okay, since almost everyone was angry about me killing off Strix Strumajen, let me explain why. I don't think that Lutta was about to forgive the owl who tried to murder her for no reason, and she felt threatened because Strix Strumajen was talking about how she 'had' to kill her. Basically I think that Lutta really would have killed Strix Strumajen.

Lutta opened her eyes as moonlight trickled between the Ga'Hoole Tree's branches. She closed them again. No… I don't want to get up…

"Thyme?" Thorn's voice whispered.

"What?"

"We were supposed to have Strumajen's chaw today. Who's going to teach us?"

Lutta stiffened. It had been two days since Hoole had found the Spotted Owl's body, and no ryb had taken her place yet. "I-I don't know." Secretly she was pleased that Strix Strumajen was dead, but Emerilla was unhappy, so Hoole was unhappy, which made her unhappy. And she had to tell someone about who she really was, because she felt like she was overflowing. The shapeshifter thought that she would burst at any heartbeat from all the secrets she was keeping inside of her.

The Snow Rose's voice rang out as the last hints of the sun disappeared over the horizon. Lutta rose sleepily from her nest as Skreel moaned.

"Today's the tapping," she hooted.

"What?!" Skreel jumped up, staring around with wide eyes.

Lutta churred, and suddenly a strange feeling swept over her. A gizzard? She could laugh…

Skreel blinked. "Are you just kidding?"

"No. It really is the tapping. But it was fun to see your expression."

The owl whooed in exasperation. Thorn churred along with the Great Gray. "Come on, tweener is starting!" The tiny owl flapped her wings and lifted off. She soared out of the hollow and into the sky.

Lutta followed her, feeling a wind current lift her up as she swooped around. Thorn lighted on a branch, waiting for Skreel to catch up. "Hurry, you're slower than a snail!"

He groaned and soared from the hollow. The three owls flew over to the dining space where the nest maids were just slithering into place. Oki and Raptor were already at the place where the three owls usually sat, and Thorn hurried over to them.

"I can't wait until the tapping!" she told them excitedly.

Raptor nodded. "I hope, really really hope, that I get into search and rescue."

Lutta stayed silent, although she desperately wanted to be in Hoole's chaw. Thinking of the Spotted Owl suddenly made her feel about to burst again.

"Thyme?" The nest maid snake twisted her head around, her sightless face turned towards the gray-feathered owl. "Are you okay?" she asked in her rasping hiss.

Lutta flinched. "Yes… look, I'm not that hungry… I'm just going to fly around a bit I guess…" She darted away before the other owls could ask any questions.

Outside the night was calm. No owls were out flying yet. Lutta pushed her wings up and down hard and soared up, to the very top of the Tree. The milkberries glistened around her as she landed on a twisted limb. Her wings drooped at her sides.

"Who am I kidding?" she yelled at herself. "I'll never be anything! Ever! I am nothing!" She stared up at the stars. They were silent. "Everyone hates me! Ygryk and Pleek abandoned me!"

"Thyme?"

Lutta froze, and she wilfed, shrinking back, as a young Spotted Owl stared up from the roots of the Tree at her. "No. No, no…" she whispered as Hoole flew towards her, landing nearby. She wanted to be alone, and she knew she would lose control and morph into a hagsfiend or something. Even if it was Hoole she was talking to. Especially if it's Hoole.

"Thyme? Why aren't you eating with the others?"

"Why aren't you?" she shot back, careful not to look at him.

Hoole blinked and took a step away. "You're just so distracted ever since-."

"Strix Strumajen was killed."

He flinched. "Yes."

Lutta turned to face him. "Hoole. Can I show you something?"

The Spotted Owl looked confused. "What?"

"Please. I-I have to tell someone." The shapeshifter felt her form waver, almost changing from a Great Gray into something else. Luckily Hoole didn't notice.

"Um… okay…" Hoole glanced around.

Lutta opened her wings and jumped from the tree branch. "Follow me."

"Why?" Hoole hesitated. He looked nervous.

"Please." Lutta wheeled around to face him. Her yellow eyes were wide, maybe too yellow for a Great Gray, and more like a hagsfiend…

The owl who was the king of the Great Ga'Hoole Tree blinked, a distant memory forming in his mind. "Okay," he whooed, and lifted from the limb.

Lutta sighed with relief and dread mixed together. No going back now. She started flying to the south, to a place she had found while exploring. Hoole soared behind her, wondering what she was doing by the expression on his face.

A glint of reflected moonlight told Lutta that she had found the place. She spiraled down slowly and heard Hoole gasp. "What's that?"

A huge lake was in front of them. As Lutta swooped lower she could see every detail from the reflection in the crystal clear water.

"They're like mirrors!" Hoole exclaimed, diving down to see his image on the surface.

Lutta nodded. "I know." She flew to the water's edge, landing on the soft sandy ground. Her talons scraped the earth as she stared at her reflection. Who am I really? she wondered.

Hoole alighted on the shore. "Is this what you wanted to show me?" he asked, staring across the lake. "The… Mirror Lakes… yes…"

The shapeshifter shook her head. "Look into the water."

Hoole blinked at her, then stared into the depths of the lake. "Why?"

Lutta stepped up behind him. For a moment the image of a Spotted Owl and Great Gray shone up at them. Suddenly, slowly at first, then faster, the storm-colored owl shrank back, melting in on itself.

Hoole gasped and whirled around. Lutta flinched, her transformation quickening. Then instead of a Great Gray standing in front of him there was a Barn Owl.

"You!" Hoole hissed, his eyes glittering with recognition. He lashed out with a wing and threw Lutta back. She landed on twisted roots, beneath one of the many trees around the lake.

"You!" The king yelled again. "You tried to kill me! You tried to steal the ember! How did you- Strix Strumajen killed you! And now you're back!" He raised a talon and it glinted in the moonlight.

"No," Lutta whispered.

The quiet word echoed in the night. Hoole froze. "What?"

"No," she repeated. "I didn't want kill to. And I didn't want the ember. Kreeth did." She blinked up at him. "Kill me if you wish. I don't care. Everyone hates me, and you do too. There's nothing left for me here."

The Spotted Owl narrowed his eyes. They were deep pools of distrust and confusion as he glared at the shapeshifter. Slowly he lowered his talon. "Then why did you attack me?" he demanded.

"I slipped. The floor was made of ice, for Glaux's sake." Lutta closed her eyes, expecting to feel talons rip at her throat. And then I'll go to Hagsmire… like Strix Strumajen wanted.

"Why'd you reach for the ember if you didn't want it?" asked Hoole. His voice was edged with anger, but not pure hate like before.

"I told you," Lutta said. "It wasn't the ember I wanted."

The Spotted Owl cocked his head to one side. "I don't understand."

"That's fine."

Hoole looked confused, but he said nothing. "What did you want?"

The Barn Owl glanced away. She didn't answer. Then tentatively Lutta spoke. "Are you going to exile me?" She tensed. Of course he would. So now I'll be on my own again…she thought bitterly.

Hoole hesitated, then took a deep breath. "No."

"You- you're not?" Lutta blinked.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Glaux, do you want to be exiled?" Hoole turned to her sadly and Lutta realized how hard it was for him to forgive her and let her stay at the Tree. He wanted to drive her away for what had happened in the Northern Kingdoms, but the hate he felt had diminished enough to make him have second thoughts.

Please understand, Lutta willed him. Please…

"Why did you follow Kreeth's orders?" Didn't you know she was evil?"

Lutta stood up slowly. "Of course not, not until the battle. Pleek and Ygryk abandoned me. Kreeth raised me. I thought what she was doing was right."

Hoole narrowed his eyes. "Then why did you disobey her at the battle?"

The Barn Owl wilfed. She looked away, the dull ache inside of what could have been her gizzard becoming a painful throb. It hurt more than she could have imagined. "I can't tell you… you wouldn't believe me anyway."

Hoole seemed almost hurt. Then he looked up at the horizon. "We should get back to the Ga'hoole Tree," he said quietly. "Chaws are about to start." Lutta nodded mutely. "Come on."

He lifted his wings and jumped up, catching an air currant and soaring over the lake. Lutta watched him for a moment, then started flying as well. She stared down at her reflection miserably, almost wishing that she hadn't let Hoole know who she really was.

With an aching gizzard the shapeshifter swooped back towards the Tree as the stars shone coldly above her.