See author's notes on chapter 2 !
I hope you like this. It is very much based on my own experience… chapter one is basically straight out of my diary, if I had a diary lol. Same with chapter 2… except the ending. Cuz… well, I haven't gotten to that stage of my life yet lol.
And review please :)
Disclaimer: The characters all belong to JKR… not me…
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Might Have Been
By angelps7
Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when they are right beside you and you can never have them?
This happens to me everyday.
Not only is he in nearly all of my classes, and we sit so close to each other in most of them, but he might as well be miles away from me.
It's torture to be near him, all the while knowing that he doesn't care about me.
And supposedly, I don't care about him.
I can't talk to him, I can't laugh with him, I can't even stare at him for too long.
There was a time when appearances didn't matter, and we smiled at each other in the hallways, said hello to each other, asked about assignments… back as innocent first years, still finding our places in Hogwarts, our rightful sides.
You would think that I'd soon forget about him, after we realize our opposing beliefs, and that I'd move on, but I just can't bring myself to do it.
I tell myself to find a new crush or to get a new boyfriend. And I did… I've got Draco at my fingertips, and he does anything I want.
I love him, really I do; but he's not Harry… I miss our innocent first year days when we had a chance.
So even though I'm with Draco, I can't bring myself to be happy with him.
Is that horrible of me?
I mean, every day I sit in potions, with Draco on my left side, and he holds my hand in his lap, grinning, playing with our fingers. "Alright there, Pans?" he asks me every day.
It hurts but I assure him that yes, of course I'm fine, and manage a smile, but I can't keep my eyes from wandering across the room, watching him talk with his friends with a smile that reaches his eyes.
It's not always so sad and distant… there are rare occasions that I've looked his way and caught him staring; or we'll cross paths and bump into each other, muttering a small sorry. Or I turn to him and he smiles.
I don't do anything about it though; I just turn away and smile to myself. I feel warm inside, as clichéd as it sounds… it gives me hope, you know? Like I actually have a chance, or something.
But there are those other times, the moments when I insult him and regret it soon after, knowing I've ruined our chances; the times when I wish I could spend - even just a minute- by his side, to hear his voice directed to me and have a conversation with him.
This is the story for every class the Gryffindors share with Slytherins, all throughout my seven years here at Hogwarts.
We only have a couple of months left, and I don't see any changes happening.
We'll share our glances and piercing gazes and small smiles, but he turns away to talk to his two best friends, and I hold Draco's hand, laughing politely at his jokes and appreciating his presence.
Yet for all the words I can say, for all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'
Because for us, it might never be.
Our eyes meet from across the Great Hall.
It might never be.