Roses

One-Shot
Seravi·Dorothy
WAFF, Angst
AftertheWedding


--Seravi------------

I was staring out of the window, and looking up emotionlessly to a young woman, who was flying away on her broom as swiftly as she could manage, a furious look on her face as her long, reddish-pink strands whipped violently on her cheeks now and then. She was also about half a mile away with her back facing me -- all the more reason for being able to see her would be difficult, and most likely a futile effort. Still, I felt that I was gazing directly at her face, whether it was actually true, or just an image of her that has been haunting me throughout the rest of the afternoon. I strained to get a glimpse of her until she was perfectly out of sight. I wanted to see her. I had to see her.

Why?

Out of concern? Concern that might have possibly taken over my emotions when it was too late and useless?

No.

Desperation. I was desperate for her to stop, turn back, and head towards me with a smile on her face, a sign that we were at peace with each other once more.

It was hopeless. I was the one who turned around, but not with a smile on my face. I looked around the cottage -- the cottage which I had built with my own will and determination to prove my allegedly undying love for her -- which was now abandoned, except for one person.

One very unhappy failure of a person.

It was my fault. I knew how she would react to what I was planning to do, but I ignored what was coming. I could have just asked her after the wedding; we would have solved that simple matter by talking it over, and if she wouldn't agree, I could have given in. I wanted something from her, and just by wanting that thing, I broke the inevitable relationship about to be sealed by matrimony through plain stupidity and selfishness. I was heading straight for a tragedy, and because of those two things which were engraved in my heart and mind, like a curse I regret having to carry in my blood for the rest of my life, and a sickness that I knew I had to cure when it was slowly changing my identity into someone I wouldn't dream of being, I hurt the person I loved the most in my whole, now ruined life.

And now I wish she would be at peace with me like before when I could not love her just because of her hair?

Her hair?

Stupidity and selfishness.

Honestly, we were never at peace. I found myself always arguing with her almost everyday...but to me it seemed that that was what peace with her meant.

But what if the thought didn't go both ways?

I knew that possibility too, but I was too unmindful of her feelings.

I never thought of curing that destructive sickness, nor attempt to break the curse. I could have at least tried, and when I failed to do so, she would had at least known that I wasn't the one who tortured her anymore.

Suddenly I became aware of the doll I have been holding for much, much more than five years of my life. A doll in the image of young Dorothy, my Dorothy...

Elizabeth did remind me of Dorothy every day of my life. She reminded me of all those wonderful traits that told me never to look at any other. It has always been her, the only woman in my heart and I could not deny that fact. Elizabeth reminded me that whenever she was around, I lost my sanity, and acted like a fool...for I have really fallen in love with her. Up to this very moment. And fallen really hard.

I could only sigh in my head. That's how powerful love can ever be, or at least how it was for me. Love chooses nobody, and takes advantage of one's innocence and sincere intentions, and makes that person the happiest man alive.

But who was I to try to own her?

It was only then that I perceived another view of Elizabeth. Through Elizabeth I also hurt her, tormented her, and teased her to no end, and somehow, it seemed that there was a portion in my heart that was actually enjoying her suffering. Through Elizabeth I erased the sweetness in her, and made her hostile and belligerent. Through Elizabeth I erased the smile on her face, and put what seemed like a permanent glare meant for me whenever she saw me. Most of all, through Elizabeth I did not only erase, but I removed the Dorothy I adored, I was madly in love with, and I wanted to be wed with ever since childhood, because I wanted her to be like Elizabeth once more. Look like Elizabeth once more.

Her hair?

Ironically, I was the most dispirited person on the face of the Earth even when I felt so in love.

I had to let go of Elizabeth. Absent-mindedly I dropped her somewhere out of my sight from my fingers, slowly getting numb from the guilt which started to cover my hands like cold water being poured on during the coldest of the winter nights.

I was ready to kill myself at any moment. My fist tightened so much that I could feel the concentration of blood in it, the blood that has been running throughout every vein in body because there was something to live for.

But there was no meaning in my life now, for I have purposely wanted it to lose its meaning out of the actions I made.

The pulse which guided its rhythm in traversing the inner body, a pulse supposedly meant to give life to the person who felt it, continued to puncture my skin bit by bit, and was taking it away in a slow and painful manner.

And so it's no use trying to go on living when you have lost the essence of your very existence.

My heart felt as if it was gradually melting away among the decayed matter of all the cruel intentions I had for her, along with my whole self, and my reason. I was not mad at myself anymore, but this time I lost my mind.

The sky suddenly seemed to darken, as if to sympathize with my dilemma...my tragedy. That was not what I needed, though. I wanted her to come back. Nothing more and nothing less.

I became as immature as a brat, and buried my face in my hands, which were slowly getting damp with the scorching tears -- not only because of its natural heat it gave off, but more importantly, the burning feeling that now plagues me -- that ran down my face.

--Dorothy------------

I was alone in a fairly large house, hidden in the heart of a mysterious forest on the right side of a steep mountain. Legend has it that in this mountain and forest lived a someone banished from the rest of the world -- civilization, riches, and all the privileges of living with other people, all because of a lost love. There the hermitess, vowed never to meet anyone again, regardless of whether one was a stranger to her or not.

Both my mother and teacher had told me about it, and may the gods bless their memory for having shared this tale with me.

For every generation there was one who was fated to live there in pure misery and regret. In their time, when I was still innocent of all the misfortunes life could give to a person, I heard that it was one of Queen Joanne's best handmaids who suffered this never-ending saga. My teacher was a close friend of hers, and she could not bear the thought of losing her wonderful confidante. Although I did not really believe in them, it still broke my heart hearing about stories from my teacher that she saw her weep silently almost every night just because of love -- something I never thought to be of any importance until our generation took over -- and so I went with her to convince her to come back to the castle. We even searched for the man who broke her heart, and this legend's episode became even sadder as we failed in the search.

My teacher then remained melancholy for the rest of the days she lived. She tried to cover it up with her strictness in teaching the most important points in casting spells, and so her anger mixed with grief was passed on to me.

However, that was not the only reason why I became someone anybody could hate easily, and someone who could not love without holding something back.

It was because of someone who broke my heart today, causing the fulfillment of the ill fortune that is now being passed on to this generation, my generation.

I am now that hermitess who banishes herself from the rest of the world, sacrificing her identity and reason all because of a lost love.

Thinking of my teacher reminded me of my apprentice Shiine, and his father. I took a deep breath. Why couldn't I have chosen Access over him when all he did was hate me?

Dorothy, I said to myself, you know you cannot love Access because you love him, and if it weren't for Shiine's mother, you would not have such a wonderful student you now love like your own son.

I loved him...

And what happened at the wedding was how he showed his love?

I could not even mention his name. It brought too much hurting emotions...

An empty feeling slowly crept up from the depths of my stomach up and then throughout my upper body. After a while, I felt the need to hug someone. Badly. It was not anger I felt, but grief.

Pain.

Sorrow.

Despair.

Love is something that cannot be understood fully, and when felt, it's impossible to find out what actually happened in the process. It may happen too fast or too slow, and at times, it may not even be recognizable as love to some. In our case, we knew what was love and that it was love...only we tried to hide it. We tried to act like mature adults in front of others, but become unreasonable when just the two of us were around.

I missed those times of sharing our love with each other, masked by the effort of being mean to the other almost every single day. It was certainly not what any person would wish for, but I could not help but long for it.

I needed him to be here by my side. I could not live without him, even it meant being treated cruelly, despised for every little part of your self, and never ceasing to argue whether day or night. That was what I have fallen for. We both enjoyed being loved by being hated. All the unkindness and severity proved that we were going to last together. We could endure each other after trying to make the other suffer. That was what love meant for me...for us...

My view of the reddish-orange sun slowly hiding itself became blurry as hot, clear liquid filled my eyes. The most miserable day of my life was about to end in a few minutes.

I could call it a unique kind of love. A love in the form of superficial hate. The love that we have thought that we could feel forever.

But we failed the test out of our harm on each other. We did not last.

His selfishness brought the failure. I could not take it anymore. Why did he have to behave like that?

But now it's all over...everything's gone.

And this time it's for good.

Just like the warmth of the love we had for each other.

Just like the wonderful feeling that passes through me whenever I am with him, and pushes me to go on through each day regardless of all the things he did.

Just like the golden sun that gives hope to those to look up to it for strengthening, now leaving the Earth with a dark covering of despair and sorrow.

Gone.

--Seravi------------

My mind raced at such an incredible speed that I felt my physical self pacing back and forth with it. However, every time I am reminded of the little observation, I suddenly feel stiff and uneasy, because in truth, no motion has taken place. Then I scan the area around me quickly, only to find the same things I have been staring at for the past forty minutes.

Everything was so still that day that it felt like having to breathe might be a disturbance. Not even a creature, let alone an entity – like the wind – dared to reveal its presence.

The cycle repeated a few tiresome more times, until it has completely tortured every part of my physical and mental self, and forced me to find something which would keep myself busy for a while. But it was too quiet, and it felt like I was committing a sin every time I made the smallest noise.

Dorothy...

It was all I could whisper to myself repeatedly. I was probably on the verge of undergoing a hallucination anytime soon, if I could not prevent myself from keeping calm. Too much chaos rumbled in every way, in every part of my body.

Dorothy...

I knew I would only make things worse, had I followed her the minute she disappeared. However, not being able to see her, nor knowing where or how she was nor not doing anything about it...and even more painfully because I was the only being responsible for the turn of events...was too much to bear.

Still, I could not understand why I have been a complete idiot throughout my whole life when at this very moment; I could not see anything clear to me but Dorothy. Her violet eyes sparkling like a pair of amethyst stones neatly placed between long, curled lashes...Her hair -- whether the golden locks bouncing gaily, or the reddish pink strands flowing behind...Her face, the reflection of all her emotions and actions...

Everything. Every little bit about her drives me mad.

Dorothy...

"Dorothy..." I said aloud once more.

Summoning my broom, I hopped on it and dashed out of the cottage swiftly. Darkness loomed ahead, and I did not know where to find her, but I swore to myself that as the sun shone the next day, we would be wed.

"I will get you back..."

--Dorothy------------

I slowly walked through the tall, aged trees that surrounded my new home. The past few hours I have spent with no physical motion and a completely quiet environment indoors did not feel good at all.

Following the little moonlight that peered through the thick layers of foliage, I stopped a distance from the edge of the mountain, where almost, if not all of its radiance could be felt. The place before me was a wide, open space grown over by grasses and a few small plants.

I looked up. Tiny specks of silver and diamonds, each with different sizes and shapes, danced about, as though they were scattered on a velvety blue cloth, and surrounded the light that I used as guide. It was the most spectacular sight I have seen in my entire life. Never have I been more thankful for staying in a place with this marvelous a view.

I remained standing for the rest of the time I was there, although I was not completely aware of it. All I noticed was that I suddenly shivered moments after contemplating how irreplaceable were wonders like these.

Surprisingly, not even the slightest rush of air unveiled itself to my senses.

The beautiful view before me was much better enjoyed with another person, I realized.

Soft draft whispered past, as if to agree with the thought. I felt even more heartbroken.

I did not want to be reminded of any ache again, but I could not stop myself. My eyelids slightly shut out the silvery rays, and I let teardrops fall down on a blade of grass after trickling down my cheek, lips, and chin. A few more followed, but I restrained any emotion to take over me.

"Seravi..."

The mountains which surrounded me remained silent, and kept my secret within their large boulders.

My heart pounded on my chest from the inside -- as hard and painful as the conscience that bothered me. Slowly, it crept up to my thoughts, piercing and injuring every nerve it touched along the way.

Was this really what I wanted? Have I meant to leave him forever when I could not bear to be away from him right now for barely a day?

I remained immobile for the rest of the night, but inside, thoughts and emotions were thrashing themselves about the boundaries of my body. All the more was I paralyzed; two opposing forces of inside and outside struggled to triumph over the other.

I became as lifeless as the night that wrapped all around me. But only on the outside.

--Seravi------------

My once white robe was slowly tearing itself from my body in little bits, just like my energy and hope for my search. The forest was as large as the side of the mountain I unconsciously landed on. I kept on walking only because there was an unknown entity driving me to some direction I am not even familiar with, and that I knew I had to find her as soon as possible.

I did not have time to question. If someone, hopefully her, wanted me to know that she was at the place my feet were leading me to, then it would be best to trust that person. I was too scared that she would be lost to me for the rest of eternity if I doubted my instinct.

And instinct is basically what commands the sensations of love. If I love Dorothy then it is because of my instinct. The instinct to love. Therefore, finally concluding the short series of thought, I had to believe in instinct for me to find her too.

Seemingly with each step, a lighter shade of blue brushed across the sky. The stars appeared to disappear one by one, as the candles lighted with hope did to once guide my path. I knew not whether it was a good or a bad sign. The night slowly becoming day meant that I was running out of time to fulfill my vow. But even when my little flames would die out, I knew the greater fire of the sun would bring me to her.

I trudged along the coarse stones. They felt as if they wanted me to break the vow. But this was too light a punishment I had to suffer for the cruelty I inflicted on her. I deserved everything, and even more than anything I was, I am, and will be going through.

I had to go on. I needed her. She was the only person that had ever inspired me to be what I am today. She is the cause of all my success. All those things I was able to accomplish were because of her.

But what am I to say? There's no guarantee she'll accept me again, after what I did to her.

The wick of the candle inside me bent itself, almost extinguished in the melted wax. Now this was the true consequence of the disaster I have created.

I can't believe how stupid I am. I can't even explain how I ever got the title as the World's Greatest Magician.

I really wanted to kill myself. The vow was about to be broken.

Things will be senseless if she will not forgive me.

Foolish.

Imbecilic.

Useless.

Asinine.

Idio--

I stopped. The transition from midnight to sky blue was almost complete. No light was causing any illusion. I had no excuse to falsify what I saw before me. What I saw was clear as my reflection in a pool of liquefied diamonds.

It's her. I've finally found Dorothy.

She stood perfectly still. I could not produce any possibility that explained the reason for what I saw. Just standing behind her seemed like being in a moment of pure perfection.

This I better not ruin. The moment I have been waiting for. My final chance to forever bring her back.

And that was everything and only everything that mattered to me now. Unconsciousness took over inside me. At the moment, I did not care to find out if the candle would light up anew. My whole self was so overwhelmed with emotion that I lost uncertainty in what I was supposed to do to get her back.

I started walking slowly towards her, taking an enormous amount of care not to make the slightest rustle.

-,-'----------

I was overcome by a warmer air, even when nothing around me changed. There was a presence...I could feel it...but I remained motionless...

I closed my eyes, and conjured mentally a new spell, after what seemed like centuries. Now I was floating a few inches above the ground, making my way towards her...

Someone was there, and I was almost completely sure who it was. Somehow I was actually hoping it would be him...

She was about to turn around in any second. I had no idea whether I was prepared for this or not...

I, too, was overpowered by the unknown force working against me. Finally, my arms dropped to the side. It was the first motion I made for the past ten hours...

Instinctively, I held on to her wrists. With as much gentleness as I could muster, but as quickly as possible. My emotions commanded my actions before I my thoughts could stop it...Things were taking place too fast...

Blood flowed at a higher rate throughout my body. Although I felt weak all over, and was on the verge of dropping anytime, my heart had renewed hope...

She faced me eons after. Looking up to me with her perfect face...Her lips parting to impart soundless words...

And he was looking back at me with a million sentences I seemed to comprehend all at once...But memories pierced my heart endlessly...

Her eyes sparkled not with bliss, but with bitter droplets of tears. I, too, felt the pain she carried...

He slowly held me closer, as the rest of the world stopped. I felt intangible comfort and quietude, floated with him for what felt like eternity, and saw everything else as surreal...

It did not cost any form of movement for both of us to feel what I wanted to say. Please forgive me, Dorothy...

His words continued in my mind and heart. You were, are, and will forever be, what truly and only matters to me...

You have been that to me, too, ever since... was her reply. It seemed to be the first time I ever heard her speak. She looked, felt, and spoke in a way I have not experienced...

Never have I felt such utmost enchantment. All wars have ended...and I'm glad about it. I could only smile...

She felt more exhausted than ever. With open arms I received my Dorothy and smiled back down on her. She has forgiven me at last...

Seravi's Last Words
A Short Epilogue

Roses © 041200 1:38a iced