In the Elevator...

a oneshot by CT

Summary: There's been rumors about a relationship and Kirk wants to test it out. How? Well, the Enterprise elevator 'accidentally' breaks down...

D/C: Don't own Star Trek or any pairings

A/N: This has slash. Nothing graphic, just some slash elements. This one sorta reminds me of 'Females are Illogical' my favorite story that I've written. Ooh, and I take a line from the Wrath of Khan. Anyways, here's...

In the Elevator...

Kirk was bored. They were nowhere near any planets or probes or Romulan/Klingon neutral zones. And therefore, he was not needed on the bridge. And also therefore, he was bored.

He decided to go to the Rec Room. Maybe Uhura was singing, or Spock was playing his harp. Either way, there would be lovely ladies there...and Kirk, needless to say, would not be bored any longer.

As Kirk walked down the hall, he heard Rand and another ensign in front of him talking in school-girl voices. Hm. Kirk thought, I always like to know what's going on... He sped up a little to hear better.

"That is so not true, Juliet." Rand was saying. "They hate each other!"

"It's like- a cover up so the captain doesn't know!" Juliet argued. Kirk raised his eyebrows, but failed compared to Spock/McCoy's mastery of the eyebrow art.

"A cover up?" Rand said. "C'mon, no one can act that good. He always yells at-"

"He yells at everyone." Juliet interrupted. "It's in his blood."

"Who thought of this anyway?" Rand wondered. "I mean, come on! Dr. McCoy?" she whispered. "Who would have thought..."

"It's like, obvious if you're looking close enough." Juliet replied.

Rand rolled her eyes. "And even if McCoy did like him-"

Him?!! thought Kirk.

"He wouldn't like McCoy back." Rand finished.

"You never know..." Juliet argued.

"What? Do Vulcans lose their logic every so often?" Rand replied. Kirk stopped walking in amazement. "Seriously. It's insane for you to think Dr. McCoy's got feelings for Spock, but it's even crazier to think it's vice versa too."

"But like, everyone's talking about it!" Juliet said. "I bet if you left the doctor and the Vulcan alone for a while, you'd see their true feelings." The two went into the Rec Room.

Kirk was still where he had stopped, the wheels in his mind churning. Spock and McCoy? It was impossible...or at least, illogical. And what he was thinking of doing was insane...but isn't being insane fun? And he had gone to the Rec Room for fun...and he was going to get it.

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McCoy was in his room, having some brandy. It had been a perfect day, he thought. He hadn't had to go the bridge to yell at Kirk/Spock for being incompetent, he hadn't had to yell at Chapel for categorizing body fluids wrong, and he had a brandy. Yes, McCoy thought, it was a perfect day.

"Bones? Are you there?" Kirk called.

"What is it?" McCoy asked. "What's wrong?"

"I need you up on the bridge."

McCoy groaned, and set down his brandy. "I'll be there. McCoy out. Dammit Jim." He muttered to no one.

He left and went to the elevator, where Spock was waiting for one. "Why the hell are you here, Spock?" he asked.

"The captain ordered me to the bridge." Spock replied. "Perhaps there is something wrong."

"I haven't felt any disturbances." McCoy said.

"Feeling, Doctor, is inaccurate and unwise to trust. There are many scenarios that involve the Enterprise in danger without any ships firing at the Enterprise. For example-"

"I don't need one of your examples, Spock." McCoy snapped. "I'm perfectly capable of thinking of one myself." Spock raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean? I can't think?!"

"I only raised my eyebrow, Doctor. That is nothing for you to be concerned about." Spock replied.

McCoy fumed silently, and checked the time. "Who's been holding up the damn elevator?"

As if on cue, a few ensigns walked out of the elevator and faced the wrath of Dr. McCoy.

"I do not believe those ensigns will want to ride the elevator after their traumatic experience with you, Doctor." Spock said, two minutes later when McCoy was done yelling at them.

"Thank you, Spock." McCoy replied. "Serves them right for having held up the elevator..." As the elevator began to rise, there was a nasty cracking sound and metals tearing. McCoy punched a button. "Dammit Jim, what's going on?"

The elevator made a groaning sound and stopped. "There's been an elevator malfunction!" Kirk replied.

"Really?" McCoy yelled, still having time to be sarcastic. "No, Jim, the elevator does this all the time!"

"Doctor, might you refrain from your illogical comments for one moment?" Spock asked. "Jim, what should we do?"

"Stay put."

"Yeah, like we can move in a broken elevator!" McCoy snapped.

"I'll get Scotty to fix it." Kirk continued.

"But Scotty's on shore leave!" McCoy protested. "After we saw him take pictures of the engines. Damn that man, he's got psychological problems..."

"Well, I'll get some engineers to fix it. Kirk out."

"A lot of help you are!" McCoy screamed at the com. He sighed, and slid down on the floor. "Great. Stuck with a Vulcan."

There was silence for a while, with Spock meditating and McCoy just lying there. Finally the CMO started to pace. Spock put up with it for a while, and then inwardly sighed. "Doctor, you are disturbing my meditation."

"Screw your meditation!" McCoy argued. "You can't meditate in an elevator!"

"I already have."

"Oh, shut up."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Is something wrong, Doctor?"

"I'm stuck in an elevator with a logical Vulcan. I'm fine, Spock."

"Is there something else bothering you?" he asked.

"No."

"I believe you are lying to me." Spock said. "Humans have a tendency to bottle up their emotions and then let them spill out and harm everyone around them. Perhaps you should tell me how you are feeling, so you will not harm anyone."

"I'll harm you if you don't shut up!"

"We are alone, Dr. McCoy. Your secrets are safe with me." Spock said. McCoy said nothing. "Are you worried about your privacy?"

"Well, after I've been mind-melded against my will so many times I don't really care." McCoy replied.

"Humans have an emotional need for love." Spock continued.

"Emotional?" McCoy repeated. "Not illogical?"

"It would be unwise of me to say that love is illogical." Spock replied. "It is not illogical, but it is also not logical. Therefore it is emotional."

"Hm." McCoy said, unable to argue with that logic.

"Are you having romantic problems, Doctor McCoy?"

McCoy glared at Spock. "You immediately jump to that conclusion? Thanks."

"Humans get stressed the most about romantic issues." Spock replied. "I merely assumed-"

"Never assume, Spock, because when you assume you make an ass out of u and me." McCoy snapped.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Is there something romantically bothering you?"

"Of course not." McCoy snapped.

"Doctor, my concern is only for your emotional well-being. If you do not tell me-"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll hurt everyone around me." McCoy growled. "What's it to you?"

"I am around you." Spock replied.

"Oh, so I'll hurt your poor little Vulcan heart?" McCoy teased.

"...Please tell me, Dr. McCoy." Spock implored.

"It's about someone I like." McCoy confessed. "I don't think that person likes me back."

"Perhaps you should just tell that person how you feel." Spock replied.

"Well aren't you a love doctor." McCoy snapped. "A regular therapist! Thanks, Spock!"

"I see no humor in this situation." Spock replied.

"Oh, but I do!" McCoy said. "You, you Vulcan that's never loved anyone is trying to tell me how to run my love life. It's ironic, see."

Spock made a slight shrugging gesture. "Never loved? That is incorrect, Dr. McCoy. I have loved."

"Who? Your mom?"

Spock shook his head. "But this conversation is about your love life, not mine."

"Or your lack of a love life." McCoy replied.

"Who is it that you are infatuated with?" Spock asked.

McCoy shrugged. "What's it to you?"

"Doctor...If I must, I will mind-meld with you."

"Go ahead!" McCoy yelled. "I've been mind-melded against my will so many times by you! You're a mind-whore, sticking your nose in everyone's business!"

"Who, Doctor? Who is it-"

"It's you, damn it!"

There was a pause. "Me, Doctor?" Spock asked blankly.

"Yes, you Spock! Why do you think I didn't want to tell you?" McCoy asked.

"I had...assumed-"

"Never assume, Spock, as I've said before." McCoy replied. "Now you think I'm just some crazy homosexual doctor who-" He stopped as Spock neared him. "Well, anyway...where's those stupid engineers? They should have been here by now-"

"Stop trying to change the subject." Spock ordered. "You are infatuated...with me."

"Yes, we've already discussed that. You have anything to say?"

"Hm."

At that McCoy lost it. "You green-blooded hobgoblin! I've confessed my feelings to you and you don't even care! You're incapable of loving! All Vulcans are!"

"Doctor," Spock said calmly, "You are forgetting. I am only part Vulcan. I can feel, and I can..." He brushed McCoy's shoulder slightly- "love."

McCoy, for once, had nothing more to say. Spock leaned in, and kept brushing McCoy's shoulders. He touched the doctor's cheek and kissed McCoy.

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Kirk, as many readers may have guessed, was watching the whole thing. He had purposely shut power off to the elevator, and was withholding power until something happened. Kirk watched on a hand held mini-screen the behavior of his two friends. When they kissed, the captain fell off his chair. "What the !?" he screamed. Uhura glanced at the captain as if he was crazy, and Chekov helped Kirk up.

He glanced at his screen again. There they were, kissing! Spock almost looked...happy! Very happy, in fact. Bones was grinning as he hugged the Vulcan. Kirk sat down wearily in his captain's chair and turned the screen off. He then gave power back to the elevator. "Bones? Spock?" he asked.

"Um...yes, Jim?" a distracted McCoy answered.

"Meet me in my room. We have some things to discuss."

In his room, the two stood silently next to one another. "Um...in the elevator..." Kirk began. "Were you two really..."

"Kissing?" Spock completed. Kirk nodded. "Yes, Captain. Dr. McCoy and I were kissing."

There was a pause, and then McCoy started laughing. He slid down to the floor, cracking up. "You, really...oh, Jim!" he said. "Do you really think Spock and I hadn't heard the rumors about us dating?"

"Well..."

"And we assumed that you would test our relationship sooner or later, captain." Spock continued. "So Dr. McCoy had the idea to...fake a romantic relationship when you were testing us."

"So...this was all a hoax?" Kirk whispered.

McCoy was laughing too hard to answer, so Spock nodded for him.

"You two..." Kirk said. "Oh my...Bones, you have a wild imagination to think this up. And you two were really good actors."

"Thank you, Jim." McCoy said. "But I thought you'd see through our little ruse. I thought you would know I'm a doctor, not a homosexual!"

"And you Spock?" Kirk asked. "How was your time as a gay man?"

"It was a fascinating experience... to act out so unlikely a role for me." Spock replied.

"You two..." Kirk said. "Well, at least I got rid of my boredom!" he laughed.

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Rumor always has a way of springing up again. It's like the tide. It will calm down, then bounce back up again.

Ensign Juliet was walking down the hall when she heard voices from Captain Kirk's bedroom. Ever the eavesdropper, she decided to listen in.

"'Were you two really...'" she heard Kirk say.

"'Kissing?'" Spock said. "'Yes, Captain. Dr. McCoy and I were kissing.'"

Juliet ran from the door, trying to contain her laughter. And Rand thought those two weren't a couple! "Wait till everyone hears about this!"

FIN

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