The rain streaked down already grimy windows, obscuring the view of the world outside. The dim light that managed to filter through the filth revealed a small room. The room was little used, covered in a film of dust. There was a bed against the wall with a dingy gray blanket.

A small figure lay on the bed, nestled under the blanket, quivering every few seconds. A muffled cry ripped itself from a strangled throat, opening the flood gates. The boy began sobbing uncontrollably, body jerking and spasming with every sob.

Frail arms meekly pulled the blanket from his body, clutching it to his chest, revealing the gaunt and tearstained face of Shinji Ikari.

Dark brown eyes squeezed tightly shut slowly leaking salty tears that fell to stain the pillow.

"Kaworu."

The cry ripped itself from a throat raw from screaming.

The clock radio in the corner flipped to 7:00 am, a whirring sound issued and Ode to Joy poured from the speakers as it had every morning for the last three days.

Vivid memories flashed before soulful brown eyes, reaffirming already heartfelt guilt.

Kaworu sitting at the edge of the lake, humming. Kaworu returning from training. Kaworu saying that he loved him. Kaworu standing before Eva Unit 02. Kaworu Telling Shinji to kill him.

Shinji screamed with anguish, heart tearing apart, wishing with every fiber of his being to go back and relive that moment.

"Kaworu."

That name tormented him, rendered him unable to function. Life was now empty, not worth living. Everything that had once been light was now plunged into darkness, devoid of the spark that had been Kaworu.

Shinji peered through blurry eyes to the side table. Glinting innocently in the murky sunlight was his pocketknife. A simple tool that Shinji had started to carry with him for the odd job.

Shinji reached for the knife, fingering the metallic object lightly. With a precise and practiced motion, he flipped out the well-kept blade, running over his thumb.

While thoughts of Kaworu filled him with guilt and self-loathing, he gently lowered the blade to his pale skin, eyes tracing the blue vein beneath that he knew would burst forth red.

Slowly he dug the tip of the blade into his skin, drawing it up his arm, following the blue vein. The pain screamed up his nerves to his brain, but this pain was nothing compared to the pain his heart inflicted upon him every moment.

The blood burst through his torn skin, turning that bright red upon connecting with the air. Red filled his vision, streaming down his arm with every pulse of his weary heart. Shinji watched with passive features, knowing that his pain would be gone soon.

As he felt the last of his blood drain away, and he started falling into the darkness, he uttered his last request of the world.

"Please," he murmured, "let me be with Kaworu. Just let me see him one last time."

As the darkness sucked at his consciousness an image flickered before his eyes, materializing one moment and gone the next.

Just when Shinji's eyes closed for the last time, a voice pushed it's way through the darkness.

"I'm waiting for you, Shinji."

END