'The Stars in Your Hand ...'

Chapter One - Schism

"One world, one dream, the stars in your hand ..."

8 months earlier ...

The warmth of him enveloped her in an entirely new way. There was a softness in his touch, despite the fierceness of the hug, that she'd never felt before. It was comforting, given the fact that her whole world had just been turned upside down.

He pulled away slightly to reach up and cup her face.

"A baby. We're having a baby," he said tenderly, leaning down to capture her lips softly. "It's a miracle."

She smiled, butterflies taking over her stomach in full force. A baby ... a baby! The doc had told them there was next to no chance they could ever conceive a child. The cylons had screwed with her reproductive system in ways Cottle couldn't even begin to describe and in consequence her hormones were frakked beyond repair. Given the current state of humanity, hormone therapy was out of the question as well. Sam too, had lived nearly a year on a radioactive planet, surviving only thanks to repeated shots of anti-radiation meds which weren't designed to work long-term. He'd never been tested but Cottle had surmised there was about a ninety-nine percent chance he was sterile.

Given those odds, she'd assumed it was never going to be an issue and wasn't emotionally prepared to hear the news. She knew it made Sam happy beyond belief - he hadn't said it openly, but he'd talked so wistfully of the siblings he missed that reading between the lines had been easy - he wanted a family.

He pulled her close and squeezed again.

"Hey, easy there," she said, giving him a gentle shove. "Don't squish the baby."

"Sorry." He grinned sheepishly and let go, leaving an arm across her shoulders instead.

"First checkup in two weeks. In the meanwhile, try to rest and listen to your body. It tells you it doesn't like what you're doing, quit whatever it is."

Kara nodded at Cottle.

"And I shouldn't have to tell you that alcohol and tobacco are forbidden substances."

"I know," she said, giving him a resigned sigh. "I may not have done this before but I do know a few things."

"Glad to hear it," Cottle said gruffly. "Now get out of here. I've got work to do."

Sam's arm rested across her shoulder heavily as they walked the corridors back to their quarters. After a few moments Sam stopped her and spun her around to face him.

"Okay, talk to me," he said, not forcefully, but with definite authority.

She looked up at him, expression inscrutable.

"You're scared," he offered.

Their eyes met and she remembered her promise to be more open and honest with him.

"Yeah, I'm scared." She shook her head and stared at the wall behind him. "I never thought ..."

"Neither did I, but it's great news!"

She smiled weakly.

He rested his hands on her shoulders. "There's nothing to be scared of Kara. I'm here, you're not alone."

"I know." She didn't sound convinced.

Sam studied her eyes for a moment. "I know you've never told me anything about your past but I get the feeling you had a less than happy childhood."

She looked away uncomfortably. "You could say that," she said softly.

He cupped her face and tilted it up to look at him. "We don't have to repeat the mistakes your family made Kara. You aren't your mother and I'm not your father and I promise you we will do things differently. This child is special - our miracle child. The one neither of us thought we could ever have."

She smiled weakly again. "I know it will be better Sam. It's just ... the thought of being a mother? It was never in the plan for my life and I'm just not sure how good a mother I can be."

He kissed the top of her head and pulled her in for a hug. "The fact that you're worried means you're going to be great. At least you care enough to be scared."

Her heart beat painfully still but the words did have some truth in them. Her mother had never given a frak about anyone other than herself. At least Kara cared enough not to want to repeat the past.

"I'm here. I'll always be here. You know that right?" he whispered into her hair.

She nodded, close to tears.

He gave her one more quick squeeze and they continued on.

XXX

"A baby." The dizziness washed over him like a tidal wave. He blinked several times and willed the world to stop spinning.

"That's great Kara. I'm happy for you."

She searched his eyes, deep blue as always, but they gave her nothing. Either he really didn't care anymore or Lee Adama had learned to lie with his eyes as well as his mouth.

She gave him a mild smile. "Well is was a bit of a surprise but I'm sure I'll get used to the idea."

Lee's eyes widened slightly. "I take it it wasn't planned?"

She gave him a mock glare.

He shrugged. "I never really saw you with kids either but you never know, things change."

"Yeah, they do," she said softly, eyes clouding over.

Lee felt the tug at his heartstrings again and bit his lip, hoping the pain would allow him to regain control of his feelings. He and Kara were not meant to be - he'd made the decision to stick with Dee despite being torn between them, but every so often ... when that vulnerable look crossed her face ... his heart grew traitorous and wished he'd made the other choice. Now more than ever - a purely alpha male part of him somewhere deep inside wanted to be the man whose child she was carrying.

"I'm sure you'll be fine," he said, forcing joviality into his tone. "You've got each other after all."

She tilted her chip up and smiled defiantly at him. "Yes. We do."

He stepped forward awkwardly and pulled her into a hug. "Good luck Kara."

"Thanks," she whispered, hugging back. She bit back the shudder her body always involuntarily gave when the magnetism between them shot electricity up and down her body.

"I'm glad you're getting this opportunity."

She knew he was referring to what the cylons had done to her at the Farm on Caprica. She hadn't expected to hear the longing in his voice as he spoke though.

"Maybe you and Dee should have a family too," she suggested as they pulled out of the hug.

"She doesn't want kids." His voice hardened as the impersonal 'Apollo' mask dropped over his face, hiding the emotions he'd let slip out.

"Oh."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Listen, I have to get back to work," he said, stepping backwards.

"Yeah, me too. I just figured I'd tell you the news before the grapevine gets a hold of it and it comes out unrecognizable." She smiled tightly.

"Thanks. I'll see you later." He smiled briefly before exiting the room.

She stood there, heart heavy, feeling like she'd just been handed a death sentence. I wish Lee was the father. The thought crossed her mind before she could stop it. She and Lee were through - he'd made that pretty clear a month earlier and while she hadn't been happy about the decision, she'd accepted it and turned to Sam. He'd taken her back, thankfully, and they'd resolved to forgive and forget and move forward, doing their best to make their marriage work. It was working and Kara was relatively happy, even in the knowledge that Lee and Dee were working at their marriage as well and seemingly happier than they'd ever been together. Maybe she and Lee just weren't meant to be - were a few moments of happiness and ecstasy worth all the pain and heartache? No, Lee had been right to end the cycle of pain they were caught up in. It was better this way.

But every now and again her heart begged to differ ...

XXX

"Do you think it will work out this time?" she asked.

"I hope so. But she's a stubborn one," the second voice answered. "Sometimes it's like she knows exactly what her destiny is and she screws it up on purpose so we'll have to start all over again."

"She's just not ready to accept her destiny yet. One day it will come," a third voice said wisely.

The other two nodded in deference.

"And in the meanwhile?"

"We leave them to muddle through," the wise voice answered softly. "We can only interfere when it's time."

"Of course. I just wish ..."

The wise one's head inclined curiously.

"it's just frustrating watching it play out time and again. Can't we knock some sense into them? Or at least point them along the road they're supposed to go?"

"My children have been given the privilege of choice for a reason. They must determine the right course of action for themselves."

"Can't we help? Just a little?" the first voice asked.

"We have. They have guides to help them find the way."

"Yes, but those guides are just as lost and confused as the rest."

The wise one smiled. "They have it within themselves to find the truth. They merely need to look."

XXX

Present time ...

"It's a girl."

Kara brushed a hand across her sweaty forehead as she panted in relief.

"A girl," she repeated breathlessly, the smallest of smiles beginning on her lips.

"We have a daughter," Sam said softly, blue eyes filled with tears.

Cottle wrapped the baby in a towel and handed her to Kara, who took her shyly, a look of awe mixed with fear enveloping her face.

"You did good Captain," he said gently, giving her shoulder a pat. "You three enjoy the moment while I finish things up." He returned down to the bottom of the bed and began to clean up.

Kara's eyes met Sam's, both glistening with tears.

"I'm so proud of you. You did it," Sam whispered. "We have a daughter. A little baby girl." As he spoke, he stuck a finger against the baby's hand and she gripped it against her palm tightly, as if afraid to let go.

"Welcome to the world Clea," he whispered, marveling at her bright, blue eyes.

"Clea. That's a pretty name," Cottle remarked as he worked. "Where did you come up with it?"

Kara shrugged. "I don't know. It just came to me in a dream."

TBC