Honey and Agony

By: Lady Yami

AN: Yep. Ulquiorra and Orihime crack, of course. What the hell else do you want from me? My first series of semi-drabbles, but far from my first time writing it. First is a full blown fic…kind of. Rest are actual drabbles, I swear! Title meaning: Honey for sweetness because I warn you this will contain WAFF. Agony for the slight emo-ness sometimes, and it is also the name of a song by KOTOKO that fits this couple all too well. I demand you go download it. Also like everything else on the planet by her. XD She's one of my major muses right now.

Hahaha. puts on official Crack Pirate outfit and pulls out The Rum Savvy? roguish wink, but runs from Byakuya, whom is chasing her with a CRACK POLICE helmet on

Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach, there'd be way more innuendo and lolis. Oops, said that out loud. OH SHI---

X x X

"I would not complain, were I you. Aizen-sama ordered these ingredients especially for you." The Vasto Lord led the red-haired human girl into a tiny kitchen that had sort of popped up out of nowhere in adjunction to her cell. It was lab-white with absolutely zero cheer at all, but it was a kitchen alright. She took a deep breath.

"I-I will thank him."

"Yes, you will," Ulquiorra drawled, absentmindedly picking up a salt shaker and inspecting it. "Memories, memories," he half-sang, something Orihime had never seen him do. His voice was normally completely monotone and devoid of spontaneous song. She blinked. Oh, but Ulquiorra had been human at one time, right? He was a Hollow, after all. She studied his face, trying to imagine him as a human. It was hard. He seemed to concentrate his usual deadpan, so she looked to her feet.

"A-and I may cook any time I like?"

"Yes. You do not seem predisposed to gluttony," he ran a quick glance up and down her body. "So I don't see why I should advise otherwise." She shifted in her awkward robe. She'd been here about five days, now. It seemed more like a month to her. Time seemed to pass differently in Hueco Mundo. Things happened slowly and without deliberation. There was a haze of melancholy and drudgery about the place that simply could not be shaken. Growing up in the real world made this sort of thing hard. The simple, somewhat irritating things became missed. The sounds of cars passing by when she was falling asleep, the hum of the fridge in the other room. Recently too, there was Rangiku's snoring, or Hitusgaya's midnight return from the roof, where he would carefully make sure she and Rangiku were tucked in. She never mentioned the unquestionably out of character act to him, as she was sure his resulting embarrassment would amount to her having a certain ice dragon up in her face.

She came back into reality when Ulquiorra picked up a steak knife, carefully touching his fingertip to the edge. "Be careful. You are delicate and human. I will not have you accidentally doing away with yourself before you can be of use to Aizen-sama."

She sighed. "Ano, I'm not that delicate, Ulquiorra-san."

He shook his head, ebony hair flailing slightly. "Humans die due to stupid reasons all the time. You people fall down the stairs almost as often as your kill each other."

She shrugged the reason off, mainly because her stomach was growling. He took note of it, and tilted his head at the counter. "Eat, please."

She searched through the cabinets. "S-something quick, I suppose."

The materials were mostly boring, to be frank. All the basic baking supplies, eggs, milk, and a few random ingredients. Oh, and multiple boxes of tea. Aizen was apparently a really avid tea guy. Charming.

Oh, gold. Somewhat literally. There was a little jar of honey nestled in a back cabinet, in a rather adorable bear-shaped glass jar. She reached for it instantly, carefully cradling it in two hands. Ulquiorra studied her softened gaze with interest, wondering why such an object would arouse such feelings in the human girl.

"So cute!" She finally squeaked, earning a steadier-still deadpan from the Vasto Lord.

She put the jar on the counter and reached for a loaf of bread, carefully cutting it in half. He pointed to the brad. "Half a loaf?"

"Mhm," she hummed idly while slicing it, "This with honey is awesome."

"I may be the wrong authority on this but…that seems rather odd a choice of food for—".

She was spreading honey onto the bread now, a smile lighting her face. It was odd. He realized he had never seen her smile. Not that he would normally care, of course. A stupid human is a stupid human, even if they were needed by Aizen-sama.

She carefully piled the slices onto a plate, and then reached into the fridge and pulled out the milk. Finally, something good…

She tilted her head at him, pressing her lips together. "Does Ulquiorra-san want a slice?"

He shook his head "no." She shrugged. "Your loss!" He never understood human sayings like that. Were they a true gesture of sympathy, or a sign of victory? He shook his hair out of his face, eyes straying to the knife lying on the counter.

She stared at it, too. "Oh, actually. Honey is sticky. I should let that soak in the sink." She carefully put the plate down, but ended up managing to squish her index and middle fingers of her right hand in honey when her thumb caught under the plate. She managed to stick one fingertip in her mouth. Great. She blinked in complete mortification, turning a rather ferocious shade of pink. His usual mouth line and grim stare did not change. "U-um," she flustered, and grabbed the knife.

Of course, she then managed to prick her index finger on it. It was barely a pinhole, but it still bled. She carried the knife to the sink, praying the Hollow didn't notice, and dropped in with a metallic clang.

"Bread, bread!" She sang, praying he didn't notice the tears threatening to spill.

He merely sort of flowed forwards, catching her hand in his cold, large one to stare at it. "Human," he sighed, watching the blood slide slowly down her hand to mingle with the honey. "What did I just say about this nonsense…"

She attempted to pull her hand away but he didn't even seem to notice. Did his strength really go that far? He angled himself for a better look, and Orihime was once again mesmerized by the liquid nature of his movements, even the way she could see the muscles of his neck. She also warily watched the horn on the right side of his head. You could put, like, three eyes out with that.

Her stomach chose that exact moment to fall out. It wasn't without reason however. He had lifted her hand and fit his mouth around her index finger. Her abdomen clenched and her mouth went Sahara-dry. Oh…Her heartbeat was in her ears. Speaking of her heart, it was pumping blood to her face and some various other weird parts of her body.

His mouth was cold, there was no tacking a "just my imagination sticker" on it. It was moist, though probably not as much as it should have been. His tongue was a deep shade of red, far more brick-colored than humanly possibly. He closed his eyes, licking the last drop off blood off her index finger before moving on to the next. The healer remained immobile and spellbound watching the contrast of black eyelashes on moon-colored skin, pink lips half-open in surprise. He held her hand firmly around her wrist, shiny black fingernails glittering in the moonlight.

Finally having appeared to have finished his ministrations, he looked her squarely in the eye. "Things Aizen-sama prepared for you shall not be wasted." She swallowed and nodded, knowing for a fact he noticed her trembling. Please don't let him comment on it, oh please…

"…You fear me so much that you tremble in my presence? Have you not learned by now that I will not harm you?"

More and more lately, it was becoming the opposite. But like she was going to say that to him.

He stuck his hands back in his pockets. "Or…Hmm, perhaps my presence makes you jumpy." He sighed, rotating a shoulder. "Either way, I will take my leave for now. See if you can manage not to make a giant mess."

She nodded weakly again, still reeling. He came right up to her, and, as an afterthought, leaned in face to face to remove the honey residue from her lips with one quick lick. His eyes were even bigger than she thought. He ghosted past her, the barest shuffle of sandals and a breeze.

The door clicked and she went down on her knees almost immediately after, bidding her shaking body to calm itself. There was also the issue of the rapidly gathering oil-feeling in her stomach. No, no, no. He's a Hollow. Disgusting, right? She touched her lips with the same finger he had cleaned just moments before. Was it also loathsome of her to have wanted him to continue, or to stay? She wrestled with her conscience like a madwoman, before she realized she truly was famished. She picked herself up, and stared at the bread that had caused so much trouble. It did look good. In fact, it looked better than before. She sniffed, and was reaching for a piece when her sort of Inner-Mother-Figure chimed in from the deepest, scariest depths of her mind.

"So…you're gonna wash your hands before you eat, right, Orihime? You have Hollow slime on them."

Laughing, the prisoner of Hueco Mundo did just that.

AN:D So…sugary…skin…sloughing off…Reviews keep me writing! Thanks! More to come. Hopefully. That depends on you. Also if you feel like leaving a word or want to bug me with a drabble idea I desperately crave someone to talk crack with I mean—Yeah I'm all up for talkin' shop, feel free to PM me your AIM/MSN whatever if that's your pref. Also it's 5:30, I should probably sleep.