A/N: So Alex gave me the notebook for my gradutation present! It kinda makes me sad, since there will be no more collaboration anymore at a certain point, but...oh well.
Disclaimer: Even if the notebook is now mine, the story will forever be mine and Alex's, even though neither of us are JKR. That I know of...
Willow: No! Not the Riceball of Death!
Peter: -Launches himself at Peter to grab Riceball-
Remus: Um...Is it really that important, Peter?
Alice: -Catches Riceball and takes a bite- Mm, you know, this ain't half bad.
Peter: -Sobbing, while yanking Lily's arm backwards- My riceball!
Willow: Did you not hear me a second ago? I said, RICEBALL OF DEATH!
Sirius: So is that why Alice is turning orange?
Alice: What? -Feels around at skin-
Willow: Yup, that would be why.
Alice: Oh no! -Runs to mirror- Oh my God, I look like I overdosed on instant tan lotion!
James: Instant tan lotion?
Lily: Get off me, Peter! -Sends Peter flying backwards- Alice, it's not as bad as you thing...
Alice: Not as bad as I think? NOT AS BAD AS I THINK? Lily, I have freakin' orange bloody skin! -Sticks face in Lily's face- See? See? I fail to understand how this is "Not as bad as I think!"
Willow: The Riceball of Death can do that.
James: What's instant tan lotion?
Sirius: The Riceball of Death makes your skin orange?
Willow: No, it brings about a person's greatest fear, and since most people fear death...
Jem: That makes sense.
James: Is anyone going to answer my question?
Everyone but James: No.
James: -Pouts- Fine... -Goes over and stands by food basket-
Remus: So Alice's greatest fear is...
All Girls: Tanning.
Remus: Tanning?
Alice: Argh! My skin looks so disgusting! It's going to get crinkly and wrinkly! It's gonna peel! IT DOESN'T MATCH MY HAIR!
Sirius: Superficial much?
Peter: -Moans from his position on the floor-
James: Wow, Lily, I wouldn't want to get in the way of YOUR elbows.
Lily: ...Was that supposed to be a compliment?
Peter: -On the floor- I just wanted my riceball back...
Lily: That doesn't mean you can jump on me!
James: He jumped on you?
Lily: Yes he jumped on me! Where were you?
James: -Looks around- Um, I was...
Jem: Hey guys, why is all the food gone?
James: -Looks at Jem with an innocent expression- Hee hee...
Sirius: Arg, it's true!
Lily, James: What's true?
James: -Smirks at Lily-
Lily: -Glares at James-
James: - Yelps and runs over to others-
Sirius: The Riceball of Death! It's true!
Remus: What are you talking about?
Willow: Sirius took a bite of the Riceball of Death, and Jem discovered that James ate all the food.
Alice: So Sirius' greatest fear is having all the food gone?
Remus, James, Peter: Yup.
Jem: So it really does work.
Willow: -Aggravated- Yes, it really does work. I've only been saying that for the last ten minutes.
Sirius: -Pats empty stomach- So...what are you afraid of, Willow?
Willow: ...Urg...
Sirius: Let's find out! -Shoves bit of Riceball into Willow's mouth-
-A clown prances up the stairs-
Clown: Hey guys! I'm here for the birthday party!
Willow: -Shaking- Help...me...
Lily: -Pulls out wand- Clownicus Disappearicus.
Clown: -Disappears-
Remus: That was...odd...
Jem: That's Willow.
James: -Laughing- I can't believe you're afraid of clowns!
Willow: Oh yeah? Well let's see what you're afraid of! -Shoves part of Riceball into James' mouth-
Snape: -Prances up the stairs; Sneers at Lily- Evans. -Attacks Lily in a passionate kiss-
All: -Stunned-
Lily: Mmrph! -Tries to get away-
Snape: My love, you may fight all you want, but you know you can't resist me.
Jem: ...Ew.
Willow: This would all be very funny if it weren't so disgusting.
Lily: -Punches Snape in the stomach and kicks him down the stairs- None of you will even mention this again. Never.
Alice: Technically you wouldn't have been put in that predicament if it weren't for James here.
Lily: -Stares evilly at James- Potter, I'm gonna give you a five second head start.
Jem: You'd better run, James.
James: -Runs away- Arg!
Lily: One...Two...Five! -Runs after James-
Peter: What happened to three and four?
Willow: I think Lily assassinated them.
Jem: Ho can you assassinate a number?
Remus: Once again, why are you not worried about James? Won't HE be getting assassinated?
Alice: Because the law of nature is that you can't kill the one you love.
Willow: Haven't you gotten that through your head yet?
Sirius: Well, you could technically kill the one you love.
Alice: Oh really? Where's your proof?
Sirius: Well, let's just say that my family has been known to kill people they love. Except for me and my great-uncle.
Alice: Oh ho. Then how do you know YOU won't kill the ones you love?
Sirius: I am NOT like my family. I have more honor and loyalty towards my friends.
Peter: That's our Siri, honor and loyalty all the way.
Sirius: Please don't call me Siri, Peter.
Willow: -Bats eyelashes- Can I call you Siri?
Sirius: -Glares, then weakens- I can't say no to you.
Willow: -Cackles-
Jem: Willow, I know you love being a witch, but you don't have to cackle like one.
Alice: Then again, she wouldn't be Willow if she didn't cackle.
Jem: True.
James: -Runs up stairs-
Lily: -Running after him- Potter, get your arse over here!
James: -Makes U-turn around Lily- Oh, so you finally admit that you want me around!
Lily: No, I want you over here so I can castrate you!
Willow: With a grapefruit knife! -Holds up knife-
Lily: Yes, with a grapefruit knife! -Stops running and puts hands on hips- You woke me up at 8:00am on a Saturday! You stole my first kiss! You made Snape kiss me! And you won't bloody tell me how you got up here!
Sirius: Are you still hung up over that?
Lily: You wanted to woo me, but you don't give a damn about MY feelings!
Jem: Lily, calm down.
Lily: I will not! -Walks into dorm room and slams door-
James: God, she's hot when she's pissed.
Alice, Willow, Jem: -Roll eyes-
Peter: Yeah, yeah. Only you would think that.
Sirius: Actually, I was just thinking that too.
James: WHAT? -Hits Sirius in the arm-
Remus: Hey guys, we're in the hallway.
Boys: -Look at each other- RUN!
Willow: Oh no you don't.
Alice, Jem, Willow: -Grab boys and duct tape them to the wall-
Sirius: What the hell is this stuff?
Jem: Duct tape.
Remus: I've heard about this stuff. It has over 1,000 uses.
Sirius: Does this seem kinky to anyone else?
Everyone but Sirius: -Stares at Sirius-
Alice: Lily, they're all yours.
-Silence-
Jem: Oh yeah, she locked herself in our room. Great. So what do we do with them? -Points to Marauders-
James: Well, you could let us go...
Willow: Yes, but that would defeat the purpose of tying you up in the first place.
Alice: I have a better idea. -Talks loudly so Lily can hear- Let's take them somewhere dark and do terrible things to them until they tell us how they got up here. -Stares evilly at boys- But we would have to do them each separately...
Peter: Guys, I'm really scared... -Starts squirming and duct tape tightens-
Sirius: Peter! Stop squirming! You're making it even more terrible than it needs to be!
Jem: I'm sorta worried for their well-being here.
Willow: I'm not. -Speaks loudly, catching onto Alice's idea of luring Lily out of the room- I kinda like your idea, Alice.
Jem: What?
Alice: -Whispers to Jem- Lily wanted to know how they got up here, right? So if we talk loud enough to get her attention, she may come back out and join the fun.
Jem: Do you really think she won't guess what's up?
Willow: I doubt it.
Jem: Why?
Willow: Because she's sitting with her back to the door, listening to every word we say to them. -Points to Lily's shadow under the door-
Jem: Oh.
Willow: Yeah.
Alice: So we just need to make this convincing.
Remus: Um, guys?
Alice: -In normal tones- Yeah?
Sirius: Aren't you supposed to be doing terrible things to us?
James: -Elbows Sirius- I suggest you kill him first.
Alice: With pleasure.
Sirius: -To James- Hey!
Willow: Actually, that's not a bad idea...
Sirius: -To Willow- Hey!
Jem: Straw!
Everyone but Jem: -Stares at Jem-
Jem: Why do I even bother?
Peter: I get it!
Remus: Get what?
James: You cut the goose tape.
Alice: Duct tape.
Peter: No.
Sirius: Then what do you get?
Peter: What Jem was saying.
Remus: How is that going to help us get out of there?
Peter: It won't. I just understood what she meant when she said "Straw."
Jem: -Beams at Peter-
Peter: Hay is for horses, and hay is also called straw. Jeez. -Rolls eyes- I thought YOU would get that, Remus.
Remus: Hey, I never said I knew everything.
-Awkward pause-
Remus: Well, I didn't...
Sirius: That's very true...
James: -Snores-
Alice: Who's snoring?
Alice, Willow, Jem: -Look around-
Sirius: I think it's James. -Nudges James-
James: -Snores, then wakes up suddenly- Huh, what? -Looks up sleepily-
Jem: So, um, who are we gonna kill then?
Alice: It's gotta be either Sirius or James.
Sirius, James: Hey!
James: Why not them? -Points to Remus and Peter-
Willow: Because he's a minor character. -Points to Peter- And you can't kill the smart guy.
James: Why not?
Alice: You know, the fact that you have to ask obviously means that you're NOT a smart guy.
Lily: -From inside the room- Well, duh!
Sirius: The door spoke!
Remus: It was Lily, you idiot.
Willow: This is why we can't kill him. It would just be bad.
Sirius: Why?
Remus: Because if they killed me, they'd be stuck with two idiots and a minor character.
Peter: Hey, why am I a minor character? I'm a Marauder too!
Alice: Yes, but have you noticed that not only do you have fewer lines than anyone else, but that every other Marauder has some form of a girlfriend here?
Peter: Wait, that's not true!
Willow: Really? James has Lily--
-Girl's dorm room door flings open and smacks James in the face-
Lily: -Portrait of fury- That - thing - does - not - HAVE ME!
Sirius: Wow, that sounded so dirty.
James: -Holding bleeding nose- Um, a little help here...
Lily: -Turns to girls and points at James- How could you possibly think that I could ever like the abomination that is strapped to the wall outside our dorm door? He's a complete and utter pig!
Peter: Lily's scaring me...
Lily: -Huffs and goes back into dorm, slamming the door-
Willow: Anyway...
Alice: Moving on, there's Remus and Jem.
Jem: -Blinks- Alice!
Remus: -Coughs and blushes-
Willow: See?
Alice: And Willow has Sirius.
Sirius: Whoa, whoa, shouldn't it be that I have Willow?
Willow: You forget which one of us it is that is currently strapped to the wall.
Sirius: Good point. Carry on, then.
Peter: Are we done yet? My bum hurts and I have to pee really bad.
Everyone but Peter: -Stares at Peter-
Peter: What? I'm just being honest.
Jem: Um, ok, sure--
Alice: -Cuts Jem off with evil laughter- No, he cannot go! Bwahahahahaha!
Boys: What?
Alice: You heard me! He can't go until they -Points to Marauders- tell us how they got up here.
Jem: Ah, okay.
Peter: You're cruel, Alice! And I thought you were nice!
Willow: Shows how much you know.
To be continued...
A/N: Well, please review!
Hugs and fuzzles
MM360