I Just didn't understand it.

I just couldn't understand why these tears were playing all over my masked face. I've tried to fight it. I really did try to fight all the heat that was rushing up to my head as I looked at that mask as if I've never seen the damn thing before. To be distraught, is a really different type of feeling. Your mind suddenly pops as if it was a balloon and the heart would pound more wildly than beyond the imaginable. My eyes clouded up in the rivers that poured from them, while the half black -half orange image twisted into the background of newspaper clippings that were accumulating my wall. I just couldn't control myself anymore. The pain was insufferable.

Come on now, Robin, pull your self together.

Great. Now I was talking to myself and worse of all, it didn't help too much. I tried so desperately to collect my thoughts. Nothing else seemed to work for me and even though I was alone, it just didn't feel like it. My senses kept on telling me that I was being watched for some reason. My face was distorted in agony as I looked at the mask that ruined my life and still was. I just had to try to convince myself—that what if Slade was here? What if he was watching me? Hell, I could even picture him standing above me in such a mockery as he saw my pitiful sight. This wasn't the boy wonder he always knew, no I was someone what Slade would call as being weak and pathetic.

Yes, Robin. You really don't want Slade to think that about you do you?

Why would I? I don't care what he thinks!

Nonsense. I thought we just went over this. You do care. A-matter-of-fact, you care so much that it's eating you from the inside out. You know it's the truth. Don't lie and don't cry about it. Don't—

Shut up. SHUT UP!

And that was very mature of you. Imagine he was able to see how much of a disappointment you are being right now

That alone angered me just then. The thought of Slade watching me break down into the pieces that he only dreamed of breaking me into was stirring something crooked inside of me. I had a burning passion full of pure hate for that man and most importantly—myself. Why did he make me this way? How could I even think of wanting to be his blasted son! Why did I let him get to me in that way. Why did he always speak the truth? Why does he have that ability to plant such dangerous things into my head? How can I let him take advantage of me and be such a influence in my life? Is this why I am so obsessed with him? Is it because I want these things from him I can never have? Is it because he is always right? Why on earth did it have to happen to me? Why couldn't he pick someone else to be his stupid apprentice? No, he just had to choose the boy wonder, leader of one of the greatest teams of superpower teenagers and not only that, the former partner and son of the all time infamous Batman. My anger didn't seem to last that long at that last thought. I stiffed another sob at the memory of the man I always wished to become. This was the man who worked so hard for his title and was probably one of the greatest heroes in history. He was a great detective, probably the world's greatest and he was also a member of the Justice League. Just then, at that moment I felt shame wash over me from head to toe. Batman.

"I let him down didn't I?" I questioned while I buried my wet face into my arm. I failed him, I broken the code, and I've became something that I promised Bruce I would never be. At first I thought I was doing justice. I thought that the reason I was staying with Slade was because I was protecting the Titans—my friends. I thought that maybe—just maybe—I was still considered one of the "good guys" because I held onto that purpose . However, after some time in his custody, that purpose that I held so dear; to protect them and to keep them out of harms way, was then pushed farther back into my mind. I tended to forget about the Titans and began to become accustomed to a life that I never desired to serve. I love my friends, and I let them down. As their leader, I should have found some way out of the damned place as soon as I got there. I admitted to myself and even confronted Slade about the fact that the "deal" couldn't last forever. Slade however wasn't convinced. He told me so, he was so sure that it would. Slade being sure about the fact dimmed whatever hope I had left. I didn't take note of it much then, but Slade was in the process of breaking me into an unwanted apprenticeship by just sounding so sure of himself. I hated that— I hated when he knew things. I was the disappointment. I disappointed myself and Batman because I allowed myself to become so weak.

But you aren't weak. You've proved Slade wrong after all. That deal didn't last forever and you know it!

How can you be so sure?

Well considering the fact that I am you, you see.

Ugh! Just Stop being like that and answer my question already!!

How ironic...

Whatever. Just how do you know that I've ended it for good? Slade's still out there!

And when he comes back you'll be ready. You still have your friends...

And I'll put them in danger again! I can't afford to make the same mistakes. I can't lose them! They are in danger every single second they remain on this team. Slade is still out there! He wants something—me.

He wants me.

Then it hit me. Everything hit me at once and even my own conscious mind was able to agree with one thing and one thing only. Slade wants me and not only that—he isn't going to stop. Not ever. Slade was never going to stop, ever. I knew it, and so did everyone else. The Titans knew it too, I was even able to see the worried looks on their faces the night I've finally returned home. They knew they still weren't safe, that I wasn't safe, nor anything we stood for was safe anymore. With Slade on the loose, we were threatened. If it was one thing or another that boiled my blood it was just that.

I lifted my head up from my arm feeling that the once hot tears that spilled from my hidden eyes were now drying up and tightening on my rather pale cheeks. My eyes never felt so narrow just as much as my face felt so reddened and heated. My knuckles turned chalk white as I clenched the demented mask in my fist hoping that it would shatter in the process. Why did this man have to invade my life? Why did he have to threaten my friends? Why did he have the need to control me? Looking at the mask with such loathing I silently cursed the thing for not breaking. With my other hand I grabbed the chair that I was sitting on and flung it with all my might at the wall. I however was not pleased that the loud bang and the snapping of the wood didn't fill the void of such violence that was reserved for Slade.

The outrage that came out of my mouth didn't even substitute it one least bit.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

I lost it. I was spinning out of control now as I trashed Slade's useless files that provided nothing more than his unknown identity onto the floor—where it belonged. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted out! I didn't want to be Robin the damn boy wonder, I didn't want to be leader of a team of teenagers that could possible be killed any day now—anymore! I didn't even want to ask that stupid question to Slade. I knew what Slade wants—he wants Robin.

"That was vicious, dishonorable, and ruthless. Excellent work. You're becoming more like me every second."

That voice...

No.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

I didn't want to hear him anymore. I was breaking down, I couldn't handle it. With as much angst as I could pull out of my chest, I tore off the lamp on my desk and sent it hurtling to the ground. The light bulb exploded as a result. For a brief moment I mentally thanked Cyborg for installing sound proof walls into my room. He never asked nor did he tell the other Titans that he done them, in the back of my mind I believe he understood why. The first few nights after I returned home from Slade's imprisonment, I would wake up in a sweaty, screaming mess staring into four pairs of worried, concerned eyes. That is when I asked Cyborg to do me the favor; there was no need to give my friends the impression I wasn't well.

"We are so much alike."

My heart has left me now, for the feeling of numbness takes over. There was no sense to denying anything anymore. There was no point in looking for an excuse since they dwindle in abyss within the first few seconds they are created. In shame I close my eyes tightly, silently begging for "his" voice to depart from my head. I turn to the wall and place both palms on my prized wall; "his" wall. As soon as my fingers close around the frail newspaper clippings they are removed. I clawed at the wall pathetically, and with just as much of the ruthlessness that Slade claims us for having in "common" , I scream at the voice that lingers around me with as much venom as I could hold on my tongue.

"I HATE YOU!!!"

I did. It was the truth, but there was something in the truth that sounded false. I mean sure, Slade was a monster. Slade was a ruthless being who destroyed whatever he touched. He blackmailed me for one thing by threatening to kill my friends if I didn't submit to him. I did though, I did give into him in some small way none the less. Then I escaped and from that moment on, I knew he was never going to let me rest. I've been driven to madness after his "death" during Terra's era. I just couldn't understand that he was gone for good. I always had the hunch that somehow he was still alive. I wasn't the one who killed Slade after all, Terra was—it was Terra, it wasn't me.

Its not that I had something against Terra for killing him. It just when she did, I just couldn't believe he was gone for good and I really wanted to be the one to make sure of that. Terra had just as good reason to bring him down as much as I did, but that was another thing that bothered me when Slade had "died" because I wasn't the one to do him in. It wasn't that I was jealous of Terra for having the power to do it but I always felt that it was I who was the only one that could bring him down. I was the one who was suppose to do it—I was the only one who thought I could. Then I obsessed, became unhealthy, sick, but I couldn't admit to that either. I began to hallucinate even though it was caused by chemically charged dust particles, I still went crazy from it. I almost died too. Not only that but Slade came back. He didn't die, and I didn't know why. Was it Trigon's doing or was there something that I overlooked about Slade? It didn't even improve my intake on him when I saw that behind his mask was nothing but a skull. I knew that was indeed Trigon's doing, now his body is restored once more. I am sure there is flesh behind that mask now.

It was his flesh that made me think twice about Slade; he was human after all. Thats what confused me the most about Slade, he is a person who had motives and plans. Slade is sane... or at least half of him is. This makes me think, his motives are for my well being, or at least what he thinks is good for it. There is so much about Slade that I have to say I don't know about. Its just that, in the way he looks at me, that cold penetrating eye just looks at me. Helooks at me like he wants me to want something. A partner, an Apprenticeship, and a chance to show me off for my talent in ways that Batman never could...or never wanted to.

I hate it when he looks at me, it makes me feel vulnerable and I hate feeling like that. Then there are times when he will just look at me and that cold, solid, menacing glare turns soft and understanding. Its the times that when that happens, I become rather noncommittal. Is Slade as evil as he seems? Or is there something that I keep over looking about what makes Slade, Slade.

The burning intensity that was brooding inside of me began to settle into a prickly uneasy feeling. I lean my forehead against my disheveled wall as my panting began to subside. My body was jaded from the late night, my mind seemed to be inflamed. Finally feeling a bit cooler I glanced down to see that Slade's mask remained perfectly in tack and whole in my hand. Why I didn't throw it against the wall or smash it within the mist of this was beyond me. On the inside I knew perfectly well why that was so. The man was killing me at every chance he could get at me—but he didn't want to kill me.

No. I was the one who was killing myself over him. Not Slade...

Slade offered so much more than I would have liked him to. I frown down at the mask. Was I actually feeling sorry for him?

"Why are youreally doing this?"

I never really thought much about why Slade did what he did. Did he really just want just an apprentice?

"Is it because you want someone more than just an apprentice, Slade?"

Or was there something more? It did happen to hit me at certain times before, you know...these random thoughts about him. It happened to me various times when I was trying to figure out Slade's true identity. I would just sit in my room and ponder this over and over again. Where could I look first? Each time I would come to the same conclusion; Family of course, thats where any detective would look. Then I would frown at the thought.

Family.

Slade didn't have that...or at least he did and now he doesn't for some reason.

Does Slade have one of those? What about a wife, a spouse? Parents maybe? I shook my head trying to refuse the next thought. I remained silence for a minute but my heart yearned to ask another question. What about a son?

"You want a son."

He did. He wanted a son, he wanted someone he could care for, to guide, to help along. He wanted to raise someone to become just like himself but better, a better man, a stronger man or an evil villain in his case. Slade wanted more than just an apprentice, he wanted a child of his own. He wanted me. He wanted me to be his boy.

"You want me.."

I said this with a scowl. My mind was suddenly drawn to the Bat, the man who didn't want a son at all. He just wanted a pathetic little sidekick he could call Robin. I couldn't be Slade's, I was the son of the blasted Bat.

" But you can't have me..."

It was reality, the cold hard truth in the matter. I couldn't be Slade's child even if I wanted to be. My mind was put back on Bruce, the father who never wanted a son. Then it shifted back to Slade, the father who wanted to be; and for some odd reason, for that moment I wanted to be the son of the enemy. My emotions went a muck as I put on a scowl. I wanted to be—but I couldn't. It pained me in the most unusual way that I could never be.

"I will never be your son."

I sighed and brought my hand to the back of my head in a failed attempt to remove the sweat on the back of neck. I looked down at the mask that I previously hated with a deep passion. That passion of hate was replaced with something out. I frowned again but not out of spite. This new knowledge played around in my head until I felt dizzy. I wanted to say something more. I placed his mask back up on the wall. Turned my back on it for the hundredth time this month and crawled over to my bed. I wanted to say something more. I turned around again.

"Now at least I understand you. Your human. A murderer perhaps, but human none the less. Seems logical now why you are the way you are. "

Logical? yes. Fair? I don't think I would call it that. For a moment there I wondered what Slade was actually doing right now. It was an odd thought but it brought a chill down my spin the more I thought about it. Slade was always planning, always thinking up some clever plan to get to me. Its a shame that he could never, I can't let it happen. I'm the hero he's the villain and thats that. Why would I ever give up what I have just so I could replace that feeling I had before my own parents deaths? I could never steep so low, I will never. I would be giving up to easily. After all, Slade done so much to destroy me, to make me feel as much pain possible and he had a knack for doing it. He almost killed me damn it! He almost killed my friends! Then I start to think again. After all he's done to me, he's finally going to get his share of the pain. I'm killing him more than I thought possible.

" It must kill you to know that what you want you can never have, doesn't it Slade"

That It did. Maybe this is the only way to actually defeat Slade. All I have to do is resist and it'll kill him soon enough. I would be rid of that monster once and for all. I crawled in bed just then, giving that mask the same taunting expression it has always given me. I was simply returning the favor. I switch off my light and rested my head on the pillow while another unusual feeling raises up in my stomach again. I wanted to say something more. In the mist between dreams and reality, that voice returned to me once more. The memory still fresh in my head. I groaned in agony as the scene was replayed over and over again in my head.

Slade...please don't

" Who knows? I might even become like a father to you."

I tossed and turned in my bed. Sweat consuming me and drowning me. I was drowning. I could feel his hand resting on my shoulder as a what a father might do to comfort his son.

I wanted to tell him something more. Tears were swelling up in my eyes again.

" I already have a father."

It killed him. It really did, but why didn't I feel happy. I won didn't I? I won! But still I wanted to say something, I wanted to say something else. The mist was consuming me again. I looked around and watched in awe as the man's shadow disappeared. I should have been happy.

"WAIT! SLADE! DONT LEAVE! PLEASE!!"

And then I felt something else die as I sank down into the mist and buried my face into my hands. Dead Parents, an unwilling Batman and now Slade is gone too. I felt like I was 9 years old again and vulnerable from their demise. I felt like I lost them all over again, abandoned and lost.

"I'M SORRY!"

Finally. I've said what I wanted to say. I was sorry, I was sorry that the world wasn't as perfect as it seemed. In a perfect world with no two sides of war, no good and no evil, things would heal nicely. This was no perfect world, and I was sorry. The mist consumed me and it drifted into the black abysee of nothingness that was taking up my mind. Slade wasn't the only one who was dieing from this. I wasn't just killing him, I was killing myself as well.

" It must kill you to know that what you want you can never have, doesn't it Robin"

His voice rang into my eardrums once more. It was mocking me, it was taking my words and shoving them back down my throat. Yes, It was killing me too.

I 'm sorry... Slade

But right at this moment as I was drifting into sleep, I wanted so bad for one thing. I was in shame as more tears rolled down my cheeks.

But I can't just be...your son... but you will always be...

What Thrives Beneath

Fin Robin's pov

Authors Note:

This is the END of this fanfic! I'm so sorry if I bored anybody or kept anyone waiting if this was even worth the wait. (i'm sure its wasn't cause I didn't get any comments asking when my next update is.) I wanted to finish this fic so i could start my Harry Potter fan fic for all you crazy Snape- mentors/guardian- for- Harry fans. The Harry Potter universe is my next call. This is just a prequel for a storyline i'm trying to form for this( with an actual storyline!!! YES!!!) so R and R please. Tell me what you do and feel free to pick on me, it will only make me better!