Chapter 11: What I Choose To Give
"I'm impressed."
By the time Mal and Inara's shuttle reached Serenity, River and Jayne's was already there. Even as Inara docked, a half-dozen Cry-Babies were ejected from the airlock, rewired to simulate Serenity's navsat trajectory instead of that of a passenger ship or a personnel-carrier. By the time the shuttle door was open, Wash was already accelerating away from Worthington.
Approximately three minutes later, everyone was back in the infirmary, this time to examine the unconscious Operative. Mal was wondering what to say first, who to say it to, and whether or not to shout it. Simon was prodding at the side of the Operative's head, looking at his scan things and making doctorly noises. "This really is quite impressive," he said again. "Very nice, Jayne."
Jayne shrugged, looking pleased. "Hittin' folk is one of my best things."
"And a skilled and delicate hobby it is," Wash said, smirking.
"Actually, it is. This is very precise work." Simon lifted one of the Operative's eyelids. "Jayne, how long would you say he should be unconscious from the time you struck him?"
"About an hour. Forty-five minutes, if his head's harder'n usual. Why? Can't your scans and stuff tell you?"
"Oh, yes. I just wondered if you knew." Simon actually smiled at Jayne. "You're right on the money, by the way. He'll be out for about another half-hour and he'll have a concussion, but not a serious one, and would recover completely without medical supervision. You hit him exactly hard enough to render him unconscious without damaging anything important."
Jayne smirked at Wash, whose mouth was slightly open. "Any moron can hit someone on the head," he said loftily. "But knowin' how long they'll be out and if their brains'll be scrambled when they wake up, that's harder."
"Lockin' this one in the store-room isn't going to be enough, though... 'specially since it wasn't enough even for one bitty crazy person." Mal glared at River. "I told you to stay in there, young lady."
"The tiger would have eaten you," River said, sidling behind Jayne and peeking out at Mal.
"He would not. I coulda taken - "
"No. You couldn't." River wrapped her hands around Jayne's arm and glared at the man on the exam bed. Who had acquired several new claw-marks on the trip back, by the look of him. "He has been broken and remade into the shape of a man, but he is a tool."
"Like you, you mean?" Jayne looked down at her sharply. "Broken up and... changed, inside?"
River made a dismissive noise. "Lower level. Inadequate to true challenges. Needed special ones, young ones, to be the best."
"So he's a lesser version of what you woulda been if Simon hadn't saved you?" Today was not Mal's day for good news. "So how do we keep him from killin' us all in our sleep?"
"I think I can help with that." Simon examined the body thoughtfully. "His metabolism has been improved, but I can put in a chemical block to immobilise him at least temporarily." He grinned suddenly. "Jayne can tell you how effective that is."
Jayne scowled. "Couldn't move a gorram finger for over an hour. And my spine was fine, you was just mad at me."
"Well, yes. I was." Simon's grin widened. "Long-term usage can cause physical deterioration, but I can keep it up for a couple of weeks without doing him any harm. No matter how good he is, he does need to be able to move to kill us, right?"
"Yes." River seemed to suddenly realize she was clinging onto Jayne, and she drew away hastily to go put her arms around Inara's waist. "Are you all right? Did he frighten you?"
"Not nearly as much as you frightened me," Inara said, drawing River's head down on her shoulder. "Don't you ever do something like that again, River, not ever. What if he'd taken you away?"
"He would have killed me to keep the secret," River said simply. "He didn't want to hurt me or Simon. No pain, no needles. Just the sword, and then nothing. He's not like Early. He doesn't like to hurt people." Her face twisted. "He just obeys orders."
Mal recognized that disdain, and knew his face was mirroring hers. He had seen too many atrocities committed in the name of just-following-orders, and he did not hold with it. Never had, which was why he'd ended the war a mere sergeant, albeit one who'd commanded thousands. "We'll chain him up as well, just in case that boosted metabolism is more use to him than the doc thinks. Jayne, Zoe... between you I imagine you know just about every trick there is to tying a man up so he stays tied."
"We'll see to it, sir." Zoe looked uneasy. "Sir, are you sure it was a good idea bringing him on board?"
"Wasn't consulted." Mal gave River a pointed look. "River, would you care to share with us why we're keepin' your little friend here?"
"When the snake's head is in a box, the snake can't see where the mice run."
Damn. She was gone again. She'd been pretty coherent for a minute there. "Jayne? Did you get that?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah. He was the one in charge," Jayne said, looking up suddenly as if his mind had been a long way away. He'd been staring at River, who was not looking at him in a rather obvious way. "All the others got told to do as he said, no matter what, and don't ask no questions. With him dead, they'd have to wait for new orders. With him missin', they won't know what's going on or if they're even allowed tell anyone he ain't there on account of maybe that counts as asking questions. It won't last forever, but it should buy us a day or two. And ain't any of them authorized to give a kill order, so the school should be safe enough."
Mal stared at him. Everyone else was doing the same. "You got all that from 'the snake's head is in a box'?"
"Nah, she explained it to me on the way down. She wanted to make sure I knew what the plan was in case she had another crazy fit and lost it." Jayne shrugged. "An' before you ask, Mal, I know you said she wasn't s'posed to get let out, let alone let run off down to the planet. But she said as he'd kill you an' Inara if she didn't show up, and crazy or not she's usually right about stuff like that."
Well, that had just shot Mal's righteous indignation right in the foot. "Well... yeah, she is at that. But her judgement maybe ain't the best right now."
"Looks fine to me." Jayne shrugged. "We ain't dead, we got a hostage, and as soon's he wakes up I'll commence to making him talk."
Mal nodded. He doubted Jayne would get much out of the Operative, but Mal had no objection to letting him try. If nothing else, it would keep the Operative's mind occupied with things not River, which was all to the good. "All right. Simon, dope him up, then hand him over to Zoe and Jayne. Wash, get us back to Haven. I feel powerfully in need of guidance on this, and Book knows more about this than he's told us yet. Kaylee, go give the engines a little extra love - this is not the time for anything else to go wrong, dong ma?"
"Xie xie, Cap'n." Kaylee looked scared.
He looped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed gently. "It'll be fine, Kaylee, if we all just do our parts in this."
"I hope so, Cap'n," she whispered. "You won't let nobody take River and Simon away, will you?"
"No. Nobody's takin' River and Simon away." Mal turned to River, who allowed herself to be pulled away from Inara and drawn to stand in front of him. "Young lady, if you ever, and I mean ever pull a stunt like that again I will personally put you over my knee, do you understand me?"
She nodded, looking up at him through the hair falling over her face. "Wu dong."
He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly, dropping a kiss on the top of her head the way he sometimes did with Kaylee. River stiffened for a second, and then she snuggled up to him, resting her head on his chest with a little sigh. "That's my good girl," Mal said softly. "You shoulda told me sooner."
"She wasn't sure she was wanted," River said, muffled by his shirt.
"Yeah, well, brains obviously ain't everything." Mal seriously considered just staying there for a while. River was tiny and warm and making all sorts of hitherto unknown protective feelings slosh around in his chest. It felt good.
Everyone was staring, though, so he gave her one more squeeze and set her back from him a little, taking hold of her shoulders. "I'm still the captain, and you're to mind me, adoptin' or no, you understand?"
River smiled a brilliant, almost-sane smile for a moment. "Yes, Captain Daddy."
"And don't you call me that. Sounds silly." Mal returned her smile. "Now, will you be a good girl if I let you roam loose?"
She nodded. "Will try. Still crazy."
"Well, we're all used to that." Mal smoothed her hair back gently. Like most of his decisions this had been two-thirds impulse, but he had a good feeling about it. "No weapons for you 'til you're more settled, though."
"Uh..." Wash, naturally, couldn't keep his mout shut for long. "Mal? Did something happen on the planet the rest of us should maybe know about?"
Mal looked around and grinned. Simon's mouth was hanging open. So was Zoe's, and he hadn't ever seen that happen before. Wash was all creased up with bewilderment, and Kaylee looked puzzled but she was smiling. Inara was tearing up again, but she gave him a smile that warmed him all the way down to his toes, and Jayne...
Mal frowned. Jayne had a blank look on his face that Mal would have sworn was simple bewilderment if he hadn't seen Jayne pull it on like a mask over an entirely different emotion once before. That was... strange.
"I explained to the tiger about the Captain bringing me to life inside Serenity and looking after me," River said very seriously. "Made a new River out of the broken bits, with a new family."
"Oh..." Kaylee sniffled. "If that ain't the sweetest thing I ever heard..."
There was some general fussing and cooing, which Mal ignored in favour of basking in Inara's tender, approving smile. He wasn't so far gone, though, to not notice that Jayne sneaked off almost immediately and Simon looked significantly less than pleased.
Jayne's heart was still pounding as he climbed down the ladder into his bunk, locking the door behind him.
It'd hardly sped up when he and River had stolen the shuttle and flown down to the school. His pulse-rate had upped only a little when he crept silently towards the door, trusting River to have the man in place.
Then he'd seen another man take River in his arms, kiss her hair and hold her as if she belonged to him, and blood had roared in Jayne's ears and he'd had to fight down the sudden need to wrap his hands around Mal's neck and squeeze until it snapped. His fingers had been tightening into fists when River had called Mal 'Captain Daddy' and the roaring had suddenly gone away. It seemed a little odd, Mal suddenly coming over all paternal, but he'd always been somewhat that way with Kaylee and Jayne was no stranger to the fact that River made weird feelings happen.
He sat down on his bunk, looking around aimlessly. What shook him was the possessive rage that had siezed hold of him. He'd been nineteen the last time he'd got possessive over a woman - and that'd ended with her laughing in his face, so he hadn't been too inclined to try it again. But River...
Well, she wouldn't laugh. There was that.
Jayne lay back on his bed, folding one arm under his head and resting the other hand on his gun rack as he stared at the ceiling. Introspection didn't come easy to him and he liked to be comfortable if he was going to try it.
Book had unsettled him with all that talk about responsibility and all. He'd had his fill of taking care of people, especially those should by rights be taken care of by someone else. The thought of being responsible for vulnerable, damaged River had scared the crap out of him and he'd seriously considered just ditching them all and heading for the nearest simple, brain-not-required merc job he could find.
He could still do that. Head off, get himself settled into his comfortable rut again, let River and Simon and the rest of Serenity take care of themselves. She'd forget about him in time, move on, meet some nice guy young enough to -
Jayne felt his teeth clench and his hands tighten into fists. Just the thought of some stupid-ass young punk handling his River, probably not understanding her or knowing how to calm her down, maybe even scaring her or hurting her because he didn't understand...
Okay. That was a problem. A definite crimp in the old free-and-unencumbered. He couldn't stand the thought of anyone else being with River, and if he went off and left he'd always be worrying about it and he wouldn't have a leg to stand on if he came back and wanted to start interfering.
Now that he thought on it in those terms, the whole looking-after-River thing wasn't so bad. He always protected what was his. Vera, for example. He couldn't exactly put River on the gun-rack and lock her in for safekeeping, but she needed the same careful handling and understanding so as not to accidentally kill people...
And he understood that part. He knew how to handle River, most of the time. She still had her flummoxing moments, but even then he just had to take the time to work out what she was trying to get at.
Most women went out the other side of mysterious to just plain inexplicable. A man could do the same thing two times running and get completely different reactions both times. Sometimes they wanted one thing, and sometimes they wanted completely the opposite thing, and they wouldn't never tell what they wanted, a man had to try to guess and he almost always got it wrong and then they got mad.
River wasn't like that. She tried to tell him things, even when it was a struggle for her. She never fussed because he didn't magically know how she was feeling - hell, even she didn't know a lot of the time. And she didn't always want to talk, either... lots of times she'd just come and sit by him quiet-like, maybe lean up against his shoulder or help polish his girls, and not say a word. And if she did, well, these days he could usually puzzle out what she was getting at.
He understood her. He knew how to calm her down when she got scared, or get her to focus when she needed to, or make her laugh when she was cranky. He knew the things that upset her and he knew the things that made her happy and she didn't go changing them on him just to be vexing.
Jayne scowled, resting his forearm across his head, which was starting to ache. He really preferred just relying on his instincts for complicated stuff, but his instincts were seriously confused at this point. He was just going to have to work it out the hard way.
Okay. He understood River, and he liked being around her. He had before the whole dream thing started, so he figured he could leave it as a given. She was... comfortable to be with.
And he had certain feelings for her now that might be considered romantical by someone less clear on Jayne Cobb's opinion of romance in general and romance for him in specific. Had he found himself behaving like Simon or Mal, all moony and stupid and wussy, he'd have had to shoot himself on account of not being able to stand it. Wash... well, Wash wasn't so bad. Dopey, but he sparked plenty at Zoe and they both seemed to like a good argument now and then.
But Jayne was fair sure what he felt about River wasn't the same. He didn't feel any particular urge to moon, nor to make a fool of himself for her benefit... and he definitely didn't have any urge to planning weddings or brats. Hell no. He wanted no part of that notion, on account of all it seemed to do was make people poor, miserable, or both.
He frowned, rolling onto his stomach and resting his forehead on the soft, soothing pillow. What did he want, then?
Well, besides sex.
He'd like to fight beside her some more, that part was easy. Aside from her tendency to finish things too fast, River had a mighty taking way of swinging a broken bottle or shooting a man in the neck. Jayne liked fighting, and River was good at it, and between them he figured they could cut a swathe through any bar or gang of outlaws this side of the 'verse. It'd be fun, too.
He liked just having her around, too. Just sitting doing not much, or working out, or talking about things. River wasn't always hounding him to talk about feelings or the future or anything girly like that - they talked about interesting stuff like fishing and crime and sometimes things that Jayne didn't even know what they were talking about until after it was over. And it was nice when they didn't talk too. He liked quiet, and River could be very quiet indeed when she wasn't in a talky mood.
He fell asleep around then, still puzzling at what exactly he did want with River, and what to call it when he figured out what it was.
"You're bothered by the nature of reality," River said, catching Simon's hand as he tucked her into bed. It was hard to concentrate on Simon just now, but she made the effort. "It has altered when you weren't expecting it and now the ground is uncertain."
Simon sighed. "It's not... Inara explained to me what you said to the captain, and I can understand how you'd feel that way about it, but..."
"That's what happened. He made me come to life inside Serenity. It's an acceptable parallel." River frowned. "Sometimes life makes metaphors of us all."
"He's not... what you think he is, River. He's just... not." Simon made a helpless, unhappy face that would have looked blank to anyone else. "I know you want to be part of the crew. Part of the family. But metaphors aren't reality."
"Too late to argue. Agreement has been made." River snuggled down, still holding his hand. "I have replaced the inadequate and absent familial portion, and we will function better now."
"We? River, there is no we. He may have gone temporarily insane and adopted you, but - "
"You and I are a unit. Paired." River twined her fingers with his. "You are strong and stone-faced and direct. I walk only on the black squares, sliding in from the side."
That made him smile a little bit. "If I'm a castle and you're a bishop... I assume Mal's the king. Does that make Inara the queen?"
River shook her head. "Zoe. Goes everywhere, does everything, can take any piece."
Simon nodded. "Then what's Inara?"
"Knight. Hooked movement, comes in unexpectedly from nowhere."
"I can see that. What about Wash and Kaylee?" He smiled, comforted by his brief understanding of what she was trying to say. She hoped she would remember that chess metaphors worked on Simon.
"Wash is you, on the other side. Solid and forthright, moving in straight lines. Kaylee only walks in the light."
"So Wash and I are the castles, you and Kaylee are the bishops... does that make Jayne the other knight?"
River shook her head. "Jayne is the pawn," she said seriously. "He starts slowly and doesn't move far at first, but his potential is limited only by the journey he must make to reach it."
"You've always thought there was more to him than I have." Simon stroked her hair back from her forehead. "Does it help? Replacing them, I mean."
She knew what he meant. "They left me there. They didn't come to find me. They're supposed to, but they didn't."
"I know." Simon hurt inside, because they hadn't come to find him, either.
"Captain Daddy takes care of us. He came to find us, when the fire tried to eat us." River touched Simon's cheek. "Serenity holds us and keeps us alive, carries us to where we need to be. They're better than the others. New lives for old, don't polish them up, just give them to the peddler."
"But then all the magic goes away," Simon said quietly, kissing the tips of her fingers. "The old lamp gets taken away and all the wonders go with it."
River shook her head. Simon had never understood the point of that story. "Not all. Even when the magic and the treasure all go, the princess's heart is not lost. Love stays."
Some of Simon's rumples smoothed out, and a faint pink warmed his worried smell. "I wish I could get the lamp back for you, anyway."
River nodded. "But we'll get by. We'll burn candles and be happy."
"We will." He kissed her forehead, smiling sadly. "Sleep well."
She didn't. She never did now that she couldn't hide any more.
"Mal, you want to maybe talk about this a little more?" Wash rested his elbows on the table. "Now that the people we want to talk about aren't here?"
Jayne was in his bunk - presumably, anyway, Wash hadn't actually checked. Simon was putting River to bed, and Inara was soothing Simon. That left the four senior-most members of the crew, three of them sitting around the table and watching their fourth and captain.
Mal was starting to sweat. "About what?"
That was Mal. Always trying to bluff even when he wasn't holding any cards, holding any weapons, and on one memorable occasion, wearing any clothes. "About you becoming a father since this morning?"
"I'm more than a little curious myself." Zoe didn't sound curious, to Wash's trained ear. She sounded pissed.
Mal clearly picked up on it too, his eyebrows going up. "I get the vague impression, Zoe, that you're less than ecstatic about my joyful new addition to our little family."
"You could say that."
She hadn't said 'sir'. Wash looked at her with some concern. Zoe was unhappy, and that was never good for anyone.
"You recall, I'm sure, the speech I used to trot out at regular intervals back when what my men did on leave warranted it. The one about responsibility, and the nature of life, and - "
"And how it takes two minutes to create a life and the rest of yours to take care of it. I recall." Zoe frowned slightly. "Difference bein' here that you didn't bring River into this world."
Mal leaned forward a little, and Wash shushed Kaylee when she opened her mouth to speak. This was... well, there were times when Mal and Zoe had to deal with something between themselves. He'd learned that the hard way.
"Way she sees it, Zoe, I did," Mal said, quiet and serious. "I opened that cryo box, which is about as close to bringin' someone to life that anyone ain't a doctor can do. She thinks on Serenity as her mother, and me as her father, and I can't argue that we've been doing better on protectin' her than her own folks did. It makes her happy."
"But it ain't so." Zoe scowled, but she looked upset underneath it. "You know it ain't. You do these things on impulse, Mal, and folks get hurt because of it."
"Sometimes they do." Mal's jaw tightened. "But impulse or not, Zoe, it's done, and I don't for a moment regret giving that child what comfort it's in me to provide while I can."
Wash's throat tightened. Mal was talking about River as if she might die at any moment, and it scared Wash badly that he couldn't muster any surprise at the idea.
Zoe looked down at the table, picking at a scratch in the wood with her fingernail. "So that's why you're doin' this? Because it's what she wants and you figure it won't be long?"
"No." Mal looked away too, but Wash caught the pained look in his eyes. "It's because I meant that speech, Zoe, every time I gave it. You give somethin' life, then you owe a debt to it that you can't ever pay in full. I acted on impulse when I opened that crate, when I pulled her out of her sleep and into our ship and our lives, and now it's on me to do what I know to be right."
"Why?" Zoe looked at Mal, still frowning. "You've always leaned hard on this, Mal, for as long as I've known you. But not this hard. You just opened a crate, you didn't - "
"Don't take but a careless minute to become a father, and that I know for a fact. Wouldn't be sittin' in this chair if it weren't so." Mal swallowed hard, not looking anyone in the eye. "I can't... I won't be that way, Zoe. I won't turn my back on a child who looks to me to protect her."
Zoe softened, all at once, and reached over to squeeze Mal's arm lightly. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't understand."
"Don't like to talk about it." Mal cleared his throat. "Man has to do what's right, is all."
"Speaking of which..." Mal and Zoe both looked at Wash like they'd forgotten he was in the room, and Wash shrugged. "What about Simon?"
Mal blinked. "Simon?"
"You know... Simon Tam? River's brother? The nice, prissy kid who gave up wealth, fame and family to protect her?" Wash resisted the urge to roll his eyes. As usual, Mal hadn't thought things through at all. "I can't imagine he's happy to have her adopted out from under him."
"Wash has a point." Kaylee's face fell. "I mean, I think it's real sweet how you wanta take care of River, Cap'n, but she's 'most all Simon's got, you know?"
"Oh, yeah. Simon. I remember him." Mal, for some reason, was grinning just slightly. "Isn't he the short one who's always arguin' with me? Has this crazy notion that he knows better than I do?"
Zoe's lush lips curved in a small smile. "I do believe he's also the one who keeps complainin' about how you ain't fair and he doesn't like your rules, sir."
"And isn't he also the one who makes it perfectly clear that he disapproves of the way I dress, the way I talk, the way I eat my food, and the way I fix my hair? And goes out of his way to do all those things exactly the way I don't just to be irritating?" Mal was grinning now.
Wash grinned too. "I'm hearing vague echoes of someone from my past... someone who thought How-ayan shirts were ridiculous and kept trying to make me wear a cravat."
"You know, now I think on it, there is a definite 'you ain't the boss of me' comin' up against 'I am while you're under my roof, young man' to the way they argue, ain't there?" Kaylee was beaming.
"See? Don't see as how anything'll be changin' with me and Simon." Mal shrugged. "Although if he asks me if he can borrow the shuttle for a date, I think I may rupture something."
Zoe chuckled. "You won't be alone, sir."
Mal's smile faded. "They was as babes in the woods when we found them," he said softly. "Grown or nearly so they may be, but they ain't ready to stand alone as yet."
"And you intend to be the one to hold them up until they are?" Zoe smiled at him, but there was still a hint of concern there.
"Well, why not?" Mal gave her a half-smile with sad edges. "You and Wash are going to resolve that argument on baby-making some time or another, and for your sake I'm glad of it. For myself, I think maybe River and Simon are the closest I'll be coming to parenthood, and I aim to take what I'm given and be grateful."
"What about me?" Kaylee moved to stand behind Mal, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and resting her cheek against his. "What'm I, chopped protein?"
"You got folks of your own who love you, far away though they may be. You don't need me nor want me to take their place." Mal smiled, reaching up to give the back of her neck a little squeeze. "With you I'm just a mean ol' captain you got twiddled around that grubby little finger."
Kaylee twiddled Mal into his bunk, insisting that he must be tired, and Wash turned to his unusually silent wife. "What is it?"
"What's what?"
"Something Mal said made you go all... quiet."
She smiled a little. "It's... you heard what he said, right? About taking what he's given and being grateful?"
"Sure. What about it?"
Zoe looked through the door to where Mal had gone. "When Mal was... when we was in the war, he was a man of faith. Always talkin' on angels and God and such... not the mealy-mouthed kind, just a real strong believer as there was something better out there, some great good that was on our side."
Wash blinked. "That's... hard to imagine," he said, because it was.
"It all stopped after Serenity Valley. He threw his cross away the day the Alliance came to airlift us out after the surrender." Zoe sounded sad. "Something in him got broke in that place, and it didn't ever come right."
Wash nodded. "That I did know. I mean, I didn't know exactly what, but... anyone who knows Mal knows that he's got more than a few broken places."
Zoe nodded. "Just for a second there, he sounded like his old self," she said wistfully. "He was always talkin' on being grateful for the blessings you have, even if it's just a can of beans or bein' alive one more day. Taking what you're given and being grateful while you have it, because you don't know how long it'll be before you're given it again."
"Yeah." Wash reached out to slip an arm gently around her shoulders. "Listen, about that, uh, argument that we keep having..."
"Yeah?" She just looked at him, all soft brown eyes and wistful smile.
"I think you're right. About not being so afraid of losing something that you don't ever have it."
That made her smile widen. "Now isn't exactly the best time for you to give in."
"Honey, if I had good timing, I'd be... a person who isn't me."
Jayne looked around the sunny gardens.
Yep, definitely not his.
It felt kind of weird knowing that he was dreaming, but it was mostly like being awake except that everything made more sense. And it was fancier than anything he'd ever seen awake - he figured this had to be some rich Core-folk park or some such. Lots of flowers and statues and stuff.
Well, since this wasn't his dream, it figured that he'd finally located River's. Good. Now he just had to find River.
A familiar shriek of terror gave him a pretty good clue, and sent him sprinting across a stretch of velvety lawn, ignoring the gouges his feet made in the perfect grass.
River was standing in a sort of tent full of little kid-sized desks. She was standing perfectly still, her eyes huge and frightened as she stared at a screen up at the front of the tent. Jayne glanced at it, and wasn't all that surprised to see that strange planet that had spooked her so bad when it showed up in his... their... last dream.
When he looked back at River, a Reaver was lunging at her.
Jayne didn't think, just reacted. His gun was on his hip, right where it should be, and he shot the Reaver twice in the head before it could touch her. It - he - thudded to the ground, still twitching, and River made a high, thin noise. Her eyes finally came back from her fixed stare and looked at him.
"Jayne?"
"You okay? That thing hurt you?" He took her shoulders in his hands, looking her over anxiously. She was wearing some sort of green tight thing with no sleeves and metal plates on the legs, with a kind of surcoat attached to it front and back. It didn't hide much of her, though it wasn't exactly an appealing outfit, and she didn't look damaged.
Except that when he looked at her face again, a trickle of blood had appeared on her forehead. He wiped at it, thinking it was a drop that had fallen from somewhere above them, and found a tiny hole. "What the hell?"
"Needles," she whispered. "In my eyes, in my brain, everywhere. They bleed out my thoughts and put their own in me instead."
"Gorrammit, River..." He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her abused head against his chest and cupping it protectively with one hand. "Shhh... it's okay now. I won't let 'em hurt you."
"Why are you here?" She nestled against him, feeling small and too fragile. "I was good. I didn't go to your dream, even when I was scared."
"Nah. This one's yours." Jayne smoothed her hair, feeling her relax out of the trembling tension she'd been in before. "I was lookin' for you. Don't know how exactly that works, but I guess you left a door open or something."
"You came to find me?" A thin arm slid around his waist, holding him carefully.
"Yeah. Don't remember exactly why. I just... did." Jayne shrugged. "So... where are we?"
"Classroom. On Osiris. I came here when I was nine." River burrowed her face into his chest. "I don't know why I'm here, I don't understand anything."
"Sh." He looked around. The Reaver's body was gone. "The planet, I guess. I mean, that's the only thing we've seen more than once."
"It's not real. It shouldn't be there, it doesn't fit."
Jayne craned his head around, trying to see the screen without moving and disturbing her tentative grip on him. "Looks like a planet to me. Or a moon. Something round with atmosphere. What's to not fit?"
"It's not real. I know all the planets. All the moons. It's not right. It doesn't exist." Her voice was getting shrill. "It isn't real. Wiped out, crossed off, the maps must lie in order to be truthful because the truth is a lie!"
"River!" He shook her, just a little, pulling her away from him so he could look her in the eyes. "Look at me!" He held her eyes with his, rubbing her shoulders, until she calmed a little. It didn't work as well as usual, but it did work. "Now you take a breath and start over, dong ma? What's wrong with the planet?"
Her lip trembled. "It's dead!" she wailed.
Jayne sat up in his bunk, cold sweat stinging his eyes.
Shirtless, shoeless and unarmed he launched himself up the ladder. River had either woken up, in which case she was screaming her head off right this minute... or else she hadn't woken up, and was screaming her head off inside said head where nobody would hear. He had to get to her quick.
He was halfway along the walkway when River appeared at the end, running towards him. By some miracle she was quiet, but the expression on her face didn't set him much at ease. "River, you okay? What the hell's goin' on?"
She caught his arm, trying to push past him. "Have to show them! Have to show them while I know what they need to see!"
"Show who? Show what?" He moved, since she seemed so set on it, but he took hold of her arm as she passed him to keep her from running off ahead. "Did you figure out what's goin' on with the dead planet?"
"Yes. Come on." She let him hold her hand, but she was all but dragging him towards the cockpit. "Have to see. Don't let me forget. It's Miranda. They have to see."
"Okay." Jayne had no idea what the hell was going on, but he figured letting River run into the cockpit alone would be a mighty bad idea. So he followed her, closing the door behind them as she settled into the co-pilot's seat and logged onto the Cortex. Probably best not to let anyone distract her by interrupting. After a second, he remembered something and tapped her shoulder. "River?"
"Not now."
"River, turn on the ad filter. I don't want you goin' crazy again, there ain't nobody in here for you to hit but me."
Her fingers stopped flashing across the keys and buttons for a moment, and she turned to look at him. She smiled a little bit. "Sometimes the obvious is so obvious that it is unseen."
"Yeah, well, be poetic later. Turn it on."
She did, and went on with what she was doing. Star charts, mostly, and Jayne watched planets and moons familiar and unfamiliar flicker by. She was shaking, and he realized belatedly that she was wearing only her baggy, worn-thin nightshirt. He got the blanket Wash kept up here for when he had to nap in the chair, and put it around her shoulders.
"Shock causes an illusory feeling of cold." River huddled into the blanket and kept tapping.
Someone banged on the door. Jayne went to open it, looking anxiously over his shoulder at River. This was getting beyond even his ability to understand her.
"Jayne?" Wash looked sleepy, although he'd at least managed to put on some clothes. "Why is the alarm in my quarters pinging a happy little someone's-touching-my-helm alert?"
Jayne shrugged. "'cause River's touching your helm?" He was worried enough that he didn't even think of the usual dirty joke.
"Ah. That would be it. Why is she doing that?" Wash's face was all wrinkled with sleepy confusion.
"She's on the Cortex." Jayne looked over his shoulder again - she was still tapping - and then shrugged. "Near as I can figure, she's given up tryin' to explain the whole Miranda thing and she's lookin' for a picture."
"Oh." Wash stared at nothing for a minute while that sank in. "Okay. That makes sense. Should I wake people up now?"
"Yes." River didn't turn around. "They have to see."
"Okay. I'll go do that." Wash turned and stumbled away.
Wash was both trusting and amenable to suggestion when half-asleep. Good to know. Jayne filed that away and went back to River. "You gettin' somewhere here, xiao gui?"
"Shh. I'm concentrating."
Jayne nodded, staying quiet until Mal lurched into the cockpit, hair mussed and braces dangling. "What's goin' on? Why're we all awake again? I only jus' went to sleep!"
River pointed at the screen. On it, the planet from the dreams hung in space. "Miranda," she said quietly.
Teng - flying dragon
Yin hui - obscene, coarse
Ni Zi - little girl
Biao xiong - male cousin
Dong ma - you understand?
Wu Ji - dancing girl
Hun dan - bastard
Bai Chi - idiot
Bu Jing Chuan - whaling ship, whale-catcher
Mei Mei - younger sister
Feng Guang - scenic view
Xie xie - yes
Wu Dong - I understand
Ba Ba - father, Daddy
Go Se - dogshit