Author Notes: Well, I'm pleased to see you are liking this so far. Heh, I have to admit that doing something the infamous style of Episodes 25/26 is actually a pretty big challenge, as I said last time. It's sometimes hard to get the feel of what it should be like.
Ah well, hope you also enjoy this chapter.
She sat alone, in a single steel fold-out chair; her head hung low and eyes looking blankly at the ground patterned purple with blood red blobs around it; a strange sort of ground marker. Her short brown hair protected her face, her clothing a long with lab coat, a pink shirt and black skirt, along with black shoes. Her arms were resting on her legs, hands held together.
"This is the me that exists inside the EVA."
The sound of a second roof light coming on just behind her and above her was accompanied by the voice of a chestnut-brown haired, fourteen year old boy; wearing a white school shirt with blue under-shirt, and plain black trousers and shoes; his hair shadowing the top half of his face.. "And this is the me that exists inside of your mind."
The Case Of Yui Ikari
He is your son? "Yes." Do you love him? "Yes." Really? "Yes."
"You're lying!" The voice of son screamed all around her. "All I've ever been to you is a tool to pilot EVA!"
You have hurt him. Caused him pain. Killed him.
"No." Yui whispered, for some reason knowing that he would hear her. "He's my son, and I love him more than my own life. I'd give anything for him. I gave my life for him."
"So you are saying that this is all for him?" The voice of her ghost, Rei Ayanami, appeared on her left, looking down at Yui's head from her standing position, and wearing her school uniform; the dull green skirt with connected straps and white shirt underneath. "You did all this for him?"
"Yes."
"You did this to cause him pain?"
"No." Yui said back quietly but harshly to the cerulean haired girl. "I've done everything I've done to help him."
"Why aren't you helping me?!" The voice of her son, screaming all around her once more. "Move you stupid monster!!"
"I have. I helped you whenever I could."
Rei questioned her. "Whenever you could?"
"Yes." She looked up to stare at the piercing ruby red eyes of her echo. "Whenever I could." She returned her gaze to the floor.
"What a laugh!" She knew this one. The child of the other. The red-headed form of Asuka Langley Soryu appeared by her right side, standing tall and proud with her hands on her hips, wearing her yellow sundress. "Whenever you could... Yeah, right; that's about as rich as what Mama told me! So why didn't you help him at the end? When he was all that pain? Hmm? Why did you just let him endure it all? You just sat back and watched while he got scared out of his mind, went insane, not to mention having both his hands pierced by those two Lance of Longinus."
"Because..." Truthfully, she knew the answer, but she could not bring herself to say it.
Have you helped him? Truly helped him?
The form of her son, Shinji, appeared in front of her, wearing his white shirt, blue undershirt and black pants and shoes. "All you wanted from the beginning was a tool." He spoke softly, but with plenty of anger and hate. "Just a thing that you could use how you thought right." The boy's eyes narrowed, and Yui dared not look up to see his face. "Where were you when I needed you most?"
Images of half his life where he existed without a mother.
Flashes of the many times he was hurt in battles with angels.
Pictures of him inside the entry plug, looking at his hands, each with a clean hole in the centre of the palm.
"This is all for you, Shinji." But does he look happy? "I did all of this for you. You're my little angel, and I want to make you happy." Does he look happy?
"Do I look happy, mother?" Yui looked at her son's face, to see him scowling at her... angry with her. "Even if they hurt me, I was happy living with Misato and Asuka. They... cared about me. Asuka may not show it, but I know she does care. Rei cares about me too, and there are others that care as well. I know that now."
The image of the father, walking away from a small boy, crying his heart out, begging for someone to love him.
"I don't even know who you are anymore." Shinji's quiet voice sent contrastingly sharp stings through Yui. "I hate you."
The three children began to fade away, even as Yui ran towards Shinji, only to run through him as he left. She fell and rolled onto her back.
He wasn't there. He was gone. "Shinji?" Yui voice asked silently, and received only silent darkness in return. She stood to her feet, calling out a little louder. "Shinji?" She looked around and walked back to the chair, and screamed out the name. "Shinji?!" Silence.
Is this what you fear?
No answer.
Is this what you fear?
"It... It is..." Yui spoke in a disbelieving voice. "I... I don't want Shinji to hate me... What could I have done to make him hate me?"
EVA.
Yui's head shot around, as if she sensed who was behind this unknown interrogator, only to find ink black once more.
You are selfish.
You are cruel.
You are not a mother.
"I am!!" Yui screamed, trying to shut out everything but her own voice. "I protected him! Cared for him! Loved him!!!"
"Really?" The form of Misato Katsuragi appeared behind her as she spun to meet it the face; marked with an angry glare and her hands balled into fists. Misato was wearing her distinctive bright red jacket and plain black dress. "So where were you? For ten years of his life he hasn't known what it is to have parents. As soon as it all began, as soon as you and SEELE initiated Second Impact... it was all about the EVA."
"No..."
Where were you?
"Where do you think?" She yelled upwards at the light that shined down on her from on unknown source. "I did all I could! I was trapped inside the EVA, and I did all I could!"
"Really?" It was... her sensei... Kouzou Fuyutsuki. She spun around once more to see him, his face was... disappointed. His light brown sub-commander uniform marking him out from the black, and his wrinkles casting shadows over his face from the light, his arms resting gently by his sides. "If you did all that you could, then why not have prevented this from the beginning?"
"I..."
Fuyutsuki's face hardened into that of an angry teacher, ready to give a thorough lashing to his student. "You could call this a punishment."
"It... It's Gendo's fault!!" Yui roared at her old sensei suddenly. "He was alive; he should've treated Shinji better! Even with me gone, Shinji would've been happy if he'd been a better father!"
"But who's fault is it that I am not a capable father?" She turned to her left to see him, her husband and commander of NERV: Gendo Ikari. His black commanders jacket and pants, along with his red jumper underneath his jacket making him look like a beacon in the dark, both white gloved hands resting in his trouser pockets. His eyes were shielded behind his orange tinted sunglasses, and yet were strangely visible at the same time. So expressive... "I was never given the chance to be a father to Shinji." Yui took one step backwards and went no further, wanting to run; but she found that she couldn't. "You kept Shinji with you at nearly all times, leaving him with little time to connect with me, or me to him. Plus," he proceeded to push his glasses up his nose with his right hand as he glared at his wife, "combine that with the plans of SEELE already set into motion before Shinji was even born, and was I ever given the chance?" His right hand returned to his pocket.
"You should've known how to act!" Yui marched straight up to his face and began to yell into it, ignoring that he was un-fazed or that Misato and Fuyutsuki were looking on with their own glares. "You should've at least tried-"
"This is not about me and what I have done wrong, Yui!" Gendo interrupted with a severely harsh tone, and yet his cool remained with him at the same time. "This is about you; whatyou have done... and continue to do to our son."
Yui's tone was now more subdued as she stared at her feet. "You're the one who hurt him all this time."
"And who was the catalyst for that?"
"You think I wanted to go into that thing?" Yui whispered venomously. "You think I wanted to leave him alone? I didn't!"
"But you've hurt him far more than I ever have."
Yui's eyes widened to their farthest possible, her mouth hanging open. Stunned.
"You could call the EVA's the physical manifestation of the defences of not just Shinji," Fuyutsuki told her as if teaching her in a lesson on humanity, "but for all three of them."
"And you are EVA." Misato chimed in, her deathly stare remaining fixed on Yui's back.
"So it is safe to conclude that you are the source of Shinji's problems. The source of his pain. His death." Gendo added in as finality.
Is this what you fear?
Yui did not answer, still staring wither her stunned expression at Gendo.
Is this what you fear?
"I already told you that it is." Yui whispered, still staring in shocked silence at her husband.
Then why did you allow what you fear to come to pass?
"Because I'm trying to make him happy." Yui whispered again, trying hard to force some kind of confidence into her voice and failing. "If he's happy, then what he feels for me doesn't matter."
But does he look happy?
"... He... doesn't." Yui whispered hoarsely.
And who's fault is that?
"... Mine..."
The forms of Misato, Fuyutsuki, and Gendo Ikari all disappeared into the black, leaving Yui to stumble backwards until her knees joints connected with the chair, causing her to collapse onto it in a sitting position.
And so, you have killed him...
Killed your own son, on the basis of making him happy.
"I'm..." Yui whispered again, gripping her skirt so tightly it was almost ripping. "Other people... hurt him too..." She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes.
Excuses.
They are merely symptoms of the disease.
"But..."
Why did you not help him?
Why did you not help him?
Why did you not help him?
"I thought..." She clenched her eyes shut to allow the tears to run free. "... this was the right thing... to do." She collapsed forward onto her knees, the chair she was sat on falling backwards in contrast.
"What made you think I wanted it like this?" Through tears blurred eyes, Yui looked up to see the form of a four year old Shinji Ikari, his face unusually hard and his tone strangely powerful for such a young boy. "What made you think that hurting me and killing me would make me happy?"
Without pain, life is meaningless.
But you have caused him an excess.
"I'm sorry!!!"
The black suddenly shattered away.
She found herself sat up in a hospital bed with white covers over her legs, and a white pillow supporting her, and the surrounding walls all a clear, pure white. She was wearing a white hospital gown that was partially pulled down over her right breast, allowing a small baby... a newborn baby with a few wisps of dark brown hair, to suckle at her breast right, holding it gently with it's tiny hands. It's eyes closed, clearly content, warm, and safe.
She recognised the baby she was cradling in her arms immediately.
"... Shinji...?"
"So you figured it out too?" The voice of a second female came from her left.
Yui looked over there to find...
Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu.
She was also cradling a newborn baby with a strands of red hair adorning it's head, quiet and happy to be near the safety of it's mother, which was suckling at her left breast. Kyoko was under identical covers, sat up on an identical bed.
It was like a mirror.
Kyoko's blue eyes came up from the baby she was cradling lovingly in her arms in the same manner as Yui, to look at the other mother with a warm smile and sad eyes.
"We thought we were doing the right thing, but we've gone about being mothers all wrong." Kyoko began to explain, noticing Yui's eyes watching her inquisitively. "We wanted to protect them from everything; even things that would prove good for them later in life."
Yui looked to Shinji and realised... that Kyoko was right. She looked back up to the other mother, seeing her in the same position.
"Mother's are meant to be guardians to their children, not shields."
Yui looked down to her tiny Shinji again, and then smiled softly, closing her eyes. "What have we done?"
"What we thought was right." Kyoko chimed in, turning the gaze of her eyes to her little Asuka as she did. "From a certain point of view, anyone could sympathise with what we tried to do. Create a better world for all; especially for them."
Yui replied to that quietly. "And look how it turned out. We're supposed to have been two of the smartest people alive... and..."
"We were stupid." Kyoko has a small smile on her face, using her right hand to pet her child's head. "We are the very thing that we wanted to remove for them: pain." She looked back up to the other mother across from her, watching with that same smile as she noticed Yui's cheeks growing wet.
"Can we make it right?" Yui sniffed as she looked up at her counterpart with an almost desperate look. "I don't want him to hate me."
Kyoko's answer was to the point. "We can't do very much now... Except let them go, and hope for the best." Before Yui could form a rebuttal, she continued. "They've relied on us for a decade of their lives, even if they haven't known it themselves. They need to let go. And we need to let them go."
"But..." Yui stopped, and looked back down to Shinji. Her little Shinji. Always, he'd been hers. Now someone in the exact same position was asking her to give him up, let him go... Asking the shield to be dropped. "Oh, Shinji... can you ever forgive me?" She gave his hair a gentle stroke which he gave no response to, simply continuing to snuggle in the warmth of his mother.
"I think he will." Kyoko told her softly. She closed her eyes and turned them to face the baby girl held close at her breast. "But will you, my little Asuka?" As she opened her eyes, there were clearly tears welled up at the bottom of them.
"She will." Yui suddenly spoke, making Kyoko bring her gaze back to her in a fairly quick move. "After what she's discovered here, I think she will. She's always wanted to love you, and for you to love her back."
Kyoko couldn't speak her throat felt so tight, so she simply mouthed a thank you.
The two of them found themselves standing on a road, side by side, with Kyoko still to Yui's left. Yui's labcoat, pink shirt and black skirt were now on her form once more, and Kyoko was left wearing a hospital gown that now fully clothed her, almost like a dress.
The grey concrete was beneath them, and the blue sky was above. Beyond them was a light, almost like a light house. All around were green grass, clearly presenting a boundary that was easily crossed, meant only as a warning to those that might stray.
Just in front of them and running away together jovially, laughing and playing like it was the happiest time in their lives, were two children. A four year old chestnut haired boy, and to his left a red-headed girl who had just turned four years old.
This is what could have been.
It was not what happened.
Therefore, we are left only with the benefit of hindsight and thoughts of the other possibilities.
Goodbye to my son.
Goodbye to my daughter.
Not only must the children let go of their pasts...
The mothers must allow them to embrace their future.
End.
Author Notes: And that's it for this little two part thing. I hope you've all enjoyed this. As I said in part 1; when you get an idea like this, you just get the need to put everything else aside and write it down.
I have checked out a timeline of EVA, and Shinji and Asuka were born in 2001 (Shinji in June, Asuka in December). Yui disappeared into Evangelion-01 in 2004, and Kyoko committed suiide in 2005; making Shinji three and four at the times of their respective events.
And just to let you know, I won't be continuing this 'story' with other characters, since it would kind of defeat the premise of this being all about the mothers.
However, on the suggestion dennisud, I will most likely be doing a second story of this Episode 25/26 style at some point in the future, with the intent of looking inside two or three of the other characters. I've decided to title it: "The Architects." Keep an eye out for it.