A/N) yaaaaaay!!! Finally finished!

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So it went on test after test after pointless test. Hoo-ha had Raj climb up mountains and down them, shimmy up migrating trees, and other ridiculous things.

It occurred to Raj that hoo-ha wasn't testing him as much as he was trying to wear him out. After two days of this Raj's patience was wearing thin, but the last straw was Lazlo and clam coming up to him and telling him that, unfortunately, his victory cake was starting to get stale.

"That's it!" he decided and went of to find patsy.

Patsy was hanging out with ping-pong, Dave and Edward. Technically she was just hanging out with ping-pong and Dave. Edward claimed he was merely there to mock. She would have hung out with her squirrel scout friends, but they had such varying tastes that it was hard to have this kind of conversation with them for this kind of conversation required someone truly feminine.

"I think she should end up with dean. He was the nicest to her." Patsy said

"Huh!" ping-pong rolled his eyes "that is not logical! She's obviously going to end up with Jess! They have so much in common!"

"I can't believe you people are having this conversation in front of me." Said Edward. In his opinion they were both wrong and Rory should end up with Logan he didn't say it out loud though. He didn't want anyone thinking he was into chick shows.

Patsy ignored him "it's going to be dean!" she insisted.

Ping pong waved his head around like a balloon on a string caught in a gale and chanted "jess jess jess!"

"What he said!" Dave added he wasn't really into the conversation but felt it necessary to back up his brother.

"What does everyone have against dean anyway?" patsy asked frustrated.

"Point in fact patsy" ping-pong drawled, "We have better taste in men than you do!"

"Uummm?"

"This conversation is scaring me." Said Raj walking tentatively into the scene wild-eyed and bewildered.

Patsy turned, happy to be facing Raj considering the alternatives. "Hey Raj! What's up?"

"Eh heh" Raj fidgeted "patsy I came to …um" he didn't know how he was going to say this. He started over "pasty I can't feel my legs anymore!" he complained.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying your father's killing me! I won't live to see fall!" he was panicking. He had to calm down. Be the man of this relationship, which wasn't easy considering his girlfriend could crush his skull if she wanted too. He took a deep breath steadied himself and tried to channel someone manly and horribly romantic like Leonardo Di Caprio or Salman Khan, minus the singing. "Patsy!?" he exclaimed flamboyantly then paused he only had a rough sketch of what he was going to do next.

"Yes? …Raj? She answered steadily hanging around with Raj was slowly making her a more patient person. She was ready wait him out if she had too, and shake him if the fear has him frozen. But surprisingly, he moved. He grabbed her hand brought it to his face and kissed it. She blushed the pink spreading across her cheeks and making her face disappear into her brilliantly pink hair.

"My dearest patsy!" he started. "I love you!" he said it in earnest taking her by surprise. "And my love for you will never ever waver even after your father has worn me down till I'm nothing but an empty husk of an elephant!" he paused picturing himself as an empty husk then continued he said this part quickly "and since I know it will sit very heavily on your heart if I was turned into an empty husk I'm going to runaway and live in the mountains till your father dies of old age! Byeee!" he turned and trotted off. He ran a bit slowly because the thought of living in the mountains didn't appeal to him much. He was actually hoping something would change his mind.

"Wait, Raj!"

Well that was enough. He stopped.

"Don't leave" said patsy she tried to think of something that would convince him to stay despite the chances of her father killing him. "I know my dad can be bit scary to other people…" she had never been scared of him herself and never understood why people feared him so. He was actually a pretty sensitive sweet guy himself "but you know…" she bit her lip "don't leave." she repeated.

He sighed he had no intention of leaving. "Patsy do you think if I asked nicely for your dad to stop testing me…?"

"No." she replied hopelessly. "He thinks giving up is unmanly" this gave her an idea. "But he thinks challenges are really manly!"

"Challenges?" Raj echoed with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Meanwhile Hoo-ha, commanding officer of tomato scout camp, was plotting. Plotting wasn't something he was particularly good at. He approached the concept in the same way a war general would approach strategic planning, with chess pieces and a map! It didn't work very well for him he just ended up getting angry and smashing pawns. He was staying in the scoutmaster's cabin for now and was missing several anger management classes but he didn't really care anymore.

Scoutmaster Lumpus sat huddled in a corner hugging his knees, rocking himself back and forth while telling himself it'll all be over soon. He had been in the far corner of his office when hoo-ha came in and now he was trapped. He was sure any attempt to make his way out would only draw the beast's attention to him.

But, he was starting to get hungry.

He wished desperately that Slinkman would come rescue him but, sadly, no small yellow slugs in shiny armor jumped though the window to whisk him away to safety. He started shuffling along the wall towards the exit propelling himself with only his butt muscles.

Suddenly hoo-ha jumped out of his chair, well, Lumpus's chair. The chair hit the ground with a bang scaring the scoutmaster back into the corner. The commander sniffed at the air wrinkling up his nose as though he was smelling something foul. He made his way to the door then slammed it open ripping it of its hinges and roared "is that romance I smell?!!"

Patsy was standing with her back to the door. She had dragged Raj here by the hand and was currently still holding his hand oblivious to the angry beast behind her "…-and as long as you really love me everything is going to be fine" she was saying, but Raj wasn't listening with his hand still in hers he was leaning back as far as he could. He should have just ran while he had the chance, but the worry of the disappointment patsy might feel should he pull his hand away from hers to soon, Raj had figured out quite early in their relationship that patsy was quite sensitive to things like that, kept him rooted in place.

He quickly ran patsy's plan though his mind. It wasn't much of a plan. It was insane. Raj wondered why all the people he liked to hang out with were daring and insane.

Patsy turned and looked up at her father "oh hi daddy!" She said as if nothing was wrong. "Raj has something to say to you!" she let go of Raj's hand and stepped backward to give him room to speak.

Raj stuttered "I –I" he started "I can't do this!" he retreated behind patsy.

"Raj!" she said sternly taking more steps backwards so Raj would be in front of her.

Raj retreated some more "sorry, patsy!"

The commander watched in silence as the two withdrawed until they were little dots in the distance. He grew tired of their foolishness. "Hey!" he snorted and trotted up to them. "If this-" he hesitated "MAN has something to say to me he can say it to my face!" hoo-ha lowered his large head so it would be level with the little elephant's.

Raj froze like a deer in the headlights. He could see his life flash by reflected in the angry buffalo's eyes.

[Flash

This is little baby Raj. Well, he wasn't that little. He was one of those babies who were born fat, and seemed to be made of cheeks and drool. He gurgled and rolled forward trying to crawl on his nubby little arms then he came across a shoe lying on is side. He shuddered a bit staring at this new thing in shock and then: "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhwaaah!!!!"

[Flash

This is Raj a bit older trussed up in a school uniform.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh"

[Flash

This is Raj only a few years ago, in camp. He was standing next to his best friend Lazlo and his not as best friend clam. Lazlo sniffed at the air "I smell adventure!" he exclaimed Raj gave a little scream and ran of screen "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!"

[Flash

This is Raj just a week ago. He looked at patsy. She looked at him and gave a little giggle. "Aaaaaaaaaaahhh cooties!!!!" he screamed and ran away.

[Flash

"Raj is challenging you to a fight daddy" patsy was saying in the here and now. "Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh" Raj screamed inside but no sound came out of his lips.

"A fight?" hoo-ha echoed, looking as if he was on the verge of exploding.

"Yea! He's is tired of you pushing him around!"

Raj nodded but hesitantly.

"He thinks your being a mean ol' doody head!" patsy continued.

It occurred to Raj that he was saying quite a lot for some one who wasn't moving his lips.

"That's what he thinks, huh!?" hoo-ha growled.

Raj shook his head.

"Yea! He wants you to quit beating around the bush and fight him! Man to man. Just one fight and then no more of this silliness! If he wins he can date me…" there was a way in which she uttered the word date. she drew it out with a sigh and fluttered her eyelashes. Say what you wish about her dad methods, but this was the most romantic thing that ever happened to her.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you watch Cinderella!" grunted hoo-ha.

"And if he loses" she interjected "I'll… never speak to him again."

"Hot-diggity I can sleep again!" the commander trotted off to find a punching bag.

"Patsy!?" Raj squeaked worriedly.

Patsy flashed him a 100 certified patsy smiles smile "don't worry Raj you'll win"

Raj sighed. According to patsy he'd challenge her dad and he'll be so impressed with his bravery and courage that he'll let him live. Sorta like a Grecian hero going up against a god. Boy, patsy was optimistic what had he ever done to deserve her.

Probably killed someone in a former life…

-

"Didja hear that Clam?" Lazlo grinned.

Clam nodded.

"There's gonna be a fight! You know what this means don't you?"

Clam knew what it meant, whether it meant the same thing Lazlo was thinking he didn't know so he shrugged.

Lazlo hoisted up the marshmallow victory cake they made a few days ago. It wasn't just stale but going green at the edges too. "we're gonna need another victory cake!"

Lazlo believed whole-heartedly in Raj's ability to win, in fact, the very thought that Raj might lose was absolutely ridiculous to him. "To the kitchen!" he exclaimed.

They rushed to the kitchen and flung open the doors.

"Cake!" said Clam pointing inside.

Lazlo looked in "cake!!" he squealed.

Edward looked as if he'd been caught in the middle of doing something dreadful.

"Edward! I didn't know you could bake?" Lazlo grinned at him.

"I-I do not!" stuttered Edward despite the oven mitts and the 'fresh from the oven' cake in his hands.

"Cake!" clam stated.

Edward shot him a glare. Since clam confused him, he turned his attention back to Lazlo. "Bean scouts don't bake." He stated. As if this mere fact was going to erase this incident.

Lazlo ignored him. "Can we have it?"

"What? No!"

Lazlo faked more deafness "yes?"

"No"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes?"

"No!"

"No..?"

"Yes!"

Realizing his mistake Edward bit his lip "urk!"

Lazlo ripped the cake out of his clutches "thanks Edward!"

"Cake." Clam said his voice dripping satisfaction as they walked out of the kitchen.

"Come back here with that cake!" Edward yelled at them.

"Won't Raj be happy we got him a victory cake?" Lazlo said to Clam "it's even shaped like a heart."

Clam grinned. "Sissy.."

-

Raj stood in a corner shivering. he' d never felt more alone than he did now.

Hoo-ha stood in another corner, looking buff.

Edward stood in the middle of the ring holding a microphone. "Okay" he cleared his throat and gestured toward Raj. "In this corner weighing at about, oh lets say, nine stone!"

"I'm not that fat" Raj protested.

"..Is Raj the loser!"

Several bean scouts clapped half-heartedly. Lazlo, on the other hand, clapped like his life depended on it.

"And in this corner weighing …at..Um as much as a truck!"

"Hey!" growled hoo-ha.

"Alright.. A planet!"

"I'm the ideal weight for my height and stature!" hoo-ha protested looking hurt.

"I mean, c'mon people, this is not fat camp" said Edward who was missing his cake oh so much and was feeling a bit testy about it.

Hoo-ha growled.

Edward paused then grinned nervously. He was angry not suicidal. "Let's all give a cheer for our beloved commander, hoo-ha smiles!"

Nobody cheered.

Hoo-ha growled again.

Everybody cheered enthusiastically. Except Clam who wasn't afraid of death. he booed.

"Now lets get this over with so I can get my cake back!" said Edward optimistically into the microphone.

The crowd muttered, "cake?"

"Urk!" to hide his fumble Edward walked calmly out of the ring he smacked skip on the head as he passed skip's head made a ringing noise. Dingdingding. It was an impromptu starting bell.

ROUND 1:

This is it, thought Raj, this is the part were I die.

Hoo-ha charged roaring Raj froze and time slowed down. he could hear his own heart beat.

"Use the power, Raj!" said a voice.

As hoo-ha got closer Raj's foot came up and kicked him in the shin. Because, even though Raj accepted his imminent death the rest of his body was very attached to this life.

Hoo-ha stopped his eyes bulged and he fell sideways clutching his leg "boohoohoo! ma leg!" he sobbed.

Raj stared at him in disbelief.

Dingdingding.

ROUND 2:

Hoo-ha charged limping slightly, Raj panicked and kicked hoo-ha out of instinct. The commander fell down crying, "boohoo! Ma other leg!"

Dingdingding.

ROUND 3:

Hoo-ha vetoed running since BOTH of his legs were aching something awful so he hopped menacingly toward Raj. Raj kicked, higher this time, hoo-ha fell sprawling clutching his face "oh god! My face!" he yelled in pain.

Maybe I do have the power… thought Raj as the crowd cheered. Lazlo jumped into the ring, grabbed Raj's arm and hoisted it up in the air. "the winner!" he declared.

"That was stupid," said Edward out of a desperate need to make all his thoughts heard.

There was much merry making after that Lazlo danced and Raj got to eat cake.

Patsy climbed into the ring and pulled her father into sitting position and put an ice pack on his head.

"You ok, daddy?"

He groaned.

She helped him toward the nurse's cabin. On the way there she ran into Raj stuffing his face with cake.

"Hi patsy…" he said sounding a bit hesitant.

"Oh hi Raj"

"Um uh" he looked down at his feet "I'm sorry about your father. I didn't mean to hit him! I was just so.. Scaaared!!" he sobbed a little bit hoping for attention.

"It's okay Raj. It was my idea remember?" she giggled and leaned closer with air of someone imparting a great secret. "daddy's never been very good at hand to hand combat!" she whispered. "And you know…" she lowered her voice. He leaned closer to hear.

Smooch!

She gave him a quick peck on the cheek. He recoiled as is he'd been shot.

"See ya Raj!" she giggled and hopped away, carrying her father with amazingly little effort.

Raj rubbed his cheek looking worried and blushing.

"Cooties, huh?" said Lazlo walking by with a tray of cake "nothing a little more cake won't fix. It's heart shaped"

::::END:::

All the campers stood to attention in a line. Commander hoo-ha paced back and forth in front of them, well, he would have paced if he could, but since both his legs were bandaged up he was wheel-chairing back and forth in front them.

After a long pause he gathered the courage to speak.

"Scouts!" he paused again "today I learned something important do you know what that is?"

The scouts said nothing.

"I learned to accept things," he continued, "I learned to be compassionate! I learned that if my daughter wants to date A COMPLETE AND UTTER LOSER WHO AIN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER then its okay" he paused once more to check his pulse "its okay…" he breathed.

"In fact I learned to be a sharing and understanding person!! C'mon!!! Anyone got anything to share? I'm understanding remember? I accept you for who YOU are!"

The lined up campers all shut their eyes tight and resisted the urge to share.

"Ooh ooh!" Lazlo raised his hand hopping up and down.

Hoo-ha leaned forward beaming "yeeesss??"

Lazlo grabbed Edward's hand "we're gay!"

"WHAT??!"

A/N) sorry about that last part I couldn't resist a 'here we go again' ending XD.

In the same way I should be writing a sequel to "hearts" (which I am) I should be writing a prequel for this, since it never explains how they got together…