Author's Note: I am both shocked and slightly embarrassed at the reception these silly filks have received.
The reviewers have demanded more. I have acquiesced.
And no, it's not that I have no life. It's just that I am very good about procrastination where studying is concerned. So thank you all for my soon-to-be-failing grades.
Oh, and apparently, I do requests now. The following are the first three Silly Songs reviewers asked to see filked.
No promises, though – I'm going to keep the fic marked as "Complete" because I may very well never come back to it. But then again, the urge to filk may just strike me some day . . . some day with a term paper looming, I'm sure . . .
DISCLAIMER: Spoilers through episode 3x16 "The Real World."
Thanks and apologies for the beta again go to Sarah.
- - - SheppardandMcKayareagreatteamlikeLarryandBobareagreatteam - - -
"The Highland-Dancing Doc of Atlantis"
(to the tune of "The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps" from Very Silly Songs!)
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love Carson so please don't hate me!)
QUARTET (Caldwell, Lorne, Zelenka and Chuck the technician):
A healer lived not long ago, he's known far and away,
A doctor's mind -
ZELENKA: Not Rodney's kind!
QUARTET (Caldwell, Lorne, Zelenka and Chuck the technician):
- is how he earned his pay,
But though he knew no physics nor how Ancient chairs did work,
He would heal the sick -
ZELENKA: What made them tick!
QUARTET (Caldwell, Lorne, Zelenka and Chuck the technician):
- including Colonel "Kirk"!
Woah . . . !
(Doctor Carson Beckett, in a kilt, examines bug-Sheppard while the team waits)
CARSON:
What have we here? It's my poor friend Sheppard!
A retrovirus has turned him blue!
We need bug eggs for my poor friend Sheppard!
But in the meantime, I will dance for you!
(AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm not going to make him yodel. Just be satisfied with imagining him hopping around in a kilt. Mmmm, kilt . . .)
(Doctor Biro talks to the team while Carson dances)
DOCTOR BIRO:
The stress has gotten to him, but the medicine is sound,
So send Sheppard to the bug cave and then stun him to the ground!
QUARTET (Caldwell, Lorne, Zelenka and Chuck the technician):
He'd surely save the day with that kind Scottish brogue of his,
Though all that highland dancing often made one say, "Gee whiz!"
The staff would puzzle o'er it all, especially that one kiss!
For the curious ways of the Highland-Dancing Doc of Atlantis!
Woah . . . !
DOCTOR BIRO: Good news on Sheppard, Doc! He's up . . . and Teyla's kickin' his butt again.
(Kilt-clad Carson examines nanite-infected Weir while the team waits)
CARSON:
What's this now, lass? Our dear Eliz'beth!
The nanites have her! Nothing I can do!
But if John speaks, he will help Eliz'beth!
And in the meantime, I will dance for you!
(Doctor Biro talks to Sheppard while Carson dances)
DOCTOR BIRO:
Hurry past the guard, grab her by the arm,
Knowing you are there will help to keep her safe from harm!
QUARTET (Caldwell, Lorne, Zelenka and Chuck the technician):
His fame did grow, as all do know, until one day Weir said,
"You have to go offworld right now, or Teyla may be dead!"
The healer said, "Ach, aye, I'll go, but lass – oh, bugger this!"
CHUCK: And also . . .
CARSON (offscreen) Bloody insanity!
QUARTET (Caldwell, Lorne, Zelenka and Chuck the technician):
To the boss of the Highland-Dancing Doc of Atlantis!
Woah . . . !
DOCTOR BIRO: Good news on Doctor Weir! No more hallucinations. Has she talked to you yet? I – wait, where'd he go?
(Cut to: Carson examines hostage-taking-Ronon offworld; Teyla waits, hostage)
CARSON:
What we have here is a hunted Ronon!
Remove the tracker is what we must do!
I'll have to drug this angry Ronon,
If he won't let me, I'll just dance for you!
(Carson dances. Ronon gets mad. Hilarity ensues. Cut to:)
DOCTOR BIRO: What d'you mean, "Carson's offworld!?"
QUARTET (Caldwell, Lorne, Zelenka and Chuck the technician):
Here's the moral of the story (don't just put it on the shelf!):
"A dancing doctor might require a doctor for himself!"
The staff would puzzle o'er it all, especially that one kiss!
For the curious ways of the Highland-Dancing Doc of Atlantis!
- - - IalwaysassociateJuniorAsparaguswithZelenkaandIdon'tknowwhy - - -
"The Ghosts of Wraith"
(to the tune of "The Grapes of Wrath" from God Wants Me to Forgive Them!?!)
(A hive ship goes cruising through space. The red-haired Queen and a Drone are onboard. Steve and Bob are in the back.)
ALL:
We are the ghosts . . . of Wraith!
We all have met our fate!
Yes, we've all died, in cell or hive, so full of hate!
DRONE: We are the!
ALL:
Ghosts . . . of Wraith!
Some did try to escape,
But in our path was Sheppard's wrath,
So now we're ghosts of Wraith!
QUEEN: I'm Queen
DRONE: I'm Drone
BOTH: This is our hive
DRONE: We're all dead and we know it!
QUEEN: That's Steve and Bobby -
DRONE: Not alive!
BOTH: And Shep's the reason for it!
STEVE & BOB:
We are the Wraith you want to meet
Despite our monstrous breeding
STEVE: We're dead and harmless, nice and neat!
BOB: Incapable of feeding!
ALL: It is our dying wish
STEVE: That you'll be made a dish
BOB:
As other wraith descend and make
You gape like fish!
DRONE: 'Cause we're the!
ALL:
Ghosts . . . of Wraith!
We're dead, but still irate!
We hope you die, you human flies!
We are the ghosts of Wraith!
We hope you die, you human flies!
We are the ghosts of Wraith!
- - - EverybodywantsBarbaraManateesodon'taskmaybeI'lldoitnexttime - - -
"His ZedPM"
(to the tune of "His Cheeseburger" from Madame Blueberry)
NARRATOR (Carson's voice): Ahem. And now it's time for love songs with Mr. Z. The part of the show where Mr. Z comes out and sings a love song.
(Doctor Radek Zelenka sings. With a microphone. And spotlight. In a tuxedo.)
ZELENKA:
He said to them "I'd like to do research,
"On those ruins you have over there,
I'm getting an energy reading – "
John said, "Rodney, they really don't care.
These folk think the ruins are sacred,
Later we'll try it again."
He said, "I am extrem'ly impatient!
No way I can wait until then!"
'Cause you're his ZedPM! His shiny ZedPM!
He'll search for yoo-ou, yeah! He'll search for yoo-ou, oh!
You are his ZedPM! His precious ZedPM!
He'll search for yoo-ou! Oh, he will search for you!
He stole to the ruins at midnight,
He followed his scanner around,
Then he jumped as his radio crackled:
"Rodney, what did you do now?!"
He heard angry shouts in the distance,
They sounded closer now to his fright,
ZedPM please do not get angry!
But now he must flee for his life!
'Cause you're his ZedPM! His Ancient ZedPM!
Be back for yoo-ou! He'll be back for yoo-ou!
Won't be so long ZedPM! Oh lovely ZedPM!
Be back for yoo-ou! Oh he'll be back for you!
'Cause he loves you ZedPM with all his pow'r!
Even enough to stand up to Doctor We – ir's glow'r!
And if she still wouldn't let him have his way,
He would make another scan some other day,
To see if something on that planet said that you were nearby,
And he'd make Ronon fight for you!
Make John fight for you!
Even make sweet Teyla fight for you!
(Big emotional moment for Radek)
You are his Zed – P – M!
- - - Ican'tbelievemyfirstevermulti-chapterpostingisabunchoffilks - - -
Author's Note: On a completely serious note, THANK YOU to everyone who sent me feedback – it is SUCH a good feeling to know that I was able to make people laugh! I hope these brighten your day as well. And don't worry – I'm sure I'll do fine in my studies. :-)
Constructive feedback is, as always, much appreciated.