Chapter 3: Near-fatal Affection

Somehow I managed to survive the next few months without completely losing my mind, keeping an eye on Matt, but in turn ignoring him for the life of me. However the embarrassment seemed to have died down by then, because no one made any reference as I gradually came out of my seemingly perpetual prison. I exited my room to the beckon of Aero and Linda, wanting me to watch the news with them about a case where criminals were dying of heart attacks all over the world. "This case is hella weird, but L can totally solve it," Aero told me excitedly one day, when the man we all loved called out Kira like nobody's business. We all cheered when we heard the garbled tone of his voice, knowing that he would win, like always. "He's got fucking guts!"

Matt, Mello, and Near had also been viewing the news with us at that time, Near situated a little bit farther away from the rest of us, as is his habit. I was so excited that I couldn't hold it in; I walked up to Matt and hugged him tight, all of us cheering. I planted a kiss on his cheek and then blushed, moving away, giving him a warm smile. I couldn't hold a grudge for very long, the three months that I had was an all time record for me, to say the least. "It's so great, isn't it Matt?" I questioned of him, holding his hands in my own as I stood before him.

"Yeah, L is really giving Kira a run for his money," he agreed, looking subtly around for Mello, however the blond didn't seem to be anywhere in sight as of yet. Where he went I didn't know, but when Matt saw he wasn't there he glanced to me with a cordial smile. "So, you're not pissed anymore right?" I sighed and nodded, taking my hands away and putting them in my pockets, noting his relieved grin with curiosity. Why on earth would he be relieved? I sighed and watched him walk away, catching up to Mello as he walked out of the room, magically appearing out of thin air. Perhaps he isn't such a bad guy after all…

…:oOo:…

"No girl can resist me," Matt commented to Mello, wearing his thumbs out on his game system. "I think I've made out with every girl in this place. I've gotta be the best kisser in the whole damn world." I heard this and glanced up at him, frowning in annoyance from my work.

Or, perhaps I'm wrong.

Mello didn't look very interested as he lay on his back in the grass beside his friend, clutching the rosary around his neck for some reason. He seemed to be thinking about something important, hardly paying attention to the redhead. I snorted and shook my head, annoyed by both his claim and his foul language. I turned my attention back to my books, hardly engrossed in his ridiculous boasts. The noise made him glance curiously in my direction, and the game boy emitted a loud noise, indicating that he lost. Handing the electronic to Mello, who put it in his coat because it began to rain, he stood up and gave the blond a smirk. I quickly put my books in my bag so they wouldn't get wet, stowing the black backpack under the table just in case. I sighed and kicked brick wall the table I was sitting at was next to. This was annoying, the bloody weatherman said it was going to be cloudy today, but not rain. But with my luck it had to rain, didn't it?

As I sat there with my hood up, I thought about Matt's silly brag, and sighed, resting my elbow on the table and my cheek in my hand, closing my eyes. I'll believe that when I experience it, I thought with a slightly smug tone in my mental voice. Which isn't going to happen. Matt is such a loser. I recalled the "French Maid" incident, and the different things he did to me when I first came here as a naïve little girl, falling for everything that stupid kid said to me. I would never forgive that guy for the humiliation he put me through those months ago, and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that I was mulling over it. I knew how guys like that operated. He'd do something to a girl so she'd think about him all the time, and then catch her off guard and make her do whatever he wants. It annoyed me to no end!

I suddenly felt someone clutching my shoulders and pressing me against the rain soaked wall, my body shivering in the cold weather and my hood falling from my head, getting my hair soaked. "Whoa, what are you doing Matt?" I questioned in surprise, trying to wipe the water from my face; I could really get sick from this stupid weather. Feeling dim-witted, I realized I just fell prey to his tactics, as he had caught me off guard, but I'd never do whatever he… He pressed his lips to mine in a painfully aggressive manner, making my jaw drop in shock, and he took this as an invitation. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and I couldn't think, wrapping my arms around his neck, returning the emotions for this surprisingly breathtaking kiss. It felt so warm, despite being so cold outside, and it tasted so wonderful, something I've never experienced in my short, fourteen-year-old life.

He wasn't kidding when he said he had to be the best kisser, and I didn't doubt that claim any longer. However, why was I kissing him? I told myself I wouldn't fall victim to his ridiculous tactics, but somehow, it turned out that way. I hated him so much, but are you supposed to be doing this with the one you hated? And I couldn't break free of his touch, his lips against mine, and his tongue touching my tongue. It just seemed so right, and felt so good! I've never kissed anyone before, much less like this, and I finally found out what I've been missing out on. His tongue explored every part of my mouth, lightly brushing everything before going back to tangle with mine. It was almost crippling, the sheer magnitude of the emotion I felt right now, and he gripped me harder as I pushed my own tongue into his mouth, wanting to discover what was there myself.

My breath caught in my throat, and I could feel my head get light, but I didn't want to stop. His hands tangled in my brown hair, and mine in his red. I couldn't think straight, I couldn't think about the consequences of my actions and how I would feel about submitting to this, allowing this ignorant, rude boy get the upper hand on me. I have always be a slightly defensive person, and that trait just expanded after the "photo shoot," but I felt every wall I put up collapse around my ears just because this guy kissed me. My brain wouldn't listen to me, wouldn't let me tear myself away from this contact, as much as I wished to. It was listening to my truest desires rather than my hateful façade, and I couldn't stop.

However, something strange was happening to me, as my vision started to blur heavily. The session went on for a little over a minute, but I pulled away because I couldn't breathe, I had to pull away even though I didn't want to. Even after my mouth was free the breaths still wouldn't come, and I collapsed to my knees, feeling like I was going to die due to suffocation. I can't breathe, I can't breathe! I tried to scream, but my voice wouldn't form, my body wouldn't work, my asthma agitated to an extreme degree right about now. The stress, holding my breath for so long by kissing Matt, everything was just getting to my system, and activating something I never wanted to go through. An asthma attack.

I felt mud against my face as I finally fell all the way to the ground, trying desperately to allow oxygen into my lungs, but the necessity of life unable to get through. "Byzantine?" Matt questioned in shock, hoisting me up to look at my face, worry all over his own. He was blurry and I felt my eyes close, my hearing fading as his began to call for Mello's help…

…:oOo:…

I woke up gradually, the first thing I noticed being something weird strapped to my face. The next thing I noticed was that my arms were sore for some reason, and I heard an annoying beeping noise by my head. I tried to recall what had happened before I fell asleep, but the effort made the pain in my head explode and I fought back tears. I remembered, Matt… Matt; what was he doing? I thought hard about it for a moment, and remembered the ecstasy I felt for something going on, something strange that I never experienced before…

A kiss.

Matt… Matt kissed me, that's right… but why would that cause me to be hospitalized? I tried to figure out what the thing on my face was, and I remembered… I couldn't breathe; I fainted. Then it struck me, and I heard the monitor beep in warning as my heart almost stopped: I had an asthma attack. I gulped and felt more tears sting at my eyelids. Matt nearly killed me by performing a feat of love (well, usually it's for love, but this was for proving me wrong)! A couple more seconds of that amazing first kiss and I might as well have died from it. That's a depressing thought to have, I comprehended, knowing that I should be glad to be alive at all.

"Oi, doc, why's this machine beeping all annoyingly?" I heard a voice say in worry; obviously watching the lines pass by on the heart monitor. I opened my eyes to see the face of my would-be killer, his attention drawn to the opposite side of the room to where I supposed the doctor to be. The man made some sort of reply, but I didn't hear it while watching Matt's sunglass-less face with my slightly awake blue eyes. He sighed and glanced down at me, our eyes meeting momentarily before he ran a hand through his hair. "Uh, hello Byzantine," he greeted me nervously; chewing on the end of an unlit cigarette he pulled out after the doctor left the room. I blinked for a moment, my breaths shallow, and I grasped that I couldn't speak. I needed all the air I could get just for staying alive right now. The tears I tried to dam back with my eyelids fell now, and that startled the kleptomaniac for a moment, watching my crying face for a moment before turning away to look at something else. I bet those stupid cigarettes were stolen, too, I thought good-naturedly, everything seeming funny to me now.

I was so happy to be alive, to see Matt, just to be here, that I couldn't contain myself. I just had to let it out somehow, and since talking was out of the question, I guess crying was the next option my brain picked to relieve all of its tension and happiness. I reached out shakily, slowly, and rested my own hand on Matt's very lightly, not having the strength to do much else, like hold it or lace our fingers together. I don't know why, and I certainly don't know how it came about so suddenly, but I felt a strange fondness for this other side of Matt; the nervous, worried, upset side that no one has ever seen before.

Normally he was laid back and uncaring, a bored expression on his face no matter what the situation is. Even when he was flirting with a girl or hanging out with Mello, he never seemed to get excited about anything. But right now, it seemed, he was kind of ranging on the emotional side, though it would probably revert back to normal once I was out of the infirmary. That's how these things usually worked. "M-Matt," I managed to croak out, and he turned to look at me, taking my hand in his. I took a few more shallow breaths as I worked on completing this sentence. "I'm… not…" a few more miniscule inhales, "mad…"

"What?" he asked blankly, looking confused. "Why the hell aren't you mad? I almost killed you." The sentences came out matter-of-factly, not much nuance placed on anything and no emotion emphasizing any of his words. He chewed on the cigarette some more, obviously using it as a stress reliever. I didn't have the strength to say much of anything else, so I just smiled at him, which puzzled him more. I wasn't overly concerned with his puzzlement, just him knowing that I wasn't angry with him. He couldn't possibly have known that I had asthma, and I should have been more careful with what I was doing and not have instigated him in the first place. It was my fault, all the way. Even as a thirteen-year-old I knew that I should be more careful with my asthma, but I had never been concerned with it because I never had any issues with it, like an attack. But now, I suppose, I would have to watch what I do…

Matt rolled his eyes and shook his head, not even curious anymore. But his hand didn't let mine go, which was comforting, and before he left to get to his room and bed (I found out that I was in Wammy's infirmary), he kissed my cheek good-bye. I flushed when he closed the door, wondering if he was just being nice, or if he actually felt something there. Because I knew, before I fell asleep that night that I felt something strongly for Matt, something that I couldn't explain why it was there. I had three good reasons why I shouldn't like him: he kissed me when I didn't want to be kissed, he triggered a severe asthma attack, and he didn't seem apologetic at all, simply worried that I'd kill him when I got better.

And yet, and yet… I still could feel my heart beat at the memory of that passionate kiss we shared, something I would never forget. Something I didn't want to forget. Stupid kleptomaniac, I cursed him gently, resentment and grudges not my forte at all. Stole my first kiss.

…:oOo:…

It took a couple of weeks and an inhaler for me to be properly back on my feet again, however I was still having some trouble breathing if I walked too far or stood up for too long. Fortunately I didn't have another attack, thank goodness, because not being able to breathe was frightening, feeling like I was going to die. And my anger towards Matt seemed to have dissipated, because I was cordial with him whenever I saw him. I had plenty of wonderful reasons to hate his guts until the end of time, but I wasn't going to. Hating him for about a week was the best I could manage after all of that, and now I felt closer to him than ever before. Despite almost killing me, Mello told me that he also rushed me to the infirmary the moment I collapsed, which also meant he truly saved my life.

And I was grateful.

I yawned as I sat before my books in Physics class, trying to pay attention to my teacher. I was dead tired, but I had to get this stuff down before the next test else I would fail. But everyone's attention was drawn from the teacher when Linda walked in late, and stayed away when Aero walked in dressed like a prostitute, much to my shock. When I had known her she was so modest, a tomboy, and usually wore jeans and a baggy tee shirt. But now, this… it was so unlike her that I couldn't help but stare as Linda sat beside me. "Linda," I questioned of her, keeping my voice low. "Why's she dressed like that?"

The girl giggled and replied, "To impress Mello. She's totally got a thing for him, and now that you and Matt are dating, she's jealous." Near glanced over at us and then to Aero, getting the idea and turning directly back to his worked, obviously uninterested in any of it. Social outcast to his last breath, I suppose.

I made a disgusted face. "I'm not dating Matt," I insisted, shaking my head in confusion. For some reason, my ears completely tuned in on Matt's voice when he began to speak, and I heard him flirting with her. I glanced over in horror with my very own brand of jealousy, angry that he would do such a thing. Aero saw my expression for a split second before turning back in nervousness. However, Miss Nancy calling her spared me the pain of the obvious answer and I sighed, grateful that she came in at just the right moment. I can't believe Matt asked her and not… whoa… hold up there, girl! I scolded myself, internally grimacing. I don't want to go on a single date with Matt, ever! What was I thinking?

But for the rest of the period I couldn't get my mind off of him, trying my hardest to be studious. Unfortunately, my mind simply breathed Matt for the rest of the class, much to my dismay. When we were dismissed I strode right by him in annoyance, making him slightly surprised that I didn't say hi to him. To get my mind away from the entire subject, I sat down at my desk and did homework due over the next three days for the next seven hours, and I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Still I couldn't help myself, really.

I didn't trust him, I didn't like him. I couldn't stand the thought of being around him for more than five minutes at a time. But I felt this strange, overwhelming desire for him, neither for his body nor for his company, just for his essence, if that makes any logical amount of sense. Like when a child isn't permitted to eat the freshly baked cookies, so they just smell them until they can. Except for the fact that I didn't want Matt as a tangible thing in my hands, just his smell in my head. It's such a strange notion that I didn't know what to do about it. I thought about asking Mello, but he might laugh at me and tell Matt, or discussing it with Aero and Linda, but they might get freaked out that it was Matt in general, or not understand it properly. Near was an option, however he didn't seem to have enough emotion in him to be attracted to anyone in the whole world, so perhaps his council wouldn't be backed up by experience.

So I bottled it inside of me, hoping it would go away.