Haha! I'm finally back with a new chapter for this fic!! Yay me!! xD But I really am sorry for taking such a long time to update ... blame college, and choir and community service!! xD
Thanks go out to those who have stuck by me throughout this fic and reviewed! This is for you guys.
Enjoy!
Warning(s): Swearing.
Chapter Thirteen – Thoughts and Regrets
Sitting huddled against a tree in a park not too far from the house, Kai desperately tried to calm the shudders and sobs that wracked his slight frame. His mind was a mess and his emotions were in turmoil. His heart literally ached as he cried into his arms, knees brought up to his chest. He was completely oblivious to the pitying glances sent his way by members of the public who passed by him, and honestly, he didn't care.
Thoughts whirled through his mind jaggedly, confusing him even more the more he tried to think about it. All he wanted was to fix everything, to run back to Tala and apologise, but his mind refused to give in to his wishes; refused to give in to his heart. Everything that had happened in the last half an hour just seemed too surreal to be reality, and he found it somewhat hard to get his head around. Never in his life did he picture a scenario in which he would actually leave Tala.
Tala …
The name alone brought a fresh wave of despair crashing over him, tears falling in torrents down porcelain cheeks. His hand went up to his neck to clutch at his necklace, but with a jolt, he remembered that he had taken it off. His arm shook as his fingers traced the area of skin that had become so accustomed to the soothing weight of the ring and necklace.
Releasing a shuddering sigh a few minutes later, he slumped against the tree trunk, legs splayed out in front of him and his arms clasped loosely in his lap. Tremors wracked his frame every once in a while as he gazed unseeingly out at the scene in front of him.
Flashes of Tala in tears kept assaulting his mind, guilt running rampant through his veins. He had never meant to hurt Tala. By leaving, by telling the other that it was over was meant to be a breakthrough. Tala wasn't meant to cry. He wasn't meant to beg Kai to stay. He was meant to sit there neutrally and agree with what Kai had said – that he blamed him for Rei's death. But where did everything go wrong? Why didn't Tala play his part dutifully? Could what he said have been true? Did he not blame Kai at all?
His heart fought valiantly against the dark despair in his mind, urging him to believe in the best; urging him to believe that Tala would never blame Kai for anything, that the other loved him too dearly to ever let him go.
Kai laughed bitterly at that thought. If Tala really did love him, wouldn't he have run after him? Wouldn't he have done anything to stop him from leaving?
Crimson eyes glanced up at the clear blue sky brokenly, feeling mocked by the perfection in the world around him whilst he remained perfectly imperfect. He watched two doves soaring elegantly through the sky, pristine bodies agile and smooth as they cut through the air in an endless, graceful dance with the other. The golden light of the sun struck their feathers, almost making them glow beautifully as they weaved their way across the sky before finally disappearing out of sight.
Sighing and lowering his eyes down to his hands, Kai allows his bangs to shroud the front of his face, eyebrows drawn down into a deep frown. The tears had stopped a while ago, though their pathway down Kai's cheeks remained visible. He pulled his legs in and crossed them, shuffling around to make himself comfortable. He knew he desperately needed to make sense of his thoughts, lest things get even worse.
He just wished he had never made Tala cry …
x.x.x.x.x
Tala sighed, cradling the cup of coffee between his hands absently, his heart and mind numb with grief as he sat perched at the edge of the sofa, ignoring Spencer's attempts to talk to him and find out exactly what happened. Around his neck rested Kai's necklace, the cool, heavy ring a somewhat comforting weight against his chest. After unwittingly breaking down into hysterics, Kiyoko and Hilary had rushed in, eyes wide and frightened as they took in the scene, panic gripping them when they found no sight of Kai.
It had taken Spencer a good ten minutes to calm them down and send them out to look for Kai, which they agreed to with hard determination reigning clear in their eyes. It had taken another fifteen for him to coax Tala out of the bedroom and down into the living room. By this point, Tala had finally gotten a hold of himself, sitting down passively when told to do so and nodding meekly when Spencer offered him a cup of coffee.
He just couldn't get his head around everything that had happened. Nothing was turning out the way he expected it to, and his expectations hadn't exactly been high to begin with what with everything that had happened in the Abbey. But the one thing he expected to stay constant was Kai. Kai was forever meant to be by his side. His soul mate. His lover. But he wasn't …
Tala's hands clenched around the mug tightly as the numbness slowly faded away, only to be replaced by an unbelievable surge of pain that stung through his body. Surprised at the sudden movement from the red head, Spencer quickly pulled the mug from Tala's hands and placed it on the table, his own still stinging from the liquid that had scalded his hands not long ago.
Blue eyes blinked in confusion, staring down at his empty hands that were being held gently by larger ones. Forehead creasing in a light frown, he looked up slowly, eyes locking with concerned green. "Hey …"
Tala smiled weakly at the concern shimmering in his friend's eyes and echoed his greeting quietly. "Hey."
Eyes darkened with concern and worry searched his face, "You wanna tell me what happened?"
Sighing, Tala leant back, gently tugging his hands free to fidget with the hem of his shirt, eyes downcast, away from the imploring eyes of the larger Russian teen. "… he … he thinks I blame him … no …" he paused, struggling to find the right words. Spencer patted his hand gently in understanding. "… he believes that we all blame him … and … he left." Tala's hands stilled in his lap as he took in a deep shuddering breath to calm his racing heart. "There's nothing more to it."
Spencer's expression softened and he leant forward, arms raising to wrap around the lean frame, but Tala waved him away, his own arms hugging his upper body. "No, Spence … I don't need to be comforted … I don't deserve …" Tala's body trembled with emotion, anguish clearly visible within his eyes. "I let him run away … I let him leave."
x.x.x.x.x
Bryan took a long swig of water from his bottle, relishing in the cool liquid that coursed down his throat, cooling him from the inside. The flushed tone of his skin lightened as the cool evening wind washed over his frame. He felt relaxed and a lot calmer than he had a few hours ago, the intense workout at the gym banishing all the anger, fear and concern that swept through him. Sighing peacefully, he glanced around his beautiful surroundings, the calming ambiance of the park he was walking through soothing his troubled mind even more.
He was glad he had decided to take a detour through this park before he made his way back home, where he was sure resided four worried teenagers. It helped to get his thoughts in order before he returned to what could possibly be utter chaos … and Spencer had confiscated his bazooka before he had gone out.
A flash of blue and silver caught his eye and he paused mid-step, forehead wrinkling in a frown. "Kai …?" Eyes widening, Bryan took off at a fast jog towards where a figure sat curled up against a tree, shivering. His presence went by unnoticed until he was kneeling right in front of the trembling teenager. Reaching a hand out, Bryan could feel the calm that had held him in its arms fade away, only to be replaced by a dark wave of worry. "Kai?"
The boy's head snapped up, crimson eyes wide and bubbling with a passionate intensity, cheeks glistening with tears. "Bryan?!" Panic seared through him as he backed away from the hand that reached out to him. "No."
Stung by Kai's reaction, Bryan's hand dropped to his lap as he sat back on his hunches. "Kai … what's wrong? What happened?"
"I'm not going back!" Kai hissed, scrambling to stand even as his whole body shook.
Frowning, Bryan reeled back slightly, "Not going back ..? Kai what are you …"
Shaking his head wildly, Kai could feel his body shaking even as he tried desperately to calm down, his breath coming out in short, sharp bursts. Wide crimson eyes were fixated on Bryan's confused face, and as soon as the other boy tried to reach out for him again, he dodged to the side and took off into a shaky run, his body exhausted.
Startled, Bryan threw himself to the side as Kai ran past him, before realisation kicked in and he cursed loudly, worry coursing through his veins as he stood swiftly and gave chase to the smaller boy, wondering what the hell had happened in the last hour to cause such a petrified reaction from the boy who was meant to be resting in bed back home. "Kai!!"
Using his height and speed to his advantage, Bryan sped up quickly, steadily catching up to Kai's lithe form, and with a muttered apology, tackled the smaller boy to the ground, twisting slightly in mid-air to ensure that his arms took the full brunt of the fall, and that his body didn't crush the smaller one's.
Gasping in surprise, Kai latched onto Bryan's shirt, knuckles turning white as he fisted the material desperately, tears trailing down his cheeks slowly.
Concerned, Bryan leant back slightly, gaze flickering over Kai's features for any sign of pain, but upon finding none, pulled a hand back to gently brush back wayward strands of silver hair from the teary face, his heart wrenching at the helplessness shining in those passionate crimson eyes. "Kai … fluff ball what happened? Why are you out here in the park … ? You should be resting …"
Kai clenched his eyes shut and shook his head, dragging Bryan down and burying his face in the crook of his neck, "I'm sorry … 'm sorry Bry… I didn't mean to make him cry … I didn't …" Kai mumbled brokenly into Bryan's shirt, hugging the older boy to him. "I'm sorry …"
Biting his lip worriedly, Bryan swiftly rolled to the side and on to his back, bringing Kai to rest atop his chest, his strong arms wrapping protectively around the trembling teen. "Shh … it's ok. Just calm down and tell me what happened …"
A light frown touched Kai's features as he raised his head to gaze at Bryan's face, confusion evident in his features. "… you weren't there …?"
"Weren't where? … at the house?"
Kai nodded minutely, eyebrows drawn together.
Bryan shook his head slowly, bringing his hands up to wipe away the tears on Kai's cheeks, and then cupped his face, amazed at how big in comparison he was to his petite friend. "No … Kai what happened …? Did someone say something? Did –"
Blinking back the tears that suddenly threatened to fall once more, Kai shook his head, fingers flexing and tightening their hold on Bryan's shirt, which didn't go by unnoticed by the platinum haired teen, only acting as an incentive to fuel his worry and concern for the boy in his arms. "It's over … me and Tala, it's over …"
With a jolt, Bryan felt his heart stop, his eyes widening in shock and his mouth dropping open in a gasp. "What?!" Eyes flickering down the Kai's neck, he felt a cold hand seize him when he noted that the necklace was gone … it really was over. "Why …? What did he say?!"
Kai bit his lip and looked away, a single tear slowly trailing down his left cheek. "He didn't say anything … he's not to blame." Sniffing, Kai paused, refusing to look at Bryan. "I … I just couldn't take it anymore … I couldn't bear to see him … to see you, everyone … I just couldn't …"
Gently turning Kai to face him, Bryan shook his head. "Couldn't what … Kai? What did we do ..?"
"You blame me! You blame me for Rei's death! I know you do!!" With a shuddering gasp, Kai tore himself free of Bryan's hold and scrambled back on the floor. "I can see it every damn time you look at me! The blame, the contempt … you'd rather Rei be here and I agree!!" The tears were falling once more, delicate crystals tinged with sorrow. "… I should be dead …"
"NO!" the single word muttered with such determination and clarity shocked Kai, causing him to jump, eyes clashing with flaming silver. "Don't you dare! Don't you DARE!" Sitting up and grabbing Kai by the shoulders roughly, Bryan didn't even try to quench the tears that trailed down his cheeks. "How could you ever think that I'd want you dead?! How could you …!?!" Shaking the smaller teen, Bryan clenched his eyes shut and bowed his head. "Kai, you're my brother and I love you … I'd never want anything to happen to you! EVER! Your life means more to me than my own … because without you, without Tala, without Spencer … I wouldn't have a life worth living." With a pained growl, Bryan let go of Kai and turned away, broad shoulders shaking with his sobs.
Tentatively, Kai reached out a hand and gently lay it on Bryan's shoulder, wincing when the older boy tensed up. "Bry …?" When the platinum haired teen didn't shrug him off, he shuffled closer, his arms moving to wrap around his neck in a half embrace, face pressed against Bryan's back. "Bry … Bry, I'm sorry … please don't be mad at me … please ... please …"
The desperate childish pleading in Kai's voice broke down whatever resolve Bryan had before it could ever manifest itself as he turned in Kai's embrace to wrap his arms around the slim teen, pulling him close and placing a kiss to his forehead, just as he had done so many times when they were in the Abbey. "I'm not mad at Kai … I'm not." Kai clung tighter to Bryan at these words. "I promise …"
Burying his face in Kai's hair, Bryan felt calm filtering through his being until finally the tears stopped and the body held in his arms stopped trembling. Glancing up, he gazed at their surroundings, noting with surprise that the sun had already set. "… Let's go home …"
Nodding hesitantly, Kai pulled away, teeth worrying his bottom lip unconsciously before he offered a weak smile. "'k."
x.x.x.x.x
As soon as Kai had stepped foot inside the house, he was immediately set upon by a hysterical Hilary and Kiyoko who latched on to him, tears spilling down their cheeks as they checked him over for any injuries, babbling incoherently as they pulled him into a hug.
"We were so worried about you!" Hilary exclaimed, her voice muffled by Kai's shirt.
Kiyoko nodded in agreement, a petite hand brushing Kai's bangs away from his face, as he whispered an apology. "We spent ages looking for you … where were you?"
It was then that Bryan decided it was the best time to step in, placing a comforting hand on Kai's shoulder and pulling him back into his chest, hugging him from behind. "He was in the park …"
Spencer suddenly appeared in the hallway, and taking one look at Kai, rushed to embrace him, his voice thick and husky with emotion as he berated the petite teen for running off like that in his condition. "Kai, don't ever do that again, do you hear me!"
Kai nodded meekly, and returned the hug somewhat awkwardly, desperate to see the one person who his heart cried out for. "Where's Tala …?"
Spencer stiffened and pulled back abruptly, "He's … he's in your room … he won't come out."
Kai cast a look back towards Bryan, fear and rejection shining within his crimson eyes, before sighing and nodding, stepping out of Spencer's hold and patting his arm gently. "I need to go and talk to him …"
Spencer nodded in understanding, moving to the side to stand beside Hilary, Kiyoko and Bryan who watched Kai hesitantly making his way down the hallway and towards the living room. Glancing at each other nervously, they nodded and followed Kai's retreating figure.
Upon entering the living area, Kai froze, eyes landing on the figure reclining on one of the numerous sofas in the room. "… Tala …?"
"Kai." His name was uttered with such cold venom that Kai could feel his blood freezing in his veins.
Battling his urge to run away, Kai took a small step further into the room, one hand clasped over his heart as he tried to quell the tremors that wracked through his slim frame. "Tala … baby I'm sorry … I didn't mean to … i-"
"Shut up!"
Kai reeled back as if struck, his eyes wide. "Tala …?"
"Don't come near me!" Pale blue eyes flashed dangerously as Tala stood, his body tensed, his right hand tightening around something held in his grip. "You lying, cheating slut! Why the fuck did you come back?! I don't want you here you son of a bitch!"
"What?!" Kai was oblivious to the gasps that rang out behind him, his crimson eyes staring brokenly at the teenager in front of him. "What are you talking about …?!"
Tala paused, blue eyes narrowing before he broke out in bitter laughter, tears trailing down his cheeks slowly. "Oh, like you don't know, you whore!"
"Tala wha-"
"Stay out of this Bryan!!" Tala hissed ferally, advancing towards where Kai stood rooted to the spot, "This is between me and him!!" His left hand shot out and grabbed Kai around the neck, his long fingers squeezing tightly as he lifted the smaller teen up into the air, ignoring the petrified screams from Hilary and Kiyoko as Bryan and Spencer rushed forward.
Kai's hands flew up to his throat, grabbing Tala's hand, crimson eyes dilated in fear as they locked onto Tala's intense blue, which slowly darkened to a dark blue, realisation edging it's way in, until, with a gasp, Tala let go and stumbled back, watching as Kai fell to the floor, petite hands grasping a pale, delicate neck that had already begun to bruise.
The object in his hand fell to the floor as the red-haired teen turned and fled the room, a beep sounding seconds after he left: "You have one new message: 'Hiwatari, it's Lee. I know what happened between you and Rei you dirty slut! Getting it off with him when Tala was barely dead … you disgust me.'"
Mwahaha!! Eek! -dodges flying objects- I'm sorry!!
Review?? T'is my birthyday!! xD