Chapter 1

I do not understand you...

where did you come from?

Why am I obsessed with you?

'Hey, since my parents are out of town, d'you wanna come over for a while?'

The one single sentence that led to the biggest change in my life.

And of course, the one single answer; 'Sure!'

Summer had just started; school was out and everyone was hyper, expectations scaling. I was at a point in my life, Junior year of High School, where I had really had to take a few good steps back and look at my life.

I had a girlfriend. Did I like her? I had a few good friends. Did I like them? How much did I like them? Who did I trust? What did I really want?

There were a lot of questions that needed answers.

I told Kyle that I'd be at his house around seven; not as early as I'd like, but I was busy with Wendy first. I really had to ditch the girl once and for all, but I'm just too nice to break up with her for no reason. Even though we had been off and on for years now, ( I can't even count how many times we'd broken up and gotten back together.) It was getting all so pointless, I could barely stand it.

What would she say if I told her that I had been getting off on guys for the past three years? That wouldn't go over well now, would it?

'Stan…' Wendy was sitting on her sofa, all relaxed and calm-like. 'Stan I was thinking…'

'Yeah, me too…' I couldn't get tonight with Kyle out of my mind. I had to be honest with myself; I was in fact quite in love with him. Yes, I know, taboo, immoral, whatever you may call it, -- It was my little secret about my best friend. It could never happen though; I didn't know his sexual orientation, though I know he had never had a girlfriend or anything.

Maybe it was my business, being that he was my closest friend and all. Perhaps it was more up to him than me.

'Stan come here. You're being so cold right now.'

'I'm not cold at all. I'm totally, totally chill.'

'Then come over here, I have something to tell you.'

I got up and sat down next to her. She shuffled in closer and put her arms around me.

'We're at the point in our relationship where we…' Her breath ran short and she choked a bit on her air.

'Where we…?' I tried to keep her going.

'Where we should be having sex.' She exhaled with a sort of relief that told me she had been holding back the comment for a very long time. I felt sort of sick.

'Uhh…Wendy, I don't know…' I really didn't want to have sex with a girl. I don't think that I ever really had.

'What do you mean You Don't Know?!' Something in her voice suddenly struck an irate note.

'Well, I just don't know if we should be, I mean…I don't really…'

She stood up and put her arms at her waist. Her eyes stared down at me evilly.

'Get the fuck out of here Stanley.'

I flinched.

'Get the fuck out of my house you goddamned shit packer.'

'Shit packer? Oh, alright, so just because I don't feel like having premarital sex with my girlfriend of two months, remember it's only two months if we count from last we got back together, makes me gay?'

'Get out of my house.'

I came to Kyle's early. I wasn't upset about the whole ordeal, more worried. Why would she assume that I was -- Maybe she was just very intuitive about the whole thing. But considering the shit that she had just given me, I wouldn't really want to plan on coming out of the closet. I wasn't even sure if I was ever totally in the closet, but since there was definitely something going on in there,…She'd be the last person I would want to know.

I knocked on Kyle's door. Nobody answered for a while, then I heard Ike shout out, 'Kyle says to come in!' I didn't know that Ike was home, but whatever.

I came into the kitchen and saw a pot of boiling water on the stove.

'Ike?' I asked into the seemingly empty house.

And after a while, 'Yeah?'

'Where's Kyle?'

'In the shower.' I felt my face turn red. The idea of Kyle standing in the shower, lathering his gorgeous, wild Jewish hair tamed so beautifully many years ago. I felt blood leaving my face. Oh my.

'Kyle?' I asked when I got near the bathroom door. I didn't hear the water running so I assumed he was out.

'Stan is that you?'

'Yeah.'

'Sorry I'm here a bit early.'

'Dude, it's fine. What happened?'

'I broke up with Wendy again.'

'Holy crap… You alright man?'

'Yeah I'm fine.'

Suddenly Kyle emerged. The bathroom door opened and an aurora of steam ran out. And Kyle, with a way-too-short bath towel wrapped lovingly around his waist.

'You sure you're alright? You've never taken those multiple breakups very well.'

'N…N-no, I'm totally, totally fine.' I couldn't take my eyes off of his tender body. So pale, thin, and…

He put his hand on my shoulder.

'You take it easy, okay?'

'Yeah…'

Kyle walked over to the stove and dumped a box of pasta into the boiling water. He picked up a pasta fork to stir it with, but accidentally dropped it. My heart leapt as he bent over to pick it up. I turn my head to the side sharply as soon as I saw the towel fall right below his hip bone. My cock suddenly hardened and I got embarrassed.

'I'm gonna go sit down.' I left the room quickly and sat on his sofa.

'You sure you alright, man?' Kyle yelled. I heard him walk into the bathroom and shut the door, but not all the way. I got up again and walked over to the room. There was a small crack of light in the doorway. I saw Kyle getting dressed.

'Yeah, yeah. I'm totally sure that I'm fine.'

The towel fell off.

'If you're sure. Only if you're sure.'

He pulled up a pair of silky boxers.

'I'm sure.'

Snug jeans hugged his perfect butt.

''Cause you remember the last time you guys broke up, yeah?'

A t-shirt slipped over his scrawny chest.

'How could I forget?'

He headed toward the door and I stepped to the side.

'So…' Kyle turned his head around and looked deeply into my eyes, his shining. 'Why exactly did you break up now? And do you think you'll get back together?'

'I doubt it.' I followed Kyle into the kitchen again. He stirred the pasta.

'Why? What's the story?'

'Weeelll…Uhhh…' I couldn't tell him what she said, could I?

Kyle stood by the pasta, stirring it gently. I came up behind him.

'Wendy wanted to, well…'

'I'm listening.'

'She wanted to have sex.'

Kyle turned around quickly.

'Dude, you turned down sex?' He looked startled, yet somehow a hint of happiness had overcome him.

'…….Yeah.'

We were both silent for a while. The pasta started to boil, but Kyle ignored it. He looked at me strangely.

'Why?' He asked quietly.

I hesitated.

'I guess…I don't want it…not with her.'

'Anybody?'

My voice choked in my throat. 'N...no, not nobody. I would…just not with a…'

…

'Girl?'

…

'…Yeah.'

Our bodies got remarkably close, and my arms slipped around his waist. I hardened up again, and I could feel that he had, too. His gentle green eyes closed slowly, and the two little rosebuds that were his lips suddenly desired a kiss terribly so. I tilted my head and gave into our sin. Kyle's arms ran up and down my back.

'Holy shit, Kyle.' I said against his cheek. 'Is this alright?'

'What do you mean?' he asked delicately, continuing our kisses onto my cheek. 'Something this good can't possibly be wrong.'

Kyle turned the heat off on the stove, then grabbed my hand and pulled me.

'Where are we going?'

'To my room.'

'Woah, woah, woah. Hold on there cowboy.' I said, hearing my own voice crack as I said my last, 'woah.' Kyle was way to eager to get somewhere with me. We needed to talk this through first. A little, at least.

'Nyeeh?' He whined questioningly, whipping his head around to look at me. His grip on my hand loosened.

'I just think that we should talk this over a little bit first, I mean, at least a justified explanation.'

'Whatwhatwhat?' Kyle spat out, (I don't think that he even realized how eerily he sounded like his mom). He stepped exceedingly close to my body, allowing our chests to collide smoothly. I laughed a little, but he didn't seem to think that what he had said was very funny at all.

'I think that we can talk it over later.' Kyle bluntly announced. 'Now come up stairs.'

I guess I couldn't refuse his offer. I had spent the majority of my teenage years so far thinking about fucking his brains out, so why not delve into fantasy a little?

I bit overcome by lust, I threw Kyle down onto his bed and sat on top him. I leaned down and gave him many, many little kisses all over his face. He giggled.

'So uh…' He stared up at me with shining green globes. He smiled with a hint of question on his lips.

I ran my thumbs delicately over Kyle's soft, pale cheeks. Just then I realized that he had a soft peppering of freckles over his nose. His eyes closed and he let out a small, breathy moan.

'Is it alright if we go fast?' I asked. 'I mean, I think we both want to push into this hard, (Kyle laughed here, and I sorta kinda admit that I had to, too) but I want to check it over with you before we both do something that we regret.' I got off of his waist and laid down next to him.

'Hmm…well…' Kyle stretched out his arms and yawned delicately. He turned to face me and draped an arm around my shoulder. I couldn't stop looking at him; even if we were moving incredibly fast, it felt like our souls just seemed to merge.

'We can move fast, 'cus,…'Cus you know what they always say…' Kyle smiled devilishly at me, with a tantalizing lust gleaming in his glassy eyes. He hooked a leg around my waist. 'The best and easiest relationships start out as friendships.'

I leaned into my friend and gently kissed his lips. He kissed back, smiling against my mouth.

'I suppose you're right.' I concluded between lip-locking. Kyle's eyes batted then closed. He had gorgeous eyelashes that gently curled up at the end when they were closed, and created a highly angelic complement of an aura around his green, green globes when opened. I could go swimming in those emerald oceans for days on end.

'I still feel like we should talk it over more.' I said.

Kyle didn't say anything. He just laid there. He came in closer to my face and kissed me right on the nose. I smiled at the cherry-sweetness of his gesture, and ran the back of my knuckles over Kyle's cheek. He opened his eyes and looked me.

'You know that we've wanted this since the dawn of time.' He said, glassy eyes shimmering.

'I guess…I mean…' My train of thought ran dry. What did I want to tell him? I wanted to say something about how I had had a crush on him for a couple years, but it stuck to the roof of my mouth like thick peanut butter.

'What?'

'Well I've just…' I brought myself closer to Kyle's porcelain face, so that our lips were centimeters apart. 'I've just had a crush on you for a really long time…'

'The feeling's mutual.' He kissed me gently, and I felt very satisfied.

'So you mean to tell me, that these past years I've been lusting after you, craving your body and fantasizing about you were all wasted?' I didn't really know what I was talking about at this point. My grip on his slender body tightened.

'That all those mornings that I woke up sticky because the night had been filled with thoughts of you,…and,…and the whole time I thought that you would never love me back. Totally unrequited love…it wasn't true?'

'How do you think I feel?' Kyle complained cheerfully. 'I felt the same way, all along.'

I took a couple minutes in silence to comprehend everything that had just been summed up. The meaning of our conversation was slowly absorbed into my spongy brain, slowly, piece by piece like some kinky Rube Goldberg device. In a single instant, it all snapped together and I was struck with a jolt of lightning. I grinned, rolled Kyle onto his back and laid on top of him again. I began to kiss his neck, cheek and jaw area all over. His head rolled around fluidly, eyes half closed in ecstasy; I had already discovered some of his softest spots.

'There's one thing I still don't understand,' he said, quiet but giggly. 'Why did you go out with Wendy for so long?'

I sighed, knowing that he'd bring her up eventually. I prepared myself mentally, and pressed my forehead to his chest for support.

'You know that when we were younger I liked her…so that was that, and fine and everything, until a couple years ago I started being attracted to men. I think that was one of the reasons why we broke up so much. I never actually told her that I was attracted to men, but I think she got the idea. Then I started having the hots for you…

'I figured that would lead to nothing but trouble, so I kept dating Wendy to make it look like I wasn't into my best guy friend. I just got used to it…until she wanted to have sex.'

'Are you going to have sex with me?' Kyle asked bluntly. My face instantly heated up, and I hid my eyes in his armpit area.

'I'll have to wait a while, but…' I mumbled something into him.

'But?'

'Forget about it.'

'You're going to spend the night?'

'I don't really like your segway, but totally dude. I couldn't possibly let you sleep alone tonight.'

We had dinner, got everything straight with my parents, and headed off to bed. I was still in a state of complete shock over the whole night. I mean, I was definitely happy, thrilled, ecstatic, but there was an element of surprise and surrealism to it all. Was it true? It felt like a fantasy. The most awesome fantasy imaginable.

I had been freshening up in the bathroom after Kyle did, so he was in bed before me. I came into the bedroom wearing nothing but boxers, feeling sleepy and running a comb through my messy hair. Kyle was laying beneath the covers looking extremely comfy, - no way I couldn't join him.

I slipped beneath the cozy, cozy sheets and wrapped my arms around Kyle's waist. He was wearing only as much as I was. I pressed my chest against his back and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

'How are you feeling?' I asked, kissing his neck repetitively. Kyle grunted a little and turned his head to meet mine. Our lips locked for a brief moment.

'Good.' He said cutely.

I hesitated to slip him the tongue. It was something I still hadn't done, and for some reason didn't feel totally comfortable doing. I didn't seem like he was too wanton for it, anyway.

'That's good.' I said, between warm kisses.

Kyle turned around so that our bodies were facing each other.

'So what are we going to do?' He asked curiously. I shrugged.

'Go to sleep, I guess? How long are your parents out of town?'

'They're coming back Tuesday morning.' It was currently Sunday night.

'That's good, that's good. So I can stay another night, yeah?' I kissed him again.

'Of course.' He kissed back.

'See you tomorrow.'

'Mrow.' He growled out between his teeth.

We cuddled in close to each other, then slowly drifted off into the best sleep either of us had ever had.

I woke up around seven, which was really early for me and, last time I checked, was pretty early for Kyle. He wasn't facing me anymore, so we had probably been spooning most of the night. I felt warm inside.

My right arm was snuggly around Kyle's waist, and I gently stroked his chest and stomach area up and down. He was still fast asleep. I sat up a little and looked over at his face; his mouth was a pink pitcher, open slightly and bowed ever so precisely. My left hand came up and stroked his cheek. Kyle flinched at first, then turned to face me. I laid back down so that we were facing each other perfectly.

I waited. I didn't want to wake him up or anything. But even while he was asleep he was the most perfect angel ever. His luscious red curls were messy with sleep, making a soft frame around his porcelain face. He let out sleepy breaths; loud and deep, yet tender and sweet.

For about an hour I was awake before he was, off and on. Around eight thirty we woke up, while we were still facing each other. He jumped a little, then opened his eyes slowly.

'Good morning honey.' I whispered. He answered with an angelic smile. 'How are you doing?' I asked, followed up with a kiss on his brow. He giggled.

'I'm goooood.' And with that he slipped beneath the covers and down to my waist.

'WOAH!' I yelped out. 'Hold oooonnn!' My face illuminated as I tried to get the sprightly little devil away from me. Here I was trying to think when it was safe for me to slip him the tongue, while he…well…

'Have you done this before?' I asked between gasps. I felt Kyle shake his head no. 'Dang.' I answered. ''Cause you're…you're pretty good dude.'

'Have you ever been done this to before?' He asked after a little while.

'No.'

'Then you can't compare. I might be terrible.'

'If I feel good, then you're doing a good job. But could you come here?'

Kyle popped up from the covers.

'Yus?'

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him up next to me.

'I'd rather be seeing your face, you know.' I said as I nuzzled against his cheek. 'You look really cute in the morning light.'

Kyle loved attention. Being the older of two siblings, his glory days had come and gone from his childhood. I was really the closest thing he ever had to a 'relationship,' reflecting upon our previous years together.

I ran my fingers through his silky soft curls. He sighed, closed his eyes and kissed me.

'You're so sweet.' He told me between kisses.

'You are, too.' I said. 'But I think it's about time we get up.'

'Yeah.'

School was hard; trying to keep our ever burning love under wraps was an incredibly difficult task. We didn't tell any of our friends, (especially Cartman) just because it was too dangerous.

I was old enough to drive to school finally, and every Friday me and Kyle would go out together for a while. It was a personal, quiet little time. We'd go out for 'a little drive,' and then end up stopping some where to chat and make out.

The bell rang, and I quickly grabbed up my bag and headed out of the classroom to meet up with Kyle down the hall. A bunch of my droning classmates crowded in the small doorway out of the science class. A load of cows! They don't even know what they're doing, where they're headed in life. At least I had Kyle's bright little face to look forward to,- a driving passion deep within my heart.

Kyle was already by the main entrance to our High School. I walked up to him and acted naturally.

'Hey, how you doing?' I asked with a nod and a sparkle in my eye. Kyle tried to hold back a great big hug.

'I-I'm good. Yeah.' He replied shyly.

I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, 'Can't even wait a couple minutes can you?' Kyle shook his head and bit his lip. 'No. But I will. Hurts though.' I patted him on the shoulder, and his cheeks got a little rosier.

We got into my Chevy Blazer and turned on the music loud so that nobody could hear us talking.

'I really love you.' Kyle said during the chorus of the song playing. (Ti soglasna, ti soglasna, ti soglasna…) I grabbed his little pale hand down by the gear shift so nobody could really see.

'I love you, too.' I said. 'Let's go somewhere more private. Where you wanna head off to?'

'Mmmeeh,' Kyle hesitated a bit. 'The parking lot?'

There was an underground parking lot by the local Safeway. There was a wing of it where people only parked on the weekends occasionally. Every couple days me and Kyle would go there and sit in the darkness with the radio on loud.

I pulled into a little corner space and turned the car engine off.

'Do you want to sit in the backseat?' I asked my radiant little angel. He nodded, and we scampered over the seats and into the back. I pulled Kyle onto my lap and kissed him softly. His palms were on both sides of my face, releasing a slight pressure that kept my lips on his.

At this point I still hadn't really used a lot of tongue in our kisses. A little bit a couple times, but I had never really stuck it in. But that changed soon enough.

Kyle let out a long whiney sound as a slowly slipped my tongue between his lips. His hands tensed and ran through my hair.

'You alright?' I asked him after a couple minutes of frenching. His movements were getting increasingly lusty.

'Y-yeah. I'm fine.' He eagerly started to kiss me again.

I slipped my hands down his back and onto his round little rump. I squeezed at his cheeks softly and he jumped, putting his body closer to mine.

We lost track of time, and somebody knocked on the window. I let out a yelp of surprise and looked out the tinted window. It was Kenny.

'Stan?' I heard him ask from the other side of the glass. 'Who else is that?'

Kyle hid his face in the crook of my neck. Kenny signaled to put the window down, cigarette in his hand. I rolled down a couple inches of glass.

'Stan is that Kyle?!' Kenny asked, happy and astonished.

'Mmmaybe.' Kyle mumbled against my neck.

'That's really cute.' Kenny said after taking a drag on his cigarette.

'You can't fucking tell Cartman.' I said. 'I don't know what the hell I would do if you did.'

'Eh it's cool. I won't.' Kenny said. He reached into the car and put the window down all the way. 'Are you listening to t.A.T.u.?'

'Maybe.' I whispered.

'Uh. Okay.' He blew smoke into my car, and knocked some ash in as well. Nobody would notice though, since I did enough smoking in that car, too. Kyle didn't like to kiss me after I had been inhaling though, so I didn't do it around him a lot. His parents would probably freak out if he came home smelling like carbon anyway.

'As long as you guys don't start walking around in matching school girl outfits I'm fine with it.'

Kyle turned his head to look at Kenny. 'Matching school girl outfits?' He asked. 'That would be kinda cute.'

Kenny rolled his eyes. 'Sure. Anyway, I'll be seeing you lovers around.'