DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these horror characters mentioned in this fanfic, nor do I own the concept of "The Surreal Life". Freddy Krueger belongs to Wes Craven, Jason Voorhees belongs to New Line Cinema, Michael Myers belongs to John Carpenter, Leatherface belongs to Tobe Hooper and Gunnar Hansen, etc. You people get the picture! Enjoy!

The Surreal Life: Horror Edition

Name: Freddy Krueger

Age: Eternal

Hometown: Springwood, Ohio

Weapon of choice: Knife glove

Surreal Life Quote: "I was the Springwood Slasher and murdered over 20 children before they burned me alive. Now I attack my little piggies in their dreams. Sweet dreams, children of Elm Street!"

Name: Jason Voorhees

Age: Eternal, but he's estimated to be around 60 years old

Hometown: Crystal Lake

Weapon of Choice: Machete, or whatever he can get his hands on

Surreal Life Quote: voice over from Friday the 13th Part II "Jason's body was never discovered at the bottom of Crystal Lake, but if you talk to the old-timers in town, they say he's still alive"

Name: Michael Myers

Age: Eternal, but is 52 years old

Hometown: Haddonfield, Illinois

Weapon of choice: Carving Knife

Surreal Life Quote: voice over from Halloween "I never want him to get out. Never, ever, ever!"

Name: Leatherface a.k.a. Bubba Sawyer

Age: Unknown

Hometown: Rural Texas

Weapon of choice: Chainsaw

Surreal Life Quote: nonessential series of grunts

Name: Pinhead

Age: Eternal

Hometown: Lament Configuration (puzzle box)

Weapon of choice: His magic hooks and chains which appear at his will.

Surreal Life Quote: "Come…we have such sights to show you. Don't cry, such a waste of good suffering"

Name: Djinn, a.k.a. Wishmaster

Age: Eternal

Hometown: A red gem

Weapon of choice: Wishes stupidly made by mortals in exchange for fresh souls

Surreal Life Quote: "Your wish is my command…but be careful of what you wish for"

Name: Candyman

Age: Eternal

Hometown: Unknown

Weapon of choice: Bees (believe it or not) and the hook attached to his right hand.

Surreal Life Quote: "Say my name five times in a dark room in front of a mirror and see what pops up"

Name: Charles "Chucky" Lee Ray

Age: Unknown

Hometown: Boston

Weapon of choice: Whatever he gets his hands on, and his voodoo

Surreal Life Quote: "I've been trapped in this mother fucking doll body for so long. Bring me a fresh soul!"

Day one: Surreal Life Mansion

"Welcome to the Surreal Life: Horror Edition." greeted the show's host "Our houseguests have no idea who they will be housemates with. I wonder who's going to come here first."

Freddy appeared inside the house in a puff of smoke. He looked around the place in disgust.

"What the fuck kind of place is this?" he exclaimed, examining his surroundings "A fucking haunted mansion? What is this shit?"

Freddy sauntered around the house and went to the bedrooms.

"Yuck" Freddy groaned, eyeing the creaky-looking beds "These rooms look worse than that roach motel I killed that little piggy in! Would it kill Ikea to come in here and do some re-decorating?"

"And it looks like someone is approaching the house by foot." the host said, visibly scared "Who could this be?"

We cut to see Jason as he slowly walked up to the house, machete in hand.

"Eep, I better hide before he tries to kill me." the host whimpered, diving for cover in a nearby bush.

Jason approached the house and walked through a nearby window, failing to try and open the front door.

"What the fuck was that?" Freddy growled, appearing in the living room "Did I just hear a window break?"

Freddy saw Jason approaching and immediately started cursing the dream world gods for sticking him in this situation.

"Oh fuck. Not you. Un-fucking-believable!"

Jason stopped and cocked his head at Freddy, who was visibly irate.

"Oh a nice fucking hello to you too, maggot head." Freddy taunted, smiling menacingly at his arch rival "What's the matter? Lose the Stanley cup?"

Jason walked up to Freddy and started stabbing him. Freddy disappeared and returned to the bedroom he had chosen. Jason confusedly stalked around the house.

"Now that two of the psychopaths have settled, who will be next?" the host said, from his unknown hiding place.

A swarm of bees buzzed by headed for the mansion.

"Oh why did I accept this job?" the host moaned, cowering deeper into the bushes.

The swarm of bees disappeared, making Candyman emerge on the front doorstep. He rang the doorbell. Freddy answered the door, his curses audible through the thick wood.

"Sorry Captain Hook, no peter pan here." Freddy said, upon opening the door.

"Nice to see you too, Freddy" Candyman replied, walking past "What kind of a place is this?"

"I have no fucking clue." Was Freddy's reply "Only thing I care about is finding little piggies to kill."

"Oh god, how many more are there?" the host whined, remaining in his hiding spot.

A beat-up station wagon pulled up in front of the house with the logo of Haddonfield's Mental Hospital.

"Looks like this is Michael Myers" the host said in a barely audible whisper as he cowered.

Michael stepped out of the station wagon and walked in through the same window Jason walked through.

"If it isn't Michael Myers" Candyman said, grinning at his friend.

Michael silently greeted Candyman, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Great, just what we need, another dumb mute." Freddy groaned mockingly, eyeing the masked slasher icon.

Michael went up to Freddy and immediately started stabbing him.

"What is it with people stabbing me today?" Freddy roared, disappearing momentarily and appearing seated on the couch.

Michael stared at Freddy, his head cocked in confusion.

"It looks like they're all here" the host said, thinking the coast was clear as he popped out of his hiding place. A buzzing sound was soon faintly heard from behind. "What is that sound?"

Leatherface jumped out of nowhere, dancing with his chainsaw.

"Please don't kill me!" the host cried, falling to his knees "I have a wife and small children!"

Leatherface took a look at the sniveling man and walked away, shaking his head after turning his chainsaw off.

Leatherface went to the mansion door and rang the doorbell.

Candyman opened the door.

"Well hello Leatherface, how are you?"

Leatherface silently put his chainsaw down and gave Candyman a hug.

"Not him too" Freddy's groans were heavily audible now "Talking to mutes has all the fun of talking to an empty catfood can!"

"Shut up, Krueger!" Candyman said sharply, pulling away from the hug.

"Phew I think that's the last of them…hey…a pretty box!" the host said, fiddling with the golden trimmed box we horror fans know as Lament Configuration. Pinhead emerged soon after the host solved the puzzle box.

"We have such sights to show you. You opened the box." Pinhead said in his usual gruff manner as he eyed the trembling man.

"Agggh it wasn't me" the host stammered, tossing the puzzle box away "…it was the cameraman, I swear!!"

"Such a waste of good suffering" Pinhead said condescendingly, shaking his head "Now, if you'll excuse me."

Pinhead disappeared and appeared inside the house.

"That's it, I'm outta here!" the host exclaimed, beginning to run away when he nearly trips over Chucky.

"Not so fast, pal" Chucky said, wielding a knife at the taller man.

"Don't kill me! I just host the show." the host whined, scared out of his wits in the worst way.

"I don't give a shit." Chucky growled, waving the knife around "I want your body"

"Agghhhh I'm definitely out of here!" the host yelled, running away from the mansion.

"Pansy ass." Was all Chucky could say, shaking his head ruefully as he approached the door.

Chucky tried to reach the doorbell but was unsuccessful.

"Damn this stupid doll body!" Chucky roared as he looked around for another point of entry. Seeing the broken window, he climbed in.

Freddy, Jason, Michael, Candyman, Leatherface and Pinhead sat in the main room on the couches as Chucky made his appearance.

"Hello there, Charles" Pinhead greeted the killer doll "Nice to see you."

"Hey Pinhead…didn't think the gang was all here." Chucky said, climbing onto an empty space on the couch.

"We have one more surprise guest coming." Freddy growled, drumming his other hand against the edge of the seat. "We're trying to guess who it is"

"Probably Creeper." Was all Candyman could muster.

"No way…Norman Bates" Pinhead said, sure of his answer.

"Nuh Uh, it's Ash from those lame Evil Dead movies" Freddy said, shuddering "That guy gives me the creeps!"

The doorbell rang.

"Now who the fuck could that be?" Freddy grumbled as he went to answer the door.

Jason and Michael remained silent and Chucky stretched his legs just as Freddy returned with a box.

"What is it, Fred?" Candyman inquired curiously as Freddy shook the box.

"I dunno…" Freddy said, hearing a noise from inside.

"Open the box, Frederick" Pinhead said, seemingly irritated.

Freddy used his claws to tear open the box and a red gem fell out, rolling onto the carpet.

Chucky and Freddy groaned in unison.

"I think I know who this is" Freddy groaned, rolling his eyes as he eyed the gem.

"Unlimited wishes, right?" Chucky said, matching Freddy's disappointed groan.

Candyman grabbed the gem and rubbed it. A trail of smoke came out of the gem and swirled around until Djinn stepped out of the smoke.

"Hello there" Djinn greeted his fellow housemates before eyeing Freddy's sour expression.

"Djinn, haven't seen you in a long time. How are you?" Pinhead asked casually, cracking his neck.

"What do you think?" Djinn shot back, peeved "I've been trapped in that fucking gem! And where the hell are we and what are we doing?"

"This is a new reality show that some piggies thought up" Freddy replied, rolling his eyes

"Yeah, they think it's fucking hilarious to see us horror movie icons living in the same house together!" Chucky added, shaking his head.

"They have to boost the ratings somehow" Candyman interjected, crossing his legs.

"Here we go!" Djinn said sarcastically, throwing his arms up in the air.