Epilogue

Too young to fall
For a light I think I see
Can't say for sure
The plants have died,
My hair has grown
From the thought of you
Coming home

'cause it ain't easier
Waking up at dawn
To find I lost my crown
If I found you there
With flowers in your hair

I'd hold you in my arms
Till we came back down
A smile that explodes
I could never understand

My room, too small
To get by without the help of alcohol
Pin my arm to the wall
Now I'm too gone to fight
Not afraid to fall

'cause it ain't easier
Waking up at dawn
To find I lost my crown
If I found you there
With flowers in your hair

I'd hold you in my arms
Until we came back down
A smile that explodes
I could never understand

I write one more
Letter I won't send
Except for across the floor

A smile that explodes

by Joseph Arthur

Letters. Hundreds of letters scattered around the floor. And one man standing above, staring, contemplating, remembering.

It had been 6 years since she went to London, 6 years since he persuaded her that taking a break from each other would be the best for both of them, for their relationship. The only thing he forgot was to persuade himself.

For months he beat himself up for ruining the best thing in his life. For months he regretted ever opening his fucking mouth and saying those fucking words. For months he hated himself for breaking up with her. He tortured and tortured himself.

Until Kate came to visit.

She was the happiest he had ever seen her. She glowed and smiled like a woman who had it all. She laughed and talked so animatedly that even a blind man could see that London was a prize for her. She finally got to make her dream come true and the joy of it showed up on her face every time she talked about photographs, college, London.

Of course, after months of separation, the reunion between Jack and Kate was teary even heartbreaking. Jack could see it in her eyes every time she caught him looking at her or every time that they were "accidentally" left alone in the same room – the sadness, the heartbreak over a broken relationship.

But all that disappeared the moment he would ask about her and her activities. She lost herself in her narrations and he could tell that she was picturing herself doing all that she was talking about. She talked, she explained, she laughed and lived.

That was good enough for Jack.

From then on, no regrets passed through his mind. She left a couple of days later, shared a teary and sad smile with him, and Jack was left behind to pick up the pieces. But this time the pieces were successfully and wholly picked. And right after, the wound started to heal.

He threw himself into work. He studied like he had never before, stayed up all night finishing up projects for college, took a part-time job to finally earn some money on his own. He busied himself with anything that could take his mind off of her. And it almost worked.

Many girls offered to be his, tried to win him over but for the first year and a half his heart and mind belonged to a certain brunette currently in London. He knew he was being stupid, they had broken up and for all he knew Kate was off with some dude from London with English accent. The fact was that every girl reminded him of her. The way she smiled, the way she giggled, the way she looked down when she was embarrassed and the way she sighed when she was annoyed with him. She was his breath and heartbeat. She was his everything.

At the same time, Kate was having, if not the same, similar issues in London. She didn't even bother noticing the men that passed by, flirted with her and asked her out. She knew from good sources – Shannon and Claire – that Jack was not off banging any college girls and was without a girlfriend too. But that was not even the point. She knew that even if he decided to get married after only a year of her leaving, she wouldn't be able to be with another guy. Yes, it would hurt like hell but being with any other guy than Jack was something that seemed quite impossible to her.

The second year of being apart passed and both Jack and Kate were single and devoted 100 per cent to college. Their friends started pushing and probing them into finding someone to ease the pain. It was harder than it seemed.

Jack tried taking out a girl from college, pretty enough and with a brain but was a total disaster. At first he would note every single thing that reminded him of Kate and then he would think about all the things that made the girl ugly and stupid compared to the brunette. In the middle of the date, one thing led to another and Jack was left confessing his problems and issues about Kate to the girl who was supposed to take the pain away. When he got back to his place he was even more depressed. After that Sayid never tried to hook him up again.

Kate was a bit different. She whined and complained to her new friend and roommate who set her up on a date with a guy from their building but ended up going after all. And being the nice girl that she was she tried her hardest not to laugh at his cocky manner and not to roll her eyes at his every attempt to get in her pants. She very nicely complimented him for the place he had taken them and left him one hour after getting together.

The good thing was that Jack loved college. He loved his classes even if he had a hard time keeping up and he devoted himself wholly on the doctor career he wanted to follow. His father was as proud as any father could be when his boy followed the steps that he took throughout his life. He and Margo could see what an impact Kate's absence had on their son but they could also see that Jack was dealing with it and was trying to let go. They were always careful not to mention anything Kate-related to him every time he came to visit and always avoided asking about his non-existent relationships. They trusted and respected their son enough to let him manage and get over the pain on his own.

Diane was pretty much the same. She visited her daughter as often as she could but the news she brought to her were always vague. Kate never asked about Jack so Diane never talked about him. She would only say "They're all good" and be done with it. She knew that her daughter was having a hard time getting over the one guy that meant the world to her but she could see that time was making wonders. When Kate first moved out she was an emotional wreck. She kept asking if she had done the right thing, always regretting and beating herself up. But slowly and surely, she let it go. She never let Jack go but she did manage to put him on the back of her head instead of its center.

Shannon and Claire were another story. They never intentionally tried to make her or him feel bad but their mouth was just bigger than their mind. They too visited Kate often, as well as Jack. It took months for them to finally manage keeping their mouth shut on certain subjects. They always brought memories back, painful memories that made both Jack and Kate regretful and miserable.

Sayid helped a lot with the Shannon situation and Charlie with the Claire one. They persuaded their girls that nothing could change now except for their friends' emotional disposition. They could either be apart and miserable or apart and dealing with it. Finally, all four of them decided to back off and let the couple be.

As for their current relationships, Sayid and Shannon were hitting it off pretty early. He asked her to marry him in their second year through college but decided to wait until they were both over with classes. Shannon had already started planning, however.

Claire and Charlie had a more rocky relationship. They broke up numerous times only to get back together a day later. Charlie was now in a band, preparing his first demo and Claire was trying to get through college. They both had a hard time keeping up but at least they had each other.

On their third year of being apart, Jack's hormones started to kick in. He was 21 and was surrounded by hot girls studying biology, of course he would feel a little hot himself. He didn't dare make a move though, couldn't bring himself to go after another girl. He knew it was stupid but he felt like he was cheating on Kate by just thinking of having sex with someone else. When he confessed that to Sayid he earned a smack on the head and a "Are you fucking stupid?" from him. After that and after finding out that Kate had actually gone on a few dates herself he decided to finally give in.

He didn't do relationships but not only one night stands either. He was in a so called open relationship, or many for that matter. He wasn't being a jerk by leading a girl on and then turning her down. On the contrary he made his feelings on the subject perfectly clear before he would make any move whatsoever. It's surprising how many girls took upon his offer without even a second of thought. "College girls", Charlie used to say with a knowing smirk only to earn a glare from Claire.

Kate was having more problems with her sexual life. She wasn't the kind of girl to get involved in no-strings-attached sex or one night stands. Truthfully, she had never had any physical relationship with anyone but Jack. And for the first few years she had no problem with keeping it that way. But after finding out about Jack and his romantic "adventures" she begun to realize it was truly time to move on. It hurt like hell but she tried.

She hooked up with a guy from a party and it actually turned out to be more. He called her the next day and after a great persuasion on his part she agreed to go out with him. He was a nice guy – James – and she felt comfortable around him. He realized immediately she was dealing with a broken relationship and he never pushed for more than she could give. That was much appreciated by Kate who after several dates with him felt like she could try out another relationship.

Jack, having being honest about his intentions with the girls he hooked up with, was surprised to be approached by a girl named Anna who wasn't interested in getting in his pants. Instead, she flirted and played with him even though she knew he was in no place for a relationship. He told her that and she retorted that she would keep trying till no hope was left. Jack, impressed by her insistence, kept a close eye on her. He wasn't ready for commitment just yet.

Until Kate's next visit.

It was all as it usually was when she came to visit. They hugged and shared intimate looks but this time was different. For some reason, Jack was more desperate than usual, he wanted alone time with her. Perhaps it was the fact that he was close to being someone else's boyfriend that made him want to take one more chance, he couldn't be sure. So, when Kate went to bring out the cake from the kitchen while Shannon, Claire, Sayid and Charlie were in the dining room of Sayid's and Shannon's new apartment, Jack followed her.

"Hey", he said and approached her.

She jumped a little surprised and looked up to see Jack leaning on the side of the door. She was actually surprised to see him there given that they usually tried to keep their distance from each other whenever she visited for their hearts' sake.

"Hey", she whispered looking through shy lashes.

"So…" he started uncomfortably, "how have you been?"

She stared at him, trying to figure out why he was acting this way. "Umm…good. Great."

He nodded looking at the floor.

"You?" she asked back politely.

"Awesome."

They were both really uncomfortable by now. Kate had forgotten all about the cake and was staring at nothing in particular and Jack was having a battle in his head about the things he wanted to tell her.

"Actually, fuck it" he suddenly exclaimed and with longs strides came to stand in front of a very startled Kate.

"Jack, what the…"

She didn't have time to finish because Jack had claimed her mouth before she could even breathe. He kissed her with force, the kind of force that two separate soulmates need in their life to help them breathe and live throughout the day. The passion that erupted was earth-shattering and their lips stayed together until they had to pull apart to breathe. With Jack's hands holding her tight against him and hers trembling while touching his face, they gasped and looked at each other in astonishment.

No one spoke for what felt like an eternity. Jack was looking at her with desperate eyes, waiting to know if they still had a chance and Kate was still trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Reality finally sank in and Kate started to pull herself from him.

"Jack…" she said in a pleading voice. She couldn't talk to him about moving on when he was this close to her. But it had to be done. There were just too many things between them now, nothing was the same and nothing could make things as they used to be. She couldn't go back again, they shouldn't go back again.

"Jack, please…this is wrong…" she tried to reason with.

His eyes turned from desperate and hopeful to sad and hurtful in a second. He dropped his hands from around her and took a step back as if to steady himself. The kiss had taken him off guard, even he who made the move couldn't find where the strength and boldness had come from. Now that he saw regret and sadness in her eyes he realized that he had fucked it all up.

"I'm sorry, Kate" he sincerely apologized. He ran his hand through his short-cut hair and looked at the floor nervously. "I don't know what got into me…I…I'm sorry…" he whispered and finally looked at her.

She hadn't changed at all through all these years. Well, she did change but the differences were minor. The feelings that a single glance from her evoked in Jack however were still strong but not the same. Yes, her beauty still made him blink in amazement, her sexiness would still make him weak in the knees if he allowed it and her kindness shone all over her face, in her eyes, her cheeks, her smile, but it was not the same. He could tell she was holding back, he knew she wasn't there fully with him. He could see the sadness in her eyes, sadness for rejecting him, for causing him more pain.

"You were the one to end it, Jack" she said in a pained whisper. Tears were falling from her eyes, flowing like the words from her mouth. She was in as much pain as he was. "I was so…angry….so angry that you made such a decision…" she confessed. "I was mad at you for a long time, Jack" she chuckled bitterly, "but now I understand. I finally understand why you did it. Please don't make me go through it again" she pleaded and she let out a whimper as months of hurt, days of pain and years of heartbreak rushed through her and took the form of tears.

Jack didn't speak, didn't have the courage or the will to form any words. He simply nodded and lowered his head. Kate quickly wiped the tears away and hid the pain where it had been safely kept for all this time. She took quick steps and was out of the kitchen in no time. Having dried his tears in silent agony, Jack followed her not too long after.

The day she left for London, Jack called Anna and asked her out.

He didn't base his relationship with Anna on Kate's refusing to re-open old wounds. No, he was certain he was making the right move. He wanted to let go, he needed to let go before it turned out to be too much to handle. He knew now that she was trying, that she wanted to move on. So he followed her example and didn't stick to the past. He didn't forget but he did try.

His relationship with Anna was no where near his relationship with Kate. There was no such passion or love between the two but there was understanding and healing. She took away his pain while he took away hers.

The years passed and Jack and Kate both moved along with their lives. Jack was still with Anna and Kate was currently with another British guy from college. They lived, they laughed, they tried. Communication between the two was limited to none. Their news were passed through by messengers – Shannon, Claire – and they saw each other in a few occasions when Kate came to visit. They were both aware of each other's relationships but never commented on them.

However, when the time of Kate's return was close, everything seemed to change. Only months before she had to pack, Kate started feeling uncomfortable with her boyfriend. Even though he was coming in the U.S. a while after her, she had serious doubts about their relationship. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but she felt like she wanted to alone.

The same happened with Jack. Suddenly, Anna was appearing to him more like a friend than a girlfriend, more like a sister than a romanting interest. He didn't know what was happening to him and why he felt like he wanted alone time but he couldn't understand the knowing smiles between Shannon and Claire either.

A month before Kate was to come back he broke up with Anna. His reasons? None particular but Anna was not stupid. She knew from her own sources that a certain brunette was coming back for good. Even if he denied it she could tell it was the reason for his anxiousness and desire to be single. She didn't blame him, she knew from the beginning the complexity of his relationship with that girl in London and yet she chose to put it aside. Not to mention that she was pretty sure he didn't even know it himself that he was involuntarily preparing himself for the return of the love of his life. She only hoped that the girl would feel the same, the guy deserved his happily ever after.

Kate was also anxious about her return. She knew that literally nothing would have changed but still, after six whole years it felt like moving to a new place. She had actually found an apartment in L.A. close to Sayid and Shannon and near enough to Claire's and was now able to pay for it given that she had also found a job. It wasn't much, photographer for a small magazine, but the money were enough and she got to do what she loved. Not to mention that working there would open many doors for future jobs. She was eager and scared. Eager to settle down and be with the people she loved and scared because she didn't know how the people that she still loved and used to love her would react to her return. She was scared of Jack's reaction, to be precise.

She couldn't admit that she had broken up with Nick, her latest boyfriend, because of him. She was too insecure to voice her hopes, her hopes about them getting back together. What if he was still with someone else? What if he was in love? What if he hated her because of that day 3 years ago? They hadn't spoken about it and their only communication was through third people. She didn't know anything but the basics. She knew he had finally got his degree and was now practicing in a hospital in L.A. He too lived near her newly bought apartment but she couldn't bring herself to think about him. She was going back to him and she would rather face the rejection once and for all than suffer through the unknown.

She got on the plane and with a hopeful smile said goodbye to London.

He was still staring at the letters, his mind wandering, lost in memories and heartbreaks, in love and pain. He had written all those letters in times of need, of desperation. At nights that sleep would only bring more pain. He didn't send them, never. She had made it clear she wanted to move on, he wouldn't be the reason to hold her back. He loved her too much.

He slowly bent down and gathered up the letters, stacking them all in one pack and putting them in the box he had them hidden until today. Today she was coming back. His heartbeat had taken a rythme of its own, not beating, not fluttering, but flying. He didn't let himself get too excited, too hopeful. Rejection after all this time, he knew, was the most probable outcome, but that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt like hell.

He stood up and looked at his watch. A tiny smile appeared on his lips, the tiniest of hope rushing through his heart. It was now or never.

"Oh guys!! It's so good to be back!!"

Kate was finally in L.A. and squashed between her mother and her four best friends, Shannon, Claire, Sayid and Charlie. She couldn't stop giggling at her friends' affection. They had all big, comic smiles on their faces and she couldn't help smiling too. This felt like home.

But after the first wave of enthusiasm a sick feeling in her stomach made her drop the smile. She looked around with hopeful eyes only to have the sick feeling in her stomach worsen. All the excitement was gone and was replaced by a deep cut of disappointment combined with extreme sadness. Jack wasn't there.

She turned to look at her friends in question and received the answer she was afraid of.

"He was supposed to meet us here 20 minutes ago. He hasn't showed up" Claire said in a sympathetic whisper and rubbed her hand on her friend's back.

Kate ducked her head to hide the hurt shining through her eyes and let out a bitter chuckle. She knew better than to have fruitless hopes but the damage was done now. All she could do was pull it together for her friends' sake and break down later in the loneliness of her apartment. Faking a smile she nudged them to get going and headed towards her new apartment.

He could see her walking down the street, head down, furrowed brows, absent mind. He wondered whether he had anything to do with her current state but didn't dwell on it much. His heart pumped and every breath he took synchronized with an equal step. He had to move fast before she reached her building.

He crossed the street and was now walking behind her. He didn't want to call out to her, somehow he didn't have any strength in him. He just kept walking hoping that she'd accidentally turn around.

He knew it was mean, but he was kinda hoping that his absence from the airport had moved her, even just a tiny bit. He made the decision not to welcome her at the airport right after he finished packing the letters which were written but never sent to her. His reasons for not going were not clear to him. He just felt like it wasn't going to be enough showing up and smiling like a common friend would do. He needed to see her alone, search through the mystery of her eyes for her actual feelings.

Finally, Kate reached the building she was now living in. Having to look for her keys, she turned a little and her eyes snapped up to where a handsome young man was staring at her.

Time stopped and they both remained silent. Her breathing quickened and now matched Jack's rythme.

"Hey" Jack, bold enough to be the first one to talk, said. She remained silent for a moment longer, startled, surprised, ecstatic. He did want to see her after all.

"Hey" was her answer.

Having rehearsed this exact scene numerous times before, didn't help Jack at all. The fluttering, the butterflies, the thoughts currently battling inside his head made him forget everything that he was planning to say to her. She wasn't better at this either. She was at loss of words, of coherent thoughts.

It was surprisingly comforting seeing her as taken-aback as he was. It gave him courage the fact that she wasn't over or forgetful of the past even if she, unlike him, didn't want to revive it. But looking at her like this, like she was having a hard time staying away from him yet hesitating to make a move, made him snap out of his insecurities and take a step forward.

"I made you promise" he said in a more confident tone than before. There was no time for hesitation, no time for second thoughts or fears for rejection. He had to believe she was on the same page with him, he had to believe she still wanted him as much as he wanted her.

"What?" she choked out but took a step forward too.

"I made you a promise" he repeated. "I told you that in six years time, we would meet up again," he paused for dramatic effect, "and I'd give you the kiss that I owed you."

He saw her take in a sudden breath, and he would have stopped and backed off hadn't she moved just a little bit closer towards him.

"Do you remember it?" he asked, moving forward while actually hearing the sound of his thundering heart echoing through his ears.

"Yes" she whispered and he discerned a lone tear falling from her eyes.

They were too close now and every insecurity, every fear, every stupid thought of rejection had vanished.

"I'm here to keep that promise"

And with that, he closed the small distance between them and engulfed her in a passion so significant that neither had known before. Their lips fitted perfectly, like no day had passed since he was kissing her just because he felt like it, since she was his and he was hers. It felt like those old days but in reality it was so much more. This was beyond reviving the past. This was living the present and carving the future. This was a reunion of two true lovers, ready, willing and desperate to be with each other.

After the moment of desperate kissing had passed, he pulled back to look at her. Her eyes were shining and slowly but surely a smile exploded on her face. That moment, that precise moment, Jack truly believed that everything was going to be ok.

FINIS

Unbelievable, isn't it? It's finally over!!

I want to thank you ALL!! Those who read, those who reviewed, those who waited!! You guys are amazing!! I wouldn't have been able to finish this story if it weren't for you! I've been through melt downs, insecurities, pessimistic feelings but you guys helped me keep going! A review actually from one of you guys made me seriously consider being a writer some day (when my english has improved lol).

Anyway, i don't want this to take long. I hope you guys liked the finale. I told you it was gonna be bittersweet but as promised, i wrote the bitter at first and kept the sweet for the ending :D

Oh and you probably noticed i've changed my username. yeah, felt like changing it for no reason :)

Ok then, i think this is goodbye. As for another story, i'm not sure if i'm up just yet to start writing something new. And you know how i suck at updating so i really don't want to put you through it again if it's not worth it. If you have any ideas throw some at me :) Love you all!! Take care :)