Hello again. This is the sequel to The Transfers which is posted under Harry Potter by Proud Bishonen Whore. Probably don't need to read the first one to understand it most of the stuff will be explained eventually. Or you might read them both and none of it will make sense. Oh well. That's just how we roll.
Disclaimer: Think I'd be sitting here writing an essay for a high school English class if I owned any of this?
It was a dark and stormy night. The howling winds were…howling? Three shadowy figures appear in the window of Arkham.
THUNDER!
Dun dun dun duuuun…
Screams!
Pain!
Slap!
"CHEATING WHORE!" screamed an outraged voice.
"No I'm not! That was my hand!"
"No it wasn't, my hand hit it first!"
"Was not! That was my hand!"
"It was my hand! See how my hand is on top of yours!"
"My friends are so weird," said a third voice.
The pile of cards on the table shivered as the two girls stood up, glaring daggers across the table at each other. A third still sat, looking sort of awkwardly neutral.
"Bitch those are my cards. Hand them over you little butt munch. Now what do you say to that kind sir"
The 'cheating whore' starts choking on water. The 'true winner' starts to poke her with a stick once the 'cheating whore' falls to the ground. The 'cheating whore' quickly recovers and orders the innocent bystander to smack the 'true winner' in the face. The 'true winner' sticks her tongue out at the 'cheating whore' the 'cheating whore' then gives her a pig nose. The innocent bystander just shakes her head. The 'true winner' then gives the innocent bystander and hug/choke hold. The bystander tells her she loves her too. The 'true winner' replies that this isn't about love.
Suddenly a big scary boss man busts open the door and screams "Allie! One of the prisoners threw semen at a visitor. Clean it up!" Allie formally known as 'cheating whore' got up.
"Man this kind of thing never happened at Hog-…my old job." She complains.
"Janis! Go with her and subdue the prisoner." Janis or 'innocent bystander' gets up and gets her tranquillizer gun ready. "And you!" He yelled at the 'true winner' "Damn it Jackie why aren't you spreading the happy?! I don't see enough happy!"
"But," Jackie protests, "This place is wonderful! It's always so happy!"
"Then we don't need you! You're fired!"
"Did I say wonderful? I mean horrible. Bad, bad place. I can feel the icky vibes. I better go spread the happy." Jackie picks up the head to her bunny mascot outfit and hops off to entertain the prisoners.
As the girls get ready for work they see Batman coming sown the hallway bringing in a prisoner. It was the Joker. Jackie starts squealing like the little fangirl that she is. Janis loads her tranq gun and starts shooting like a crazy woman. "Hey B-man whats up my homie B? Say where's the little bat at?" Allie asks him.
"He's with the Titans."
"Aww he left you? I'm so sorry." Jackie says sadly.
"That's…quite all right." Batman responds.
"Wait… how the hell do you know Batman?!" Jackie yells at Allie.
"Well…"
-Flashback-
It was early in the morning in Wayne Manor. It was completely quiet except for a TV blasting Saturday morning cartoons in one of the many rooms. Allie is sitting on the arm of the couch swinging her legs boredly. Bruce Wayne walks by then stops and does a double take. He goes into the room. Being so early in the morning he was not entirely there. So the severity of a complete stranger being in his house didn't occur to him like it normally would have.
"Who are you?"
"New neighbor."
"We don't have neighbors."
"Well I was just walking by and saw this window open…" Allie gestures to the big window in the room that was now completely shattered.
"But then how did you-"
"Look," Allie interrupts him "It's too early for this. You don't even exist to me until like eleven thirty."
"Agreed." And they watched cartoons together.
A few days later…
Bruce was sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. Alfred was there doing some dishes. Allie walks in and opens the fridge. She takes out a carton of orange juice and starts to drink it out of the carton. Bruce looked up when she walked in but then ignored her. Alfred had stopped what he was doing and was staring at her.
"Young lady how did you get in here?!"
"I have a key! Did you just call me young lady? Thanks, coach. You just earned yourself a clipboard for Christmas…prick."
"Master Bruce why on earth would you give her a key?!"
"Well…she'd bust open a window if I didn't."
-End Flashback-
"And we've been together ever since." Allie ends dreamily. "Wait. How do you know Batman?"
"It all started with a penny in a door. There was a hatred I have never felt before. So now I'll make him pay each and everyday. Until that little moose hair is no more." Said Jackie
"What the hell? What does that have anything to do with Batman?"
"Nothing. I was thinking of someone else. That dirty bastard tried to steal my mermaid. Anyways it all started a few years ago….."
-Flashback-
It was a sunny. Jackie was running down the street with a bra full of stolen chocolately goodness. She is soon stopped by the Dark Knight. They look at each other and Batman stares at her.
"No." He says.
Jackie sighs and gives him her chocolately goodness and walks away to rob a yaoi store.
"By the way my names Jackie."
"Batman."
"I know. I have a Joker and you slash picture saved on my computer." She then runs away leaving the Batman standing.
-End of Flashback.-
"…And that's how it started" finished Jackie
"That's it?" said Allie pretending to yawn
"Hey they can't all be winners."
"Whatever." They both look a Janis.
-Flashback-
"Wheeeee!!!!!! Only three more laps to go in the super important NASCAR race. VROOM! And the crowd goes wild! AHHHH!!!!"
…meanwhile
"Alfred where's the Bat mobile?"
"I don't know sir."
"Oh shit. I'll take the motorcycle to find it."
So after many turns and road signs Batman finally catches sight of his missing vehicle, and the crazy chick that was driving it. After much insane driving, yelling, and flashy lights, Batman finally gets Janis to pull over. But, she stops suddenly causing the Bat-cycle to collide with the Batmobile just hard enough to make the car alarm go off. Janis begins to sing along while ignoring Batman's demands to turn the alarm off and get out of the car.
"Helloooooooooooooooooooo. I'm a caaaaaaaaaaaaaaar. Gasoline makes me run! Wait this is my favorite part! Backseats! Trunk space! Hellooooooooooooo. Let's go for a ride! Oil is my blood! Seatbelts! Regal knobs!" Janis then turns it off but still doesn't get out of the car.
"Thank you! Damn that sound just always makes me wanna punch a baby." Batman tells her.
"Really now? Woo. Kami forbid you were in a nursery when you heard it!"
"I know. God help me. But it's just the sound that makes me punch infants."
"Hm. Its okay nobodies perfect. Speaking of which, why'd you pull me over? I was driving along. I was driving safely! I was obeying the rules of the road! Seriously! Every sign that came at me I read it and was like 'Okay! You got it sign!'" Janis tried to defend herself.
"You stole my car! And then you put a dent in the back of it!"
"Ooooooooh. Really?!" She jumps out of the car to look. "YAY! We're bumper buddies!" Janis then offers him a high five which a very confused Batman returns.
-End Flashback-
"Yeah I like hers better. Yours only had crime. Janis' had crime AND car chases." Allie comments. "But mine was still the coolest. I did a B and E, losers."
"Bacon and eggs?" Janis tilts her head, perplexed.
"No. Breaking and entering. Don't get me wrong. Bacon and eggs is fucking delicious I can do bacon and eggs any time." The Batman and Joker just stared on as the girls carried on their argument. The Joker had even stopped struggling for a second to watch.
"Wait a second what are you girls doing here?" Batman had been wondering why three high school aged girls were in an insane asylum.
"Well you see…we can't really say." Janis says nervously.
"Yea," Allie adds "Ancient Chinese secret." She winks. Batman just stares at them.
"Okay okay! Well lest just say we got in trouble with some certain people and a certain organization, who shall remained unnamed, COUGH Witness protection program COUGH, thought it would be good to relocate us for our own good." Jackie explains.
"We work here now!" Janis smiles.
"I clean up icky stuff!"
"I shoot stuff!"
"I spread the happy!"
"Wait here. I'll dispatch of the Joker then we need to talk."
"Kay!"
The Batman continues to lead the Joker down the hall.
"You're friends are so weird!" Joker giggled as soon as the girls were out of sight.
"Shut up."
The girls and Batman we're sitting in the employee lounge of Arkham. Which was basically some dentist office waiting room quality chairs and a water cooler.
"You know after we ran into to you the Joker didn't give me any more trouble on the way down," Batman informed the girls.
"Hey, we're a pretty distracting group." Allie shrugs.
"That we are," Jackie agrees. "We should get a medal."
"Or at least a piece of paper with the stamp of the signature of someone important I've never heard of before." Janis said.
"Yeah! And jackets!" Jackie yells.
"Matching jackets." Allie says.
"Like the Pink Ladies." Jackie decides.
"No. More like the T-Birds. I look good in leather." They all agree.
"You're straying from the point." Batman informs them.
"Hey it's not our fault!" Janis asserts.
"Yeah. America should just be diagnosed with ADD. Bottom line." Jackie says and Allie nods.
"Where have you been staying?" Batman asks, seeming to have already gotten used to their strange behavior.
"Here!"
"I fixed up some old cells for us!" Allie states proudly. "Yeah I put real doors on and installed some windows."
"Yeah but you still haven't put a flag on our flag pole!" Jackie yells at her.
"What do you want me to do? Hello!? We're at WAR! All the American flags are on back order! Should I just run a pirate flag up there in the meantime?! Maybe turn the whole building into a pirate ship?!" Allie starts to get angry until she thinks about it. "I could put a captain's wheel up on the roof. Catch a parrot some how. Slap on an eye patch. Go to work with a caulk gun...seal her up, make her water tight. I could take her out to sea."
"Are you insane?" Janis asks her.
"No." Allie crosses her arms defiantly. "I'm a pirate."
"Ahem." Batman clears his throat. The girls look at him. "I know you three are aware of my alter-ego." They nod. "Well I happen to have some extra space. How would you like to crash with me for a while? You three are already nearly mentally unstable. This isn't a good place for you."
The three musketeers stare at him.
"You mean…"
"You want…"
"OF COURSE WE WILL!"
"My enthusiasm towards this burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns!" Allie yells.
"Ummm…what?" Poor Janis is confused again.
"Long story short, I've been drinking all day."
"What did I just do?" Batman hits himself in the forehead in a very un-Batmanlike manner.
And so it begins…
Written with Proud Bishonen Whore and Felerri.
Tell us if you like it!