Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing characters, etc.

A/N: This is what happens when Mazzie May and I try to make sense of certain aspects of Gundam Wing. When all was said and done between us, we knew Duo was the obvious vessel. XD Don't get me wrong, I love GW, but...

This wouldn't be what it is without Mazzie's input! She played a big part in this.

I've done some searching around this site, trying to make sure there isn't anything too similar to this. I didn't come across anything, but that doesn't mean it isn't out there. If you've got a similar fic up, or know of someone who does, PM me with the link or something and I'll add it to this author's note if you'd like. I don't want anyone thinking I've taken their idea. Came up with this almost all by myself, but I can't be the only one to have thought of it. XD

The charms of Lady Une's office weren't lost on Duo Maxwell. It was furnished with a mahogany desk, a plush leather chair and matching couch. Her name and title were etched into the door. The walls were lined with certificates, awards and licenses. Duo circled the office, running his index finger over several of the plaques. He then traced imaginary lines over the spines of a row of books on the bookcase.

Duo made the window his last stop, for obvious reasons. But the shades, for the time being, anyway, were closed. The former gundam pilot couldn't resist. He reached for the rod, operating almost on instinct alone. He sort of chirped, "Now they're open, now they're closed. Now they're open, now they're closed," as he opened and shut the blinds, over and over and over again.

"Mr. Maxwell," Une called out, evenly, though it was clear her patience was already wearing thin. "I think the shades have been adequately adjusted. You may leave them open."

Duo raised both arms in a simple, submissive gesture. With the blinds now open, he gazed outside. He whistled. He'd been too preoccupied with the window covering to notice just what it was covering before.

"Killer view." He glanced over his shoulder and gave a serious look. "What'd I do?"

"What did you do?" Une asked, curiously. She looked to two of her most trusted agents, Sally Po and Lucrezia Noin, who stood at attention, in front of her desk.

"Yeah, what'd I do? Ain't every day a guy like me gets an invite to a swanky place like this. What. Did. I. Do?"

Noin chuckled. She couldn't claim to know the ex-gundam pilot well, but she knew a little something about him. "You're a fine soldier, Duo Maxwell."

"That's what you did," Sally continued, where her colleague left off.

Une nodded. "That is why I've asked you here."

"Lemme get this straight. Are you saying that you," Duo began, incredulously, pointing to Lady Une as she sat at her desk. "Want me," he continued, pointing to himself. "To become a Preventer?"

Sally and Noin both nodded.

"We would be honored to have you," Une said, firmly. "All of you former gundam pilots. You would be a great asset to us."

"Wufei has already come on board," Sally piped up.

"Heero, Trowa and Quatre have all said they'd consider it," Noin added. "That leaves you. What do you say?"

"Hmm." Duo paused, and nodded, thoughtfully. "Run this all by me again. What are you gals all about?"

"The mission of the Preventers - our purpose - is to eliminate threats against peace before they can turn to war. Simply put, we prevent 'fires.'"

"Okay, okay. I'm with ya." Duo took a moment to internalize the information. He crossed the room and plopped himself down on the couch. "Government sanctioned, officially organized, yada yada. Uniforms and partners and special, highly sensitive, top secret missions - that about cover it?"

"You forgot codenames," Sally said, with a chuckle.

"Right, right. How could I forget the codenames?" Duo asked, smirking slightly. He joked, but in truth, the idea of having an official codename was awfully enticing.

"I'm Water," Sally confirmed.

"Zechs has taken the name Wind," Noin added. "And I'm Fire."

"Wait a - hold on a minute." Duo seemed, well, flabbergasted. "Zechs is Wind?"

"Yes."

"And you're Fire?"

"I am."

Duo allowed his jaw to drop, and let his mouth hang open for a moment, in mock awe. He mouthed 'Oh-kay...' Regaining his composure remarkably quickly (as it was never really lost), he asked, "And the purpose of the Preventers is what again?"

"To settle potentially devastating conflicts quietly, and peacefully, if possible, before they are able to get so out of control," Lady Une replied, seeming a bit tired. She had just explained it to the boy mere minutes before.

"Preventing 'fires,' right?" So he did remember what she'd said...

"Right." The word forced its way through gritted teeth.

"Wind spreads fire, you know," Duo pointed out, self-assuredly. "And fire is fire, so I don't see that workin' out very well, either. I know the old saying goes, 'Fight fire with fire,' but come on. That's like saying, 'Fight gonorrhea with gonorrhea.'"

Noin and Sally both mouthed, 'Gonorrhea...?'

Une blinked a few times. She did her best to keep her expression impassive.

No one had ever put it quite that way before. It had never even crossed anyone's mind before. Unless... The other gundam pilots? None of them had said anything, though Trowa seemed to clear his throat a lot during his meeting, Heero had raised an eyebrow more than once, and Quatre shifted uncomfortably in his seat the entire time. Sally had recruited Wufei in the field. Codenames didn't come up.

"What's Wufei's codename, huh?" Duo asked, suddenly. "Oil? What's Heero's gonna be? Napalm? How about Trowa? Hairspray? And Quatre? Hell, he's practically an inferno - the guy is totally flaming."

Noin scolded, "Duo!"

"Come on now. I love him, I do. But have you seen the way he acts around Trowa?"

"Mr. Maxwell, that's quite enough," Lady Une said, warningly.

"Better keep those two separated. Hairspray in an inferno - not good."

Having heard enough, Une stood up from her desk. "It would seem we've wasted your time. On behalf of the Preventers, I apologize. We were mistaken in thinking you would like a position with us. You may go now, and you need not worry about us bothering you ever again."

Sally and Noin each took one of Duo's arms and pulled him upright.

"You guys - er, gals - are only after one thing, aren't ya? Geez, alright." Duo allowed himself to be ushered to the door. But not without first posing the question, "What would my codename be, huh? Could it at least be something that might actually put out a fire? Like... Watering Can? Nope, Sally's already got 'water' in her codename. Squirt Gun, maybe? Or, how about this one? 'Preventer Hose, what's your status, copy?' Heh heh. Hose. I like that."

"Anything else? Or are you quite finished?" Une asked, agitatedly. She was angrier with herself than Duo, though. He may not have done it in the most tactful manner, but he had made an excellent point.

"Yeah, there's one more thing." Duo winked. "When do I start?"

A/N: It's over! You survived it! I'm working on a real Duo fic, but I figured I'd post this nonsense in the meantime. Hope you got some enjoyment out of it. :) Noin hasn't gone off with Zechs yet, so that explains her being there. Maybe. I dunno. Maybe she's about to leave and that's why Une is all about gettin' herself some new agents. :) I know next to nothing about anything that happened after Endless Waltz, so, please forgive me if I've made any huge errors. We'll just say it's AU in those cases, yes?

And, for the record, I think Duo is plenty smart, just in an offbeat sort of way. He's still got his playful side, too, though. Humor fic or not, I hope I've represented him well. He'll be a little less over-the-top if and when I finish my other stuff.

Quatre and Trowa are NOT together in this. It was just one of Duo's offhand remarks, because, yes, I believe Quatre has the hots for Trowa. (Can't blame him. Trowa's frickin' awesome.)