I wrote this story on a whim. I hope that it is okay.
Summary: Obi-Wan is injured because of Anakin's mistake. As he sits in the Healers' Wing watching his mentor sleep, he reflects on their relationship, the mission and his flaws. NON SLASH.
Disclaimer: STAR WARS belongs to the amazing and most brilliant George Lucas. I own nothing. sob.
The title, the last sentence and the idea for this story I uh, borrowed from another anonymous author. Sorry.
The Wait
The Healers' Wing smells of disinfectant. It is a cold, harsh, final sort of smell. It smells of the antiseptic that my mom once put on my hand to clean the scrape I got from repairing my podracer after Sebulba smashed it. It is the smell of losing, of loss. I hate it.
If Master Obi-Wan were to know that he'll sigh, give me a patient yet exasperated look and tell me what I heard years back in the Council Chamber; Jedi do not hate. Hate leads to the dark side. I know. But I have every right to hate it. It is the smell of the Healers' Wing. And being in the Healers' Wing always means something has gone wrong…
That is why we are here. That's why Obi-Wan is not sighing, giving me a patient yet exasperated look and berating me for my dark feelings. Because something went wrong. And it is entirely my fault.
I am not a patient person. Obi-Wan is always trying to impress upon me the virtues of patience but so far, he has not really succeeded in doing so. I'm the kind of person who wants to make things happen instead of waiting for something to happen. It's hard, just waiting and being patient…like now.
Obi-Wan's injured and it is all my fault. I wasn't patient. I did not wait. It was supposed to be a simple mission, a break from all those difficult extended missions we've been going on the past few months. We were assigned to protect some senator on his way back to his home planet on the Mid-Rim. Wealth always attracts scum. And this senator was wealthy, so scum came. The pirate leader we were up against deserved everything he had coming to him. I couldn't wait. Obi-Wan tried to stop me, telling me to wait, to be patient, that "we'll do this together". I didn't listen.
Obi-Wan looks different when he's asleep. Less stern, less intense and less…well, Masterish. You can almost imagine how he was like when he was a boy when he sleeps. I bet he was just as impatient as I am now. It's hard to imagine Master Obi-Wan was ever a youngling when he's awake. He just so…it's hard to describe. He frowns and gets exasperated when I do something wrong, but he never gets angry. He is so patient. Especially with me. Unlike Watto, who sometimes beat me when I was to slow to do something. Obi-Wan never beats me. He doesn't even yell. It is strange sometimes, but if I had been just as patient as he is we would not be here right now.
I ran ahead. That pirate was all mine and he was going to regret his choice of career that day. He was smart though, well equipped and making good use of his surroundings to shield him from the blaster bolts I deflected back at him. He was crouching behind a partition, grinning as though nothing in the galaxy could touch him. I wanted to prove him wrong.
I can still hear Obi-Wan's voice in my head; calling through the bond we share to wait, to be careful. I did not listen. I just dashed ahead, ignoring everything else around me. I never noticed the blaster bolt a Togorian lackey shot at me from behind. I only saw it when it was already to late, when Obi-Wan pushed me out of the way and when it sank into his chest. He did not yell or shout or make even a tiny noise. He just closed his eyes, as though he had fallen asleep. I screamed.
When he wakes up there will be no trace of the injury. Bacta erases all scars, the only scars that will remain will be those imprinted on the mind, in memory. But knowing Obi-Wan, he'll just walk away from it, get up and go on with his life. Like the ultimate Jedi that he is, he'll just let go of the past. I can't. I can't let go of this knowing that my mistake has almost cost me the life of someone I hold dear. This is why I will take a lesson from this.
Maybe I should not hate the smell of disinfectant. Maybe I should inhale it and remember its sickening aroma, so that it will always remind me of this. It will remind me of patience. It is hard to just sit here and wait, inhaling the smell of loss, of losing and of patience. Sometimes I feel like grabbing Obi-Wan by the shoulders, shaking him awake, wanting to hear his voice again. It is so ironic that I once wished for chronic deafness, now I miss even his lectures. But I want to be here when he wakes up, I want to apologise and show him that I have learned. It is hard, and I am not patient but I will wait anyway.
END
Please read and review. Constructive criticism is welcomed with open arms. For those who are currently following my Master and Padawan story, the next chapter might be up, uh...from around next week to next month. Sorry. For those who have not yet read that story, check it out and review.
May the Force be with you, always.