Disclaimer: Do you really think JK would even bother reading this shiz?

Summary: Lily plus her super cool friends take over Hogwarts and have amazing relationships with the only decent guys in the school. i.e Sirius Black i.e like the hottest guy in the world

So, basically, this is a piece of my very unimaginative mind. I'm so sorry that my first fic is so tedious but I had to do something instead of my Drama coursework. If you get bored halfway through I don't really blame you, it's pretty much like all the rest…

The One Where Nothing Very Interesting Happens

Once upon a time, there was a school called Hogwarts. It was very big and had turrets and a moat and pink flying horses in the grounds. It was a school for young witches and wizards where they learnt magic and other important stuff like how to throw big parties behind the teachers' backs.

This particular story is about the antics of a group of these youthful magicians.

This magical school was split up into two houses: Gryffindor and Slytherin. (There were also two more, but no one important is ever in those houses so I'm not going to bother mentioning them ok?). Gryffindor was the cool house and everyone popular was in it including the group of people that this story is about.

Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew formed a group of boys called the Marauders. All of them were very popular with the girls, even Peter who was fat and ugly.

James Potter had black hair, hazel eyes and played as a Seeker on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He was constantly trying to get fiery haired beauty Lily Evans to go out with him. But she hated him because he was constantly pulling pranks on her and her friends, like the time he died their hair pink, stole all their clothes and turned their dormitory into a circus. That was a bad day.

James' hot best-friend Sirius Black was Hogwarts' resident hottie. He had hot, sleek raven hair which fell into his hot steel coloured eyes. He often had to push his hair out of his eyes with his large hot hand, which not only made all the girls in the school swoon, but caused him to burn his forehead each time. He was tall and well-built; he fitted out his school shirt nicely, because he couldn't be arsed to buy a new one. He was hot and smooth talking and hot and had a different girlfriend each week. In fact, sometimes he had to stray into different fics to find a new OC because he went through so many girls. Sirius was also on the Quidditch team and was a Beater. Once at a match a girl actually passed out from seeing Sirius play because as we have said, he was very hot indeed.

Remus Lupin had sandy hair and amber eyes. He was very smart and even though Sirius and James became illegal Animaguses in their fifth year and made the Marauders Map this didn't mean anything, because Remus had common sense. Remus was very shy around girls because he was scared that they would find out his dark secret and would abandon him and break his tender heart.

Peter Pettigrew was fat and didn't look anything like Sirius. Therefore he won't be mentioned in this story. Oh yeah, not forgetting the fact he betrayed his best friends and their baby and we all hate him for that.

At this moment the four were all sitting in the common room discussing Lily Evans. Sirius was burning himself with his hot hand, James was playing with his snitch and Remus was looking contemplatively into the fire. We've already forgotten Peter.

'How can I ask her out now Moony?' James whined. 'I must have asked her out a million times by now and she still hasn't said yes.'

'Actually it's been 2 million and three hundred and eighty four Prongs,' Sirius said, whipping out his trusty notebook out of his pocket like any normal hot nonchalant teenage guy. 'I've been taking a tally.'

'You git, Padfoot,' James shrieked whilst tackling Sirius to the floor. They rolled around in silence for a bit, to demonstrate that they were boys who liked being rough with each other. Sirius especially liked it rough. But only on Sundays.

Just then Lily walked in with her friends behind her. This is the part of the story where I describe Lily and her incredibly beautiful friends, all who fall in love with the Marauders (except Peter, who doesn't exist) then get captured by Death Eaters and tortured incessantly until their respective boyfriends swoop in and save them in the nick of time.

'How immature,' Lily muttered as she stepped over Sirius and James, who were both looking up her skirt.

She smiled at Sirius who smiled hotly back, checking out her uterus which he could see because Lily had forgotten to put underwear on that day. How silly of her! She then looked down at James in disgust who had now shut his eyes because he was respectful to his future wife's body.

'POTTER, I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS,' Lily yelled. 'YOU WERE JUST LOOKING UP MY SKIRT.' Lily knew this wasn't really the truth, but she had to start screaming at James because the fic had just got boring and it was time to use capitals.

'Lilyflower, I promise I wasn't,' James pleaded getting to his knees because this added to the dramatic value of the scene. 'Will you marry me?'

There was a deadly silence. Everyone was wondering what Lily would say. Would she say yes? James had just offered her everything a seventeen year old girl still in school could dream of. But there was always that small possibility that she could say no.

During this silence, one of Lily's friends coughed and everyone turned to look at the small group of super models huddled behind Lily and remembered they were there and hadn't yet inexplicably been dropped from the story. They also hadn't been described yet, using a wide range of adjectives and colours. Because girls who are friends can never ever have the same hair or eye colour because if they did, the universe would implode.

The girl who had coughed was called Inspiration Smith. Her parents had been hippies even though they had been born in the 1930's. They were way ahead of their time and that's where her cool name came from. She was petite and slim with short braided blonde hair and a few soft bangs framed her pixie face. These were kind of distracting sometimes, but she managed to cope with the small explosions. They were also quite a talking point. She was secretly in love with Remus Lupin because he was shy like her. They talked and got on well and everyone could see that they were perfect for each other.

Lily's other friend, Oak Emma Valencia was tall with long, straight black hair that spread out over her back. Her eyes were a deep aquamarine blue and her face was stunningly beautiful. She had a slender body and long legs; she could easily have been a model and also had a tiny crush on hot Sirius. She liked to argue with him a lot though, because although that was Lily and James' thing, she couldn't be shy and nervous around Sirius because that was how Remus and Inspiration were together.

Her final tag-along was called Amaryllis Persephone Genevieve Star Dumbledore. She was tall and had green eyes and red hair. However, her green eyes were lighter than Lily's and her hair was more strawberry-blonde than auburn. She was also stunningly beautiful, just for a change. She had no real personality because the author didn't see much point in her, seeing as she wasn't going to get with any of the Marauders. Her mother was a gorgeous muggle who had been in lot's of top films including 'Pussy's Galore' and 'An American Hooker in Paris'. She had never met her father funnily enough and her mother never told her who he was.

James and Lily had finished yelling at each other and Lily had run up to the girl's dormitories. James stormed out of the portrait hole. Nobody really knew what to say now, as their lives pretty much all revolved around Lily and James' relationship.

Sirius began laughing and came up with unbeatable plan to get James and Lily together, involving a broom cupboard, Snape, some bouncy rubber balls and a scene where he takes polyjuice potion that he found in a bottle in the Room of Requirement and turns into James. Then, he seduces Lily who quickly admits her secret infatuation for his best friend and then turns back into James just at the right moment. She gets very angry at him. And then she gets very angry at James for no reason. James gets very angry too because he feels left out. Then she goes and cries in the astronomy tower where James finds and comforts her. They kiss, where he uses his tongue to ask permission to kiss her normally, instead of just on the lips, the way he kisses his Auntie Gertrude. They kiss passionately for a year or two, then go downstairs where they find Remus and Inspiration holding hands and Sirius laughing loudly whilst Oak does up her really super tight school shirt.

Of course, this is enough of an explanation of what happened in this story because we all know that James and Lily get together because otherwise there would be no Harry Potter books, duh.

They all get through the rest of the school year, where nothing very interesting happens, except for Lily cheating on James with Snape, everyone finding out about the prophecy about Lily and James' son whilst time-travelling to the future, Oak getting raped by Lucius Malfoy and then immediately having sex with Sirius to 'ease her pain' and them all taking their NEWT's, where they all get straight O's because they're all very very clever as well as cool and able to visit Hogsmeade whenever they like and get blind drunk.

The last part of the school year was spent by the kids on the train back home. Lily and James were curled up in each other's arms asleep (because now they were an item they no longer had to be conscious during this story), Oak was sitting on Sirius' lap because this is what horny couples do when they're in love and Inspiration and Remus were reading a book together.

They all played a game of exploding snap on the way home and got off and vowed to stay friends forever. Unfortunately, Oak and Inspiration fell under the train when they were collecting their trunks and were run over repeatedly as the driver and the food-trolley lady had hot, steamy sex in the front compartment.

Remus and Sirius were horrified but luckily Lily thought to cast a memory charm on them so that when they grew up, they were moody and bitter about life, but not about the fact that their dumb girlfriends were tragically mangled by a train.

THE END

AN: It would be really appreciated if you could review. I love criticism .. and if I've ever flamed one of your fics feel free to do the same to mine.