Link Gets a Job

Chapter 1: I Like Pancakes

Link woke up.

Today Link didn't wake up as early as usual.

In fact, he wasn't the one making noise like normal.

Link walked downstairs to find all of the smashers arguing.

"Hey, um… people? What's this all about?" Link asked.

"Well, you men are nothing but pathetic slobs!" Zelda screamed while lying on the couch and drooling.

"But you're th-" Link said, cut off by Samus, who threw Bowser at Link.

"DIE!!!" Samus screamed, throwing Peach at Mewtwo.

"ARGH! TOO… CUTE!" Mewtwo screamed, struggling.

"Um… why don't we have a vote on this instead of resolve to pure violence?" Link asked.

"But that would be orderly!" Zelda screamed.

"He has a point, you know," Samus said.

"OKAY! EVERYBODY WHO SAYS THE MEN SHOULD STAY HERE GO TO THE LEFT!" Zelda shouted.

All of the men moved to the left, except for Link.

"EVERYONE WHO THINKS WE SHOULD THROW THE MEN OUT GO TO THE RIGHT!" Zelda shouted.

"Um.. the left side wins," Link said, while standing in the centre.

"But the right side is right!" Zelda said.
"That doesn't make sense!" Link said.

"Then woman count as the exact amount that will make the right side and the left side even!" Zelda said, folding her arms.

"It's your choice, Link!" Ganondorf said.

"Um… if all the men leave, they could set up a gypsy camp!" Link said.

"A GYPSY CAMP!?" all the woman gasped.

"Being Link's wife, I should get a say in this!" Zelda said.

"But you're not my wife!" Link said.

"Be quiet! And anyway, you said you didn't want to be neglected by anyone!" Zelda said.

"But not this way!" Link said.

"You're just jealous!" Zelda said.

"Well… what if all of the men do chores and you sit around doing nothing?" Link asked.

"Sure!" Zelda said.

The two shook hands.

"Should I get snacks?" Link asked.

"Yeah, go ahead," Zelda said.

Link came back with snacks, only to find everyone arguing again.

"Link! You just can't do simple chores! YOU MUST HAVE AN OCCUPICATION!" Zelda screamed.

"But you don't do anything, and I saved the world!" Link said.

"Hey, Link! Are those cookies?" Ness asked, struggling from under Samus.

"Yeah," Link said.

"Who made them?" Ness said, sending a ball of telepathic energy into Samus.

"I found the cookie mix on the table. Why?" Link asked.

"Oh. It's Zelda's cookie mix," Ness said, realising that the cookies were green.

"Hey! They're not that bad! See? I'm even eating them!"

In hospital…

"Link? Are you okay?" Zelda asked.

"Huh? Where am I?" Link asked, unaware that he was in a hospital.

"You're in a hospital," Zelda said.

"Who made that cookie mix?" Link asked, sitting up.

"Er… Peach!" Zelda said, pointing to Peach, who was feeding cookies to the kids.

"Then why isn't Popo dying at the moment?" Link asked, glaring at Zelda.

"That's because he – um… drank a magic potion that made him invincible!" Zelda said.

"But you were the only one who had that potion!" Link said, clenching his fists.

"That's because I'm being overly nice!" Zelda said, sweating.

"But you're never nice!" Link said, as his face turned red.

"Well, today's Be Nice to Each Other Day! Remember?" Zelda asked.

"Be Nice to Each Other Day is three months from now!" Link said, pulling out a bazooka.

"Well, I must've gotten the date wrong!" Zelda said, backing away.

"Oh. That's okay," Link said, smiling a cheesy smile.

"Well, Link… You still need a job!" Zelda said, smiling evilly.

"Like… what?" Link asked.

"A surgeon!" Zelda said.

"But I don't even know how to diagnose a cold!" Link said.

"Not anymore!" Zelda said, producing a forged certificate proving that Link could be a surgeon.

"But that's fake!" Link said, pointing out the fact that the certificate was just the words, "I AM A DOCTOR" in messy handwriting.

"Not anymore!" Zelda screamed, writing the words, "THIS IS NOT FAKE!" on the certificate.

"How dumb do you think Dr. Mario or whoever you're going to show this to is anyway?" Link asked.

Zelda put the certificate in front of Dr. Mario.

"Oh! I needed a new doctor anyway!" Dr. Mario said, smiling.

"But I have no medical experience!" Link said, backing away from Dr. Mario.

"Nonsense! You've had a cough drop, right?" Dr. Mario asked.

"Yes…" Link said.

"That's medical experience!" Dr. Mario said, dragging him along.

"But I don't know how to be a doctor!" Link said, struggling.

"Oh, you just need to be nice to your patient!" Dr. Mario said.

"No, I can't do an autopsy or anything!" Link said.

"Meh," Dr. Mario said, dragging Link along.

"NUUUEEEZ!" Link screamed.

To be continued…