Title: Gravity
Author: inelastic (spyglass)
Rating: T until/unless otherwise specified
Disclaimer: I'm going to need bigger pockets
Pairings: MS, traces of DE, JS, & others. But this fic is inherently MS in design.
Category: MS, Martin angst, Sam angst, Spade family drama, addiction storyline, cast interaction, an occasional casefile.
Spoilers: 5x18 and 5x19. This diverges somewhere towards the very end of 5x19.
Summary: What goes up must come down.

Notes: I don't trust the WAT PTB to do the upcoming storyline justice, so I'm taking matters into my own hand.

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prologue

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oh, gravity is working against me
and gravity wants to bring me down

oh, twice as much ain't twice as good
and can't sustain like a one half could
it's wanting more that's gonna send me to my knees
-John Mayer, "Gravity"

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The evening crowd began to file in at White Roses, and Martin felt out of place in his business slacks and jacket. They had arrived just after 7:00, when the bar was relatively empty. It was still winter enough that the early evening hour appeared later than 10:00 in August. By now, though, the lights in the bar had dimmed and the floor was crowded with young adults dressed for a night on the town.

He slumped back against the wooden back of his seat, pretending to pay attention as Danny vented his frustrations about Elena.

"... and she tells me she needs just a little more time, man, but I just don't know what's going on with her. I wish she'd let me in."

He nodded in assent, his eyes focused on his gin and tonic as though it was the most fascinating thing in the entire room. This was not a bar they usually frequented, but it was close enough to the office and served their purpose at the time: Danny needed a place to go where he could sit and talk uninterrupted, and he -- he just needed somewhere to go to forget.

"It's just ... difficult, you know?" Danny said finally.

Martin shifted his gaze away from their booth in the secluded back corner and towards the countertop where the bartender was serving a couple that had just arrived. She was blonde, petite, and appeared to be quite a few years younger than her companion. He shook his head and turned back to his drink, sipping long and hard as he considered Danny's words.

It was relatively dark at the office when he and Vivian returned to reunite Becca and her grandfather, but just from the appearance of their desks, he could tell that everyone but Elena was still around somewhere. Danny's jacket was casually thrown over the back of his chair, desk in a complete state of disarray; he had been somewhat distant and distracted since Sofie's kidnapping and subsequent return. The light in Jack's office was still on, and Jack's voice carried softly out of the room. It sounded vaguely as though he was talking to one of his daughters. Sam's computer was still on and two empty mugs sat on her desk - a sure sign that she was still somewhere in the building.

Martin waved to Vivian as she grabbed her coat and said something about getting home in time to make sure Reggie was studying for his big Trig test the next day. He slouched forward as he sat at his desk, resting his forehead against one hand while using the other to check his office voice mail.

As usual, though, there was nothing of significance. Not even case-related.

"Hey, man," Danny leaned over the back of his desk. "You busy tonight?"

Martin sighed and placed his phone carefully back in the receiver. He shook his head.

"If you're up for it, I was going to grab something to eat on the way home..."

Martin looked up to study his friend's face. Danny seemed to need someone to talk to and he didn't want to refuse, but at the same time, he really just wanted to go home and catch the end of whatever basketball game was playing. Whatever was on Danny's mind must really be weighing on him, though. Finally, he nodded. "Sure, just give me a few minutes to clear some of this up."

If Danny noticed that Martin's desk was actually completely devoid of clutter or paperwork, he didn't say anything. And Martin was grateful that would have a few minutes to collect his thoughts.

Danny walked away, his shoulders heavy with stress, and Martin noticed that Samantha had returned to her desk. If he angled himself just right, he could see her reflection in the dark black window of his empty computer screen. She held another mug of coffee in her hand, and he recognized the way her fingers were clutching the cup.

It may have been almost two years since things had come to a crashing halt between them, but he still knew what that look meant. She was on edge about something.

He silently wondered when the entire office began walking around with the weight of the world on their shoulders.

He shuffled nonexistent papers around his desk when he noticed Jack's reflection block out Sam's form as he came up behind her.

He found himself torn between wanting to know what they were talking about and feeling like knowing would only tear him apart once again. Still, though, he was an FBI agent and his natural curiosity was hard to fight. He silently cursed his well-trained ears for picking up on the quiet conversation in the dark office.

"Sam -" Jack moved to lean against the side of his desk. "Your sister Emily came by earlier looking for you."

Her hands moved back to massage her neck, and she sighed. Her hushed tone sounded accusatory. "What did she want?"

"Hey," Jack placed one of his own hands on her shoulder. "Don't shoot the messenger. She said you two were supposed to have lunch."

Martin felt his heart wedge in his chest. He didn't know Sam and Emily were suddenly in contact, and he certainly had no idea what about this was making Sam appear so tense.

For a second, he thought he was seeing green. She always seemed to let Jack in, in a way that she had never wanted to when she was with him. He didn't want to be jealous, he really didn't. It was one of the things he was working hardest with his sponsor about. But that didn't stop him from feeling the churning sensation deep in the pit of his stomach when he watched Sam and Jack together through the reflection of his monitor.

Seeing them together awakened the doubts that lived in the dark corners of his brain. The thought that they had never really been about 'them' at all; that the only reason he had ever had a chance was because Jack was going to Chicago to be with Maria. That he had only been a poor substitute, and he had never really had a 'chance' after all.

He didn't know what hurt him worse: the fact that she didn't appear to have ever wanted him, or the fact that she still did appear to want Jack.

His heart heavy and his head filled with uncertainty and suspicion, he rose from his desk and trod off, defeated, in search of Danny.

He needed to tell him that if they were going to grab dinner, drinks were somehow going to have to be involved as well...

Swallowing, Martin raised his head and cast his eyes sorrowfully at Danny. "Yeah," he said. "It's difficult."

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he sat back in his seat, thinking his friend had no idea just how difficult it actually was.

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