought she would drop the stuff she carried, he stopped.
"Here she is," Luke announced.
Lorelai looked at the boat and said "Wow."
The boat, named Lucky Chance had to be a good fifty feet in length with a deck area with cushioned benches on either side. There was the steering section that also had two captain chairs for the driver and a passenger. She could see the steps leading below between the two chairs.
"It's amazing!" Lorelai exclaimed. "It's so big!"
Her mind immediately screamed Dirty! She glanced at Luke to find him looking at her and she had a sneaking suspicion he was thinking the same thing. Luke stepped into the boat, set everything down, took the objects from her hands then reached a hand out to help her aboard.
She gave him her hand and as she stepped on board, his other hand was at her waist, steadying her. He let go as soon as she regained her balance and went into the boat. As she followed, he pointed out some of the features.
"Here's the galley, place to eat, down this way is the bathroom, which is a bit tiny, but manageable, and down here," he led her down a short corridor, "is the sleeping compartment."
He walked into the compartment and Lorelai peered in. There were two large lower bunks large enough to sleep two people each, with regular single-sized bunks above. One of the top bunks was already made up and a shelf attached to the wall, loaded with books.
"April's?" she guessed.
"Yeah, I thought I would stock it with some of her favorite books, so if she got bored, she would have something to do."
"I can't imagine her being bored with you," she said and he looked at her oddly. "I mean out on the deck, fishing, watching the water. She will probably want to stay on deck with you."
"Well, I hope so." Luke replied. "I just couldn't see her wasting the summer away, sitting in the diner, watching me wait on people. This way, we can get away and really do something fun."
"It will be great." She looked around. "You really have a lot of stuff here already. I thought you weren't going out until the summer? That's a ways off."
"Yeah, I know, but I want to practice my seamanship before I take April out this summer, so I am stocking up the boat and planning a test run on Sunday."
"A test run?" Memories of her test run of the Inn came flooding back.
"Uh. Yeah," he replied, suddenly uncomfortable and Lorelai was sure he remembered the test run too. He gestured to Lorelai to go back the way they came. "It's nothing big really. I'm just going to take the boat out for a few hours and basically cruise around."
"Alone?" Lorelai wanted to kick herself for asking the question. It was none of her business if he brought someone with him.
"Yeah," he replied. They had stepped back up on the main deck.
"Luke," she said, her embarrassment immediately turning to concern. "Are you sure you can handle this boat by yourself?"
For a moment he didn't speak. He heard the worry in her voice and he was surprised how he reacted to it. He felt the need to calm her.
"I'll be fine," he said reassuringly.
"Okay, if you say so," she didn't sound convinced.
Another awkward pause stretched between them. Lorelai started to feel a little trapped even though they were standing on an open deck.
"Well," she said brightly, "I need to get going. I need to be back at the Inn before the dinner rush." She looked around at the boat again. "It's really beautiful. I hope you and April have a terrific time."
She managed to climb up to the dock unassisted and began walking away.
"Lorelai." Luke called.
She turned. "Yes?"
He paused. "If you aren't doing anything on Sunday, you are welcome to come along." He could not believe he asked her to come along. What was he thinking?
"Ah…"
"I understand if you have plans. I just thought I could show you I do know how to handle this boat."
"And if you don't we both go straight to the bottom?" she blurted out.
"Something like that," he said with a straight face.
She resisted the urge to laugh at his response. She glanced around for a moment, unable to meet his eyes, wondering why he would even ask her and put them both in what was definitely going to be an uncomfortable position. He had to be a glutton for punishment.
She decided she must be a glutton for punishment too. "I guess," she nodded. "What time?"
"Eight a.m. You don't sound too sure."
She looked at him sharply at that moment and almost cried out 'what do you want from me?' but then she replied, "If I am not here, then leave without me."
He gave her a measured look. "Okay."
"Now I really have to go," she said backing away.
"Lorelai, watch where you are going."
She turned and sidestepped a fisherman walking down the dock. She gave him a feeble wave then turned and walked away.
Luke began unpacking the rest of the gear he had dumped on the deck and paused for a moment, watching her in the distance. He wondered how they managed to independently end up at the same place, at the same time, almost like they were drawn together. He also wondered what the heck he was thinking by inviting her to go for a cruise when it would just be the two of them. He spent a long time trying to figure out why he did that.
Lorelai wasn't sure how she made it back to Stars Hollow. She was thankful for whatever auto-pilot mode she was in that got her back to the Inn in one piece. She waved Michel away and closed herself in her office without stopping by the kitchen to let Sookie know she was back. She sat at her desk, forcing herself to keep working.
A while later, there was a tapping at the door. The door opened a crack and Sookie peeked in.
"Lorelai?" Sookie called. "I brought you some dinner."
Lorelai realized she had missed lunch and was indeed hungry. "Thanks, Sook."
Sookie set the tray down on her desk, noticing that Lorelai looked a little thoughtful. She fidgeted by adjusting the plate and the silverware. "Honey, are you okay?" she asked finally.
"Hmm? Oh yeah, I'm fine."
"Emily give you a rough time today?"
"No, no more than usual," she said distantly. Sookie could tell she wasn't really paying attention to the conversation.
"Then what? Lorelai?" No response. "Lorelai!"
"Oh! Sorry, Sookie. I…" she trailed off.
"You…."
"I ran into Luke today in Bridgeport."
"In Bridgeport?"
"Yeah, I had to drop off some papers and I took a walk and walked right into him."
"Oh honey," Sookie said sympathetically, "what happened?"
"It was okay." She shook her head in wonder. "I think. He showed me the new boat…"
"Really?" she asked in surprise, a note of hope creeping into her voice.
"…and then he asked me go out on it with him on Sunday."
"Really!" she said speculatively. She clapped her hands in glee. "You two are dating again!"
"Easy, Sookie, it's not a date. He just asked me along. I'm not even sure I am going to go."
"Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't it take you a while to figure out you were dating him when you first started dating him?"
"That was different, Sookie. Everything is different now. It is not a date. Even if he thought it was, which he doesn't, I am not going to jump from Luke, to Christopher and back to Luke again. My heart can't stand it."
"Lorelai?" Sookie waited until Lorelai stared her straight in the eye. "Then why are you even considering going?"
Lorelai had no reply.
Saturday night, Luke was helping TJ clear the table after dinner. Liz had cooked and was finishing feeding Doula. Luke smiled down at his niece.
"She gets prettier every day," he smiled.
"Aww, big brother, you say the sweetest things. Here, take her." She handed him over to Luke, who adjusted her in his arms like a seasoned pro. "Look at you," she marveled, "I remember when she was first born you didn't even want to hold her."
"Yeah, well she grew on me," he smiled softly. He tossed a clean towel over his shoulder and proceeded to burp her. He swayed gently from side to side.
"I'm gonna take off though. I want to turn in early. I have a big day tomorrow."
"What's going on?' Liz asked.
"I'm taking the boat out for a little test run tomorrow."
"Wow. You having a party or something?"
"No, ah…I'm just taking her out."
"By yourself?"
Too late, he saw the trap. He hesitated. He never could lie to Liz.
"Luke?"
"Well, ah, Lorelai is going with me. I think."
Liz' mouth dropped open and she turned and looked at TJ.
"Luuuke." Luke hated the way TJ drew out his name. "Do you think that is wise?"
"Look," he said, handing Doula back to Liz. "Nothing is going on between us. I ran into her, I showed her the boat, she was worried about me going out alone…"
Oh?" He didn't know how Liz managed to say so much with one word.
"Luke," she continued, "Lorelai's father got sick and you were right there at the hospital. She wrote that wonderful character reference that allowed you to get partial custody of April. She was married, now she's divorced. I think there is still something there between you. I still think you two belong together."
"Liz, Lorelai and I both made mistakes when we were together. We are different people now. We have to at least try to be friends as long as we both live in this town. I don't love her and she doesn't love me."
"Who are you trying to convince here? Me or you?"
Luke looked from Liz to TJ, realizing he could never explain it to them. He couldn't even explain it to himself. "I gotta go."
Lorelai sprinted down the gangplank. I am out of my mind, she thought. She had debated with herself about going all day Friday. Sookie didn't help by popping in every five minutes to see if she had made up her mind. Her mother had noticed she was very distant at dinner Friday night, but she managed to chalk it up to Rory not being there.
Rory. She needed to talk to Rory, but every time they talked on the phone, the conversation centered on Yale, finals, graduation, Logan, job interviews and even Paris. She sounded so bogged down; Lorelai didn't want to burden her further. Besides, she had decided they needed to talk about this face-to-face.
So she swung back and forth like a metronome, changing her mind back and forth. Finally, she decided she would not go.
Sunday morning dawned and for the life of her she couldn't figure out why she was awake by six. Still she stayed in bed, debating back and forth until finally, she flung off the covers and got ready.
After everything she was now late. Luke had told her eight a.m., and it was now eight-twenty. He had to be gone already. She should just go back home, yet her feet pounded on the dock as she tried to urge herself to run faster.
She rounded the dock and sprinted down the last stretch as she spotted the boat still docked. She saw Luke, dressed in his usual jeans, flannel and baseball cap, working on the deck, preparing to cast off.
"Wait!" she yelled. "Luke, wait!"
Luke looked up and saw Lorelai running toward him. He deliberately quashed the feeling of relief as he saw her.
"Slow down!" he shouted. "I'm not going anywhere yet."
Lorelai ran the last few yards and actually jumped, her momentum landing her squarely on the deck of the boat. She bent over with her hands on her knees panting.
"Hey sit down, take it easy," Luke said.
"I thought…you were leaving…at eight," she managed to croak.
"Nah, I just told you eight because I figured if you did come you would be late. I wasn't planning on leaving until eight-thirty. Actually, you are right on time." Luke had the audacity to grin.
Lorelai looked up at him and gave him a truly evil glare. "I could've stopped for coffee!" she cried.
"Don't bother. I got a pot going in the galley. Help yourself. We cast off in five minutes."
Lorelai groaned as she went to the galley and poured herself a cup of coffee. She sprawled out in a chair as Luke went past her to the sleeping compartment.
"Did you sleep here or something?" she called down the corridor.
"No," his voice was muffled and she saw why. He was headed back, pulling a thick fisherman's sweater over his head, while carrying another sweater and a life vest. He put the sweater and the vest down in front of her then put his baseball cap back on.
"Got here at seven-thirty. Here, put these on."
She looked at the items then back up at him quizzically.
"Its going to be cold until the sun gets higher in the sky and I figured you needed the life vest to stay afloat after the boat goes down to tell them where to find me."
"Like the captain going down with his ship?"
"That's the general idea," he deadpanned. "Come out when you're ready," he said and left her alone.
Lorelai shielded her eyes as she looked out over the vast expanse of blue. She had been surprised when Luke adeptly maneuvered the boat out of the marina and out into open water. He seemed quite at home steering the vessel. She was sitting in the chair next to him, surreptitiously glancing over at him when she knew he wasn't turned in her direction. He looked good in the sweater, his flannel shirt peeking out around the collar and hanging out the bottom. For all the attention he paid her, he could have been alone.
They hadn't spoken.
Lorelai wasn't sure what had changed; he had seemed amiable enough when she first arrived, but now, she felt awkward. She stood up and looked around, for the first time realizing she saw nothing but ocean. How far out had they come?
Almost in response, Luke slowed the boat and turned off the ignition.
He looked askance at her. "We'll just bob around for a while. Are you hungry?"
Lorelai was confused again. "Yeah, but—"
"Good, I'll make us some lunch." He left her alone on the deck.
After a moment she followed him down to the galley.
"What is going on here?" she asked.
"I'm making lunch."
"I can see that, but…."
Luke turned to face her. "But?"
"You just spent the entire morning, driving the boat, not saying a word. Is something wrong?"
Luke hesitated. He had spent the entire trip debating how to talk to her. "No."
"Luke? Why am I here?"
"You were the one who showed up to come along this morning."
"And you were the one who invited me," she said in exasperation. "Why?"
Luke turned away again and wiped his hands on a cloth. Lunch would have to wait.
"Look. Lorelai, we've been through a lot over the past year," he began, "I just thought…."
"Yes?"
"I am tired of all the tension. Maybe we should talk and smooth things over between us, so things won't be so difficult for either of us. You know, with the town." Luke said slowly as if carefully picking his words. He knew he picked the wrong ones as soon as they were out of his mouth.
Lorelai looked at him in equal parts rage, disbelief and pain. Her throat constricted and she was afraid she would burst out in tears.
"Smooth things over for the sake of the town?" She laughed unpleasantly. "Wow, you have more consideration for Stars Hollow now than me."
"That is not what I meant," Luke said immediately. "We are always there. That damned town is always watching and there is no way we could have talked there."
"That's were we live, in a town full of loons." Lorelai turned away from him. "We fit right in." She shook her head. "Smooth things over."
"Damn it Lorelai, we have to talk!"
"Is this why you asked me out here?"
"It didn't occur to me when I asked you. I don't know why I asked you," he said, honestly. "But when we started out this morning….It's the perfect opportunity. No Miss Patty. No Taylor. No Kirk. No interruptions."
Lorelai felt a surge of fear. She knew that they would finally really talk about what happened between them, but she realized she still wasn't prepared. It was just the two of them and he was right, there would be no interruptions. Suddenly, the boat seemed to shrink in size and all she could see was Luke. She felt the panic rise in her. She wasn't ready for this.
"Take me back!"
"No," he said simply.
She pulled out her cell phone and flipped it open.
"It's doubtful you'll get service out this far. I came out a lot farther than I intended," Luke commented.
Lorelai snapped the phone shut when she saw the 'No Service' message.
"Fine! I'll drive the damn boat back myself!" She darted out onto the deck and up to the wheel. She actually had her fingers on the ignition key when Luke's hand closed over hers. She pulled back; after all this time his touch still burned.
"Are you gonna settle down?" He leaned down to catch her gaze.
"No, I am gonna scream my head off!" she railed.
"Scream away. No one is gonna hear you."
"Argh! Why now? Why after all this time? You made it quite clear that you weren't upset about our break-up. That you would go back to being the guy who pours my coffee. Well that didn't happen. I have learned to live with it. So why now?" She stepped up and actually got in his face. "Why?"
"Things change."
Those two little words stopped her. She looked into his eyes, but couldn't figure out how he felt.
"Fine," she conceded, backing away. "Talk. Get it off your chest. We may as well seeing as this will probably be the last time I ever speak to you!" She turned and headed back to the galley, knowing he was right behind her. She poured herself another cup of coffee and not looking at him, sat at the table and stared at it.
Luke watched her for a moment then continued preparing lunch. "Have you thought at all about what went wrong with us? When we went wrong?" he asked tentatively.
Lorelai looked over at him. His back was turned. Something in the tone of his voice, the tension of his shoulders made her change her mind and not give him a flip answer.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I know exactly when we went wrong," she said softly. "I should never have asked you to marry me."
He turned to face her, surprised, then leaned against the counter. "Why not?" he asked curiously.
"It was for all the wrong reasons. Rory had dropped out of Yale and was at my parents' house. I just jumped into it because you were on my side and I needed your support. I pushed you."
"So you never loved me?" His voice was hoarse.
"Oh Luke, of course I loved you! We weren't ready then. We both had been alone for too long. We needed more time to be together, to strengthen our relationship."
"Seems to me it was pretty strong."
Lorelai shook her head. "If it was, we would have been able to deal with the obstacles that tore us apart. You couldn't tell me about April."
"I could never find the right time to tell you," he admitted. "I was afraid of losing you and at the same time I wanted to build a relationship with her. You have no idea, how it had been, watching you and Rory over the years. The closeness. The love. I wanted that with my daughter too. I felt I needed it to be just her and me to build that kind of relationship. I didn't think about what it might be doing to you, to us."
"Luke, you shut me out and it hurt," she said. "I didn't want you to see how unhappy I was. We kept things from each other. I didn't feel I could tell you how I felt."
"I should have realized," he sighed, "but I didn't. I was too wrapped up in April and trying to keep the peace with Anna so I could keep on seeing her. It was a mistake. I am sorry."
"I couldn't handle it anymore. I was so unhappy and I had to do something to make you see how bad things were."
"And that something was walking into the diner and issuing an ultimatum? You never gave me a chance Lorelai," he said, his voice rising in anger.
"Luke, I gave you a chance. The answer was no."
"And you ran off, without talking about it. You ran straight to Christopher." His voice turned ugly.
It hurt hearing him say that, but she had to face it. "I didn't run to him! I couldn't go to Rory that night! I had no where to go! It was a mistake! I was in pain! I needed to talk to someone!" she yelled at him.
"You could have stayed and talked to me!" he yelled back at her.
"I couldn't! You didn't want me!" she cried, tears streaming down her face.
"I've never stopped wanting you!" he yelled.
The sudden silence between them was deafening. Lorelai's mouth dropped open. Luke pushed away from the counter, realizing what he had just said. He realized that his anger and pain were fueled by the fact that he still cared for her, still loved her. But she didn't love him back. He realized he couldn't handle her letting him down, no matter how gently she did it because then it would truly, finally be over with them.
"You're right, we should go home." He went out on deck.
Lorelai sat dumbfounded for a minute then jumped up and sprinted after Luke.
"Oh no!" she screamed at him as he reached for the key. "You made me stay here and talk. You can't back out now. We have to finish this!"
"I don't need the gory details of you and Christopher!"
"Well you are going to hear me out! You started this!"
Lorelai shoved his hand away from the ignition, grabbed the key and quickly backed away.
"Lorelai give me the key!"
"No!"
"Lorelai!"
She ran to the side and he saw her fling her arm out. The sun bouncing off the water momentarily blinded him so he couldn't see where the key went. He went to the rail and shaded his eyes and looked out at the water.
"Lorelai! Are you crazy? Do you realize what you've done?"
"Yes! I am finishing this! I am smoothing things over! Live with it!" She wiped the tears from her cheeks and went back to the galley.
It took a full five minutes before Luke calmed down enough to come back into the galley. Lorelai was sitting drinking coffee. Luke sat down at the table. They didn't look at each other.
"I didn't go over there to sleep with him," she began quietly.
Luke flinched. "Did he pressure you?"
"No. It was mistake, but he was comforting and for short time, he made me forget about you," she murmured. "A very short time."
She finally looked at him. "When you showed up that morning suggesting we elope, I was hurt. I had to tell you, not to hurt you back, but to be honest with you. I had kept everything bottled up for too long and I couldn't do that anymore. I'm sorry."
He sighed and got up and brought lunch to the table, though he was sure that neither one of them was hungry.
"If it was wrong, why did you marry him?"
"He had always been there in my life. There were times he and I were very close to marrying but something always got in the way of that happening. I went ahead and married him against my better judgment. He assured me it would work and I," she paused, "I thought I could finally make a family for Rory and me. But something got in the way this time too."
"What got in the way when you got married?"
It was her turn. "You."
Something flickered in his eyes and was quickly gone. "But you married him anyway."
"Yes and it was a mistake."
"You could have made it work."
"I tried, but we couldn't. I should have realized when I turned him down when I was sixteen that we were never meant to be. He was afraid back then, and he had shown me time and again, that he couldn't handle a relationship, couldn't be there for me in the tough situations. And he was too jealous of you."
"Of me?" he queried softly. "We kept clear of each other."
"Christopher, for all his faults, did make the effort. He was supportive when April had her appendectomy and I went to the hospital. He was annoyed that I didn't want to leave Stars Hollow when we went house-hunting. He was down-right jealous when he saw you and me with Doula and immediately wanted more children and I told him I wasn't ready."
"But you want more kids." He remembered their conversation on the subject quite clearly.
"Yes, but with someone I can raise them with. I realized I couldn't with Christopher. History was against him. Then he left after he found your letter."
"My letter?"
"The character reference. He walked out. He said I wasn't done with you. That we weren't finished."
Luke's jaw tightened. "I'm sorry if my asking for that letter ended your marriage."
"It didn't. It just brought our troubles out into the open where they could no longer be ignored. That's why he wasn't at the hospital when my father was sick." She caught his gaze and held it. "But you were. After everything that happened, you were."
"I had to come. I remember how it was the last time."
"I hated the way my mother treated you."
"Your mother will never change. It doesn't matter."
"It does!" she said angrily. "You deserve better!"
Luke was silent for a moment. "Are we finished?" he dared to ask.
She knew what he was asking and stared into his eyes, trying to fathom how he was feeling, but she couldn't. Her own emotional state was too raw.
"I honestly don't know," she dropped her head into her hands. "Right now, I can't think about anything. This," she gestured between them, 'has worn me out. I'm exhausted."
"I feel the same way," Luke nodded, he rubbed his face absentmindedly. "I can't deal with anything else at the moment." He heaved a sigh and looked at her. "C'mon, let's get some rest."
"Rest?"
"Rest, as in sleep."
Lorelai looked at him warily, not sure what he was suggesting.
"Sleep as in you take one bunk, I'll take the other," he clarified. "I can call the Coast Guard to come rescue us later."
"Ah, you don't need to call the Coast Guard," she began sheepishly, reaching into her jeans pocket. She dropped the key on the table. "I didn't throw it away."
He gaped at her. "Why did you make me think you did?"
She gave him a nasty grin. "Payback from this morning."
His eyes narrowed dangerously as he looked at her, but his eyes were glinting in amusement and after a moment he gave her a small grin.
"Do you want to get some rest?" he asked.
Truthfully Lorelai was exhausted. She had not realized how tense she had been and how much their talk had drained her emotionally.
"Yeah, I could use a nap."
He stood up. "C'mon."
She slowly followed him into the sleeping compartment. "Left or right?"
"Ah…right."
"Here." He tossed some blankets on the foot of the bunk and then proceeded to unfold a couple of blankets for himself. Lorelai did the same. They got into their respective bunks and settled down facing each other, staring at each other.
"It's okay," he said gently, "sleep."
Lorelai closed her eyes and surprisingly drifted off with a sigh. Luke watched her a while longer before he too drifted off.
Lorelai slowly opened her eyes then frowned as her surroundings came into view. It took her a moment to realize where she was. She looked over at the other bunk. It was empty. Lorelai stretched; amazed that she had slept so comfortably and was actually feeling pretty good, in spite of the high drama she had gone through earlier. She had to admit, it was the best she had felt in months. It was the proverbial heavy weight that was lifted from her chest. She had gotten her chance to explain everything and so had he. She idly wondered if, or where, they would go from here.
She heard the study thrum of the engine and realized Luke was taking them back. Back to land, back to Stars Hollow, back to ….what? She cringed anew over the bad decisions she had made over the past year. Leaving Luke, marrying Christopher, yet she wasn't sure what she wanted next. She almost laughed when she realized she would have to talk to Luke. She owed him that. And she knew he would help her figure it out.
Lorelai got up and walked through to the galley, preparing to go on deck when she saw the plate of food he had left her, with the simple note that said "Eat". It looked like he had made fresh coffee for her too. She shook her head and was touched by his thoughtfulness. Realizing that she was very hungry, she grabbed the plate and poured herself some coffee and sat down and ate, her mind going off in all directions.
She knew they needed time. As awful as the day had been at times, it had been a good thing that they had talked, but she had no idea what Luke was thinking or even if he was even considering starting their relationship once again.
She finished her meal and went back to the bunks to straighten them out. Next, she started cleaning up the galley, keeping herself busy, all the while thinking.
Luke slowed the boat down as the got closer to the marina. He wondered if Lorelai was awake yet. He remembered staring down at her, watching her sleep before coming back out on deck. He had let his mind run, unchecked over everything that happened over the past year, including this trip. He felt better, no actually he felt pretty good, but with one exception: where would they go from here? As long and as difficult this day had been for both of them, it was clear it wasn't over for either of them yet.
He maneuvered the boat back up to the dock, secured her then went back inside to wake Lorelai.
He was surprised to find her drying the dishes. "Hey you didn't have to clean up. Did you eat something?"
She turned around and faced him. "Yeah, I did and yeah I needed to lend a hand somewhere and cleaning up seemed to be the obvious choice."
The silence drew out between them. Lorelai turned back to the dish rack. She was still keenly aware of Luke standing behind her just a few feet away.
"We still need to finish our talk," he began gently.
"I know."
"We need to figure out where we go from here."
She nodded. "I know."
"Lorelai."
She put down the dish towel and turned to face him again, looking directly into his eyes.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"It isn't a question of just what I want," he stated. "We both have to want the same thing. If we don't, well…at least we'll know we can go on and be able to live in the same town without it being awkward."
"And what do you want?" she questioned him again.
He let out a long breath. "I miss you. I honestly thought when all was said and done here, that we would be through for good. But I miss you. So I don't think we are finished yet." He paused, "I'm pretty sure I'm still in love with you."
Lorelai hadn't realized she had been holding her breath until it came out in a whoosh. She felt elated, but she couldn't shake the feeling that they needed to proceed with caution.
"Lorelai," he stepped closer, "what do you want?"
"Luke," she began tentatively, "I guess feelings like ours don't go away easily. I do still care about you. I do still love you…"
"But?" he moved even closer.
"I don't want to jump back into a relationship with you and have it be the way it was before. If it didn't work this time, I think it would kill me. And I think it would kill me more to hurt you again."
"I feel the same."
"We need to communicate more about the good stuff and the bad. Particularly the bad."
"I think we can do that," he replied. "One thing I am realizing is we are not the same people we were a year ago. If we were, we wouldn't be here today."
"Well you said it yourself: 'Things change'."
He gave a short laugh, hearing his own words come back to him. "So this means?"
"I need time. We need time. Can we go slow?" Lorelai asked hesitantly. "Take our time getting close to one another again?"
"I can live with that," he smiled.
His arms slipped around her waist as he bent to kiss her, but her fingertips on his chest were holding him back. She shook her head.
"I can't even kiss you?" his voice was incredulous.
"Just not right now," she replied. She was afraid if he kissed her, they would end up together in one of the bunks and she wanted this time to be right. "I think we have been through enough for one day." She gently caressed his cheek. "Soon, just not now. Remember, slow."
"Okay." Luke took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. "Will you start coming back to the diner?"
She hesitated knowing if she did, she would have made her decision and both he and the town would know. There would be no turning back.
"I'll tell you what. As soon as I set foot in the diner, we can go full steam ahead."
"Nautical reference, very clever."
"It seemed appropriate."
"Okay. I won't push you. When you're ready, you're ready. I'll be waiting." They stood like that for a moment longer then Luke let her go.
"If you want to take off, it's okay. I need to clean up here."
"What else needs to be done?"
"Straighten up the bunks…"
"Done."
"Put away the dishes."
"Done." She finished putting the last few dishes away. Clearly she wanted to leave with him.
"Okay, I'll turn off the water and the gas and we can lock up and go."
"I'll meet you on deck." She smiled.
Luke quickly finished closing up the boat then climbed on the deck. Lorelai smiled at him as they stepped up onto the dock together. He walked her back to her car and helped her in. She closed the door and opened the window.
"Thank you for a lovely day," she said simply.
"I'm not sure I would call today 'lovely', but thank you for coming." He reached in and smoothed her hair way from her face. "I am glad we finally did this."
"Me, too." She squeezed his hand and he stepped back.
"See you at the diner soon?" he asked.
"Soon," she smiled.
Lorelai started the jeep and drove away. Luke stood and watched until she was out of sight then proceeded to his truck. He got in and sat for a moment, amazed about everything that had happened today. He wondered how long it would be before Lorelai turned up at the diner and what would happen when she did.
He grinned to himself and hoped it would be soon.
Very soon.
tbc