(Author's Notes: Hey hey, another story guys! I thought up this idea and figured, hey, I could be funny with this, and not even make it one of those stupid super!Shinji stories. You know, where he is terribly out of character and everyone is all okay with it. Mine basically starts off that way, sadly, but you'll see that as he gets more in with his newfound gift from Satan, he will slowly lose everything. But I don't want to give away plot details. I've worked a while on this one, trying to make it good, and I think this passes as a first chapter. I'm a busy guy anymore, but I shall work more on this when I get a chance, as well, all my other stories too. This has been the only one that's caught my attentions really, and sadly, I think I raped everyone's character and just, overdid some things. But people who saw an early draft generally liked it a lot, so they can't be all wrong, you know? So anyway, just sit back and chill with this and I hope you get some laughs. Also, sorry if my attempt and drama and suspenseful cliffhangers have caused this to suck. Thanks for stopping by just the same!)

(Disclaimer! I do not own anything in this story. All properties belong to their respective owners.)

The Devil and Shinji Ikari

Chapter One: Devil's Haircut

To say that Shinji Ikari was possibly the most depressed and self-loathing individual on the surface of the Earth would almost be an understatement. Yet, he was, in more ways than one, the key to saving the world. A more unassuming and unlikely hero you would not find. As a testament to his negative self image, Shinji tends to hate himself even when he sleeps. But this evening, his dream was different, he found himself in his room, not alone but in the company of a man in a red suit.

"Who are you?" asked Shinji. "And why are you in my room? Are you from NERV? Has something happened?"

The man in red shook his head. "No, I figured the suit would tip you off to that right away. I think those boys that are always doing such a fine job of trailing you all the time wear black. It's more traditional for the whole secret agent kinda deal."

"Sorry..." sighed Shinji. "But that doesn't explain why you are here."

"Well, for starters, you are dreaming." replied the Man. "And secondly, I've come to talk business."

"Business?"

"Yes, business. But for starters, I should introduce myself first. You know, as is the custom when two people come together to talk business." he cleared his throat. "You see Mr. Ikari, I am that which man fears when he has sinned. I am Satan."

Shinji chuckled. "God... this is some dream. I'm talking to Satan."

Satan was displeased. "Alright then, if this does not suit you." He walked over to Shinji and touched him on the shoulders, and when he did so the landscape dissolved around him. Shinji awoke in his room, jolted from sleep as if from a nightmare. "Now, Stand up."

Shinji obeyed and stood in his pajamas before Satan. "This... isn't a dream anymore, is it?"

"No Mr. Ikari, it isn't." Satan drew a circle in the air with his finger than shown red. "Please do me a favor and touch the circle, we still have business to discuss."

Reluctantly, Shinji did as he was told and placed a shaking hand on the red circle. Yet again the scene around him dissolved and this time he found himself and Satan in the middle of a large road in what appeared to be an endless desert.

"What is this place" asked Shinji.

"You are currently on the Highway to Hell." replied Satan with a small grin.

"You're kidding."

"Not at all. In fact, the British rock and roll movement had it down pretty good in the 70s, not only is their a Highway to Hell, but there is also a Stairway to Heaven."

"How could rock and roll songs even possibly be accurate?"

"Well, you know the old phrase, 'Sex, drugs and rock and roll'?" Shinji shook his head.. "Figures... Anyway, Do enough drugs and overdose, you can die, or more often than not have an out of body experience that the human mind recalls as a near-death experience. Back in the day, we had stoned rockers walking around this highway, and as the story goes, Robert Plant tried to climb the stairway but ended up tripping half-way and fell backwards down the stairs into consciousness. All in all, it was a hell of a couple of decades."

"So... basically you're saying that a good portion of classic rock and roll music was inspired by near-death experiences?"

"Oh yeah. You'd be surprised." chuckled Satan. "And it's not a new trend. Throughout history painters, musicians, any type of person you can think of, they've all had similar experiences that translated into master works."

"Unbelievable."

Satan smiled darkly. "Trust me, if that turns out to be the most shocking thing I tell you today, consider yourself lucky. So, let us get down to business."

"Okay..." said Shinji. "Though I don't know what you want with someone as useless as I am."

"Simply put, Mr. Ikari, I need you to kill the remaining Angels and prevent a Third Impact from happening."

Shinji blinked. "But, I'm already doing that..."

"No, Mr. Ikari, that is incorrect."

"Then, why am I even fighting Angels if I am not even trying to stop a Third Impact?"

"Well, basically, a group of crusty old men want to cheat death and become Gods, while your father wants to see your mother again. So both of them want to use the Third Impact to hyper evolve all the souls on Earth into one single entity." Satan coughed. "So you are simply being used as a tool in an elaborate plan to commit global genocide."

"Thats not true!"

"Denial? Such a sad thing, Mr. Ikari. But please, let me continue." Satan rubbed his chin. "Ah, yes. Are you aware that your mother is not dead?"

Shinji's heart sank. "Wha... what?"

"Yes. What you saw ten years ago wasn't her death, but merely a four-hundred percent sync ratio with Unit-01. When this happened, Yui Ikari's physical body dissolved away and her soul became bound to the core of the Eva, and she still exists there to this day. Only the highest up people of NERV are aware of this, but of course, nothing gets past the eyes of Satan."

"I'm still dreaming! That's it! I honestly can't believe you." yelled Shinji as a small tear streamed down his face. "Besides, you're Satan! You can't trust Satan!"

"Think back to the first time you ever piloted Unit-01. The Eva mysteriously moved it's hand without any command to stop the failing debris from killing you. And the times you've blacked out and gone berserk, as they call it, your mother was protecting you. Stop and think, you know this is all true."

Shinji lowered his head. "My father knows... and he hasn't told me? He told me my mother was dead! And she really isn't!?"

"Not to sound like I am defending such a cunning bastard as your father but, you know, it's really hard to get maternal love from a giant bio-mechanical robot. And for all intents and purposes, saying your mother is dead worked well in his scheme. Public relations and all."

Shinji lifted his head and looked Satan straight in the eyes, with a look of pure hatred in his eyes. "Is there anything else I should know?"

"Evangelions aren't really mechanical robots. In fact, they are copied from the first Angel, Adam. Who is currently in an embryonic state in the possession of your father." Shinji's eyes widened. "I forgot to tell you, he intends to use Adam to initiate a Third Impact, also... This will be another shocker. You sort of in a roundabout way have a sister."

Shinji remained silent.

"You see, along with the first Angel, Adam, NERV is in possession of the second Angel, Lilith, whom is currently being kept in the Terminal Dogma, the deep basement part of NERV, along with a stock of spare Rei bodies. Which brings me to my point, Rei is your sister, in a roundabout sort of way. She has been cloned from the D.N.A. of Yui Ikari and Lilith. She is an angel/human hybrid that is a key part of your father's plan. She was created for the pure purpose of starting a Third Impact. Her soul can be transferred from body to body if it is needed. This is also the second Rei, the first one was killed."

"So... Rei is really my sister?" asked Shinji in a state of shock.

"Well, the pure and simple fact is that is debatable." replied Satan. "Honestly, she is and she isn't depending on who you talk to. I personally believe that she is your sister, but I still want you two to hook up. Incest pleases Satan, you know?" Satan's smiled devilishly. "Plus, she is made basically in the image of your mother, so you know..."

Shinji cringed. "Lets just move onto the next thing I should know about."

"Alright, let's skip ahead to the point. Tomorrow at a test site in Matsushiro, Unit-03 will be activated by it's pilot, your friend Touji. This test is going to go wrong and an Angel will take over the Evangelion. Your father will order you to kill him."

Shinji gasped. "Then I won't do it."

"He knows that. That is why he will activate the Dummy Plug system, based on Rei, to do so. It will follow his every command once activated." Satan smiled wider at the look of rage building on Shinji's face. "But, you, can save his life, if you agree to help me."

Shinji was silent for what seemed like ages. Finally, he said. "Alright, tell me your deal."

"In addition to killing the remaining Angels and preventing the Third Impact, I also want you to kill your father as soon as possible."

"Why do I have to kill my father?"

"Do you really need a reason? Even I want to kill the man, only because I want to get the massive amounts of pleasure that only I can get from having his eternally damned soul."

"Alright then, one more question. Why can't you just stop the angels yourself?"

"Ah. Yes, that." sighed Satan. "Well, politics, really. It's... really complicated. So complicated in fact it is beyond mortal comprehension. When you die, you'll understand."

"I see. Is there anything else you want me to do?"

"Yes, you are to hunt down each and every member of SEELE and dispose of them as well."

"And in return, I suppose you want my soul." said Shinji with a sigh. "Well, I suppose it's a small price to pay for saving the world."

"No, I don't want your soul. In fact, I am in a real bind here, as I have already explained. I said before it's beyond mortal comprehension, but let me try to explain as best as I can." Satan took a deep breath. "You see, I can't physically step in myself with my forces of hell and stop the angels from trying to do their work, so I have to use a mortal soul who has yet to cross the threshold, so to speak. This whole business is of such vital importance that I am willing to let you keep your soul. I mean, you could quite possibly be the last soul I ever got down here in hell if this whole Third Impact business happens. So this is a freebe, of sorts."

"I see..." said Shinji, still thinking hard.

"Alright, let me throw in some extra incentive. If you do this, I will free your mother's soul and all other souls trapped inside the Evangelions and return them to mortal bodies. Good as new. Only if you do this for me, of course."

"Won't I go to hell for helping you?"

"Now, while I am not really supposed to say yes or no, I can honestly say hopefully not." Satan stopped and pondered for a moment. "Tell you what, just repent for it and you should get into Heaven, no hitch. But, if it all doesn't go well and you end up with me, I will give you perhaps the best afterlife I can. You know, easy job were you don't really have to do anything, free use of any of the pleasures you desire."

"Would you really do that?"

"Do me a service, and I will repay it for you. Trust me, this is of extreme importance. Things will go completely out of balance if this whole business with your father and SEELE isn't stopped." Satan looked into Shinji's eyes. "Will you do this service for me? I've made you an offer you almost can't refuse."

Shinji looked from Satan to the ground, and then quickly back to Satan, this time with more confidence in his expression. "Alright, I agree, Satan."

"I knew you would." said Satan as he laughed evilly. "Now, I am going to give you a devil's haircut."

"A devil's haircut?"

"Yes, in your mind. So don't worry. I won't go ruining your hair, just your mind ever so slightly." Satan reached into his suit pocket and pulled out a pair of scissors. Long, black scissors with fiery red handles. "The devil's haircut gives you all the powers of me, except in mortal form. You can use them rather easily whenever you feel you need to, I'll go so far as to say abuse the hell out of them. It'll feel weird at first, but you'll learn to love the feeling." He paused. "Is there anything else you would like to know before I give you the haircut and we part ways?"

"Satan, you've been to Heaven, like, before you got kicked out. What is it like?"

Satan sighed. "Oh yes, of course, they always want to know that one. Well... it's like. It's like getting your cake, and eating it too, you know? It's the most fantastic thing you will ever see, but I still like hell better. Heaven's actually got a few too many rules for me." Satan smiled. "Does that answer it enough for you, Mr. Ikari?"

"Yes, I guess so."

"Then I wish you the best of luck." Satan took the scissors and jabbed them straight into the crown of Shinji's head. "We'll be meeting again for sure, I'll touch bases with you soon!"

Shinji cried out in agony as the Highway to Hell went dark around him. Pretty soon, he found himself back in his bedroom, sitting up in his bed in a cold sweat, rubbing the crown of his head, trying to find a wound. Shockingly, he felt no pain in his head. What Shinji did notice, was a pounding on his door, telling him two things; He had overslept and Asuka was hungry.

"Sorry I overslept, I'll be out in just a second." Shinji yelled through his door.

"You better be out here soon or else!" came the disgruntled response from Asuka.

Shinji sighed and muttered to himself. "I know the angel is coming this time, this wait is going to kill me." He chuckled to himself. "For the first time since I started, I really want to pilot today. Oh the irony."

(Later that day.)

All three Evangelions had scrambled, this was a full emergency, an angel incoming. Nothing could prepare them, however, for the looming shadow walking towards them.

"It's... it's an EVA!?" gasped Asuka.

"That is our target." said Rei. "It must be destroyed."

"Mother, please, understand." muttered Shinji as he looked ahead at the looming form of Unit–03. "Rei... Asuka, please, stand back."

"What is he saying?" blurted Asuka. "No I won't stand back for you!"

"Please..." was all Shinji said before he closed his eyes and began to think. Unit-01 began to glow a hellish red as it raised it's head to the sky and let out a roar. It jumped forward and upon landing, Unit-01 was surrounded in an aura of fire.

"Mein gott!" shouted Asuka. "What the hell is going on?!"

Unit-01 held out it's arms and out of a great wall of flame came a giant scythe. "I will not let him die!"

Inside of NERV, Commander Gendo Ikari looked on in total shock as something he had not seen coming happened before his eyes. "Activate the dummy plug in Unit-01 and bring it back under control!"

"But sir, it is still unstable!" came the voice of Maya Ibuki.

"Irrelevant, just activate it right now!"

On screen, Unit-01's aura of fire grew even larger, while the in-plug feed with Shinji had gone blank, leaving audio only.

"Sir! The dummy plug is no longer responding inside Unit-01!"

"Pilot, you are ordered to stand down!" barked Gendo. "That is a direct order!"

"No father, I will not let Touji die!" came Shinji's response over the Tac-net. "The only person dying today is you, old man!"

Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki looked over at Gendo's shocked expression and inwardly chuckled. "Shall I call for a guard detail to shield you?"

"No, send a guard detail to the cages. I want Pilot Ikari subdued as soon as possible." He slammed his fist. "I want him under total lockdown."

Suddenly, Maya shouted out. "Shinji's Sync-Ratio has shot to One Hundred and Ten percent!"

Outside, Shinji had moved Unit-01 forward slightly, now holding his new scythe in both hands. Slowly he walked forward, lifting the scythe above Unit-01's head and then swinging level towards the advancing Unit-03. "How do I do this without killing him..." Shinji then was struck with an idea. He lifted up the scythe and split straight through the advancing Angel's AT field, as he quickly delivered a flash of his aura directly through the breached section, which served to surround and protect the entry plug. Next, Unit-01 thrust it's hand as hard as possible into the chest of the possessed Evangelion and the entry plug flew out the back of Unit-03 and onto the ground, cushioned in it's fall by the aura of fire. Satisfied with the results, Shinji stepped back.

"Alright, it's time to end this." Shinji, whose thoughts turned again to his mother and what he soon had to do. "Please, understand mother. This will set things right. I just hope I am doing the right thing..." He sighed and willed Unit-01 to take it's scythe and slash straight down through the left shoulder of Unit-03, causing it to bleed profusely. Next, Shinji decided to forgo the scythe and in a fit of rage pulled out his progressive knife and jabbed it into Unit-03's head. To punctuate his anger towards the Angel, Shinji managed to remove his progressive knife and decapitate the head of Unit-03, decided to go one better. With the knife now lodged in Unit-03's right shoulder, Shinji reached for the scythe and saw that it had a point coming up from the handle straight above the blade. He took the decapitated head and jammed it down on this spike, as if putting it on a pike for display, he then drove the scythe into the ground. With his final act of vengeance over, he used his powers to set fire to the immobile corpse of Unit-03, knowing that the Angel was beaten.

After witnessing this display of carnage, Asuka was feeling ill and scared for her life. She wasn't one to admit she was scared, but after seeing Shinji, she felt terrified. She moved to speak, but she couldn't find the words to say. When she opened her mouth a second time, she ended up gagging.

Rei, knowing all that she did about Project-E and her part in the grand scheme of things, was left completely confused about what she had just been witness to.

Inside NERV, Maya Ibuki had thrown up twice from watching the battle, while the more veteran soldiers were shaken to their core. Gendo Ikari, the master of keeping face, was pale, and shocked. Well, as shocked as he could be.

"Send as many units as you can down to the cages." muttered Gendo. "Use force if needed. We still need him, but if he's a little bit banged up, who cares."

"I don't think he will pilot for you ever again." mused Fuyutsuki.

Gendo didn't see the need to reply.

Outside, Shinji had walked away from his kill and started off towards the other two Evangelions, his Unit-01 still glowing red and incased in an aura of fire.

"I told you that standing back would be a good idea." said Shinji. "I wasn't really sure what was going to happen."

"What... did you do?" muttered Asuka.

"You'll find out in due time. Right now, I have an important meeting with my father."

"Ikari." said Rei quietly. "You are going to kill him, aren't you?"

"Yes. I can't let him live, I know everything, Rei. He has to pay."

"I understand."

"I know how much he means to you, Rei." Shinji said sympathetically. "And I'm sorry I have to do this, but it has to be done."

Shinji moved Unit-01 over to a recovery point and let his aura dissipate, before returning to NERV.

(Five minutes later, in the cages.)

All the Evnagelions had returned to the cages, and Rei and Asuka had already left, gathering silently outside Unit-01 with a group of ten guards armed with assault rifles who were waiting for Shinji to emerge. The group didn't have to wait long, as the plug came swirling out of the back of Unit-01, hissing open to reveal Shinji. Though neither of them would ever admit it, Rei and Asuka were both expecting a slightly more evil looking Shinji than the one they were faced with. Shinji stood before them, dressed in a blood red overcoat with a red suit beneath it and a large, rather stupid looking red wizard's hat on his head.

"Shinji Ikari, you are to come with us." said the captain of the guards.

Shinji smiled. "No, I do believe that you will be coming with me." He waved his hand in front of the guards, and suddenly all of them jerked backward, and then snapped back to full attention, their eyes now completely red.

"So assertive." whispered Asuka, who was actually entranced by the new Shinji. "How did you do that?"

"I've got a devil's haircut." replied Shinji, tapping his forehead. "In my mind." Shinji reached into the pocket of his overcoat and pulled out a small metal ball, which he then tightly grasped in his hand to produce a dagger and sighed. "Well, I've got to go kill my father. See you later." Shinji turned to leave, and looked over his shoulder at Asuka and smiled. "Asuka, never forget, Ich bin ein Verlierer." and with that, he turned and walked into a portal of fire that had appeared in front of him, followed by the column of guards.

Rei looked at Asuka. "What doesn't he want you to forget?"

"He said, I am a loser." She shook her head. "Not that I could ever forget he is, so why is he reminding me?"

Rei didn't see a reason to answer Asuka's question, which is just as good, because she had no answer.

(Seconds later, The Commander's Office)

With a large rumble and flash of fire, the door to Gendo Ikari's office was blown down, and in rushed the same unit of guards he had dispatched to contain his son, their guns pointed directly at him. Immediately behind them walked in a bizarre flash of red, and it was at that moment that Gendo actually felt frightened of his son, for the first time ever in his life.

"Hello father." said Shinji cooly. "And understand, I use that term loosely." he held out his hand and dismissed the guards. "Remember when I said you were going to die? Well, your time has come. Oh, and Adam's going to have to go too."

"How did you know...!?" snarled Gendo.

"About Adam?" Shinji smiled. "I know about everything. Instrumentality, Rei, and most of all the truth about Mother."

Gendo pulled out his handgun and pointed it squarely at Shinji's head. "Then you know that your role in this scenario is over. He squeezed the trigger and fired five shots dead on, causing Shinji to stumble backwards.

End Chapter One