I didn't create these characters, Marvel did. So blame them.

Prologue- Diagnosed with cancer after he dropped out of High School, Wade Wilson went to a shady organization that gave him a power to heal from any injury and disease. They also gave him high-tech weapons and a teleportation belt. Now he's out on his own, living in a crappy low-rent apartment in New York as a mercenary for hire. He also knows he's a fictional character, he is…

Wade Wilson, DEADPOOL:

Living Through the 4th Wall

(Part 1 0f 6)

By w00tmaster93

"Hi, my name is Roberto Herald and I'm here at what is the worst car accident in history, a truck full of explosives crashed into a truck full of fireworks just 15 minutes ago." the newscaster said in front of well, the worst car accident in history. "Also in the air, a private jet crashed into a helicopter and landed of the 2 trucks. But it wasn't all bad news. The only man who died was the fireworks truck driver. His name was Wade Wilson an infamous mercenary known for the deaths of countless innocents, paramedics didn't bother taking him out of the truck claiming that he smells funny and frankly, no one wants to bother saving a mercenary the government didn't think was alive anymore." I knew I should've never been a fireworks truck driver. It's hard to see from my mask sometimes.

I was lying in the truck on the brink of death, my belts broke so I couldn't get out, and I couldn't reach the door. Just then I saw this really hot woman reaching towards me, she was dressed in black and had a skeleton hand. "Ooh, ooh, let me guess who you are! Umm…the Easter bunny! Yay, my parents didn't lie to me who are real! w00t!" I said.

"I'm not the Easter bunny, Deadpool. My name is Death." she replied.

"I can't die, I have a healing factor!" I said.

"Sorry, you're healing factor leaves you after a certain number of years…now just stay calm in a few moments you'll be dead."

"How come no one's saving me?"

"No one wants to save an assassin."

"I do!" And suddenly I was dead. From a visual standpoint, I was on a planet staring off into space. Death was right next to me. "So, I'm dead?"

"Yup…except there's been a small problem." Death said.

"What?"

"It seems you are the main character of this story. Main characters can't die in the first chapter."

"Sweet, I'm the main character again! I have my own comic book!"

"Actually you just have a story on category?"

"X-men." Death said.

"Evolution? Movies?" I asked.

"No, you're in the comics section."

"I guess that makes sense. Me and the X-men go way back, me and Wolverine are tight. Is he going to be in this story?"

"Maybe later, right now he's kind of the poster boy for everything Marvel does right now."

So, if you know everything, am I going to be resurrected like every other dead comic book character ever?"

"Yes you will return, but only if you return as a good person…or else you're going to Hell." Death said

"I think I heard that same exact plot somewhere else before." I pointed out.

"Shhhhhhhh, you don't want to get sued, do you?" she asked.

"No."

"Now, before you return, I could take out the implants in your mind that makes you live through the fourth wall, if that's what you would want."

"Wait, what?"

"Living through the fourth wall means that you are aware you are a fiction character."

"Why wouldn't I want that?" I asked.

"It makes you sound crazy."

"Without my craziness, then I'll only be known for as a guy who runs around in a costume that looks like Spider-man's."

"I always wondered why you wear that costume. Anyway, ready to go back to Earth."

"Will I ever see you again?" I asked.

"I-" she started.

"Never mind, I don't really care if I see you anyway."

"Just for that, I'm going to push you back to Earth." Death said and she pushed me back down to Earth and landed in a dumpster somewhere in Manhattan."

"Son of a word-I-don't-think-I'm-allowed to-say, she really did push me." I said to myself. I climbed out of the dumpster and walked around asking random people if I was allowed to say "bitch". They usually responded by saying, "Get away from me you freak"

Later as I was walking to my apartment, I heard a woman scream, "He has my purse! Somebody stop him!"

"That's weird, the only place I've ever seen purses getting stolen is on TV, never a fan fiction." Then I remembered I was supposed to do good things. The guy who stole the purse had dark glasses and looked confused.

"I lost my seeing-eye dog, I need help." the guy said. "I think this is his leash." he said, pointing to the purse. He was blind, that means easier to take down. I pulled out one of my guns.

"Freeze scumbag!" I said, pointing the gun at the blind guy.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Likely story." I said sarcastically and tackled the blind man, I pointed my gun to his head when he was on the ground. "You have one of two options, pal: you return the purse and I blow your brains out or you don't return the purse and I blow your brains out." This was fun.

"I don't have very good options." The blind guy said.

The purse's owner walked by and took back the purse. "Lay off of him." she said to me. "He's blind."

"So? He's still a criminal." I pointed out.

"No, he's just confused, jerk." she said.

I turned my attention to the blind guy. "Ok pal, since you didn't choose either option I guess I won't blow your brains out. What's your name?"

"Al." The blind guy said.

"I like you Al." I said.

"Why?"

"Because you have the balls to stand up to my gun."

"Wait, you really had a gun?" he asked.

"Look, Blind Al if you ever need help hiding purses, your welcome to come to my apartment." I gave him a piece of paper with my apartment number on it.

"But I can't read." he said.

"Then you probably shouldn't have dropped out of school."

"But I didn't drop out."

"Nobody asked for your opinion you dumbass. Now come on, I'm going to drop you off at this crack house until you learn your lesson." I left Blind Al off at a crack house.

I walked in, "I want you junkies to take care of my friend." I said. "But if you don't, it's no big loss."

"Hey, why don't you stay here for a little bit?" A junkie said to me.

"No, the only thing that gets me high is Jesus…and smoking pop rocks." I said as I left. When I walked into my apartment, I saw Death standing by my couch. "Death, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"That was a terrible thing you did to Al." she said.

"But it was funny!" I said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a dream where I'm romantically involved with one of the Golden Girls."

"No you don't." Death said. "You're going to save Al, bring him home and do good deeds for the rest of the night and if you don't you're going to Hell by sunrise."

"Wow that sucks." I said

"Deadpool, this is going to be the longest night of your life."