Ebony Blood Rose Gothic Darkness Dementia Chlamydia Amy Lee stood on platform 9 ¾, a cloud of gloom hanging around her because she was so damn goth. She wore a red corset top laced very tightly, a black skirt so short it was often mistaken for a belt, and huge combat boots so heavy she could barely lift her feet. She had on so much makeup it was nearly impossible to distinguish her facial features. She was obviously very pretty, though, and had curves in all the right places. Her hair was jet black with rainbow streaks and was all the way down to her unnaturally tiny waist.

After standing around and looking cool for an adequate amount of time, she boarded the train. As she walked, Ebony Blood Rose Gothic Darkness Dementia Chlamydia Amy Lee slightly regretted wearing her leather thong, as it chafed horribly. Oh well. It was painful being a true goth. She passed some random people and flicked them all off. They all gasped and fainted because they were preps and had never seen the middle finger before.

She found a suitably empty compartment and made herself comfortable, pulling out her iPod and listening to the incredibly goth band Good Charlotte.

Just then Ginny Weasely entered. She had gotten a makeover during the summer and now had blood-red hair and wore a black tube top and black leather pants, as well as mass amounts of black eyeliner and red lipstick. She had also changed her name to Raven Schizophrenia because she was goth now.

"Hi, Ebony Blood Rose Gothic Darkness Dementia Chlamydia Amy Lee!" said Raven cheerfully in a depressed voice as she sat down. They were best friends, even though Raven hadn't been goth last year and Ebony Blood Rose Gothic Darkness Dementia Chlamydia Amy Lee hated anyone who wasn't goth.

Harry and Ron soon followed. They had also gotten makeovers and had black hair and wore lots of tight leather clothes. Between them, they had at least five dead cows on. Both now looked exactly like Gerard Way (apparently they had gotten plastic surgery as well as new clothes). They also had on eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, lipstick, lip liner, blush, and foundation. In fact, they had more makeup on than either of the girls. Ron had changed his name to Diablo and Harry was now called Doom. They greeted the two girls gloomily and sat down.

They talked about how much they hated Hillary Duff and Britney Spears and stupid preps who liked them. Suddenly Diablo said, "GASP!"

Doom looked at him strangely. "Did you just say gasp?" he asked, then saw what had shocked Diablo and actually gasped. In the door of the compartment stood Hermione Granger, who had gotten an extreme makeover and was now the hottest girl in Hogwarts. She had straight black hair and wore a bra as a top and had a leopard-print mini skirt. She had a lot of makeup on as well. "Hi everybody." She said in a sultry voice as she stuck out her chest to show off her new implants. "I am now Head Girl. I'm also the Sexiest Girl on Campus and plan to live up to that title by failing all my classes and sleeping around."

"Oh, Hermione, I'm so proud of you!!" squealed Raven.

"Yeah, that's great!" added Diablo enthusiastically.

Crookshanks, Hermione's cat, entered. He, too, had gotten a makeover. He was now a sleek, black cat named Raul and spoke with a Spanish accent and wore cologne. "Meow," he said sexily before falling asleep in Raven's lap.

Draco Malfoy and his henchmen, Vincent Crabbes and Gregory Goyle, sauntered in. They looked exactly the same as they always had, but Draco was now somehow a sex god. "Wow, you all look kuwaii!" exclaimed Draco, forgetting that he hated these people and that he didn't know what kuwaii meant. He assumed it was Japanese and meant something good. He glanced at Hermione and promptly fell in love. "I don't know who you are, but I want you. I mean, I want to marry you!" He shouted.

Luna Lovejoy chose that particular moment to walk in. It was getting incredibly crowded in the small compartment at this point. She wore all pink and had blonde hair. "Hi!!" she said happily. Everyone started screaming profanities at her and waving their middle fingers until she ran away crying.

"Like, Oh-Emm-Gee, she is, like, such a prep!" said Ebony Blood Rose Gothic Darkness Dementia Chlamydia Amy Lee in an emo valley-girl voice.

"Like, omigosh, totally!" agreed Doom.