Authors Note: My first Twilight fic, so please be kind. It takes place about six months after New Moon ends.
The Kiss
I can't deny that I had thought about it many times – the way he would turn me. I knew that I wanted him to do it willingly. I wanted him to want it just as much as I did. But now that time was here, I knew he'd never want me change as much as I did, that a part of him would always be reluctant. It didn't matter any more thought.
We stood alone in the living room of his family's mansion. I stared out the large window, not so much taking in the scenery as I was preparing myself. I hoped that in a few minutes I would begin the process to being one of their family. I gathered myself, prepared for what I knew was about to come.
oooooooo
The first few months at Washington State would have seemed dismally boring for anyone else, but I had Edward with me. The monotony of classes, cafeteria food, living in the dorm – which Edward insisted that I do to get the full "college" experience – were not what I had expected when I dreamed of college. The whole experience seemed, well, "blah". And it was exhausting as well. I think it was worse since I had a roommate so Edward couldn't sneak into my bedroom at night. Instead I would try and stay awake as long as possible in his dorm room (he'd finagled a single for himself). The college rules were a bit old fashioned that they didn't allow girls in the men's dorms past midnight so he would walk me back to my room promptly at 11:55 each night. I wished that he would turn me already, we could travel the world together and we could avoid all this nonsense of real life.
I thought that it was these constant late nights followed by early morning classes. Or perhaps it was just part of the normal transition to college. More likely it was due to the stress of worrying about the Volturi or Victoria or the fact that I knew that each day I was getting older while Edward was not. Whatever the reason, I couldn't deny this overbearing feeling of weakness that had pervaded my body.
I didn't think much of it, this constant fatigue, but Edward was worried.
"It's probably nothing. A girl down the hall just came down with mono, but I don't think that's it," my lips curled into a seductive smile. "I haven't been kissing any other guys."
"You should see a doctor," Edward didn't seem to appreciate my jovial tone.
"I could have Carlisle check me out the next time I go home to see Charlie."
"I'd rather you see someone now. You look pale, Bella. Even paler than usual."
"I hope to be as pale as you one day."
"Please Bella. See the doctor here at school. Soon."
"Fine, fine."
I booked an appointment for later that week.
I went to the doctor and described my symptoms – mainly the constant feeling of fatigue. It was normal, the doctor informed me, for new students to feel run down at the beginning of school. Then again, normal was not a word I would ever use to describe my life. He ordered blood tests – to check for mono – and to rule out the possibility of anything more serious.
When I went to draw blood I averted my eyes. Over the last two years, I'd had seen my own blood spilled on countless occasions – you'd think I'd have gotten used to its sight by now – but I was still afraid that I might pass out if I looked. Even though the blood was encased in the little vial tubes, I still felt that I could smell it, and it smelled like rusted nails. The smell of blood had always bothered me.
Edward was waiting for me as I left the student clinic.
"How'd it go?"
"Alright. He ordered blood tests. Too bad you couldn't hold my hand through that," I chided. "Maybe it would make you want to take a taste."
"Don't kid about things like that."
The days passed and Edward was the sunshine in an otherwise dull existence that I had come to call college.
Then the doctor called back. He wanted to run more tests. He didn't want to worry me but there were some "abnormalities". Nothing to get worried over yet, he informed me. Some of the readings were low and he wanted to rule out the worst possibilities.
Could I really be sick? He explained that he wanted to test my bone marrow. I didn't tell Edward about the call since I didn't want to worry him. But I considered the possibility that there might actually be something wrong with me. I hoped that it was something serious, something life threatening. If I was dying then Edward would have no choice but to change me. Knowing my luck it would end up being some minor annoyance that would just make me miserable without actually killing me.
A few days after discovering my extreme dislike for large needles – it is true that the larger they are the more painful – I received the best news of my life. Well, second only to knowing that Edward was completely and utterly in love with me.
"Isabella, I'm afraid you have cancer. It's an advanced form of Leukemia. I'm going to be straight with you and say the prognosis isn't good but there are things we can do…"
Everything after that was a blur. All I could think about was that Edward would be forced to change me now. I would become a vampire. It was that…or die.
"Isabella, do you understand what I'm saying? This isn't a joke. " It was only then that I realized my face must be beaming with delight. I'd never been good at hiding my true emotions and I must be the first person the doctor had ever met who was ecstatic to hear the words "you have cancer".
He went through all the possible treatment options but I already knew that I wasn't going through with any of them. There was another option for extending one's life – forever.
I told Edward that I needed some space for the next few days. I needed to go home to see Charlie, which was true. Edward knew how Charlie felt about him and I insisted this time that Edward stay away.
I called Renee shortly afterwards and told her she needed to get on the next flight out to Washington. Then I drove home alone, which made Edward uncomfortable, but didn't bother me. The ride felt short; the entire time I was engrossed in the thought of being with Edward forever.
When I returned to Forks, my first stop was the Forks hospital to see Carlisle. I showed him all the paper work the doctors had given me. The numbers were meaningless to me but they seemed to say I was dying.
"This isn't very good, Bella," Carlisle said as he looked at the paperwork.
"No, its perfect. Now Edward will have to do it."
"It appears that way." His lips curled into a smile. "You're sure this is what you want?"
"All I've ever wanted was to be a part of your family. And this is sign if I ever saw one. Literally. It's my blood that has the cancer. I can't think of anything more poetic."
"You really are a strange creature, Bella. But I think you're right. We've always wanted you to join us and it has just been a matter of convincing Edward."
"I'm talking to Renee and Charlie tonight. I'm saying goodbye. Tell Edward that I'll be at the mansion afterwards."
"I'm sure he'll have figured it out by then."
Charlie must have heard my car pull into the driveway. He rushed to my side before I could even open the door.
"Bella, why are is your mother here? What's going on?"
"I'll explain inside."
Renee was sitting on the couch and from her expression it looked as if my parents had been sitting in the living room making uncomfortable small talk for several minutes. This must be an awkward reunion for them. It seemed like they only saw each other when I'd been in danger. But this meeting was necessary.
"Bella," she ran to me and hugged me as I stepped inside. "You said it was urgent."
After exchanging greetings I asked them both to sit down.
"I'm sorry to do this to you. I don't know how to start so I'm just going to come right out say it: I'm sick. I went to the doctor at school and things aren't good." I continued to explain the situation and all the details about meeting with the oncologist our discussion about my prognosis.
Tears flowed down my mother's cheeks. I could tell that Charlie wanted to cry but he didn't. He wouldn't in front of Renee.
"You're going to fight this, Bella." Charlie replied trying to inflict more confidence than he had, trying not to let it show how the news had affected him. "You're starting the treatment tomorrow."
"No. No, I'm not."
Now Charlie was angry. "What do you mean? Of course you are."
"I don't want to get the chemo. I'd rather enjoy my last days."
"Did he tell you to do that?"
We all knew who Charlie was referring to. My affection for Edward was well known – as was Charlie's feelings toward him.
"He doesn't even know yet."
"You're getting the treatment Bella. I don't care what you say."
"I'm 19. Its my decision."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'm not going to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I'm going to spend my last days with Edward. Maybe we'll see the world. But I know I want to be with him for the rest of my life." If only they knew how true this was.
"No, I will not just stand here…"
"Shh. Charlie. There's nothing we can do. And she might as well spend her time with the person she loves."
Oh, Renee. I'd never loved my mother more than when she said those words. I knew she would understand. This was the one thing Renee did seem to truly understand.
She took Charlie's hand and stroked it, attempting to comfort him. "She should do what makes her happy."
I hugged both of them. "My baby, my Bella," my mother said as she swayed with me in our embrace. I said my last goodbyes and told them that I would call and check in periodically. And maybe things would work out. Maybe I would fight it after all.
Truthfully, when I called them, I wouldn't be human any more. This was the last time I'd see them as a mortal.
Edward was waiting for me at his family home. Carlisle opened the door with Esme by his side. Her face could not conceal her glee.
"Oh, Bella. We're so happy you'll be joining us."
Carlyle's expression was a bit more stern. He pointed toward the piano in their large living room where Edward was sitting, staring at the keys. "He knows. I wish I could say he was as happy as we are about the news."
So Edward was going to be difficult about this.
"We'll leave you two alone," Esme replied as she and Carlisle gracefully ascended the staircase.
I approached Edward. He didn't look up, although I knew that he knew was there. He continued staring down at the keys, contemplating. He looked hurt – almost like a wounded animal.
I put my hand on his shoulder.
"So you heard?"
"I had to hear it through Carlisle's thoughts, Bella." He shrugged me off and got up from the piano bench to face me. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I needed to tell my parents first. I've said my goodbyes. Please don't be mad at me."
"I'm not mad." He then reached out to me and took my hand with his cool fingers. "But I want you to fight this. Try for me."
"I've made up my mind. I don't want my body ravaged by chemo. I've seen what it does to people. And even with the treatment, my odds aren't good," I looked deep into his golden eyes, hoping that the strength of my gaze would help convey my message. "Can't you see we can spare all that? Give me what I've wanted for so long…what you promised me. Let me share eternity with you."
He eyed me up and down, taking in my mortal body. "You've barely lived yet. Please, we can wait a little longer."
"My mother always said I was born 35. I've lived plenty of human years. I want to be like you. I'm not leaving this house until I'm one of you. It's the only logical solution."
"Bella…"
I walked away from him, toward the large wall length window and looked out at the sunset. Funny, I would not be able to see the sun anymore, at least not in public. The sun was what I thought I would miss most when I moved from Arizona. But perhaps Forks had prepared me for the loss. It didn't seem so important anymore. It was a small sacrifice compared to what I was about to gain.
I stared a moment longer. Edward stood back at a considerable distance. He probably sensed that this was a moment to give me space. Or perhaps he was still afraid of what I was asking of him. I gathered myself and said goodbye to my human life.
I bit down hard into the inside of my lip until I tasted my own blood. Funny, the taste didn't bother me like the smell did. I felt my mouth begin to fill with blood, the same blood that carried the cancer that was slowly killing me.
I turned toward Edward and smiled so that my blood spilled over my lips and down my chin. I saw it drip over the side of my face, the same color as the sunset behind me.
His eyes widen with desire and I knew then that he would no longer resist.
"Kiss me, Edward. Make me yours."
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