"Bill wait!" The XO stepped into the raptor just before the door closed behind them. "We need to talk about this!"

"Not now, Saul." The Admiral felt a headache coming.

"Now is the perfect time. I don't want this to stand between us. We need to work together, remember!"

Bill sighed and sat down, burying his face in his hands just as Laura had done a few minutes ago.

"The whole thing isn't just about you, and keeping it behind YOUR back. It's something we both, Laura and I, aren't proud of. We wanted to just forget it. And we've managed until now." He waited for a reaction from Bill but when he remained silent he decided to continue. "Bill this women has gotten under your skin. She's the President and you are the Admiral for frak's sake. You have to keep a professional distance. She wasn't able to do that with her precious President either. That's why she slept with me, she told me before. I only figured out who she was a few weeks later, and then I put two and two together to figure out it was Adar! "

Bill didn't react for what seemed like forever to Saul. He seemed to think things over very hard.

He didn't want to deal with all of this now. "You mind passing by in my quarters for a drink later?"

The Colonel was very surprised That's it? No anger, not outburst? "Suuure, I'll drop by after I get some reports in the CIC!"

Bill nodded slightly and the rest of the flight was spent in silence.

24 hours later in the CIC

William Adama couldn't remember when he had last felt as mentally exhausted as this. He didn't know what to do. He already forgave Saul for not telling him. Although the fact that his best friend most probably kissed the women he realised since New Caprica that he was in love with, more times then he did, gave him a great deal of to think of. He tried to erase the picture of them lying naked in a bed from his mind but couldn't. He couldn't keep his eyes shut all night. He was terribly tired, morose, not the best company at all. When he thought his problems were already too big, he spotted a very familiar red colour in the corner of his eyes.

"Admiral...may I have a word with you in private?" Laura's voice had its usual presidential tone in it, so he still had some hope that she only wanted to talk to him about food or medication supplies. But when he turned around and looked into her eyes he knew that he would have the conversation with her he didn't feel ready for just yet.

He stepped to his XO and patted his shoulder "You have the CIC!"

This little gesture wasn't missed by Laura, and suddenly she grew hopeful. If he forgave Saul, maybe then he could forgive her as well.

When the hatch of his quarters closed and the silence fell over them she wasn't so sure anymore. His face showed no other expression but darkness before he turned his back to her and poured a glass of water.

"Bill, I'm sorry...WE are..."

"Stop Laura! I don't want to hear it!"

She didn't know what else to say. He usually always let her speak her mind, even if he didn't agree, but since the Hera incident that seemed to have changed as well. She waited until he turned around again and her stomach knotted when she saw his face.

"I can't Laura! There's no point in it anymore!"

"What do you mean, there is no point?" she whispered.

"There are too many things between us!"

"You forgave Tigh."

Bill sat down on his sofa slowly staring at his glass.

"Yes I did, but it's something different!"

"I'm not sure it is, I mean we are both friends. At least I thought we were!" Laura couldn't hide her surprise.

"You don't trust me! I don't think we can be friends if you don't trust me."

"I DO trust you Bill! I'd trust you with the life of every single person left of the human race, including my own."

"No Laura!" now he was looking at her. She noticed that his eyes had lost their light. "You don't trust me. You didn't tell me that you were ill. You DID tell Kara that Earth was only something to keep everyone fighting and I only made it up. You didn't tell me about the whole thing when it was about the prophecy. You left..." he was close to finishing that sentence with me. "You didn't tell me about Hera. For over a year you didn't tell me that you could remember this Caprica-Six woman from before the attacks. And you didn't tell me that you and Saul already knew each other; and even if it's none of my business, as friends and also as leaders I thought that you'd have the courage to tell me that you had an affair with the former president!"

Laura felt tears filling in her eyes, although she was determined not to cry in front of him, over the fact that he seemed to have already given up on them.

"It's just too much, and I fear I'll never be able to trust you with my full heart anymore. I would have given you my heart, Laura. Actually you've had it for long time, but of course in our positions we weren't allowed to go further. But I always thought that if we reached Earth, or some other place where there aren't any cylons..."

The proud President of the Twelve Colonies took in a sharp breath at his statement. This was his way of telling her that he loved her, and that she screwed up. She realized it wasn't even this business with Saul anymore, but all the things he listed before. She wished she'd have a pencil, but actually not even a million pencils could help her. 'I would have given you my heart', his words were echoing in her mind.

Bill noticed that she was drifting

"I want as much as possible handled either through Gaeta, Saul or Helo in the future. I think we could use some distance." His gaze wandered to his glass again. "Icould use some distance!" he added in a whisper.

Laura wanted to list all the things he had done to her, like he had listed what he thought she had done to him, but for the first time the words failed to come out of her mouth. She knew she would regret it later but all she could say was

"As you wish Admiral" before she left the quarters, walking faster than usual.

tbc