"He Who Laughs Last"
By Donny's Boy
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Disclaimer: I own neither the characters nor the plot relating to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and I am making no money from this story. I mean no harm.
Author's Notes: This story is set in the 80's cartoon series universe. (Further notes below.)
Warnings: None! 'Twas a gentler time, folks.
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"That hunk of junk's never gonna work."
If Donatello had a pizza for every time he'd heard that, he'd be a very well-fed mutant turtle. But he'd also be every bit as annoyed as he was currently. Glancing up from his work, he saw Raphael standing nearby, watching with mild interest and eating potato chips.
Donatello frowned. "How can you say that? You don't even know what it does yet."
Setting down his chips, Raphael walked over and began warily circling Donatello's latest contraption of metal and wires. "Is it another automatic pizza slicer? Because the last one blew up." Thoughtfully he tapped his chin. "And the one before that too."
"This one is different," Don replied, a little testily. "And besides, it's not an automatic pizza slicer."
"Then what does it do?" called out a cheerful voice.
Both Donatello and Raphael turned around to see Michaelangelo leaning in the doorway, wearing his customary grin. Don sighed. He'd hoped to perfect a few more features on the invention before the grand unveiling, but … leave it to pesky brothers to butt in. Oh, well. He was just about finished anyways. Motioning for Mike to come in, Don stood up and dusted himself off.
Michaelangelo grabbed Raph's chips on his way in. "So, bro, you gonna answer my question about, uh, your—y'know—doohickey?"
"Now, now, Michaelangelo," said Raphael, eyes filled with laughter. "You don't want to rush our boy genius, do you?"
"No, Raphael, that's okay." Donatello squared his shoulders. With a hint of steel in his voice, he added, "Go get Leonardo, and then I'll show all of you guys just exactly what this baby can do."
As Raph and Mike wandered off to find Fearless Leader, Don's shoulders sagged. Please let this work, he silently begged the universe. He'd already had another invention backfire earlier this week. Another screw-up, so soon after, would be humiliating. Just humiliating. No, Don reflected with grim determination, failure was not an option.
It wasn't long before his brothers came wandering back in, with Leonardo in tow. Donatello forced a smile. "Well! Now that the gang's all here, let's get this show on the road, shall we?"
Leonardo smiled affably. "We're all ears, Donatello."
Don felt himself relax a little. At least one of his brothers was supportive. Then he glanced over at Michaelangelo and Raphael, and his heart sank like a stone. They were wearing identical smirks. They looked expectant, too. Like they couldn't wait to see the invention blow up in Donatello's face. Don quickly shifted his gaze back to Leonardo. Leonardo believed in him. Leonardo was waiting patiently for him to begin. Leonardo … was looking at him with the exact same expectant expression that his other two brothers had.
Gritting his teeth, Donatello decided he might as well get this over with. He reached out and gave his latest invention an affection pat. "Gentlemen," he began loudly, trying to infuse his voice with a confidence he didn't entirely feel, "allow me to present to you one of the greatest achievements of our modern age."
Michaelangelo cocked his head. "Is it a toaster?"
"Is it a …" Bemused, Don just stared at his brother. "Does it look like a toaster?"
"Kinda."
Raphael chuckled. "Actually, now that Michaelangelo mentions it? Yeah. It kinda does."
"Only a little," added Leonardo, ever the diplomat.
"It is not a toaster." Donatello scowled but, despite of his better instincts, decided to press onward. "It's a subatomic teletransporter."
Mike's eyes grew wide while Leo's glazed over.
"Totally radical!"
"Subatomic?"
Meanwhile, Raphael lazily poked at a stray wire hanging off the transporter. "Okay, genius," he said finally. "Let's see what this 'great achievement' of yours can do."
It was the moment of truth, and Donatello knew it. He walked over to his work bench and grabbed an apple. He brought it over to his invention and carefully positioned it on the transportation pad. Then he repositioned the apple. Then he repositioned it again.
Michaelangelo loudly cleared his throat.
Don repositioned the apple one last time. He stepped back and took a deep breath, holding the air inside his lungs for so long that he almost passed out. As he slowly exhaled, he flipped the teletransporter's "on" switch. The machine roared to life, whirring and blinking, while a bright beam of light shot out and enveloped the apple.
And, for a shining moment, all was well. The apple flickered in and out of sight, just as Don had predicted it would, while the transporter prepared to fully dematerialize it. Then, the machine's whirring turned ear-splittingly high pitch. As his brothers yelped and covered their ears, Donatello lunged for the "off" switch. But too late.
The apple exploded violently, sending hunks of liquefied fruit hurtling across the room. Due to his proximity, Don's plastron caught the bulk of the shrapnel. For a second no one moved or spoke. But as the sheer startle wore off, a wave of hearty laughter ripped through the room.
Feeling a familiar stinging in his eyes, which warned of soon-to-come tears, Don bit the inside of his cheek. He would not cry. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing they'd gotten to him.
As he stared forlornly down at his sticky, goo-covered chest, his brothers began shuffling out of his laboratory, still chuckling. Donatello glared at their retreating shells. "Laugh all you want," he called out huffily. "After all, they laughed at Galileo!"
Raphael glanced over his shoulder and threw Don a wry grin. "Yeah, and they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."
Michaelangelo nodded in agreement. "Dude's got a point."
Don allowed himself a small sigh after they were gone. Raphael did have a point—kind of. Grabbing a nearby rag, he began wiping the apple from his plastron. Master Splinter had once told him that, when life hands you lemons, you should make lemonade. He wondered if Splinter would also add that when life hands you a liquefied apple, you should make apple sauce. Oh, Master Splinter meant well, Don knew that. But sometimes "try, try again" just wasn't enough to keep himself motivated.
That was the problem with all truisms, really. Such as "You have to fall before you fly." Sometimes, Donatello wondered just how many falls he could survive. And, more importantly, whether it was all worth it. Was he Orville Wright with his crude airplane and that brief but important first flight? Or was he the crazy guy who jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, flapping his arms and yelling that he could fly?
Another truism, and one that Don hated even more, was "He who laughs last, laughs best." Because right now Donatello wasn't laughing. His brothers were.
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Author's Notes (continued): This was partly inspired by the "Dark Turtle" and "Donatello Trashes Slash" episodes. Though the most obvious character differences are found between wise-cracking 80's cartoon Raph and short-fused 2003 cartoon Raph, I think there are some interesting differences between 80's cartoon Don and 2003 Don too. So I thought I'd write a story about this specific incarnation of Donatello—the one that I, as a wee young'un, originally fell in love with.