Disclaimer: Don't own FMA. Surprising, I know.
A/N: This is for a friendly competition thing me and FMA Homunculi Wrath and Envy were doing. We had to use the following words in a story, and it had to be 1000 words or less
1)"It's
not me...It's my shampoo...yeah..." (phrase)
2)Wilted
Palm Tree (Object)
3)"I
am your father" (phrase, obviously)
4)amethyst (purple-ish
colored gem/ purple-ish color) (32 words)
Envy was not having what you would call a good day. Dante was mad at him, so was Lust, and Pride, and Sloth and Wrath... The list went on and on.
Not a good day at all.
It had all started that morning...
---
He'd sometimes been accused of looking like a wilted palm tree. "It's not me..." he'd protest, "It's my shampoo... yeah," but this topped it all!
That Fullmetal runt, Edward Elric, son of that bastard, had called him, Envy, Homunculus Extraordinaire, a transvestite palm tree.
Well, the little brat wouldn't ever be saying that again. Or saying anything really. Ever.
Unless tongues grow back – human ones, anyway; he knew Homunculi tongues regenerated.
And he'd been sure to take the oldest Elric brother to the hospital right away, managing to fend off a hysterical Al in the process. Really, a truly impressive feat. Just not in Dante's eyes.
"YOU CUT OFF HIS TONGUE!?!?" was the general response from afore-mention angry people.
"No," he had explained nearly ten times, "I ripped it out."
And had learned nearly ten times that this was not the proper response.
Dante was upset because she was obsessed with Ed, because he looked like her beloved Hohenheim of Light, and now she couldn't french him or whatever. Well, all the more reason to get rid of the little pest who reminded him of that bastard!
Lust was upset because, well, she was Lust. He didn't exactly understand her, or her thought process.
Pride was mad because Envy's action made his job that much harder – now he'd have to step up the 'investigation' into the whole Homunculi affair, and it just generally wasted valuable time he could spend sipping tea and whatnot.
Sloth was angry by association, since Wrath was obsessed with getting the rest of Ed's body, and if Ed didn't have a tongue, Wrath wouldn't be able to talk when he acquired what he considered rightfully his. Envy almost regretted having ever going to the trouble of finding the stupid brat and feeding him the Red Stones.
---
Which was why he was currently wandering the streets of Central, looking for someone to attack and possibly kill. A dangerous gleam gleamed in his amethyst eyes as his bare feet padded silently on the rough concrete. His stringy green hair blew softly in the chill breeze that swept through the city's slightly dusty streets – and at two a.m. in the morning, it was ghostly silent, but for the low whistle produced by the breeze.
Damn, his life sucked. Envy kicked at a rock lying in the middle of the pavement, but somehow he tripped and fell.
"ARGHIHATEMYLIFEIHATEYOUALL!!" he screamed randomly.
"But... I am your father," said a voice behind him.
He turned and saw a certain handsome blonde man.
"GO TO HELL!!" he screamed and ran off.
Havoc giggled. "Well, that was fun," he remarked and dropped his used cigarette, crushing it under his boot heel as he walked back inside his apartment; it wasn't everyday you saw a spastic palm tree.
A/N: All right. That was my attempt at humor. I wonder if anyone's actually going to read this. xD Well, if you do, could you just leave a little comment, or something, please:D Or rate it 1-10, 10 being excellent, 1 being terrible. And possibly read my friend's story too?