It Hurts

buddy

It had been two years. Two long years, and still, Sasuke felt like he was still constantly under surveillance, constantly monitored and followed. No longer the golden boy, oh no, not since he'd left, before Orochimaru, before his transformation, before he killed him, and returned. It hurt.

He wished it was different, he'd wished and hoped and even prayed to a god he didn't believe in that it was different. He still had his own fan club. He was still praised for his strength and powers. He was still accepted, by everyone except Tsunade, though. It seemed the old witch didn't quite forgive him just yet. He really didn't blame her, he hadn't forgiven himself either. Oh how he wished it were different from this. Different from the hell he created where he was rejected.

Never before in his life did he wish to be accepted by, by him! How could someone like him make him so miserable and yet keep him craving for more contact?! It simply wasn't even conceivable! Yet, here he stood, outside his door, fisted raised delicately to knock. Hesitation, he seemed to be doing it quite a lot lately, especially around him. Sasuke closed his eyes. Perhaps, perhaps he should come back later. When the rain had ceased and his heart was no longer louder than the thunder echoing through the village?

But before his mind could decide on the best course of action a rather loud squeal was heard fro outside the complex, and being the best citizen he could, he went running to find the source, only to nearly squeal himself upon seeing the scariest sight only a 17 year old could see. Sakura and Ino stood there in matching bikinis under matching open raincoats, glaring death at Kiba who had just jumped into a puddle soaking both girls while Shino smirked behind him.

He stood there just watching as the muddied girls in their matching outfits cussed and cursed Kiba to his dying day. Therefore, he figured that while they do that he could go back to the original mission at hand. Joy. However, this wasn't the case as Sakura took notice of him and ran to his side, clutching to his arm.

"Sasuke-kun!!! Tell Ino-pig that I look so much better than her in this outfit!!" she squealed into his ear.

At a loss for words, Sasuke just stared at her, but Ino took that as him trying to tell Sakura that she was the better looking.

"Billboard Brow!" she screamed from across the street "Get away from Sasuke-kun! Can't you see he thinks you're annoying!?"

'She's not completely off' thought Sasuke but didn't have to say anything as he felt a strong arm wrap around his shoulders and pull him back toward the complex. Looking at the arm, he followed its length to the owner, who happened to be none other than the reason he was out here to begin with.

He allowed himself to follow him up to the apartment he had so desperately wanted in earlier. He was wrapped in a big fuzzy blanket that smelled so good and was so warm, it had to have come out of the dryer or something. The whole room had this cozy feeling that made Sasuke want to lie down and fall asleep only to never wake up, and he was cut short on thoughts as a warm hand cupped his chin and forced his eyes to meet the others. How had he forgotten he was there?

"What were you doing outside in the rain?"

Sasuke couldn't form words while he was being closely examined.

"Sasuke? Please answer me." Not even a hint of worry was in those words, no emotion, none, and it was his fault.

"Sasuke. Answer me. Why were you in the rain?"

Swallowing hard he said the first thing that came to mind "Why did you bring me here?"

A hint of annoyance was almost seen, but quickly vanished. "It was raining. You hate rain, and also, your lips were turning a fine shade of blue."

Oh how Sasuke wanted to believe there was concern there. Who knew? Maybe there was, just invisible, as he felt, or at least wanted to. "Oh."

A warm cup of tea was placed in his hands as a warm body settled next to his on the couch. A side peek through his bangs informed him that his host was gazing out the window, where lightning and rain were all that could be seen against the storming sky. "Sasuke, Do you ever wonder how things could be right now?"

That quiet voice was so odd, he shuddered. "No."

"I do. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, if you had never left, or perhaps never returned. How would we be? It's intriguing."

"I don't think so."

Sasuke was faced with a questioning glance from his host and tried to explain further. "I... I don't want to think of how I could be or where I would be if you hadn't, you hadn't,-"he couldn't bring himself to say-

"Killed Itachi? Or are you speaking of Orochimaru?" Sasuke look over at him wearily.

"Both." He sighed quietly. "I came back because there was nothing left for me out there, and I, I needed a place to stay, a safe place, where I wasn't hated."

He didn't say anything, only got up and headed out of the room. Sasuke followed him with his eyes for as far as he could, refusing to use the sharingan to see any further. He didn't expect his host to come back so quickly.

"Here." Was all he was graced with as that back was turned to him once again.

Sasuke looked at the small rectangular box in his hands. It was black, and very smooth to the touch. He slowly undid the double latch in the front of the box. Inside was everything he had given up, the last remaining thing of his old self; his old forehead protector. The one he had put a gash in to signify his betrayal to the village, to his friends, to his family, to himself, to him. This was why he never forgave himself, because the next few years after that he had become everything he never wanted to be, became a monster, a villain. Someone even Orochimaru had come to hate in the end.

Moreover, while Sasuke had been transforming into a monster, it turned out that he had too. Bottling himself up in fake smiles and non-existent laughter. Lying to the whole world about who he really was because even he didn't know anymore, or so everyone had come to believe. In addition, that hadn't even been the worst of it. Oh no. It had been the week before he left, when he had showed great improvement while Sasuke had felt like he was growing weaker every waking second. Not knowing what else to do to get stronger, Sasuke had decided that owning him in every way would be the only way to make himself the stronger of the two again.

What Sasuke hadn't counted on would be his plan backfiring on him. Two days before he left actually, and it had all started as usual too; Sasuke had gently reached out and cupped his cheek as he had leaned forward to lay a tender kiss on Sasuke's lips. Just before Sasuke closed his eyes to meet the kiss, he saw a single tear slide down his face. Sasuke wasn't sure why he allowed him to work his way into his heart, but he had. Now there was no turning back, no matter how much it hurt. And it had hurt so badly. So badly that he returned and now he was hurting worse than ever.

Sasuke looked up as his host returned to the room. He was looking at Sasuke closely as if debating on whether or not to kick him out. As much as he wanted to stay, to coax the other out of his shell, he knew he would only be stretching out his own agony, cutting the wounds on his scarred soul deeper, and as much as it hurt; it hurt worse not to try.

"Let's go out."

Sasuke blinked. Then set down that little black box slowly looking back up.

"Well, are you coming or not?"

Throwing his misery out the window Sasuke followed him outside and onto the street. It was still raining, but nowhere near as hard as it had been earlier, which could have been bad, considering neither had a jacket on, nor was carrying an umbrella.

Sasuke took this time to look back over at his silent companion. He was dressed in baggy black pants and a comfortable looking navy t-shirt with the single word "no" written on the front in lower case letters. His hair had grown a little and hung flat around his face and into his eyes. It was no longer bright and happy, but appeared to have dulled a bit and was more controlled. His face though had changed the least. It was still round although the loss of the baby fat had make his cheekbones more prominent. His eyes were still bottomless, but seemed more guarded than he remembered. Overall, one would think he had just matured, not died.

Then who was he to say anything? He still dressed in high collar shirts and preferred shorts to pants. His color choices were still mostly the same although he seemed to wearing a bit darker colored clothing lately. Shaking himself out of his thoughts he realized his friend (could he even call him that?) was staring at him, with a very intent look in his eyes, as if Sasuke had become some sort or rare plant to be treated cautiously.

"What?"

"You were mumbling to yourself. I thought perhaps you were having a relapse of some sort."

"No. I'm fine. I think. Where are we going?"

He just looked over at Sasuke and smirked "Has it ever mattered before?"

Sasuke shook his head and turned away from that piercing gaze. How had this person become so, so completely different from what he had once been? It hurt so much to know that all those years of smiles and laughter could have been fake, forced so others would think no less of him. It hurt so much that he paused in his steps and turned his face upwards so the rain could wash away his tears.

His silent partner turned around to see why he had stopped and for a split second a bit of remorse was seen in those dead eyes. He walked over to Sasuke and pulled that face down so they could look at each other.

"I don't regret it, so why do you?"

Sasuke just stared down into those eyes. He hadn't realized how much he'd grown. His silent friend's head only reached his nose. At a loss for words, Sasuke looked into his friend's, his one true loves eye's and wanted to cry. It was simply unfair. He ran his fingers through Sasuke's hair and sighed. Sasuke returned the favor and was so tempted to lean forward and touch his lips to the others that he could almost feel the contact. . .

He almost gave into the urge but held back and pulled away. He was running, as he always did. Running away from that little monster called love. By god, it hurt, it hurt so much.

"I don't regret it, I never will." Sasuke meet fierce eyes. " I'm glad you don't either because if you did then I really wouldn't be able to face you right now."

Those guarded eyes narrowed slightly before their owner pulled away. "Still up for going out?"

Sasuke shrugged.

"Dancing?"

Another shrug.

"I knew you'd agree."

The pair headed out to another local town, not a good town for family trips, but for their purposes, it was perfect. One seedy establishment after the other lined the roads and couples of all genders were happily doing whatever the hell they pleased wherever the hell they pleased and the alley ways smelled like urine and cum. Perfect. The ultimate stop to be forgotten about shortly after their leave. It's as if they never even came.

One of the larger, more elaborated bars in the district was the place both silently and mutually came to an agreement on. Entering the building people of all genders where everywhere and all over each other. 'Disgusting.' Thought Sasuke but dismissed it when his partner drew him up onto the dance floor. A fast-paced song had just ended as a slower, sadder sounding one began; one that called for lovers and those with broken hearts up onto the dance floor.

How will I solve tomorrow without you here?

Whose heart will guide me?

Will all the answers disappear?

Is it too late? Are you to far gone to say that this one's forever you'll never have to go away?

Sasuke almost immediately recognized the words but the driving beat was much different, the song went from being mostly piano, to a now a hard-core techno feeling beat, designed for dry sex on a dance floor. He was dancing like that now, with the one person he shouldn't even be with anymore. The one person who single handedly ripped out his heart and gave it to him on a silver platter. Yet, Sasuke couldn't pull away.

What will I do? You know I'm only half without you, how will I make it through?

The sway of those hips against him. The feel of those incredibly strong hands gripping whatever part of his body they came across was slowly corroding the small bits of self-control and humanity he had left. The pain he felt now was almost unbearable. How was he still alive? How was he still swaying with the body that was pressed so tightly to his own anymore?

If only tears could bring you back to me.

If only love could find a way.

What I would do?

What I would give if you returned to me someday, somehow, some way?

If my tears could bring you back to me?

The insanely low pounding on the base controlled his hips as they grinded into his partner. Sasuke was slowly losing the battle and everything his dancing partner did only seemed to be speeding up the process, with his wandering hands that seemed to have no shame as they explored his body in time to the music. Sasuke shuddered as his partner growled low in the back of his throat before pressing even closer and whispering seductively in his ear "Tonight. You. Me. No questions." Who was Sasuke to argue?

I've cried you an ocean for you to sail on home again.

Brinks of emotion will carry you and all they can.

Just let love guide you and your heart will chart the course,

Soon you'll be drifting into the arms of your true love.

Look in my eyes you'll see a million tears have gone by,

And still their not dry.

Sasuke spun his partner around so he could grind into the backside he would later bury himself deep inside within. The words of the song that was still being mercilessly pounded into their bodies only reminding him of what he almost lost. Of what he was forced to give up but yet never truly let go of for real. Of what he would later claim once more tonight.

If only tears could bring you back to me.

If only love could find a way.

What I would do what I would give if you returned to me someday, somehow, some way?

If my tears could bring you back to me?

The song was nearing the climax and Sasuke suddenly didn't want it to end. He wanted to stay dancing with this boy forever, even if it was in a seedy, run down club that reeked of stale smoke and alcohol with sex wafting just underneath it. Sasuke was still holding onto the love of his life and that was all that mattered. Not power, fame, wealth, not even his family name stood a chance against the body he held against him.

I'd hold you close and recite the words I only whispered before.

For one more chance, for one last dance

They're some of the things that I would do but no…

He had turned around in Sasuke's arms and pressed his lips hard to Sasuke's, grinding against him. Showing Sasuke just how much he'd missed him, and just how much he wanted him. Sasuke was momentarily shocked, how long since he'd last tasted those lips? He soon returned all advances hungrily. Grinding to each other in time with the heavy bass pouring over the audience.

If only tears could bring you back to me.

If only love could find a way.

What I would do what I would give if you returned to me someday, somehow, some way?

If my tears could bring you back to me?

They broke apart as the song ended, gasping into each other's mouths, and still grinding against one another. Sasuke had wanted to profess his love, but he spoke first.

"My place or yours Sasuke?"

Sasuke didn't even think twice. "Mine."

Managing to keep their hands to themselves proved to be quite a difficult task and before the door to Sasuke's house was even closed all the way Sasuke had his lover pressed to the door while he pinned his wrists above his head and bit a fierce trail down the other's neck. He left bright red marks that he took great pride in. Sasuke thrust himself shamelessly against his captive, who writhed and mewled all the while begging for more, more, more. Sasuke obliged him as best as he could. He moved back up and caught his bound lovers' lips with his own. He plunged deep inside and reviled in the taste of the boy.

"My room. Now." His lover nodded and wrapped his legs around Sasuke's waist and arms around his shoulders. Sasuke kept him pressed to the door a few more seconds longer, which gave him time to press hard against his lover. "Mine." He moaned.

Upon reaching the room Sasuke almost tossed his lover onto the bed, while he reached into his dresser and pulled out an old nylon scarf that he used to tie his lovers hands above his head. He then grabbed a kunai out of his pouch, which he used to cut the clothes from his whiny lover. He open mouthed kissed the skin as it was exposed.

Sasuke leaned down and licked his lovers cock at last. It had been far too long since he'd last done this, and the sounds his sexy captive made only spurred him on. He sucked hard on the cock buried down his throat and licked every inch he could reach. He inhaled the musky scent that came from the soft curls nested around the base. As his lover came, Sasuke swallowed some then pulled off and took his lovers balls into his mouth one at a time slowly turning it with his tongue, and gently tugging on it with his lips. Moving even further down the sweet body under his own Sasuke gently licked the hidden entrance of his captive, tracing its perimeter before slowly pushing his tongue inside.

In and out, over and over again. Sasuke made love to the man underneath him with his tongue. He remembered the first time he had done this, his lover and begged for him to stop, and Sasuke nearly had, that is until he had felt his lover's hands pulling at his hair. That by itself had urged him on until his lover had climaxed. Now he was doing it again, and his lover didn't seem the least bit shy like he did the last time. This time he was purely wanton. Although he did gasp out that he'd like the use of this hands back.

His lover continued to gasped and cry out from his current position, he had no choice but to take it, and yet he still tried desperately to free himself, but to no avail. He nearly arched off the bed as Sasuke kept on eating him with slow deep strokes. He would never admit it to anyone outside of this relationship, but when Sasuke took charge of him, made him feel loved by tying him down, he was truly happy. Truly happy, something he hadn't been in a long time. Something that hurt as much as it pleased. He cried out even louder as he climaxed for the second time that night, in Sasuke's mouth.

Sasuke was pleased o hear his name screamed to the gods as his lover came once more. He loved this man underneath him with every fiber of his being and he intended to prove it to him right now. Sasuke crawled up his lover's body to kiss him roughly. He pulled away and smirked at the tongue that followed his mouth and stayed firmly attached to it by a single string of saliva, which never even had a chance to break as the kiss was continued with new vigor.

This time as Sasuke broke away he grabbed his captives legs, lifted them until the only part of his lover's body on the bed was his shoulders and proceeded to run the tip of his aching member up and down the crevice of the ass he had spread in front of him. He continued the obvious torture to his moaning lover before pressing the head inside, then quickly pulling it out. He repeated the action several times; much to Sasuke's enjoyment his tied up lover was desperately trying to push himself further onto Sasuke's dick.

"Sass- mmmm- ke, please doooooon't, ahhhhhhhh don't t-t-tease meeee! Please, pleeeaaasssssssseeee!"

Sasuke himself was having a bit of a hard time trying not to push in farther. Those delicious sounds being made were not helping. The temptation to press further into that haven was killing him; he gritted his teeth against the pain in his chest and gave a particularly hard thrust into that pliant body. His lover screamed again and Sasuke could no longer hold back. He slammed himself into that sweet, intoxicating body beneath him repeatedly. All sense of grace was gone, Sasuke didn't care what the world thought anymore, that had been what caused this mess, and he certainly didn't care if he became a wanted man again, as long as he still has to be with him.

"Sas'keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

With something akin to a whimper, Sasuke leaned forward bending his lover in half and thrust three more times as hard as he could before he came so hard his vision blurred out and he nearly cried at the intense amount of pain that surged through him. Sasuke buried his face in the tan neck before him, he was actually crying. After some of the most wonderful sex he had in a long time he was crying. He was crying because he wasn't sure if this would, or could ever happen again. He didn't know if he would ever be able to take solace in the arms around him again, god he was in so much pain.

Without removing himself from the humming body still firmly attached to his, he reached up and undid his captives' hands. Those hands soon found their way into Sasuke's hair, then down his back and back up again.

"I love you, Sasuke. I really do."

Sasuke looked into those eyes that were every bit as bottomless as they'd always been, but now they held that same emotion they did all those years ago, when a scared Sasuke had meet his future boyfriend at the bridge to discuss a 'mission' that had actually been Sasuke's proposal of dating. The boys' eyes had lit up and Sasuke had almost felt bad. However, as their lips touched for the very fist time, suddenly Sasuke didn't care. He didn't care about anything except the warm mouth pressed to his, and the warm body that followed. It had been the day after they got together that they had done it for the first time, surprising enough Sasuke had been bottom, and from that point in it hadn't mattered who stuck what where, because either way, they were making love. If only Sasuke had seen it that way then.

"Sasuke?" that voice sounded almost like it used to, only deeper, and huskier, but at least it had emotion.

Sasuke took a deep breath that smelled so good and forced himself to be blue eyes that had his soul bound by chains, blue that killed him every time he saw them because he was afraid he'd never see them again. Blue eyes that showed him how pathetic he had become when their owner had saved his life by killing his brother, and rescuing him from the hell called sound, and its evil mastermind, Orochimaru.

Those blue eyes that were shining with emotion that Sasuke hadn't seen in years were staring at him with a gaze that bordered on pain. Sasuke took another of those gratifying breaths and knew that with his next words came a commitment unlike any other. One that would face the world and end up putting him in a very bad predicament that he wouldn't have faced for anybody else, a predicament called bloodlines and clans, or even worse Tsunade. Yet, for the owner of those blue eyes he'd make an exception. One that was really going to hurt.

"I love you too, Naruto." It hurt to say those words, but not a bad hurt. More like the hurt of a nasty wound being healed, a deep cut being sterilized, or even a broken bone being set. It hurt, and Sasuke and Naruto loved it.